Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Professor Roulette
All hell seemed to have broken loose when Ron, Hermione, Harry and George finally returned from Hogsmeade. Buttercup had gone on a rampage in the Divination classroom chasing after Professor Trelawney. Teacups and pots were smashed, poofs overturned and the loft space smelled unmistakably like Earl Gray. Needless-to-say, Trelawney never saw it coming. Being totally taken by surprise, Trelawney hadn't planned any means of defense, and had to resort to running, hiding and throwing the occasional samovar. Buttercup won out when Trelawney skidded into a crystal ball that had fallen on the floor, her knee hit the edge of a tea table and her glasses flew off her face as she flew out the window. The worst case of fenestration Hogwarts had ever seen.
The death of Trelawney left a gap in the Hogwarts staff lineup that was remedied by one of the strangest shufflings of personnel since Dan Devine replaced Joe Montana with Rusty Lisch for two months in the fall of Notre Dame's 1976 football season. The all-knowing Dumbledore was fully aware of two interesting bits of information that helped form his staffing decision. The first was that Trelawney had negotiated a deal with the producers of "Divination Deathwatch" that ensured placement of secret cameras within Hogwarts, securing an undisclosed, but large, amount of Galleons to be paid to her each year the show aired- with a death bonus on the occasion of Harry's demise. While saddened by her death, he wanted someone in the role he could trust better with outsiders.
The second was that Snape had conspired with Ginny to squelch any relationship between Harry and George. Dumbledore resigned to allow Ginny to return to Hogwarts, provided she marry Neville, because of Dumbledore's long friendship with Neville's grandmother and the Weasley's. He did not reveal Ginny's indiscretion to Neville or either family, but strongly cautioned Ginny about the precariousness of her return to Hogwarts and wizarding should any further shenanigans be discovered. Though Dumbledore had long had a soft spot of Snape- either out of sympathy or pity, even he did not know- he was not pleased about Snape's role in the scheme or his attraction to George.
One dead professor and one whose judgement was unhinged by longing were not the basis for effective recruiting of an addition to Hogwarts staff, so Dumbledore did the only sensible thing he could. He made use of the talents he had on hand, and rotated responsibility for key positions. Given Snape's misuse of his Potions role, Slughorn was moved from his position as Consultant to Potions Curricula back to full Professor of Potions. Though Snape had always wanted Defense Against the Dark Arts, and had taken on the role of Professor of Divination, taking over for Trelawney. Although he was not pleased, Snape was relieved to still be employed. His skill in Occlumency was in fact a discipline of Divination. He intended to make the coursework more rigorous, and less dependent on crystal ball gazing and reading tea leaves.
To fill the post of Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, Dumbledore decided to make use of the most effective, and perhaps most tested, master of defensive skills- Harry Potter. While highly unusual to have a student named to a staff post, Harry's unique experience with dark magic made him uniquely qualified. Dumbledore intended to use the posting to not only teach Hogwarts students, but to sharpen Harry's skills as well. Dumbledore would be teaching and preparing Harry before subsequent classes as needed. Although a smattering of owls were received bearing letters from parents unhappy with the new arrangements, Dumbledore took no heed and Harry's first day as professor quickly approached.
Harry's first class was instructing a group of third years, who had had enough of book learning about nasty creatures. They were anxious to learn from the famous Harry Potter. He figured the best way to start them off was with something useful but fun- quelling boggarts. "Class, today we'll be practicing a very simple but effective charm. At some point you will all come across a boggart, and you'll need to repel it. Now, can anyone tell me what a boggart looks like?"
"I heard they look like Professor Snape!" "No, I heard they look like ligors." "We had one at our house last year. It looked like my big brother!" "No way, they take the shape of a razor..."
Harry could see the class was getting nowhere, and thought that giving them a show would be the most instructive. "Oi! Oi! A boggart takes the shape of whatever you most fear. Let me demonstrate..." The class fell back from the center of the room, panicked expressions on their naive faces. While they wanted the excitement and potential danger of being taught by Harry Potter, no one actually fancied getting a first hand look at Lord Voldemort. Harry smiled to himself, knowing that whether the Boggart he unleashed from his cupboard took the form of a dementor or He Who Must Not Be Named, it was in the end only a boggart. A quick flick of his wand, coupled with the command "Riddikulus", was all that would be needed to turn it into one of Fred and George's flying rubber chickens.
The large wide door of the cupboard swung open as Harry waved his wand at it. Slowly, a small chorus of tittering turned into a groundswell of uproarious laughter. Harry had been looking at his class, watching their expressions turn from anticpated fright to outright hilarity. He now turned back to the cupboard, and the color drained from his handsome face. A shock of red had emerged from the opening, followed by the bulky remainder of Ginny Weasley- seven months pregnant and wearing a scowl the size of Alaska. The students were amazed and highly amused to discover that the source of the great Harry Potter's trepidation was none other than one of their own favorite classmates.
"Oh, no!" thought Harry. "How could it be?" "Riddikulus!" he commanded, and watched as Ginny's expectant form turned into the dancing ballerina hippo from Disney's Fantasia. The classroom erupted again with laughter, but this time of a more good-natured and mesmerized variety. Harry smiled too, as he realized that he had regained control of the room. He remembered Hermione telling him at one time that she had read fifteen minutes is what determined people's perception of it, good or bad. Harry had each and every student practice repelling the boggart. The group only reluctantly left Harry's Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, excitedly discussing each other's boggarts and forgetting Harry's. "Until next time!" Harry shouted out to them, smiling in the most self-satisfied fashion he'd ever allowed himself.