Coercive Measures
Dimantrien -scratches head- I can't remember what I was supposed to do again… well, it couldn't have been that important. -plops in front of the PC and stares at nonexistent CM chap 5- Oh…crap.
A/N – Hmmm…right. Almost half a year late. –cringes– Um…sorry?
Chapter 4 end---
Margaret squealed. "Oh, Lily!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening ecstatically.
"I just knew you still loved him!"
Lily hit the floor.
Chapter 5: Muggle Studies Sucks (in which James finds out that attempting to revive a person can be hazardous to one's health)
Sometimes, things that happen to a person just seem too good to be true.
James already had firsthand experience on this.
The worst incident, by far, was the one wherein Remus burst into their dorm room and excitedly informed him (in between suppressed guffaws) that he had "no need to worry," because Lily still had a thing for him despite their recent "breakup."
Remus filled James in on the love letter incident, the details of which were currently circulating around school at breakneck speed.
He had never, in his whole lycanthropy-cursed life, seen a person look so pale and horror-struck before. He burst out laughing.
James whacked him over the head with a pair of socks (it was the first thing he could get his hands on, and Remus ought to be lucky they were clean) and proceeded to let loose a string of colorful words that even Remus never knew before.
Remus thought, with some amusement, how love could do such remarkable things to people.
He didn't realize he had been speaking his thoughts aloud, until James hurled a whole pile of dirty laundry at him.
IIIIIIIIII
"Good job, you two. I commend you on your perfect timing," Midori remarked, shaking hands with a blonde Ravenclaw girl and a chubby Hufflepuff fifth year.
"Rest assured, your service will not go disregarded. We present you with this box of sinfully delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies, into which a whole lot of love and caring was poured into, as a token of our appreciation," Sirius added in a solemn tone, presenting the two non-Gryffindors with a huge cardboard box.
"You are such a dork, Black," Midori said, rolling her eyes. "They both know you sneaked into the kitchens and told a couple of house elves to make them for you." Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and grinned.
"Oh, it was nothing! We should be the ones to thank you! This is the first time I ever became the first person to know about such huge news and tell it to everybody!" the Ravenclaw girl exclaimed.
"Homemade chocolate chip cookies…" the Hufflepuff boy said vaguely, his eyes glazed over as he took the box from Sirius.
Midori smiled. "Yeah, well, we're glad our plan benefited the both of us. Oops, it's about time I get back to my friends now. Thanks again for doing this favor for us…"
"Margaret and Paul."
IIIIIIIIII
"Lily, calm down."
The only reply Raine got was a muffled scream. Lily had buried her head in one of her pillows, probably to avoid giving anyone who passed by their door a heart attack.
"It's not so bad, you know. I mean, sure, people think it's all sweet, how you supposedly made a love letter to James to apologize, put it into a pink scented envelope, and sneaked into the prefects' meeting room to drop it onto his in-tray, but it's all going to turn out okay in the end."
Lily only screamed louder into her pillow, and Raine had the faint notion that her words weren't exactly helping her friend. She was just about to attempt another tack in making Lily stop trying to suffocate herself, when the door swung open and a beaming Midori bounced in.
"Hey, you two! I just heard the craziest rumors flying around out there… People keep saying things about Lily, James, and a love letter…" Midori glanced at Lily, who had come up for air and was sporting a scowl to end all scowls. "Judging by the look on your face, it must be true."
"True? True? I was framed! I'm completely innocent! Why would I do something as disgusting as writing that pompous jackass a love letter? I thought I was doing him a favor, putting those fourth years' stupid letter in his in-tray instead of mine—complete airheads, I suppose they'd have to be, if they're smitten with an idiot like that—"
Raine sighed and gave Midori an "I've been here for ages, now it's your turn" look. Midori's smile faded a little as she realized she had just been given the task of taming the momentarily berserk Lily.
Oh well… it' all for the best, I guess. No pain, no gain… Midori thought glumly as she prepared to shoot a Cheering Charm at Lily. She flicked her wand and aimed, only to see her spell bounce back as Lily conjured a barrier at lightning speed. She jumped out of the way just in time, and the spell hit the door, staining it with a couple of scorch marks.
