A/N: Hmm…I suppose I shall keep going with this oneshot. The only reason I broke it into three chapters was for ease of reading. You can keep the stages straight this way.

Disclaimer: it's so depressing. I own nothing besides Elle. Sniff.

o.O

Ch. 2: Practice

"So what song are we doing?"

It was breakfast the next morning. The second Elle and Lily walked into the Great Hall, Elle was called over by James under the guise of a Quidditch meeting. Lily gave in rather quickly, only complaining for a bit about how she'd have to eat alone like an idiot and why the hell do boys have to talk about Quidditch at breakfast when there isn't a game.

"Time warp!" Sirius burst out. Elle looked at his in surprise.

"You know the time warp?" she asked.

"Who doesn't? After all…it's just a jump to the left!" Sirius jumped in his seat.

"And then a step to the right!" Elle sang back, both she and Sirius doing the dance.

"You put your hands on your hips," Sirius commanded.

"And lock your knees in tight! But it's the pelvic thrusts that really drive you insa-a-a-ane!" they sang in harmony.

"Let's do the time warp again!" Elle punched the air.

"Oh, God, please no," Remus was hanging his head as if he didn't want to be associated with the lunatics he was conveniently sitting across from.

"That sounds like fun. Can we do that song?" James asked.

"No, there's this really high, really jumbled part in the middle of the song that even I can't get. I was actually thinking 'Sweet Transvestite'."

"Doesn't sound too promising," Remus mumbled.

"Sounds a little too out there. I'm not doing any song called 'Sweet Transvestite'!" James exclaimed.

"It's a good song. It's easy to sing, relatively easy to choreography, and there aren't many parts to fill. Us five take care of main parts I think."

"No. No, no, and no. I am having no part in this outrageous scheme," Remus proclaimed.

"Please, Moony," James begged. "I need you for moral support."

"It'll be tons of fun," Sirius promised.

"I've got the perfect part for you. All you have to do is stand on the side for most of the song and you have one small, rhyming speaking part. You don't have to sing or dance or make a fool of yourself in the least."

Remus considered this. "I'll get back to you," he concluded and returned to his meal.

"So how about it?" Elle asked James.

"Fine," James sighed. "But after this public humiliation stunt and Lily still won't give me the time of day, I'll make you regret you ever did this."

"No you won't. Sirius will protect me," Elle said. "Won't you, darling?" she whispered in a soft, sultry voice, brushing her lips on his ear. She stood and walked to join Lily; Sirius watched her go, hypnotized by her swinging hips.

"That…bitch," he muttered breathlessly.

"Tell me about it," James grumbled.

o.O

"Okay, you lot," Elle clapped her hands. "We only have today to get this down. So let's get down to business." She pulled out a clipboard. "James, you're Dr. Frank-N-Furter, the main singing transvestite. Sirius…"

"Ha, ha, Prongsie's a trannie!" Sirius started jumping around James and singing. "Prongsie's a trannie! Prongsie's a trannie! Prongsie's a trannie! Prongsie's a tr – oomph."

Elle had caught Sirius by the tail of his robes and dragged the pouting boy away. "Sirius, you're three characters in one. You're Riff Raff, a band member, and part of the chorus. Stand over there and for God's sakes, no dancing." For Sirius had started his song and dance over again.

"But I'm practicing!" Sirius whined.

"Peter, you're Columiba, another band member, and the other part of the chorus. Both you and Sirius will be fake-playing instruments in the background. Chose keyboard or guitar."

"GUITAR!" Sirius yelled. "It's sexier."

Elle rolled her eyes. "Remus, you're playing Brad Majors and I'm your fiancé Janet Weiss."

Sirius' jaw dropped. "Oooo…" he grinned manically. "Remus and Ellie, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-don't-know-the-rest."

"Shut it," James muttered, looking at the sheet of lyrics. "Bloody hell, I'm gay!"

"Well then this whole Lily scheme is sort of a waste," Sirius said.

"You mork. My character is gay," James clarified. "How, may I ask, is a song about a gay transvestite going to win me the affections of a girl?"

"I'm afraid all questions will have to be given in triplicate. Now learn your lyrics," Elle commanded. "As I was saying, Remus, our parts are deathly simple. Here's your lines," Elle handed him a strip of parchment.

