Coercive Measures
By Dimantrien
A/N – I'm so sorry about the confusing dialogue thing! I didn't check the preview and I only found out recently about 's paragraph bunching problem…there was supposed to be asterisks dividing the different scenes but for some unknown reason eats them…and triple spacing doesn't work either. Not to worry, I've fixed it now (I think). Right. On with the fic…
Chapter 2: Sopping Wet (in which both parties get drenched a lot)
It was noticed that Lily and James were spending quite a lot of their time around each other. It was also noticed that whenever they did, they were usually found (or not, as the case may be, but one assumes that when both are missing, they're probably together) somewhere secluded or remote, like on the far side of the lake or in an unused classroom. This recent observation fuelled more interesting "information" about the "couple," and naturally, more and more people noticed…or rather, assumed and believed, that their Head Boy and Girl were involved in a deep and more than intimate level of attachment.
It was not noticed that said couple's main purpose of escaping from the rest of the world was to hide from nosy rumor workers who instantly jumped to the conclusion that when a boy and a girl walk side by side in the halls, they were apparently very active and frivolous bed partners.
So obviously, their plan didn't exactly work, and in fact they just made their problem worse. A more accurate term to correctly describe their course of action was "backfired." This resulted in a heated argument on who was at fault, which seemed to be their favorite topic the past days.
"We seriously need to put a stop to this," James said, slumping down against the trunk of the ash tree they were currently under. He was quite tired of fighting; the novelty of watching Evans' face turn beet red in anger was starting to wear off.
Lily snorted in an unladylike manner, plopping down next to him. "Tell me something I don't already know."
"I could, but if I did, it would take me hours and I would just be wasting my breath trying to make your pea-sized brain take in the vast amount of facts of which I am exceedingly knowledgeable, and I would mar your ignorant conviction that your mind is superior to mine," James responded in mock thoughtfulness. "Not that I care, of course," he added as an afterthought.
Lily rolled her eyes and sighed. "Don't start, Potter. My voice is in danger of becoming hoarse from shouting at you all afternoon."
James smirked. "Ah. Is that an elusive tactic to prevent me from thinking that you don't want to argue anymore because you've already run out of articulate insults to throw at me?"
"Potter."
"Fine. Geez, Evans, ever heard of lightening up?"
"Of course I have. It just isn't a phrase that I associate with being in your presence." Lily stood up and stretched her arms. "Maybe we should just ignore everyone and keep away from each other as much as possible. People seem to formulate quite a number of theories about what…things…we do when we're within a five-foot radius of each other." She had a thoroughly disgusted look on her face and it was clear that she didn't think very highly of what the other students were recently discussing about them.
"We tried that already, remember? Then they just said that we were just taking time to 'cool off' and that we were sacrificing our time together because we were afraid that we're 'going too fast'…" James objected dully, implying that he didn't think much of their lowerclassmen and classmates' conjectures either.
Lily sighed (she noticed that she was doing that a lot lately). "I give up. When I get desperate, I'll wipe off everybody's recollection of the past two days with a Memory Charm."
"Considering everything we've already attempted, I'd say that idea isn't half bad," James replied.
"You know, that's the first time I've heard you agree with me," Lily said, smirking at James, who instantly looked like he regretted what he just said.
"I wasn't really agreeing with you. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and if that means resorting to your dangerous and downright farfetched ideas, then…"
"Whatever you say, Potter." Lily started walking away, following the shore of the lake.
James stood up as well. "Hey, where are you going?" he called out, jogging after her.
Lily glanced at him as she resumed her pace. "Telling them that we never went out in the first place won't work. I'm going to start a rumor that you accidentally drank a love potion and fell madly in love with me, and that I valiantly tried to ward you off to no avail. Then the potion wore off and you, being the idiot that you are, started to regret drinking the suspicious-looking pumpkin juice that your equally crazy best friend handed you the day before."
