Sincerely, Rosalie

Oneshot by bakabaka135

There she was again. My image in the mirror. My image reflected off of the glass from the back of the house. The inhumanly beautiful image that I will never live up to, not in my mind, at least.

I was standing in front of the glass wall on the back of our house, looking out to the sunny day that I will never be able to walk in publicly and looking at the refection of the beast in front of me.

And there it is again. The feeling that my gift gives me. The feeling to feel jealous, to be perfect, to be beautiful… and to hate Bella.

Yes, it was definitely her… I smell her… Edward always did say she smelled of freesia, and he was right. She also donned strawberry shampoo, as always… and now I hear her. She trips on the porch, opens the door, and I hear Bella and Edward walk in the door. I internally cringe and run upstairs... I hear Bella, shocked and misunderstanding, walk to the living room and Edward comforting her. Everyone greets her hello… except for me, of course.

It was never her, I know. It was my gift. My… determination, you can say. My tenacity, my persistency, my pigheadedness as Edward likes to tell me.

I'm so mean to her, and I wish I could say I'm sorry, but I can't. Why was it this asset I brought with me into my immortal being? Why was it this attribute I'm stuck with for the rest of my life? … Why me?

I sit down in front of the mirror, blocking out my hearing with a walkman. I wasn't ever the person to listen to music, especially with my heightened hearing, the music hurt that. But I couldn't help in. It's not like I'll go deaf or anything… Vampires never go deaf…

I cranked it up as high as I dared, to a mere human the volume would seem extremely low, but my ears protested and I scowled.

Perfect by nature,

Icons of self indulgence…

I look at myself in the mirror and I feel like breaking it… With my strength I would surely be able to and with my skin it would hardly leave a bruise. It wouldn't even pierce the skin. Oh, the damned gifts… It makes me envy even my own reflection! Why can I not be content?

I sit on the bed… Oh, and the horrible mood swings! Now I feel like crying. Tearless sobs. For that is what a vampire is. We are there but we are not there. If we have something to live for, the immortality is breathtaking, but when you are like me… always having the need to be like someone else…

…just what we all need

more lies about a world that

never was and never will be

have you no shame don't you see me

you know you've got everybody fooled…

But why do I hate her? Why? It's not like I want to.

I switch around the songs a few times, and came to one I seemed to settle with.

…Please, please forgive me,

But I won't be home again.

Maybe someday you'll look up,

And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:

"Isn't something missing?"…

I looked back, remembering when I first listened to this song. It tore at my heart somehow and I sang it at some open mice, if not for the attention it was for the love of this song. I sing it in a quiet voice, Bella would never be able to hear such a thing… maybe the rest of the family would, but they knew not to bother me. During the rare times I sing or listen to music instead of brooding over my looks, I am left alone.

Bella, Bella, Bella… Why is it this way? All I want is to be your friend…

Why would I envy her anyway? Oh yes, now I remember…

Bella is kind. Bella is gentle. Bella loves my brother. Bella, like Alice, is my sister. Bella and I can't be friends… Bella is human. And I am jealous.

"Rose." I turn my head to Emmet, he's the only one who knows about my internal feuding between me and my gift… my other side.

I take the earplugs out, turn them off, and put them away as fast as a mortal person would take to take a breath of air.

"I can't Emmet." I whisper, "I'm…. I'm… Sorry." It was hard for me to say, but it was Emmet. I could say it. Who knew this life that could give you so many years of second chances and so much happiness, gave me this… curse?

He sits on the bed and holds me. He knows that I won't be able to change… not now.

But there is someone that could change. She's more like me than she knows it. Unable to alter who she is at the time being, for whatever reasons. My reason may be my curse, but hers… wasn't a thing… It was a person…

… Bella.

I try to push my thoughts of her aside.

I relax in Emmet's arms. Even though we both have cold skin, the friction warms us slightly. He knows I won't speak about my thoughts, but he'll love me anyway.

"Rosalie?"
I turn to see Alice walk up to me gracefully, "They're both outside, you know. Edward made her lunch and she's eating outside with him." She looked up at me apologetically, "You can come down, if you want." I took her hand and squeezed it gratefully, "Thanks, Alice. I'm okay."

As fast as she was there, she was gone.

Emmet held me tightly… as tightly as he could without breaking me, "It's okay, Rose, it really is. I know you don't mean it. I know you don't try."

I turned around and pressed my lips to his. He was the one who knew. The only one. And for now, only one was enough.