Remus' Pensive

Jess knew what this was, but she wondered what could possibly be doing a pensive in the boys' room. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, what could possibly torment them in such a way that they had to keep the memories in here? She thought pensive were meant to be for old people; after all, old people are the only ones that could have gone through bad things as bad enough to be forgotten and stored away to leave the pain within them. Or so Jess thought.

This had to contain something foolish, after all they were childish eleven year olds. She was already imagining what she was about to find inside, surely the day Sirius realized he was a complete idiot or something like that. Well she doubted he had ever cared to notice.

Jess looked at the pensive in silence, hunger of curiosity tanking over her innocent light brown eyes. She couldn't control herself from knowing what memory in Merlin's world could be this bad.

After hesitating for 3 tense seconds, she touched the liquid with one of her slim fingers. Before she could blink, she felt a strange sensation in her stomach and then she was already inside.

The first thing Jess saw was a boy. A cute little boy with shiny brown hair. He began to laugh softly as he ran through a path between trees, illuminated by a beautiful moon. Jess followed him without difficulty. The little one seemed to be very happy and Jess was surprised to see he was alone, but yet he wasn't afraid.

- "Remus! ..Where are you?" A sweet voice called him. What? The little boy was Remus!

The infant didn't answer, he just laughed while he calmly sat under the moonlight but the echo of his happy laughter was enough for the woman to go past the invisible Jess and find him. Remus felt a soft hand on his face as the woman caressed him lovingly.

- "I don't understand why don't you feel afraid to be here on your own at night as another child would be. You are only 3 years old! How much could you like this place when you are all alone?"

- "Not alone" The little one said smiling sweetly at her, pointing up towards the moon.

- "Oh so the moon is your friend, so you don't feel alone. Right?" The woman said as she carried Remus with one arm. Jess smiled a few feet away - "If you weren't such an adorable boy I would be very angry at you right now you know?.." The boy was still pointing at the moon "You like the moon a lot don't you Rem?" Remus nodded with a wide smile, the woman smiled also as she kissed him on the cheek.

- "Mummy alone?" Little Remus asked holding his mother's face in his tiny hands.

- "No darling, mommy is not alone with you and she would never let her little one to be alone ever either."

- "Is daddy up there too?" The little one had asked, the woman with long hair the same color as her son's didn't smile this time, her blue eyes looked deeply sad.

- "Yes Remmy, I'm sure daddy's up there with the moon too" There was a moment of silence.

- "Will mommy leave like daddy?"

- "No, I will never leave little Rem" She smiled, Remus hugged his mother tightly. "Don't worry my little one, I will always be with you… It's a promise"

Suddenly some bushes behind Jess moved, she walked away from them, they were … Wolves! Jess wanted to warn the mother and the little boy, she shouted to them to go away, but she saw it was useless, no matter how hard she tried to pull on Mrs. Lupin's robe to get her attention, this was a memory, her voice could not be heard therefore it had not existed in that moment.

- "Angry dogs mommy look!"

- "But there are no dogs in thi--" She turned around to watch and didn't finish her sentence, instead, the next thing that was heard echoing around the place was a terrified, long scream.

Tears filled Jess's wide eyes in terror, next there was a horrid silence and all she could see was blood everywhere and a wand at her very feet broken in half.

A hard wind swept the place and all the tragic images dispersed.

She was now standing on a dark bedroom, Remus was 5 now and he was sitting on a far corner on the floor. This must be another memory.

He was looking at the window, there was shouting just outside that could be heard clearly through the closed door out of the room, Remus tried hard to concentrate on the window instead of the voices outside, but it was in vane, his eyes were filled in tears but still he forced the tears back with difficulty and none of them escaped his eyes.

- "I still think you should take Remus to St. Beasts Center!"

- "I won't give my son away! Can't you understand that father?" came Remus' mother's voice not very sweet anymore, shouting.

- "I think you are being a total selfish with that poor kid! He needs psychological treatment and you know it!"

- "He doesn't need anything! All he needs is me! to hell with that Beast Center, my baby is not a monster! And he is not a freak either!"

- "He is a werewolf Anna for Merlin's sake!"

- "That was an accident, that doesn't keep him from being part of me, from being my son!"

- "That doesn't keep him from being dangerous!" Replied the masculine voice.

- "I don't care! I'd give my life away before giving away my kid to some freak place where there could be even vampires! It won't help, it will just make matters worse!"

- "Yes, yes! I know you would give your life away for my grandson! But you don't even have that left for much longer!" After this words there was a terrible silence and no response from Remus' mother, the 5 year old started sobbing softly , silently on the corner inside the bedroom.

Remus is…. A werewolf. Jess thought staring at the boy with this strong and desperate feeling of urge to comfort him, but all she could do was watch him cry silently while she listened to the voices outside.

"Anna you are sick… Being so much time with Remus and suffering his bites, hits and wolf violence just because you wanted to be with him during the full moon on his transformations has made you weak. The bites gave you an incurable, terrible disease" The man spoke again.
"From the first time you saw that Lupin boy and knew his name, I just knew I had lost you, I had lost my little girl, you married him and left far away… Your mother died and I was alone, but at least you were still alive and happy. That was all that mattered. Lupin died and you were terribly depressed, but your baby kept you going, you still had a little ray of happiness. Now my own little grandson has completely taken away my only daughter for real from me. You are dying… Do you really want the little one to watch how his mother dies?" And again there was silence and no response.