"What? Why do I have to be the one who ends up looking like the idiot? If you ask me, you should have been the one who drank a love potion that your friends gave you just for laughs, because normally, girls are the ones who are into those kind of things and—hey, come back here!" Lily had broken into a run and James followed in hot pursuit.
"Come on, it's just a stupid rumor, remember? It's not true anyway, so take it like a man," Lily yelled over her shoulder.
Unfortunately, the split-second lapse in her concentration on running away caused James to catch up with her (he prided himself in being just as fast on foot as on riding a broom) and push her toward the surface of the lake beside them.
Lily started to fall and, with quicker reflexes than would have been expected of someone like her, grabbed onto James' right arm, dragging him with her.
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"Well, that was embarrassing," Lily finally said after a long silence as they stood dripping wet beside the lake, watching the retreating form of Albus Dumbledore.
"It wouldn't have happened if you didn't drag me with you when you started to fall into the lake," James pointed out, wringing out his soaking robes.
"It wouldn't have happened if you didn't push me into the lake in the first place," Lily retorted as she wrestled with the duckweed in her hair.
"Well, you provoked me to do it. Besides, it was just instinct. You would have done the same," James said calmly, finally realizing that there was no need to waste his energy wringing out his clothes when he could dry himself with a simple charm. "At least it was Dumbledore who saw us."
They pondered this for a while, thinking of their Headmaster's twinkling eyes and how he amusedly admonished them that they should be a wee bit more modest and at least do that kind of thing inside the walls of Hogwarts, preferably in the privacy of the prefects' bathroom.
"I never knew the Headmaster was capable of such risqué comments," Lily said dryly, although there was a faint tinge of red on her cheeks.
"I think I saw him wink at us."
"I think I'm scarred for life."
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James trudged back into his dormitory room that evening (he and Lily had stayed outside the castle all afternoon, afraid of running into the Headmaster), his stomach aching with hunger. It was only now that he noticed that he hadn't eaten anything for the past six hours, which was a miracle by his standards. Note to self: Keep away from Evans to avoid starvation. Yet another thing to add to his list of Reasons Why Lily Evans is a Bane to Mankind's Existence™ (RWLEBME™).
A massive blurry black object shot out toward him out of nowhere and knocked him, flat on his back, onto the carpeted floor. The "object" put its humongous paws on his chest and started drooling all over his face.
"Ugh! That is disgusting, Padfoot! Get off me!" James yelled, struggling to free himself from the huge dog's weight. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stepped into the doorway and the jet-black hound calmly stepped off him and transformed back into the grinning form of Sirius Black.
James grabbed the nearest piece of cloth (the bed sheet of Remus' bed) and started ridding his face of dog slobber. Remus, being the neat freak that he was, violently ripped the sheets from James' hands. Peter couldn't suppress a snicker.
"It's just sheets, Moony, at least you don't have it all over your face," James said with a scowl, grabbing the blanket on the bed right beside Remus' (Peter's). Now it was Peter with the horrified look on his face. Remus cackled.
"Prroooonnngggsss!!!!!" Sirius exclaimed, pouncing onto his best friend a little too enthusiastically and causing them both to land on the floor in a tangled heap. James wondered briefly if he would eventually become a paraplegic from being subjected one too many times to Sirius' spine-endangering hugs.
"What?" James answered, annoyed. His back was starting to ache rather painfully from the impact. He was thankful that the floor was carpeted; he didn't like to imagine what kind of agony he would have had to go through if it was just plain, hard cement.
"You're such a good friend, Prongsie! I know that that tightwad Lily Evans always keeps us from executing our best pranks, but you didn't have to get her distracted with a relationship with one of us so that we can get off scot-free! And you hate her so much, too! You were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice so that the glory of Hogwarts' most commendable mischief-making group will live on! You're the best friend in the world!" Sirius exclaimed.
