A/N: so…you decided to continue with the story, eh? Very well…

Disclaimer: see previous chapter

o.O

Ch. 3: Performance

It took all day, but the boys finally learned all their blocking, lines, and choreography. All four Marauders collapsed in their respective beds when Elle finally called in a day. Elle, however, knew she had a full night ahead of her yet.

The next morning, James was the first to wake. This was a rare occurrence and the first strange thing to happen that morning.

The second was the pink flier James saw on his forehead. He ripped it off and read it:

Elana and the Marauders

Present

'Sweet Transvestite'

to be held in the seventh-floor, opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy.

Come early to claim a spot

3:00 pm

Today only

Under this, Elle's handwriting seemed to grin innocently at him.

I want see all you in costume at 1 for a final run-through.

James tossed his pillow at Sirius. The latter snorted unflatteringly and sat up.

"Eh? Wha…what's the floaty pink thing?" Sirius said drowsily. James looked at him and saw Sirius too had a flier on his forehead. Looking around, he noted Remus and Peter were still asleep, pink notes on their heads as well.

"I wonder how late Elle was up putting these up," James said, swinging his feet out of bed. He rummaged around for a clean set of clothes. "Might as well go find out where all she's put them. C'mon Padfoot."

Snores greeted him; Padfoot had crashed again, face down in his pillow. James rolled his eyes and stepped out of his dormitory. He was halted in his tracks.

The common room had turned pink.

Actually, it was thousands of Elle's pink fliers hung on every inch of exposed wall. Even the bulletin board was a singe, superimposed advertisement for the show. James closed his eyes, debating whether he should follow Sirius' example and go back to bed. Unfortunately, the other occupants, upon seeing a Marauder, decided to mob him with questions. James waded through the lower classes, giving non-committal answers to their burning questions. All he wanted to do was get to the Great Hall for breakfast and get away from Elle's mad ads.

There was no escape, as James quickly discovered; Elle hadn't confined her fliers to just the common room. Trails of pink lined the corridors and many doors had at least five posters on them, all bearing the same heading.

Did I forget to mention James hates the color pink?

o.O

By 3 o'clock, nearly all of Hogwarts had gathered in the now-massive Room of Requirement; Elle had charmed it to grow as needed until the audience was comfortable seated and the stage was not encroached on.

Elle stepped onto the stage and magically modified her voice. "Hello and welcome to the Marauder's performance of Rocky Horror Picture Show's 'Sweet Transvestite'!" her loud voice boomed over the heads of the students. "We ask you to refrain from photography and spell casting during the performance. In case of a fire…well, we're probably all screwed unless someone actually learned that water-producing spell Flitwick taught us. Anyway, we'll start in a few minutes. Thank you."

Elle stepped off and went into a second room, a makeshift dressing area and green room. She tried not to laugh at the boys' costumes. "You all ready?" she asked.

"Let's get this over with," James muttered, brushing past her. Sirius bounced after, guitar in hand. Peter trailed Sirius, adjusting his huge sunglasses, and Remus and Elle, looking quite plain in comparison, brought up the rear.

The audience burst into laughter the second James stepped onstage. How could they not when the hottest guy in Hogwarts was currently outfitted in a periwinkle tutu and matching feather boa. The laughter only increased as the green pimp Sirius and fuchia-boaed Peter took their places behind him. Remus and Elle took their places off to the side. James conjured up a microphone and the musical intro kicked in.

(A/N: the performance will be typed in script-style for writing ease. Action is in parenthesis)

James: How do you do I / see you've met my / faithful handyman/ he's just a little brought down because / when you knocked/ he thought you were the candy man / (swings mic on cord, grabs it and sings next line) Don't get strung out by the way I look / don't judge a book by its cover / I'm not much of a man by the light of day / but by night I'm one hell of a lover / (moonwalks backward, plays with boa) I'm just a sweet transvestite / from Transsexual / Transylvania! (360 spin around) / Let me show you around maybe / play you a sound / you look like you're both pretty groovy / or if you want something visual / that's not to abysmal (humps air on 'not to abysmal) / we could take in an old Steve Reeves movie

Remus: I'm glad we caught you at home / could we use your phone/ we're both in a bit of a hurry

Elana: Right

Remus: We'll just say where we are and go back to the car / we don't want to be any worry

James: (dances/walks over to Remus and Elle, puts arms around their shoulders) Well you got caught with a flat, well / how bout that/ Well, babies (grips Elle's chin) don't you panic (tickles Remus with boa end, walks off) / by the light of the night it'll all / seem alright / I'll get you a satanic mechanic / (turns upstage, struts/gangsta walks upstage) I'm just a sweet transvestite / from Transsexual / Transylvania / why don't you (turns sharply around at the waist) stay for the night?