"I'm glad we caught you at home. Could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry," Remus read.

"Right."

"Janet, right. We'll just…"

"No, no. That's was my line."

"What was?" Remus looked confused.

"Right."

"What, was?"

"No. I say right."

"So I say Janet?"

"No."

"Well, why's it written there then?"

"To let you know when I say my line."

"Which is 'right'?"

"Right."

"Well, you've got your part memorized," James spoke up. "This is going to take me all bloody morning."

"Good thing its Saturday, eh?" Elle said brightly. "Well, I'll leave you lot to it. I'm going to go get costumes."

"Oooo!" Sirius clapped his hands. "Can I go, can I go, can I go, pleeeeease?" he begged like a little five-year-old girl.

"Whatever," Elle shrugged. "Pete, you wanna join?"

"Sure," Peter said, coming to stand beside the two.

"Be back in a mo," Elle said to Remus and James, who were busily studying their lines.

o.O

"We need boas!"

This was Sirius' brilliant conclusion as he honed in on a wall of feather boas. Elle had taken the two boys to a Muggle costume shop, which was having quite an effect on both of them. Apparently, outlandish clothing had a drug-like effect on Padfoot.

"Yes, boas and large sunglasses!" Peter agreed, donning said items and striking what he thought was a supermodel stance but really looked like someone stuck a drumstick up his butt.

"Oo, pimp hats. I want a pimp hat!" Sirius plopped an obnoxious furry green fedora on his face and pulled a bad vogue-like stance. "Tutus! James needs a tutu!"

"He's a transvestite, not a crossdresser," Elle tried not to laugh as Sirius pulled a gauzy, periwinkle blue tutu over Peter's head.

"But it goes so well with the boa!" Peter whined, admiring himself in a mirror Sirius held up.

"Who says he can't be both?" Sirius pointed out.

Elle threw up her hands. "Fine, but I'm telling James you picked it out."

"Fair enough. Now I need a pimp outfit…" Sirius ran down another isle. "I found candy!" he howled.

"Oh, no…" Elle charged after him and managed to wrestle the pixie sticks away before Sirius inhaled them.

o.O

Roughly an hour later, Elle burst back into the abandoned classroom/practice room where she had left James and Remus. Sirius and Peter trailed after her, wearing their outfits and carrying James'.

Sirius would not be parted with his fuzzy pimp hat. It now sat on his head, jauntily tilted to one side. Aviator sunglasses hid his eyes and a matching lime green and pink cape donned his shoulders. Peter, after much debate at the boa wall, decided on a fuchsia and white-feathered boa and fuchsia oversized glasses that were practically eating his face.

"What do you have on?" James asked incredulously.

"Our costumes! We look hot, I must say," Sirius said, striking his model pose again.

"Here's yours," Peter said brightly, shoving a bag into his bewildered arms. James reluctantly put in his hand, his face contorting as he pulled out the periwinkle tutu.

"A tutu?" he asked.

"With matching boa!" Peter said eagerly, wrapping the boa around James' neck.

"No," he said simply.

"It was Sirius," Elle hid her sniggers behind her hand.

"No. No, no, a thousand times no! Do I have to be a gay, cross-dressing transvestite?" he complained.

"If you want Lily's attention, you do," Elle said.

"I'm about to go hang myself by this boa," James said darkly.

"No!" Peter yelled, trying to wrench the feathers off James' neck, choking him in the process. "Not the poor, innocent boa! What did it ever do to you?"

"I'm not really, Pete," James managed, pulling himself free of Peter's grasp. Peter pouted and walked over to his keyboard, pounding out 'Chopsticks' as loudly as he could.

"Right. Did you get your lines down?" Elle asked.

"Nearly," James said.

"Do I have to wear that?" Remus asked warily.

"No. You and I get to wear normal Muggle clothing."

"Thank goodness," Remus smiled in relief.

"Care to switch?" he asked Remus hopefully.

"Not a chance, Prongs."

o.O

A/N: Now, you can either submit a review or keep going with the story. Its up to you and your morals. The debate of the century, if you ask me. Either way, pick your path (and button) wisely…