Warnings: mild spoilers for very early on in the series.
Hero
For some children, their parents are their heroes.
To me, the very idea is laughable. Who is worse, I wonder, my pornography-writing father with his many girlfriends who are all barely older than me, or my spineless mother, who takes everything without complaint?
No, my hero is someone much more worthy. My hero shines brightly, like the sun; Like the brave rays that penetrate the darkness of this oubliette I find myself trapped in. When night comes, the darkness presses in all around, and I am lost. The water rises, and I sink beneath, hoping, hoping for the strength to end this.
My courage fails me, and the next day when the sun dawns again, I wonder how I could have considered leaving this, considered giving her up. The thought of an existence without her is so terrifying I cannot even bear to imagine it.
She is the only one who cares about me at all, the only one who pays me any sort of positive attention. My mother tries, but she just doesn't care enough, or maybe just doesn't know how to take care of me. She's always been a poor excuse for a mother.
There was Nanako, before, but-- no, I will not think about that. It is too painful. How I finally had what I desired most-- a friend, a true friend who didn't care about my family or my outcast status in the class or anything else, a pure girl who loved purely-- and drove her away through my own folly. At that time, I wanted her so badly I even scared myself. And I scared her away... What a colossal failure I am. If only I were more like Kaoru no kimi.
All the other girls worship her because of her talent in basketball, or her masculine appearance, or her commanding aura. They are fools, the lot of them. A group of potato-heads. That was what made her catch my eye at first, true, but my feelings for her have grown and changed since then, though I still get a bit carried away when I see her on the court. What I feel for her is not what they feel for her. They worship her mindlessly, in love with the idea of her rather than the real person. They love her with a childlike fascination that completely ignores the nuances of her personality.
I am different. I love the Kaoru no kimi who tries to protect me from Misaki, the little bitch. I love the Kaoru no kimi who notices I haven't been eating and confronts me about it. The Kaoru no kimi who holds me as I cry.
My hero is more than just a star, an icon. She is someone who cares about others-- and that, more than anything, means the world to me. I'd marry her if I could. It would certainly be a step up from my mother's choice.
My father will never, ever be my hero. The bastard. He can rot.