"Don't think that you can make me forget about what that stupid prick did with a single spell!" Lily said crossly, shoving her wand back in her pocket.
"But Lily, wasn't it your fault for picking up the letter in the first place—?" Midori started to say before Raine elbowed her.
Lily opened her mouth, but her next rant died unvoiced as Raine quickly whipped out her wand. "Silencio."
Raine raised her eyebrows at Midori. "You're a little slow today."
Midori shrugged. "I was never really good at Cheering Charms anyway. So…what do we do with her now?"
Raine eyed the now mute and furiously hand-gesturing Lily in front of them. "Well…we could always lock her up in this room until our first class tomorrow, which I'm sure would be sufficient time to make her calm down considerably and refrain herself from causing more unnecessary rumors that she wouldn't like too much."
Lily glared at them and made violent movements with her arms and hands, which were promptly ignored by her audience.
"Our first class tomorrow is Muggle Studies, and James is taking that too, you know." Midori pointed out.
"Oh, Lily will never do anything rash in front of a teacher, would you now, Lily dear?" Raine said sweetly, directing her gaze at their furious friend, who clearly was not happy with how they were making decisions for her.
Midori and Raine eyed the door for a long moment before looking at Lily, and back at the door again.
"…agreed," Midori said finally. And before Lily could blink, her two friends had darted out of the room and closed the door behind them, undoubtedly casting spells that would ensure Lily's isolation from the world for the time being.
IIIIIIIIII
At dinner that evening, nobody found it strange that Lily Evans was absent from the Gryffindor table. Her two closest friends refrained comment, and cheerfully went on with eating as if the latest news concerning their best friend hadn't gotten through their heads. Nobody found it strange, either, that James Potter was looking down and out and kept poking at his food in a despondent manner while his best friend Sirius appeared very satisfactory with the turn of events. All of them surmised that James was still hung up on Raine and that Lily was too shy to face the world for being found out of her still undying love for James.
The only thing they found unusual was the way Remus Lupin was snickering every few seconds as if he knew an inside joke that apparently no one else was aware of.
Which, of course, he did.
And that was the way the day ended, with half the school anticipating a fresh update on the Lily and James saga the following morning.
IIIIIIIIII
The office of the Muggle Studies teacher, Professor Schwartz, was completely still and deserted, until a figure stepped in and broke the silence. The intruder rummaged around the desk before locating what he was looking for: the lesson plan that Professor Schwartz had written for the duration of the semester.
He flipped through the pages until he found the one that had tomorrow's date neatly penned at the top. As he read the contents, a smirk broke out on his face.
He hurriedly scribbled something in the section about the seventh year Gryffindor-Hufflepuff class tomorrow, charmed his handwriting to match that of the professor's, and stood back, admiring the modifications he had made. Oh yes, his partner in crime would be very happy with what he had accomplished.
The sound of an owl hooting outside prompted him back to alert-trespasser mode, and he briskly made his way out of the room, making sure to check if there was anyone in the near vicinity before stepping out.
He checked his watch. There was no need to worry; dinner wasn't over for ten more minutes, and he wasn't too worried about what his friends would think of his sudden disappearance from the Great Hall.
He couldn't wait for tomorrow.
IIIIIIIIII
The joint Gryffindor-Hufflepuff Muggle Studies class that day was unusually quiet. Professor Schwartz had yet to appear, and during the delay, all everybody could do was glance back and forth from James and Lily, who were doing their best to avoid each other's gaze.
At the same time, both were inwardly fuming. Really, did everybody else have such tediously dull lives that they had to stick their noses into someone else's to entertain themselves? Or did they really find it fulfilling to watch others suffering under mental torture?
The thickening tension (coupled with the expectant anticipation of most of the people in the room) was suddenly broken as Professor Schwartz briskly entered the room.
"Good morning, class. I'm dreadfully sorry for being late, but there is no need to worry; I believe we have plenty of time to accomplish the things we need to do today...and I am very sure you will enjoy this particular lesson." She smiled gleefully in a way that made the students shift in their seats uncomfortably. "Today we are going to discuss…"
She made her way to the teacher's desk at the front of the classroom. "…Basic Muggle Medical Methods."