Eternal minutes passed as the man walked away and seemed to have left the house they were in. The woman that was still left outside, began to cry and scream loudly out of pain and anger at herself, pain for having to leave Remus, anger for not being able to change or solve anything. Sounds of breaking glass, screams and falling furniture came to the room from outside. Little Remus just sobbed and sobbed thinking all his mother's suffer was without a doubt all his fault. The last thing he wanted was his mother to be sad, he didn't want her to die, he loved her! Nothing in his life seemed to be fair, the person he loved the most was in this state because of him… He was wishing he had never been born.

2 years passedand nowthey were in some sort of hospital called St. Mungus. Jess appeared beside the little Remus who was holding the hand of a quite old man, she supposed he was his grandfather that had talked to Mrs. Lupin in the other memory.

The man was speaking to a nurse while Remus was staring shyly at the floor.

- "Come Remus, the nurse has told me your mother is in room 16 of the 7th floor" The man said as the nurse finally left, little Remus just nodded.

Jess hopped along Remus and his grandfather to keep up until they arrived to the room, said the password and entered.

- "Mum?" Remus said as he entered first and saw his mother laying on a bed covered in white sheets looking tired and weak, barely able to open her heavy eyelids, her chocolate straight and beautiful long hair cascading on the white pillow. She turned her head to look at her son and managed a little smile.

- "Hello… Dear" She said softly but still in her sweet voice to him, Remus ran to the bed and hugged his mother.

- "Look! Grandpabought me a wand!" He said with his characteristic wide smile as he showed it to her and conjured a pink delicate rose and for her, the woman laughed softly as she took the flower.

- "I bet your grandpa taught you that, he always conquered your grandmother with those roses" She told Remus, he was still smiling pleased to see her.

- "I'll be outside" Remus' grandfather said as she nodded and he closed the door behind him, Jess walked closer to the bed to Remus.

- "Mum you will get out of this place soon won't you? I miss you" Remus said hugging her again, her expression was sad now, her soft hand caressed his hair.

- "Dear, I'm afraid I'm not getting out of this place"

- "What do you mean you are not getting out?" He said alarmed, he frowned and stood up straight by the bed.

- "I'm too sick and they haven't found a cure yet for me Remmy" She said sadly. "But you know that no matter what happens to me, I'll always be with you my dear, like daddy has been with us" She took his hand in hers but the little boy took it away.

- "You mean you are going up with… With the moon?" He said, his eyes as wide as full moon and his pupils as small as the little stars that dot the skies, his mother nodded.

- "But you…. You said you won't leave, you told me remember mother? Remember? You can't, you can't!" He said with tears spilling out ofhis eyes.

- "Remus please don't make this any harder than it already is, give me your hand please, understand I'm not leaving because I want to my little one, you know I wouldn't, I love you" She said anxiously, Remus shook his head no slowly. "You'll be ok sweety, you'll live with your grandfather"

"No mum… No, tell me you won't go away… Please mum"

"My love I can't tell you that"

"Why?"

"I would be lying, you know I don't lie to you"

"When will you leave? Will I see you again before you do?"

"I don't think so dear"

"It's time to leave, come Remus" Said his grandfather entering the room again.

"No!"

"Remus-"

"NO!" Remus repeated loudly, crying.

"Go my little one, I promise you'll be ok with grandpa, I'll be looking over you with daddy and the moon, please be a good boy" She said holding his hands.

"Mom don't go!" Remus hugged her as strong as his little arms would allow not wanting to let go, Jess' cheeks were covered in tears, his grandfather took hold of Remus and carried him off his mother.

"Good-bye Remmy… Please be good, do good on your studies, you are a brilliant child, remember you are never alone Remus, don't you ever feel alone" Mrs. Lupin said with tears in her eyes.

"Mum no! You promised you wouldn't leave! ...MOTHER!" His voice fainted while his mother cried.

Jess was on her knees crying too with her hands covering her face, she couldn't hold it any longer, without noticing she was once again in the boys' dormitory out of the pensive crying on the floor.

After long minutes she had finally stopped crying, she pushed the pensive away under the bed again and stood up looking depressed, she took her clothes remembering why she had come to this room at firstand walked towards the door out of there. Just when she was getting out the Gryffindor common room Remus was walking towards her, shehad rathersee anyone right now but Remus, she couldn't look at him in the eyes, she was so ashamed to have gotten in his pensive without permission, she regretted it so badly.

"Jess did you find your clo— What's wrong?" Came Remus' worried voice.

"I'm sorry Remus I shouldn't have, please forgive me!"

"What? Why?"

"Just forgive me please…" She said still not looking at him and before Remus could do anything to stop her, she ran away out of the Gryffindor tower as fast as she could.

Remus watched her go until she disappeared out of sight completely. He frowned very perplexed.

A/N

Disclaimer: Do I really have to copy this in every chapter? Seriously if I were J. K.Rowlling, Bea would be the queen of England, the world would end tomorrow and I surely wouldn't be here writing a fan-fiction you know what a fan-fiction is don't you? ...Lol, ok sorry, I'm feeling a bit tragic at the moment,well probably you already noticed that.

Hiiiiiiiiii! Well hope you liked this chapter Jessie, Bea, lol you are the only ones reading, is my writing that bad?

Neway, I'm sorry this took so long...
Please Review! What didn't you like? What did you like? What made you sad? Did you cry at all? Did it make you wanna jump out the window? Was it a good chapter? No? Why?

Love,
Kaz