Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

Chapter Eight

Harry Catches Up

"Good thing that's all over with," said Harry, incredibly relieved and excited to be back in the real world- or as real as Harry's world can get. "If I had to eat one more Pupperoni, I think I would have died. What's worse, I had to endure days on end of Aunt Marge kissing me! What a laugh it would be if she found out."

"Well, you're safe from that aunt-snogging now, Harry. And that troll of a cousin has been put away for a good long time for what he did to you," chirped Hermione happily.

"But I hear he gave Ron a run for his money in the romance department, H!"

"How disgusting, Harry. Never, never speak of that again."

Ron concurred, "Yeah, Harry- don't even tease Hermione about her little Dudder-wudders."

"Ronald Weasley, you won't be snogging with me if you keep this joke up!" exclaimed Hermione.

Ron gulped, "Just kidding, sweetie- don't be so sensitive! But seriously, what did they do with Dudley?"

"When McGonagall filled me in on the happenings of the last few weeks, she said that she'd suspected Dudley's involvement with my disappearance all along. She just couldn't put all of the pieces together until Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia showed up for Parents Weekend talking about the new puppy. Because Dudley didn't even know he had powers, much less that he transformed me into something, the Ministry decided to go easy on him. He's been sent away for a year to Azkaban Junior, and not allowed to use his powers ever again. I'm afraid that may be too much of a temptation though, unless he gets a new dementor 'girlfriend' at AJ- that would scare the daylights out of anyone."

"Anything's possible, Harry." Hermione went on to explain, "I hear that the dementor that came to pick him up and bring him to the Azkaban Young Wizards Detention Center WAS a female, and quite odd. She wore flowers in her dementor robes, and kept singing "Sunshine Starshine", "Mr. Tambourine Man", and "Yellow Submarine" while she was waiting outside McGonagall's office. According to Filch, it seems she had been a flower child of the 60's before she met an untimely death- poisoned by mushrooms by her lover at Woodstock. She got so angry that her peace, love and happiness days were cut short that she morphed into a dementor."

"I'd actually feel sorry for my cousin if she fancied him."

"Sounds like she still has some 'make love, not war' in her after all," mused Ron.

"Yeah, and Dudley may finally get a kiss," said Harry. "Speaking of kissing, who's that cute new girl in Gryffindor? I think her name is George."

"Isn't 'George' a guy's name?" Ron inquired. While Harry was staring off into space thinking about his current girlfriend, Ginny; the cute new Gryffindor and the war that was raging inside of him- what with his feeling of a slight attraction to George and his relationship with Ginny, this kept him so pre-occupied that Hermione felt inclined to answer. "Ronald, 'George' is a nickname for the female name 'Georgia'."

Ron looked at Hermione skeptically. "How do you know for sure?"

"Because I asked her in the library one day. She loves books and has memorized Hogwarts; a History! She's really nice!" Ron rolled his eyes at the thought of another Hermione. Ron turned to Harry, who was not really paying attention because he was thinking of all the things that he could do to get out of Potions tomorrow.

"Harry! The world's coming to an end! There's another Hermione running about the castle! Run for your lives everybody!" He screamed into the hall, which, thankfully, was empty, since everybody was in the Great Hall eating.

Harry and Hermione exchanged quizzical glances when Ron started running down the hall and bumped into a wall. "Ok, I give up trying to run from you, Hermione. So, tell us more about her, dear lady," Ron asked, while stumbling around the hall looking as if he had just drunk about three bottles of Firewhiskey.

"Well, that's about all I know about her. Oh, wait! Aside from the fact that she loves school, she also loves Quidditch and is a big supporter of the Chudley Cannons." Ron's eyes lit up at the thought of a Chudley Cannons fan. Again, he turned to Harry, who was scared for Ron's sanity.

"Harry! Guess what this means! There is actually a girl who is like Hermione only better!"

"Hey! Ronald Weasley, I am telling your mother about you insulting me!" They had finally made their way to Gryffindor tower to drop off their school bags before going to dinner. When Ron heard Hermione's proclamation, he tripped over the portrait hole.

Harry and Hermione started laughing, but Ron just gawked at Hermione. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Yes, I would, Ronald. I've been wondering how Ginny is for days, anyway."

"Where IS Ginny, anyway?" asked Harry. "I haven't seen her since I got back."

Now it was Hermione and Ron who exchanged glances. "Ron, you tell him," Hermione directed.

"Tell me what, Ron? What's going on? What's the big secret?" Harry shot rapid-fire questions at Ron so fast he thought he'd drop to the floor for cover.

"Well, uh, Harry, remember: don't shoot the messenger."

"What's THAT supposed to mean, Ron? Come on. What's going on? Is Ginny alright? Is she here? Has she been hurt? Tell me!"

"Okay, okay mate. Ginny's not here. She's not hurt. Well, sort of not hurt. Harry, she's having a baby."

Harry stood with his jaw dropped, motionless, though his whole system felt like it was spinning out of control. "She's having a baby? Is this a sick joke? Wait, who's the father?"

"Well, that's the thing, Harry. No one knows. Well, obviously Ginny knows. Everyone thought it was yours when she told Mum and Dad and the rest of us."

"You what?" Harry asked.

"Well, that would have been a good thing, Harry!"

"Good thing? Ron, I'm sorry, but I just can't process all of this at once." With that, Harry ran out of the room and into the night.

Ron and Hermione headed quietly down to the Great Hall for dinner, hand in hand. "Let's just give him some time, Ronny."