James groaned and pushed Sirius off him, standing up quickly in case his best friend decided to tackle him again. "Look, Padfoot, I'm not—"
"Fear not, your noble sacrifice shall not be in vain! We're going to have a prank fest, we've already piled up the list of things we haven't been able to do because Lily kept catching us and threatening disembowelment and psychological torture if we didn't stop…..but now that she's your girlfriend…"
"She's not my g—"
"…we can do them all at once! And I'm sure that she won't punish us, as she's fallen madly in love with you and will do anything you want…"
James sighed in exasperation and shot Remus a look, and the latter quipped, "Too much sugar."
"So magnanimous…and righteous…and selfless…and…"
Peter, after listening to Sirius' raves about James' altruism, looked at James in awe. "Wow, I didn't know you were doing it so that we could pull pranks without getting into trouble," he remarked, impressed. Remus stifled a laugh.
James glowered at...the three, in general. He wanted to whack Peter upside the head for his own gullibility, he wanted to pull an Evans and cast a Silencing Charm on his annoyingly hyperactive and suddenly vocabulary-rich best friend, and he wanted to pelt Remus with pillows and any other safe-to-throw objects to wipe off the amused smirk on the werewolf's face. Unfortunately, he couldn't do all three things at once. Decisions, decisions…
Finally, he settled with the fourth option, which was Walk out of the room without a single word. As soon as the door slammed shut, Remus let out the chuckle that he had been holding in and Sirius stopped his dramatic monologue.
"Hey…where'd Prongs go?" the latter asked.
"He said that he was going to go distract Lily while we do some of the pranks you were telling us about," Remus answered nonchalantly.
Sirius' eyes were teary. "Oh, the lengths that our dear comrade Prongs will go through to aid us in our mission of spreading discord and havoc upon the depraved and iniquitous Slytherins…" Apparently the twenty-five extra-large chocolate-chip cookies he ate were still in effect.
"I never realized how nice James really was. I mean, I know he's really nice but I didn't know he was this nice…" Peter was saying in awed tones.
"Wormtail, you shouldn't believe everything that Padfoot says…" Remus said patiently. He was highly entertained by this whole affair, seeing as he seemed to be the only one in the school (apart from Lily and James themselves) who was rational enough to deduce, from very accurate observations from the past seven years, that there was no way that the two rivals would willingly embark on an actual serious relationship.
Peter's face broke into a confused frown. "You mean Prongs likes Lily for real?"
"Of course you should believe everything I say! Every word that comes from these lips is accurate…well…unless it has something to do with making excuses to McGonagall when she discovers a new prank…in which case the things I pronounce are almost true—"
Remus just shook his head as Sirius launched into his own endearing qualities which included virtuous honesty and the instinct to give the unjust (in his case, the Slytherins) the punishment that they deserved. The werewolf made a mental note never to believe anything that Sirius said after he had imbibed copious amounts of sugar into his system.
He wondered how Sirius, who was just as smart as he was (although not as stable-minded -), could possibly believe that James really did get together with Lily (even if he had his own theories on why his best friend had done so).
He didn't wonder why Peter was so gullible; that was his friend's innate weakness and Sirius sometimes worked that to his advantage.
He just wanted to see how things turned out. After all, it wasn't everyday that you saw the perfect James Potter tripping over his feet because of one of mankind's most dangerous weapons: word of mouth.
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The seventh-year girls' dormitory room in the Gryffindor Tower was relatively quiet, save for the rhythmic sound of a thick book repeatedly colliding with a human head.
"Lily, I really think you should stop now," Midori Aoyama commented, not looking up from the book she was reading on her bed.
WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.
"Doing that will make you lose a couple of brain cells, you know," Raine added as she scribbled on a roll of parchment.
WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.
"Of course, it has some advantages. Your head will be able to endure more forceful blows in the future, which will be a big help when someone wants to knock you out," Midori said thoughtfully.
WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.
Raine shot Midori a look. "Don't encourage her."
"I wasn't. I was merely pointing out the bright side of things."
WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.
"If you keep doing that, you will become so stupid that you will actually consider really falling in love with James Potter," Raine told Lily sharply.
WHAP, WHAP, WHAP?
Lily lowered her copy of Hogwarts, a History and turned to glance at her friend, her eyes slightly glazed over from all the blows she had inflicted on herself. Raine shot Midori a triumphant look.
