A/n: So here I am…I decided to write a one-shot about Malon… I have one about Saria, too, but I decided to save that for another time…Actually, I thought I could do even more with Malon's character! So here we are with a dark, angst-y fic about everyone's favorite farm girl…
Disclaimer: Come on…Do I really own Zelda? Ha…No…If I did then I wouldn't write fanfictions about it…
Behind This Mask
I felt the warmness on my skin…I felt the cool, morning breeze as it gently blew through the windows…I heard the cucco's cry…I heard groans escape my mouth…Morning was here…It was time for me to force myself out of bed…I had to start a new day…
I forced myself to move, but my mind was pleading No…I was comfortable, dammit! But alas, this is the life of the ranch…This is what, I, Malon the farm girl, endured every day…This is my daily routine…It's one of those never ending cycles...
I walk over to my closet, having shed my sleeping garments…I shifted through it for a second, fingering to find what I need…Ah! There we go…A work shirt, skirt, boots, and apron…My usual garbing…The outfit of the signature farm girl…
I slipped into my final boot, and slumped over in a chair, staring into the reflection in the mirror...I shuddered to myself, and just stared at myself staring back…Of course, looking at me, you'd never guess that this was only a mask…No one could ever really see that this "mask" could only conceal what others were too blind to see…Or didn't want to see…
I wouldn't what you would call "happy"…There are many definitions of "happy"…Many describe me as happy…A happy, sunshiny girl without a care…A happy young woman…I make sure to keep such a façade…It's become more of an art form to me now; to conceal emotions...But it seemed to work…But who knows, really? I guess I haven't reached what I would consider "happy"…The last time I was happy was quite some time ago…
You'd think I would be happy though…I already have a future set up, having inheriting the ranch and all…I guess I'm not unattractive: I have long, fiery red hair, and blue eyes…I guess that's not bad, huh? And I have a caring father…I'm not happy though…There are many, piling reasons as to why…I don't have a rock-solid emotional structure…
I pieced my thoughts together, and sighed…Forcing myself, yet again, to rise to my feet, and left the room…I made it to our simple kitchen, and began fumbling with eggs and cucco meat and wooden spoons and bowls…I could hear the sizzling of the eggs as I stirred pancake batter…While all cooked and cooled, I set up the table, and listened for the signs of any movement from the other rooms upstairs…I waited for my dad and Ingo, the ranch hand, to wake up…
As if clockwork, my dad and Ingo both come trudging down the stairs…The two had dazed, half-awake looks on their faces, but I could tell that they were in need of a hearty, ranch breakfast.
"Good morning honey…" Dad sat at his spot, giving me a warm smile.
"Good morning, Malon…" Ingo also greeted, taking his seat.
"Morning all…" I managed a smile, setting the final plate of pancakes on the table…Upon placing it there, both had immediately dug into their food, and I just stared as the comically ate their food…I picked and nibbled, and finished mine soon before both Dad or Ingo…After about 10 minutes more of watching the two wolf down the breakfast, I took it upon myself to clear the table…I scrubbed the dishes quickly…I was in a hurry to get out…
"Your meals are the best, honey…You are like your mother in every way…" Dad said a longing look on his face.
"She definitely has her cooking abilities…" Ingo added in…I just stopped scrubbing, and turned, forcing a smile on my face…I made it an effort to finish the dishes, so I could get out to start the daily chores. "I will start on the chores…" I lifted a hand and dashed out the door, leaning against it when I closed it.