There were simultaneous groans heard all around, and a few held breaths were let out. "What's so interesting about that?" Sirius said loudly from the back of the class, though the slight smirk on his face didn't register the makings of a complaint.
Professor Schwartz smiled widely, a habit she was wont to do when she was getting ready for a thorough speech on Muggle ingenuity. "What is so interesting?" she started slowly. "What is so interesting about the way ordinary Muggles with no medical expertise could save another human life? What is so interesting about how Muggles found out the proper way to attempt to resurrect another by giving them the breath of life once more?"
A pudgy Hufflepuff boy gave her a quizzical look. "'Breath of life'? Is that some kind of magic? But Muggles don't—"
Professor Schwartz held up a hand to silence him. A few half-bloods in the room, along with Lily, the only Muggleborn taking Muggle Studies, straightened in their seats with a sense of dread as they started to realize what their teacher was getting at.
"The breath of life," Professor Schwartz announced with a dramatic air, "is not some piece of hocus-pocus that Muggles are capable of. It is so wonderful in its simplicity that we witches and wizards have overlooked it because of the gift of magic that has been bestowed upon us—"
"Yes, we know that, now what is it already?" Sirius interjected loudly, earning himself a glare from the professor.
Professor Schwartz coughed. "This most brilliant method that Muggles have discovered…is called Cardio-pulmonary Resuscitation, or CPR for short."
"Carja-what?" some people echoed confusedly.
"Car-dio-pul-mo-na-ry resuscitation!" Professor Schwartz repeated clearly. She was given more baffled looks in return, except for the half-bloods and Lily, who suddenly found out why the professor looked so happy that they were going to discuss "Basic Muggle Medical Methods." "Never mind. It seems to me that you lot don't know as much about Muggles as I would like you to. Incidentally, because I was expecting that, you shall all be taught how CPR works, in the best way I know how, by doing it yourselves to one another—"
"NO!" the half-bloods (and Lily) shouted as one, standing up in indignation. The other half of the class stared on, clueless.
Professor Schwartz beamed. "Why, would you look at that? I never expected this…half the class actually knows what CPR is! This is a perfect arrangement… you will make this lesson much easier for me! Now…I shall pair you off with your less-informed classmates so that you yourselves may teach them. I will give you a quarter of an hour, and afterwards you will all demonstrate this medical method in front of the class by pair, as a practical test."
"Wait, Professor…what is CPR, exactly?" Peter asked, his hand raised, looking at the teacher apprehensively.
The "well-informed" students waited for their professor to drop the bomb. "CPR…is a more scientific way of saying…mouth to mouth resuscitation," Professor Schwartz answered him promptly and cheerfully.
And suddenly, the pure-blood students in the room realized why the other half of the class was vehemently protesting. Some, though (like Sirius), glanced excitedly at the potential members of the opposite sex that they could snag as their partners for demonstration.
"Mouth to mouth…as in, kissing?" Peter squeaked.
"I wouldn't quite put it that way, Pettigrew….but it does require putting your mouth over the victim's, which is somewhat similar to a kiss." Professor Schwartz was looking very smug now as she returned to her seat at the teacher's desk and cracked open her lesson plan with relish. "Now…Henson, you work with Bonne… Kylicke and Smith…Black and Luelle…"
"So that's why you looked so happy!" Midori realized, shaking her head at Sirius. "When you switched the partners…you paired yourself with Haley Luelle because you've been chasing her skirt for days now…" Sirius grinned smugly at her and she rolled her eyes.
"Aw, I know you're madly in love with me, no need to show your jealousy that I picked someone else…" Sirius teased, and got a whack over the head in return.
"Haha, don't flatter yourself too much, Sirius," Midori said sardonically, sticking her tongue out at him.
"Oh yes. Very mature, you are," Sirius remarked dryly.
"I don't know how I put up with you…you did switch…?"
"Yes, ma'am, I did," Sirius said proudly. "Schwartz'll call out their names any second now…"
As if on cue, Professor Schwartz gleefully called out the next pair in her list, which, unbeknownst to her, was modified the night before by Sirius Black.
"Potter and Evans!"
IIIIIIIIII
All complaints and vehement protests in the room stopped as the bickering students heard what their professor had just said.