Sirius: (runs forward on previous line, pops over James' right shoulder) Night!

James: Or maybe (takes step downstage) a bite?

Peter: (runs forward on previous line, pops over James' left shoulder, clicks jaw) Bite!

James: I could show you my favorite…(leans over to Lily sitting in front row) obsession (grins suggestively, Elle smacks forehead; this was not what she told him to do!) / I've been making a man / with blonde hair (smoothes hair seductively) and a tan (moves hands down body) / And he's good for relieving my…(taps Lily on nose) tension (Elle looks like she was to smack her face into the wall and kill James) / (moonwalks backward, swinging mic from cord again) I'm just a sweet transvestite / from Transsexual / Transylvania/ (falls to knees, headbanging) Hit it! Hit it/ I'm just a sweet transvestite

Sirius and Peter: (now back in their spots, in falsetto) Sweet Transvestite!

James: From Transsexual

Sirius and Peter: (thoroughly jamming) Transylvania!

James: So...(runs up stairs onstage) come up to the lab and / (lies luxuriously on stone slab) see what's on the slab / I see you shiver with anticip…(thrusts, relaxes with end of line) pation / but maybe the rain (sits up on 'rain') / isn't really to blame / so I'll remove the cause (James starts to exit stage left, stops, laughs low and dangerously) / but not the symptom!

(James strikes 'superstar' pose on musical flourish, Sirius destroys guitar rock-style by smacking it on ground, Elle is in tears now because her play was ruined, Remus is trying to sooth her while acting like he was not affiliated with this embarrassing disaster)

The room exploded in applause, except for Lily who looked like she had been Petrified when James sang to her. Elle waited two seconds, then lunged at James. It took the rest of the Marauders to keep her from pummeling him.

"Dressing room. Now," she said though clenched teeth. "Get off me!" she wriggled out of the boys' grasp and charged after a cocky James. Once all four Marauders were inside, she slammed the door shut and turned on James. "What…the hell…was that?" she forced a smile.

"I was…acting," James said, pulling a dramatic face. "I was in…" he folded his hands yoga-style with his eyes closed, "…the zone. Hyah!" he did a crazy praying mantis kung-fu stance and chopped Peter on the shoulder blade. "Sorry Wormtail," he apologized as Peter collapsed to the ground.

"I thought we were good," Sirius shrugged. "I miss Leroy."

"Leroy?" Remus asked.

"My guitar. I named him," Sirius sobbed. "He was so amazing. The good always die young!" he wailed, putting his head down on a table.

"You and…Leroy…were great. It's this git I'm pissed at!" Elle yelled at James.

"Leroy didn't like it when you yelled," Sirius said in between sobs.

"Too bloody bad. I –– oh, hey Lily," Elle said, greeting the redhead who just walked in. James, who was sulking slightly at Elle's harsh tone perked up.

"Hey Evans, what'd you think?" he asked. The redhead looked possessed as she walked over to James, bent down, and kissed him on the cheek. "Er…that good, eh?" James grinned happily.

Lily seemed to get hold of herself. Her face contorted into shock, she slapped James on the cheek she had just kissed, and ran out of the room. James touched his cheek gingerly. He couldn't tell if the burning sensation was from the kiss or the smack.

"You win some, you lose some, Prongs," Remus said wisely.

"What do you mean?" James asked, dazedly looking at the closed door.

"You got a kiss from your crush, but she's a psycho!" Sirius suggested.

"Kind of, but…"

"LEROY!" Sirius wailed again, interrupting Remus.

"I think I won this time though," James said dreamily.

o.O

A/N: If you are reading this, it means you have completed 'Sweet Transvestite' and are now legally obligated to submit an intelligent review to ALL of my stories. Failure to do so will invoke the wrath of my mafia of schizophrenic goblins who eat non-reviewers. Don't think for a second that you can fool the goblins. NO ONE CAN FOOL THE GOBLINS! MWA HA HA HA HA!

No seriously. Review. And go read my other storied and review on them. I have the next chapters for them all written. It's up to you when I post. And I've got all the time in the world….

Obscure Review Topic: Pretzels. Tasty salty treat or knots of doom?