I know that those were meant as compliments…I know dad sees more of Mom in me each day I live…I know a part of Ingo does too…But they were bittersweet comments to me…I couldn't bring myself to truly appreciate these comments…I felt so…out of place being called that…It didn't seem happy and sweet to be called all of those compliments about Mom…It hurt…a lot…
My mother only died when I was ten…She was a sweet, loving mother…I knew she loved the ranch and her family more than anything else in the world…I loved her just as much…I remember she had clear, sapphire eyes and fiery hair, just like me…It wasn't one of those deaths where she was deathly ill or something…My mother had died a gruesome, bloody death…My father had declared that she was killed by a stray monster…A Wolfos or some Stalchild…I know it wasn't that…I remember…Actually, I had found her that day…The day was mentally scarring…The image was branded on my mind…
"Mom, where are you?" I called out…I had searched everywhere, and no Mom in sight…The corral was empty, the silo, the barn, the house…Nothing had shown any signs of Mom…Dad was in the back with Ingo, getting some stuff from the silo…I decided to take my search elsewhere…Maybe she was at the gates or something…Aimlessly, I wandered up to the gates, and saw something that caught my eye…A half-shadowed figure of some form some feet away…Not too far away...Only far enough to be barely noticeable…
"Mom?" I called again…Unlatching the gate, I crept a little farther into the field, and wandered closer to get a better look…The figure as definitely unconscious or something, as the figure was sprawled out…A fear struck my mind…No…It couldn't be…It's just someone else, like that weird guy who runs through the fields…No…I then just dashed, my legs taking action before my mind…It didn't take very long ,but I came within full sight of something that was fully awful…Upon seeing it I developed a gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach…My eyes widened and I felt warm tears poke from the corners of my eyes…There she was…My very own mother…
A pale hand was strewn across the grass in an odd position…Another was laying at her side…Long, red hair was flowed around the head and body as if a rust-colored silk was draped around her…Lots of blood pooled around her limp body freely, and there was a trail of it from the corners of her mouth…Her skin was paper-white…Her clothes, which were usually bright, were now only stained in red…Sapphire eyes were now dull, open wide…But not in shock…
"Mom!" I gasped, and dropped to my knees…I hoped it was just a cruel nightmare…There was no pulse, no rise of the chest…No signs of life at all…I was freaking out, hysterical. She was dead…No other way of putting it but stone-dead…It then suddenly caught my attention that there was something poking from her chest…A knife…Someone had killed her, my mother! Wait…NO…
I saw a letter poking from her shirt pocket…Wait…No! I snatched the note and saw it was unaddressed…But I knew it was from her…I had to be…And the hand position and the knife…It was like hard slap in face…
My mother had committed suicide…
I couldn't bring myself to believe it…I had to literally slap myself to get myself to get a grasp on reality…I was old enough to had known that this was far from a monster attack…I was ten, and competent to realize that my mother had willingly taken her own life…
But when I saw her, a sudden rush came over me…I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't let my dad see her like this…I had pulled the knife out of her body and taken the letter and had ran back into the house…I used the kitchen sink, since it was bigger, to wash away the knife…I put both in my chest of drawers and had run out to the silo to scream to dad…It was as if I wasn't only hiding the truth from the world, but from myself as well…I had too…I wouldn't believe it…
But still, I had managed to keep it a secret for this long… I thought that my dad would figure it out. I was ten, and I had seen all of that…I guess I wanted to try and keep others from knowing the truth…I was wrong, I know…But in my heart, I knew I did the right thing…
But what was I supposed to do? I loved my mom…And my dad loved her with the whole of his heart…No one could somehow see she had a problem or something…Something so big, that she killed herself for it…I don't know…I never brought myself to read the letter…
I couldn't just leave her with all of those clues on her body on the origins of her death… The clues were all there, and my dad would figure it out…It would've killed him to know she had just committed suicide. What would I say to my dad? Run out to him, crying and saying "Hey Dad! Mom is dead in the field…I think she killed herself?"
Come on…Like that would blow over real well…
I had my reasons…I was protecting my self and my loved ones from the truth…But it had had its mentally scarring effects on me…
I haven't gone to her grave since the day of her funeral…
Suddenly, the coolness of another breeze brushed across my skin…Oh yeah…I had chores to do, and they didn't involve daydreaming about the past…
Unlocking the barn, I quickly went in, and set new water and feed for the cows, cuccos, horses…After leading out the horses to the corral and setting the cuccos loose on the side of the house, I rested myself in the center of the corral…I stroked a horse's mane as it nuzzled me, and subconsciously began humming a tune…A melancholy tune…It was my mother's song…
Another thing…I loved to sing…But this song has more meaning to it besides the fact that it was my mother's song; written by her…It was a song I had used to tame a horse…One that wouldn't listen to anyone but me for a long time: Epona…A chestnut horse who loved and responded to this quaint little tune…It became so intertwined with her, that I began calling it Epona's Song…Everyone loved this song, and I only taught it myself to one person…My…My Fairy Boy, Link…The person who became Epona's master…Ironic, huh?