"So what? Mentioning the J-factor has already been proven 100% effective," the Asian girl said in an unimpressed tone, flipping to the next page of her book.
"Please stop saying things that will remind me of that prat," Lily practically begged, giving up on the history book.
"Why? He's your boyfriend, isn't he?" Midori answered innocently, stifling a giggle.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, he is, isn't he? Gee, how could I have forgotten that? I was only trying to erase the image of his smug face from my memory by whacking myself repeatedly on the head and focusing on the pain," she responded sarcastically.
Midori dropped the book she was reading and turned her full attention to her friend. "Oh, is that what you were trying to do? Hate to break it to you, but you can't get amnesia by trying to make a dent in your copy of Hogwarts, a History with your skull."
"I don't get why you hate him so much. I think James is pretty much a likeable guy," Raine commented, finishing her essay and rolling up the parchment she had been writing on.
"That's because he doesn't 'accidentally' spill ink on your three-foot essays right after you finish it, or give you strawberry-filled chocolate with the intention of making you get rashes from eating it," Lily answered darkly.
"I liked that chocolate. Tell him to give you some more," Midori piped up. Lily shot her a look. "What? You might as well take advantage of it."
"If he gives me any more sweets, no matter what the hidden intention, the school's just bound to devise more sentimental crap stories about how Potter and I are madly in love with each other," said Lily.
Raine sat up on her bed. "Well…if they think you two are together now," she said slowly, "why not just stage a breakup in front of everyone and be done with it?"
Lily stared at her for a moment as if she'd never seen anything quite like her before. "Raine, you're a genius! Why didn't I think of that?"
"You were probably too busy making out with James," Midori said offhandedly, earning herself a pillow in the face.
"This whole thing is finally going to be over! I'm going to go talk to Potter right now!" Lily declared, beaming at her blonde friend before sprinting out of the room. Her footsteps echoed as she went down the spiral stairs.
Midori picked up her book. "I never thought I'd see her get so excited to talk to James Potter," she remarked, eliciting a chuckle from Raine.
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"You didn't have to drag me the whole way here," James said irritably as he and Lily stood under the tree they had been occupying earlier in the day. "Now everybody's saying that I'm the good little whipping boy who comes at his girlfriend's every beck and call—"
"Stop whining. I've found the solution to the mess we're in," Lily announced. She paused. "Well, technically, it was Raine'sidea, but since she's my friend…"
"Just get to the point," James interrupted in annoyance. After leaving his all-too-insane friends, he had been on his way to the kitchens to grab a bite to eat since he missed lunch, but then Lily just had to deprive him of his much-needed nourishment by taking him back here, saying that they had to discuss a matter 'of the utmost importance.'
Lily stuck her tongue out at him. Such a mature, refined young lady. "I was getting to that. The thing is, we have to break up."
James stared at her like she did with Raine, but it wasn't in awe of her brilliance at thinking up such a plan. "What the hell are you talking about? We weren't even together in the first place. Did you lose yourself in the same world of inanity as the rest of the Hogwarts population?"
"No, you dimwit, I meant that we have to stage a breakup," Lily explained slowly, as if speaking to a child who refused to believe that B came before C.
"Oh. You should have said it more clearly," James said in comprehension, trying to save face and glaring at Lily's I-can't-believe-you're-that-daft expression. "So, when should we do it?"
"As soon as possible, of course," was Lily's immediate response. "I don't want to be stuck with you for more time than what's necessary, which in my opinion is absolutely no time at all."
"I'm so flattered that you have such high regard for being in my company," James said snarkily.
"Well, I aim to please," Lily countered in a saccharinely sweet tone. They glared at each other for a moment, before James realized something.
"Wait a minute…which of us is going to dump the other, and who's going to pretend to be the sniveling victim?"
They exchanged scrutinizing looks for a moment, before Lily said, with conviction, "Of course I'm going to be the dumper. There's no way I'm going to act like a clingy, pathetic bimbo."