All complaints, that is…except for the ones coming from the two people that held their attention even before Professor Schwartz entered the room and caused all this chaos.
"Professor, NO," Lily pleaded in what could still safely be called a calm and controlled voice, but it was obvious that she was doing her best not to scream. "There is no way in he—I mean, I refuse to be paired up with James Potter." She spat out the last two words as if they were the most disgusting profanities she had ever uttered.
"Same here," James said, standing up indignantly, not realizing that he had, for once, agreed with his worst enemy. "I will not do something as repulsive as put my clean mouth into Evans'—"
"Who are you calling repulsive, Potter?" Lily said in a steely voice, whirling at him and looking ready to spit flames.
"I didn't say you were repulsive, I said that any other human being getting into contact with your mouth is repulsive," James stated matter-of-factly, a smirk on his face.
"Potter, if that's repulsive, then kissing you must be the most vile and horrendous thing to happen to any girl," Lily retorted, forgetting, in her irritation, the roomful of students and a professor in their midst.
"Really? Well then, there must be many girls who like vile and horrendous things, because I've snogged with quite a few of them, and I've never heard them complaining at all," James replied smoothly with a wink.
Lily threw her hands up in disgust. "Out of all the chauvinistic pigs I have met, Potter…you are the worst!" Lily turned back to Professor Schwartz, all sense of calmness vanishing without a trace. "Professor! Pair Potter up with Black for all I care! I absolutely will not stand to work with someone as uncouth and crude—"
"No thanks, everyone knows we don't swing that way," Sirius interrupted loudly, eliciting a couple of laughs from the other students.
"Lily, calm down, please," Raine pleaded, shooting a glance at Professor Schwartz, who was not looking too happy that her best student was blatantly talking back at her.
"But—"
"Excluding the spiteful insults, I rather agree with Evans, Professor, because hell will freeze over before I willingly allow myself to be kissed by—"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Professor Schwartz shouted, startling the Head Boy and Girl into silence. She glared the two of them. "I would have thought that you two, being the role models of the school, would have set a better example for the other students!"
James and Lily exchanged a quick glare before training their eyes on the floor. "Sorry, Professor."
Professor Schwartz rubbed at her temples. "Oh, and this was supposed to be such a fun lesson too…" she muttered to herself, looking at the clock on the wall, which, thanks to her lateness and the pointless bickering of her students, informed her that they only had a little over fifteen minutes left. She once again looked at Lily and James, who had gone back to glaring daggers at each other in the short span that she had turned her attention away from them.
At that moment, a light bulb went off in her head. "Miss Evans and Potter," she called them once again, and the two in question reluctantly broke eye contact. "You do realize that such deliberate disrespect to a teacher warrants a detention or two…but thankfully for the two of you, I am willing to set this matter aside. However, you both still need to be taught a lesson in being a fine example to the students who look up to you. Since this day's class will be over quite soon, there is only enough time to do one demonstration. May I request both of you to come here to the front of the class and show your classmates how CPR is done?"
IIIIIIIIII
Time seemed to stop as Lily and James gaped at Professor Schwartz. Not only did they have to demonstrate CPR as a pair, they also had to do it in front of the whole class, and all the other students had gotten away without doing it!
"And no buts this time," Professor Schwartz said pleasantly, feeling sufficiently cheered up (albeit a little on the sadistic side) from her previous outburst.
In their seats, Sirius and Midori were exchanging a high-five, Remus had his hand over his mouth and was shaking uncontrollably, and Peter still appeared to be baffled about the whole CPR-is-like-kissing issue. Fortunately for them (except Peter, who wasn't really doing anything suspicious), Lily and James were too wrapped up in their present predicament to look at their friends.
When both of them still didn't move, Professor Schwartz said, "Come on, get a move on already! You two! To the front! Now!" Both Lily and James obeyed, looking as if they were about to be sent to the guillotine instead of just demonstrating how to revive a person that wasn't breathing. But if they had it their way, both of them secretly thought that it would be better to be decapitated than to do what Professor Schwartz wanted them to do.
