ZIGMAR VS RYUHOU
KTAH: Ah, my first anime fanfic! I wonder who's gonna be my disclaimer man?
Kazuma: Whoa, where am I?
KTAH: K-KAZUMA?
Kazuma: Who the hell are you?
KTAH: I am the author of this story, and you are my slave!
Kazuma: What?
KTAH: Enough! On with the disclaimer!
Kazuma: Dis…claimer?
KTAH: Ugh, NEXT!
(Kazuma is carried away by mechanical arms)
KTAH: Hopefully the next guy is better.
Jack: Hiya!
KTAH: Wrong! You from a game! NEXT!
(Jack drops through a hole in the ground)
KTAH: Grr…
Don Patch: Oh snap!
KTAH: This is more like it!
(Dita from Vandread falls on his head)
Dita: Oh, where am I?
Don Patch: GET OFFA ME!
Dita: Whoops, sorry, Mr… AH! You're not Mr. Alien!
KTAH: Do any of you know what a disclaimer is?
Dita: Oh, I know! I know!
KTAH: Ok, I am KTAH and this is a Scryed fanfic. Now, go!
Dita: Mr. KTAH doesn't own anyone from Scryed!
KTAH: Good job.
Don Patch: YOU'RE STILL SITTIN' ON ME!
KTAH: Now, START!
NOTE: This story is a parody on the episode where Commander Zigmar fights Ryuhou. Ok, begin!
Kazuma: You shouldn't have come.
Ryuhou: Why shouldn't I?
Kazuma: 'Cuz I just ate a can of beans!
Ryuhou: Oh, man! That smells!
Kazuma: Take a whiff! (starts fanning the stench towards Ryuhou)
HOLD soldiers: FREEZE!
Kazuma: Hey, you guys, smell this! (Kazuma brings out his level 2 alter power and uses the propeller to fan it towards them, causing them to pass out)
Ryuhou: I didn't even need to bring out Zetsuei!
Kazuma: That's why I told you not to come!
(The two arrive at the building in front of two doors)
Ryuhou: Which one are you picking?
Kazuma: Hm… Eenie, meenie, minie, moe, catch Ryuhou by his toe, if he yells, then he's my foe, greenie, treenie, finie, doe! (Kazuma's finger lands on the left door) I choose this one!
Ryuhou: Fine with me! I'll race you to the top!
Kazuma: You're on!
Meanwhile with Mimori, Cougar, Tachibana, and Sherrice…
Tachibana: Checkmate.
Sherrice: Damn! I lost! (Sherrice slams the table into the wall)
Cougar: So, Miss Minori, whaddya say we go to Denny's and… learn more about each other?
Mimori: It's MIMORI, for the last friggin' time, Cougar, and no! My heart belongs to Ryuhou! (Mimori grows butterfly wings and flies up into the air)
Sherrice (running outside): Ooh! That's it, bitch! Ryuhou's mine, got that?
Mimori (growing devil horns and wings): Time to go down!
(The two charge after each other, but they just get in a slap fight)
Tachibana: What's going on—AH A CATFIGHT!
Cougar: Ok you two! (Bashes them on the head with a baguette) It's time to get down to business! We gotta help Kazuya and Ryuhou!
Tachibana: I-I'll stay here! I wanna help these people! (actually he's a wuss and is afraid to go)
Mimori: Will that mean that—
Sherrice: --I can see Ryuhou?
Cougar: Sure… whateva. I need to grab something from there anyway. Ok, quickly! To the Speed Mobile!
10 minutes later…
Cougar: ICAN'TBELIEVEITJUSTBROKEDOWNLIKETHATITHOUGHTTHEGUYTUNEDITUPFORMEHOWCOULDITCRASHDOWNLIKETHIS?
Mimori: Nooooo!
Sherrice: Ryuhooooouuuu!
Cougar: WOULDYOUTWOSHADDUPJUSTFORTWOSECONDSABOUTTHATDAMNDOUSCHEBAG?
37 minutes later…
Cougar: Ahh, I fixed it!
Mimori: Finally, now I can see Ryuhou!
Sherrice: Let's go!
(They all jump in and then they drive for about 13 seconds before they stop in front of the entrance to the HQ)
Cougar: We were that close the whole time?
Mimori: What is this? (she touches the scaly shell covering the building, and it starts to eat her) AH! Back evil substance!
Sherrice: I'm gonna go find Ryuhou! I think he went… left! (Sherrice enters the left entrance)
Cougar: Wait… why does it smell minty fresh around here?
Mimori: It turns out this is actually… Colgate Toothpaste?
Cougar: Wha--?
Back with Ryuhou…
Ryuhou: This tunnel never ends!
Voice: Ryuhou!
Ryuhou: What? Who's there?
Zigmar: It is I, Martin Zigmar! I have come to fight!
Ryuhou: Why do you want to fight me?
Zigmar: It's not just because I'm a member of HOLY… it's because… I AM MAN! (Zigmar holds up a BK Whopper)
Ryuhou: Gimme, gimme, GIMME! (he rushes for him, but Zigmar takes a bite out of it and Ryuhou falls back)
Zigmar: Let's do it! (Zigmar brings out his alter) This is my alter power.
Ryuhou: Ugh! (SPEED RACER STYLE!)
Zigmar: This is the first time I've had to bring it out. People call it… the Winder!
Ryuhou: … AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (holds his stomach as he laughs)
Zigmar: What?
Ryuhou: You're funny! No, seriously, what's it called?
Zigmar: It's called… the Winder!
(Ryuhou falls into another burst of laughter)
Zigmar: Enough! I'll destroy you!
Ryuhou: ZETSUEI! (Zetsuei appears and lashes at Zigmar, but flies back onto Ryuhou) Damn! You need to lose some weight, Zetsuei!