"What! It should be me; I'm the one who suffered more here, what with everybody thinking that I'm already wrapped around your little finger!" James exclaimed in outright indignation.
"All the more reason why you should be the one who gets dumped. You're going to pretend that you can't go on without me, and you're going to grovel on your knees, asking me why I'm breaking up with a loser like you—"
"There's no way I'm going to be on bended knee in front of you, Evans!"
"And hell will freeze over before I bawl my eyes out because of you, Potter!"
They glowered at each other, eyes narrowed into slits and jaws clenched, before both exploded at the same time:
"I'm going to dump you!!!"
"Stop being such a chauvinistic pig!"
"Me? You're the one who's putting yourself up on a pedestal above everybody else!"
"Have you looked in a mirror lately? Who's the egotistical thinks-he's-God's-gift-to-Quidditch cocky asshole?"
"Oh yeah? Who's the uptight thinks-she's-an-angel-of-justice-down-on-earth prissy goody-two-shoes?"
"Bullying prat!"
"Bratty princess!"
And this was how they spent the dwindling minutes before dusk, until a roar of thunder interrupted their highly intelligent conversation.
"Looks like it's gonna rain," James commented as they looked up at the darkening sky, which was gathering up unfriendly-looking gray clouds.
"No shit, Sherlock," Lily replied, now in a thoroughly sour mood because James was too immature to hold a normal conversation—one that would help them sort out the problem they were in and give her the peace of mind she had been craving for so long.
There was absolutely nothing about James Potter that would give anyone peace of mind. Unless the person was mentally unstable in the first place. That kind of peace of mind would be a little twisted.
"Whatever. I'm still dumping you, and that's that," James said in an infuriatingly authoritative tone, as if that settled the matter.
Lily opened her mouth furiously, and what would have been Round Two of Who-Dumps-Who was halted by the sudden barrage of bullet-sized raindrops upon them. She shrieked as the ice-cold water came into contact with her skin, and the two of them started running the long way back to the castle, arguing (what did you expect?) all the way.
"If you just stopped hurling childish insults at me, then we would have finished long before this downpour started!" Lily snapped as she stumbled along the slippery grass.
"Well, if you hadn't gotten the stupid idea to go back outside the castle when you knew full well that it was the rainy season, then we wouldn't be running like this in the first place!" James shot back heatedly, agilely avoiding the hazardous puddles at their feet and smirking whenever Lily skidded along, trying to regain her balance.
Lily scowled at his unnecessary show of superior coordination. "You were the one who said we should think of some way to end all this! If you just listened to me then we wouldn't have to be in each other's presence up until now!"
James stopped running, eyes filled with an unparalleled flame of ire at the redhead, before it flickered and died. He sighed as if defeated. "You're right, Lily. I'm really sorry. If you want, then you can be the one who dumps me," he offered, his expression suddenly sincere.
Lily stared at him in disbelief before narrowing her eyes calculatingly and deciding whether he was being sarcastic or not. He just called her by her first name, for Merlin's sake! "What are you—"
"This is stupid. Why are we running from the rain when we can just use magic to repel it? Here, I'll do it," James interjected, pulling out his wand and pointing it at Lily. He muttered an incantation under his breath and Lily abruptly felt the rain stop pounding over her whole form. Then James put a Drying Spell on her before doing the same thing to himself. "Shall we head back?" he asked, an uncannily placid smile on his face.
For some unexplainable reason, Lily shivered, despite the previous spells placed upon her. "Potter, you are seriously freaking me out," she said before turning tail and running back to the castle ahead of James.
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The next day, James and his friends were sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast. They were unnaturally early, because of an even more unnaturally cheerful James who told them that he wanted to get there as soon as possible 'to see Lily.' Sirius had been lecturing him incessantly the previous day when he came back to the dormitory, admonishing him not to spend too much time with Lily and 'doing naughty stuff' else she would see right through him and figure out his deceitful plot. Peter was blatantly gawking at James with stars in his eyes, still hung over with James' 'humble self sacrifice.' Remus merely smiled his pleasant I-know-what's-really-going-on-but-I'm-supposed-to-be-a-nice-guy-so-I'll-just-torture-you-subtlely smile and placed a few smart comments about James and Lily's wonderful relationship.