Fairy Boy…Just thinking about him used to put a nervous, excited feeling in my stomach…When I used to think about him, my face would grow hot with blush…But that was then…
My Fairy Boy wasn't an ordinary boy though…Back then, seven or so years ago, I came across him in the market place…I grew an instant crush there, but it became apparent when he saw me at the ranch…Epona ran from him, and I taught him her song on his ocarina…She somehow, if destiny or magic, became instantly attached to him from there on…
And it turned out that he was a hero…On a mission to save Hyrule itself from evil…He saved the ranch, yes, and I…I gave him my favorite horse, obviously Epona…
My crush grew over time… I had come to terms that I loved him…
But I didn't think too much into the fact that he loved someone else…
"Hey Malon!" Link's voice called from behind me…I turned around from my spot in the corral to see a green-garbed figure leading a chestnut horse coming my way…A smile grew on my face…I knew it…Today was the day I was going to finally own up to my feelings…I had to finally tell Link the truth…
"Hi Fairy Boy…" I smiled a sweet smile, and immediately embraced Epona, who whinnied in satisfaction it seemed.
"Hey Malon…I've some great news to tell you!" Link said, and he seemed quite excited…
"I have something to tell you too…" I remarked…
"Oh…You go first then…" Link said; a look of calm anticipation on his face…
"I have something to tell you that I've wanted to say to you for a long time, Fairy Boy…" I said, and I could warm blush creep to my cheeks. "I don't want to linger, or make this a monologue…So I will just say it…I love you…" I said, turning my head down to the grass.
"…I-I…I…" Link froze in place, and I could feel his stare…A nervous aura surrounded the two of us for quite some time…
"It's true…I do love you…" I repeated…I looked up to see pink enclosing his cheeks, and that, for some odd reason, put a sense of hope in me…
"I…don't love you like that…You're a really good friend, Malon…But…I kinda love someone else..." Link rubbed his head; flashing a smile at me…I just nodded, hiding the hurt that was overwhelming me. He said it in a cocky tone that made anger boil inside me…. "As a matter of fact, that is why I'm here…"
"Oh, really?" I asked in my perkiest voice, as if not to hint that I was deeply angry and upset…
"You see…I am getting married…To Zelda…" Link paused for a second. "I wanted you to be among the first citizens to know!"
"Oh…That's wonderful…"I said, forcing another smile on my face. A citizen? That is all I was to him?
"I just came here to tell you…You probably won't see me for awhile…I have lots of thing to plan and do…"Link smiled again and mounted Epona. "See you soon!"
I stood there and waved as too more things I loved rode away from me…
That's right…I loved a hero… Who knew all along the he had a beautiful, majestic princess at his side…What could a farm girl possibly be to a hero and to-be prince? How could I, a simple, redheaded farm girl do to compete with a pale, skinned, blond beauty like Zelda?
You can tell that this was another major blow to my esteem…
I continued deeper into thoughts as I stroked the horse…That is until a male voice snapped me back to reality…
"Hey Malon!" I turned to see none other than Link, guiding Epona, walking towards me.
"Hey you two…" I said, turning towards them.
"Hey, I have something for you…" Link held out a neatly written and decorated parchment…I grabbed it and looked…
"Oh…An invitation to your wedding…" I said.
"I want you to come…" Link smiled. He was kidding, right? After shrugging off my love confession in such an egotistical way, he was asking me to go to his wedding? What?
"Okay…" I smiled. "I'll be sure to be there to this big ceremony…You are marrying into royalty…" I forced a grin.
"Of course…" He grinned back. "I'm sorry to make this so short…I sort of came here tied to a schedule…"
"Oh, big wedding plans?" I said, pocketing the invitation.
"Yep…If I don't get to the rehearsal, Zelda will yell at me…" Link winked an eye… "That wouldn't be pretty…"
"Obviously not…" I forced another smile…
"After tomorrow though, I don't think I will be here for a while…" Link smiled. I just nodded, and watched as they rode off…
There went two more things that were important to me…Two more things that have gone away from me…
The invitation on my nightstand seemed as if it had eyes…And those eyes were boring into me…I hated the feeling of being watched…Especially if I felt that inanimate objects were watching me…
"Leave me alone…" I whimpered. No use…I forced myself up from my position on the bed…I was laying on my back, and was staring at the ceiling…My thoughts were too jumbled to even think straight…So many things had happened…So many things were coming back to me…I ran a few fingers through my tresses and stood…
I stared at my chest of drawers…I used it for clothes, but the top drawer I used sparingly…I tried to avoid it because that is what I consider to be the resting place of my mother's final words…I didn't even read it…I couldn't bring myself to do so…It hurt my head even thinking about it…
How long could I wait? How long would it be before the note and knife were discovered? How long could I keep it from myself let alone my loved ones?