"That's it. Now, Miss Evans, judging from your reaction earlier, I have reason to say that you know enough about CPR, am I correct? So, Potter here will lie down and act as the victim while you show the class the right way to perform it… And take your time, the better for the other students to see how it is done…we still have fifteen minutes left..."
Oh yes, Professor Schwartz was thoroughly enjoying this (along with all the other people in the room sans Lily and James), and that was what Lily was bitterly noting in her head as she waited for James to lie down with his back against the floor.
James had a traumatized look on his face, and they hadn't even done anything yet. Lily was, for a moment, inclined to laugh at the sheer hilarity of his facial expression, but suddenly remembered what she had to do, and a severely appalled expression was the one that broke out on her face instead.
"Miss Evans?" Professor Schwartz prompted, her tone laced with a sadistic excitement that ought to be banned.
Lily took a deep breath before kneeling down, knees on either side of James' hips. She then proceeded to abruptly lean down, using her arms to support her, just far enough so that her mouth hovered above James'. She really, really didn't want to do this, and if she absolutely had to, then she was determined to get it done as soon as possible, so as to have more time for the mental therapy she was quite sure she would need afterwards.
"Eager much?" James breathed sarcastically in her face, and she glowered at him in reply. Somewhere above them, she could hear Professor Schwartz saying, "Slowly now, Miss Evans… The victim is supposed to be in a delicate physical state! I know you are very enthusiastic to demonstrate this to the class with Potter, but in a case of life and death you must not plunge on so rashly…" Lily's face flushed a deep red.
James' hazel eyes twinkled in mild amusement as he whispered to her, "I never knew it was humanly possible for a person's face to be that red—"
His taunt died unfinished as he felt Lily's lips covering his own in what was not quite a kiss, as she seemed to be exhaling into his mouth in consecutive rapid bursts. "Shut the hell up, Potter," she growled into his mouth before pulling away from him.
Lily was staring down at the look of wide-eyed shock on James' face with twisted amusement, when a thought abruptly occurred to her. She sat back (on James' stomach, no less), and ignored James' twitch of pain as she raised her hand cheerfully and voiced out a question. "Professor, I'm sorry, but there's a part of the procedure that I forgot to do. Would you mind terribly if I demonstrated it again while explaining to the class what exactly it is that I'm doing?"
Professor Schwartz, who was all smiles now after the scene she just witnessed, had no objections whatsoever. Miss Evans was actually willing to do it again! In her mind, she was thinking of how those rumors that the students were generating could actually be quite accurate…
"What…the…hell…are you…talking about, E-vans?" James huffed, struggling to breathe properly, as Lily was still sitting comfortably on top of him.
Lily ignored him, addressing the class. "You see, one of the most important things to do before performing mouth to mouth resuscitation is to tilt the patient's chin up slightly so as not to block the passage of air into his lungs…I'll show you…"
Lily closed her left thumb and index finger on either side of James' nose and gave it a hard pinch, not letting go as she tilted his chin up jerkily (and painfully) and let it stay in that position.
"OW! Evans, you—!" James yelped.
"Quiet, Potter, you're not supposed to be breathing, remember?" Lily said loudly, thoroughly relishing James' discomfort. If she had to suffer through this humiliation, then she might as well make the most of it by making James as miserable as possible in the process. "After this is the time that you perform—oh, wait! I'm so sorry, I forgot another thing that has to be done before this…" She let go of James' nose and made a hand gesture of apology to the professor.
James took in a big gulp of air and glared at her, rubbing his poor nose. "Well, recall it now before I really die from your so-called 'resuscitation'!" The class laughed as one, and a Hufflepuff girl squealed, "Oh, don't they just act like the cutest couple?"
Lily was not fazed. "Patience, Potter," she told him placidly. She kneeled again, and James sighed in relief as he was able to breathe normally again. But not for long, because Lily suddenly formed a fist with her left hand, laid her right hand on top of it, and proceeded to lay her two hands on top of James' chest and, putting her weight onto them, giving him a sharp blow. James gasped in pain. "OW! Dammit, Evans, are you really trying to kill me or what!"
"Whoops, sorry," Lily said without much sincerity. She turned back to the class. "In a real situation where the concept of CPR should be applied, this much pressure needs to be put on the patient's chest if he has no pulse. Obviously, Potter's alive and breathing so he feels some amount of pain—"
"If you knew that already, then why didn't you lessen the pressure?" James snapped.