James hadn't flinched once. And today, Remus was baffled and Sirius was fretting about the possibility that maybe James was caught in his own trap and starting to really fall in love with Lily Evans because even with all his valiant efforts his distinction of what was real and what was fake was starting to fade rapidly.
James smiled serenely and continued eating his bacon and eggs, commenting on when Lily would finally grace him with her presence.
He got his wish. The peace of the Great Hall shattered like a broken glass when a high-pitched scream pierced the air.
"JAMES POTTER!!!"
Every head turned in the direction of the entrance, where one livid Lily Evans was standing, apparently scanning the Hall for the person whose name she had just shouted loud enough for the people in Australia to hear. James waved cheerfully to her and she stalked toward him. Everyone could practically see the flames trailing in her wake.
"Hello, my sweet flower. Nice day, isn't it?" James said rather amiably, appearing genuinely innocent to the redheaded girl's concerns.
"You awful—do you remember the Water-Repelling Charm you put on me yesterday?" she seethed, glaring daggers at him.
James cocked his head to the side as if he were recalling the events of the previous day. "Of course I do. You were all wet from the rain. You might've caught a cold, you know, and I was only worried about your health." His nonchalant smile only served to infuriate Lily further.
"Oh, that's rich, Potter. You were being thoughtful. Well then, God help us all the day you decide you want to be a philanthropist and try to 'help' innocent people," Lily replied scathingly.
"What are you talking about?" James asked, smile never wavering.
"Don't pretend you don't know, you idiot! I went into the shower this morning, and guess what happened?"
There was silence and it seemed like all the people in the Great Hall were holding their breaths (which they probably were). James' face broke into his trademark smirk. "Oops. My bad."
"Don't you 'My bad' me, Potter! Take off the stupid charm now, I've done everything and I still couldn't get so much as a drop of water on my hand!" Lily shrieked at him.
"I thought you were the Charms genius. Why don't you do something about it instead of whining to me?" James was enjoying this immensely.
"Because I know that only someone like you, who has a sick, twisted mind, could possibly come up with a counter curse for this! Take the charm off now, or I'll make sure that you will seriously regret it!" Lily shouted.
James shrugged and attempted an apologetic expression (which wasn't very convincing, but that wasn't the intention anyway). "Sorry, princess, but it's a tricky spell. You just have to wait it out until it fades completely." He looked thoroughly pleased with himself.
Lily narrowed her eyes. "For how long?"
"Hmmm," James said, looking solemn for a moment. "A week," he answered gleefully.
Lily forced him to stand up by pulling viciously at his tie (she was starting to develop a sadistic pleasure in using the piece of fabric to attempt to strangle the boy). She pulled him so close to her face their noses were almost touching. "You are asking for death, Potter," she said, her voice low and threatening.
James' eyes twinkled and he smirked. "Bring it on." And the two of them strolled calmly out of the Great Hall. Several moments later, all could hear the sounds of sparks colliding with each other, unnatural popping noises, and a number of colorful expletives that will not be written in detail here.
Albus Dumbledore merely smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "Ah, young love," he said, as Professor McGonagall and a few other teachers hurried to restrain the Head Boy and Girl and put a stop to their impromptu duel.
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A/N – It's my birthday today! So if you want to make me happy, give me a review - No, seriously. I'm now officially fifteen years old. BTW, I warn you now that I might take longer to update from now on. Too much stuff going on in school and stuff. We even have Saturday classes. Tomorrow. Ugh. Stupid admin. I'm going to make this story short, about five to seven chapters at most, I think. Unless I come up with something ingenious (which I probably won't). Thanks to all the people who reviewed the first chapter; I didn't expect that much feedback to this humble fic of mine…not that that's a bad thing. Till next time.