Not for long, that's for sure…
I sucked in a deep breath…It was now or never…I might as well end my cheery day with a bang…It was going to be discovered sooner or later…Why not by the one who discovered it in the first place?
I strolled over across the room, to the drawers…A chilly breeze blew through the window, and it toyed with the curtains…Night breezes were so…cold…Tonight it seemed colder than normal…I fussed through the top drawer, sifting through a blanket of undergarments…Ah! There they were…A dull, slightly rusted knife and an unmarked envelope…I grabbed both carefully, and I rested myself upright in my bed…Setting the knife on the nightstand, next to the invitation, I opened the envelope…I made sure the seal was broken carefully, as not to even rip the note or the envelope in the slightest…I pulled a thin, worn piece of parchment from the envelope, letting it fall to my lap…
I blinked, and took a deep breath one more time, before reading the neatly written words….
Dear Talon,
What can I say? I don't think anything can truly describe the hurt you're feeling…Or the hurt Malon will feel…I can't truly put to words my guilt and need to apologize…No one could put to words the apologies I owe you… Let me try though…
I tried…I loved you and Malon with every fiber of my being…I loved the ranch too…I was happy to be able to build it…It was a wonderful fulfillment, wasn't it?
But as fantastic as our success with the ranch, and the wonderful daughter we had…I wasn't truly happy…There was part of me that wanted to just leave…I wanted to go and not be bound to fate I had at the ranch…I really don't know why I wasn't happy…I tried too hard to hide it…I am glad none of you noticed though, because it would pain you more…I know you'd feel unloved or something if I told you, and I didn't want to hurt you in the least…But I guess I didn't accomplish that, eh?
I did what I could…I can't describe the guilt I had for feeling this way…I can't describe the guilt I felt when I solidly decided to do this…But I did it away…I didn't rid myself of this world in the place we worked so hard to build together, and I didn't want to scar the place you love…
Please find it in your heart to accept my deepest apologies…I tried…
Remember my song…
Love, Marin…
That was probably the most overwhelming thing I read…I was speechless…
My mother killed herself…Because she wasn't happy…She wasn't happy with her life, and she tried so hard…I can't it…My mother fooled us all for years….
I can't believe it…
I dropped the note to the bed, with the envelope, and stood up…I felt a couple of tears drip to the floor…I went over to the mirror, looking in it deeply…It was as if I was trying to read my own soul…
I saw a broken girl….Who had nothing really left…A girl who had lost many persons precious to her…This torn girl was me…I had to do something…
I had to do many things… My mind was set now…
I rushed over to my closet and dressed myself in another work dress…I then fumbled through my top drawer again for paper and pens…I sat down on my bed, writing a note of my own…
Dear Dad,
I know you'll be shocked when you wake up…But don't be…
I am sorry…I don't want to leave, but I am…I'm not happy, Dad…I am hurt and torn…I can't stay this way…I'll end up hurting everyone around me even more than now if I stay this way…
I feel guilty, but I know that one day it will pass…Please don't be sad or mad…I just want to set out to find happiness…
Oh…Enclosed with this letter are a couple of things…They tell and prove the truth…I've kept a secret about Mom's death…Amazing, I've kept it for a long, long time…I'm sorry for not telling you… How I could have kept it this long has baffled me…But I wanted to keep us all, including myself, from the truth…
I'm sorry again…
Love, Malon…
It was a simple note…It wasn't long or overly dramatic…It was secretive and concise…I folded it carefully, and placed it and Mom's note in an envelope; the one my mom's note came in…But I labeled it "To Dad"…
Now that that was settled, I grabbed a bag…I placed a few choice clothing items and some smaller items, like my bow, in it……I grabbed my rupee wallet, filled with enough rupees, and tied it the side of my belt…I think I was ready…
Wait…I had one more thing to do…I picked up the invitation, and fingered it carefully…A couple of tears ran down my cheeks, but I didn't care…I went to my window, and I nodded to myself…
I ripped up the parchment to small pieces; placing them in my palms…I closed my eyes as I let the cold breeze take them away…
Now, I was ready…I sighed at the gut-wrenching feeling in my stomach…But I ignored it…Tiptoeing in my Dad's room, I carefully placed the envelope with the notes on his nightstand, and finished it off by placing the old, rusted knife on top…I smiled at my Dad, and whispered my good-byes…I then rushed out of the room and house….