"—but I wanted to show you the proper way to do it, regardless of the physical condition of my partner, because it's important that you know exactly what you have to do. Just like Professor Schwartz said, it's a situation between life and death, after all…"
James scowled. "Are you through buttering up the teacher yet?" he whispered sardonically. Lily merely smirked at him as she repeated the painful action she had just performed on him. "You must do this five consecutive times," she once again said to the class, doing just that (and practically knocking the wind out of James in the process).
Oh, she was so going to pay for this later… James gritted his teeth and endured the pain. He was positive that his chest was badly bruised by now…
Sirius was rolling on the floor laughing with wild abandon, and Remus, much more refined, raised his hand and asked to be excused to go to the bathroom, where he let his laughter loose and reverberating over the walls.
"Ooh…poor James. Lily's really overdoing things…" Midori whispered to Raine, kicking at Sirius who was rolling toward her and threatening to squash her toes.
Raine quickly retracted her feet as Sirius plowed past them. "Eh…I guess it really wasn't such a good idea to lock her up yesterday. She's channeling all her pent-up energy into injuring James as extensively as she possibly could without getting into trouble." Raine glanced briefly toward the front of the class. "Let's just hope she doesn't end up killing him…"
Both of them chuckled quietly and continued to watch the free show before them.
"Okay! After this, you have to do what I did before…tilt his chin up like this—" Lily once again pinched James' nose and pulled, "then you perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, exhaling five times into the victim's mouth to attempt to revive him. But I've already showed you that, so—"
"Oh no, we don't mind seeing it a second time," Sirius piped up, finally getting up and composing himself.
Lily's smile faltered for a moment, but she quickly recovered. "Black, I'm sure you're as smart as you say you are, so I don't need to repeat it because you already understand what to do."
Sirius nodded. "You're completely right, Lily. I am aware of how wondrously intelligent I am," and here Lily rolled her eyes, "but I was just speaking for the rest of the class. I'm sure not all of them completely understood your demonstration, and a second try will probably do the trick…" He grinned evilly at her.
Midori waved a hand in the air. "Actually, I don't remember how exactly you're supposed to position your mouth over the victim's, so could you do it again? Please, Lily?" She gave Lily a look of pure innocence. Several other students nodded in agreement and murmured amongst themselves.
Traitor, Lily thought as she gave her friend a sour look. She could see Raine hiding a smile behind a piece of parchment. Great. Even her own friends were getting a kick out of this…
James groaned. With the amount of pain he was going through, he was past the point of caring whether or not Lily would "kiss" him again or not. "Just do it, Evans, so that we can finally get this over with," he snapped.
Lily stared at him incredulously, as if he had just suggested that the two of them elope.
"I see no reason why you shouldn't, Miss Evans…so that the class may better comprehend it…" Professor Schwartz reasoned.
Lily sighed. She supposed that all things, including inflicting not-so-debilitating injury to James Potter, needed a price to be paid for. "Fine…watch closely so I won't have to do it again," she said grumpily. Her classmates nodded and leaned forward in anticipation almost instantaneously.
Only when her mouth was over James' once again did she realize that she had just contradicted her own thoughts as to how she wanted the whole school to act toward her and James' situation…by telling them to watch closely.
IIIIIIIIII
AN- Well…if anyone's interested in knowing…the three main reasons why this chapter is horribly late are school (which was hell), Ragnarok Online (which is fun) and downloading tenipuri mp3s (which rock XD). When summer break arrived in March, I became addicted to Ragnarok…unhealthily so. So, I decided to stop playing for a couple of weeks (and I've only started on my promise a couple of days ago) and work on my fanfics instead. Unfortunately RO has turned my brain into mush, and…this is all I could squeeze out of it. I will try to update as soon as I can, but I can't guarantee it to be in…a week, or something like that. I have other fics to write, all of which are non-HP, and all of which are long overdue as well. Plus, I have to study for college entrance exams…which gives me even less time to write. I'm really sorry for being so crappy at updating…and thanks to those who waited patiently for this chapter.