Zigmar: It's useless to try and attack me! I have the power of wind in my hands! Now, Winder, bust some sick air!
Ryuhou: OMFG with the fart jokes! (falls to the ground in laughter again)
Zigmar: ATTACK!
Meanwhile, with Kazuma…
(loud thump from the ceiling)
Kazuma: Well, sounds like he's started! It's my turn now!
Hammer Guy: HHHHHAAAAAAMMMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRR! (slams alter fist right on Kazuma)
Kazuma: Ow!
Hammer Guy: HAMMER HAMMER HAMMER!
Kazuma: Oh shuttup! (brings out Shell Bullet) SHELL BULLET BURST!
Hammer Guy: HAMMER! (falls to the ground)
Masked Guy: Should… we help Hammer Guy?
Masked Men: Nope! (the masked men jump off the edge of the platform)
Hammer Guy: HAMMER!
Kazuma (headlocks Hammer Guy): If you even think of the word Hammer one more time I'll throw you off of the edge!
Hammer Guy: H-hammer?
Kazuma: Goodbye! (throws Hammer Guy off of platform)
Meanwhile with Sherrice…
Sherrice: Ryuhou, he's in danger, I can just feel it! (she runs into Kazuma and they fall onto each other)
Kazuma: Ew! Get off me! I go with Kanami!
Sherrice: Yeah, well my heart belongs to Ryuhou! Where is he, anyway?
Kazuma: He went into the RIGHT door.
Sherrice: Crap! He's gonna die if I don't find him!
Kazuma: Ugh, shuttup about that damn guy!
(Sherrice slaps him before rushing back into the hallway)
Kazuma: I hate that bitch!
Back with Cougar and Mimori…
Cougar: So, why's it made of toothpaste?
Mimori: I dunno… Cougar, can you please stop rubbing my ass?
Cougar: Sowwy, it's just the temptation!
Mimori: Get away!
Cougar: All right! I'm gonna go wait in the car!
Sherrice: Hi, I'm ba—oh, it's just you.
Mimori: Why are YOU back?
Sherrice: When the wrong way! (Sherrice rushes into the right door.)
Mimori (sticks her head in the doorway): RETARD!
Sherrice: Slut!
Mimori: Bitch!
Sherrice: Ho-bag!
Mimori: What?
Sherrice: Ho-bag!
Mimori: I only got the bag part!
(Sherrice doesn't respond)
Mimori: That's what I thought. RYUHOU'S MINE!
Back with Zigmar and Ryuhou…
Ryuhou (all beaten up): Y-you are a strong one!
Zigmar: Maybe you're just too weak. Let me give you some motivation… you killed your mother.
Ryuhou: Say what?
Zigmar: It was at KB Toys. She wouldn't give you that Rock Lee action figure you wanted oh so bad, so you took a plastic bat and…
Ryuhou: NO! I didn't beat my mother!
Zigmar: What are you talking about? You shoved it into her throat!
Ryuhou: NOOOOOO!
Zigmar: … where is it?
Ryuhou: I… I don't think I'm angry enough…
Zigmar: Ok, then I'll give you more motivation. Kazuma is a better character than you.
Ryuhou: KAZUMAAAAAAA! (Ryuhou's body lights up)
Zigmar: Huh?
(Ryuhou emerges with a full suit of Zetsuei style armor)
Zigmar: It doesn't matter what you pull, you could never defeat me!
Ryuhou: KAMEHAMEHA!
Zigmar: NO! (Zigmar flies back) I've been… beaten by a… Power Ranger…
In the hallway…
(Urizane and Elian appear out of a giant watermelon)
Urizane: What was that?
Elian: I'll check… I dunno, my brain seems to be broken.
Urizane: I think it came from over there! (they run to the room where Zigmar and Ryuhou fought)
Urizane: What's Ryuhou doing here?
Elian: Father! (Elian rushes to Zigmar's side)
Ryuhou: Father?
Elian: No, not really, just thought it was appropriate.
Zigmar: Elian… my… clone… you have… giant hair…
Elian: Father!
Zigmar: Ryuhou, come close…
Ryuhou: Yes, commander?
Zigmar: Stop calling me that you friggin' idiot… I have a secret for you… Kyoji Mujo is a powerful man… he can defeat you with a finger… and beware of his Big Butts song… he beats people up while he plays it… ugh…
Elian: Father!
Zigmar: Stop calling me that, you stupid loser… I feel fine… I'll be up in a minute or two…
Urizane: Here, eat a melon!
Zigmar (eats the watermelon): Mmmm… good stu—agh, AGH! I… choke… ugh! (Zigmar dies)
Elian: Father! Father!
Ryuhou: I'm going upstairs.
Urizane: Hey, Ryuhou, where you going? Shouldn't we bury the guy? He just died and all…
Ryuhou: He's not important.
Urizane: Oh, ok. I'm coming with you!
Ryuhou: No, you're a member of HOLY and you must obey his commands…
Urizane: Who's commands—
Ryuhou: Shuttup. You're stayin' here, got that?
Meanwhile, with Kyoji Mujo…
Mujo: This will not do! They aren't supposed to be this strong! I will get them! They will quench my thirst inside! I hold the power to control all!
Elian #1: Sir, you look like a doofus with those glasses.
Elian #2: Why don't you drink a bottle of Gatorade or something?
Mujo: SHUT IT!
KTAH: And that's my first anime fanfic!
Don Patch: Say, you gonna make one about my adventures?
KTAH: Mebbe.
Dita: Ooh! Will you do a story about me too?
KTAH: Probably. Well, I hope you all liked it. I'm going to try to write parodies for the next episodes (I gotta watch Adult Swim tonight). It might take a while, it all matters on if my computer will let me on. Goodbye for now!