I picked out the fastest horse…I had something to do…I mounted it, and took one look at the ranch…Then, I dashed off on the horse, as fast as I could into the pampas of Hyrule Fields…
I felt the chilliness of the winds as I raced across the fields; past the castle town…I came close to a small bridge, and crossed it so a staircase was in sight. I hopped off the horse, and climbed the small staircase…Once past a sign, I was in Kakariko Village…
Making sure not to make noise, I quickly ran through the sleeping village...The only thing heard were the muffled thumps of my boots…All I was focused on was my destination…I knew where I was going, and when a small entrance next to the windmill came into sight, I knew I was almost there…
I rushed past a couple of wooden signs, and I stopped…The graveyard…It was quiet, and bushes and tall grass were scattered about…There was a small, rundown shack, and fences here and there…In the middle was a giant, stone sign that said "Here lie those who swore fealty to the Royal Family of Hyrule…May their souls rest in peace…"
I walked up and down the aisles of gravestones…The sad, eerie feeling that lingered in the graveyard was beginning to overcome me…It was scary and made me sick…I sighed again, and stopped…
Aha… I found it…An old, faded gravestone…I fingered it, and brushed some excess dust off of it…
"So…Here I am, Mom…." I said, staring intently on the stone. A silence filled the area again. Tears suddenly formed on my face…I didn't even hold them back… I let them fall… And finally I just let it all out…
"Why?" I exclaimed in between sobs… "Why did you leave me and Dad? Why did I have to find out first?" A harsh wind blew through the graveyard…Ignoring it, I sank to my knees…Dirt stained my skirt and hands…I clenched my fists, and slammed them against the hard stone, causing me to develop bloody, dirty scrapes on my knuckles…
"I'm sorry! I can't believe that keeping that secret would lead me here? What in the hell did I deserve to get this?" I said, and realized that my nails had caused small, bloody protrusions in my palms… "Why? Why me? I lost my mother, my love…Everything, dammit!"
I was finally coming to terms…I wasn't sad that she was dead… I was angry…I was angry at my mother…I think I held a strong resentment to the world in general…
I sat crying and let the harsh wind blow and sting my face… After collecting myself, I rose to my feet…I had done what I needed too…I gave one final glare to the accursed grave and ran off…Tears still streamed down my face, and my skirt and hands were dirty and bloody…
I didn't care in the least…I exited the quaint village and mounted the horse…I dashed off past the bridge, running as fast as the horse would allow…
I needed to go…Nothing or no one really mattered anymore…I had only a father…But I could never go through life with only that…I finally came to terms with the fact that I hated my life…I despised it…I wasn't going to live on the ranch for the rest of my life…I wasn't going to watch the one person I loved get married to another…I wasn't going to live with the terrible feelings on my shoulders… But I wasn't going to die…
I wasn't going to follow in the same path as my mother…I wasn't going live without finding my true happiness… Sadness, anger, resentment, guilty, false hope, broken love…I had felt this all…I hated it all too…I wanted cleanse myself of these emotions that seemed to stay with me…
I couldn't live with it… I wouldn't go on facing that fact that everything was going away from me…My love…My beloved horse…My mother…I was mad at it all…
I had to leave and never, ever come back or even look back on it…I didn't deserve this…I was leaving …If I hated…loathed my life this much, then why stay? If I wanted something more, then why torture myself? I despised my life…No one…Nothing mattered anymore…I was leaving everything behind…
I just rode on…My hands stung with the small wounds and scrapes... My face was dried and caked with tears and dirt…My outfit was dirty...My eyes were dry and puffy…My vision was blurred with tears…I only saw myself bursting past a wall of tall trees…I looked around… I was running in a far off part of the woods…Dirt and grass came up from the horses hooves…I just let it go on and on…I raced down a continuous path of emerald green.
But these woods were my savior…This was my means of escaping everything and everyone I wanted to leave behind…I know that past this fortress of green was a place where I could leave all of this and finally forget my past...But I needed to find out…I wanted run… I wanted to go as far as I possibly could before I was forced to stop…
A/n: Okay…I don't have much to say…I just wanted to do a different take on Malon, and here is what turned out…She's a character that you could make really dark if you wanted too…That is the concept I tried to uphold here…Is what you see, really what it is? That is why I used Malon…Is she really that perky, or is it a façade? I decided to toy with it.…Once I got started I wanted to see if I could make it this dark…So, all I have to say is review please!