Chapter XXVII

Lean on Me

Warrick and Sofia heard about it only minutes after it had happened. The story spread through the lab like a wild fire. Catherine had all but attacked Sara and Sara had fled.

They met as they both jogged down the hall. They did not speak, but the frenzied pace they shared told them each that they were feeling the same pain. They were hurting because their woman was hurting.

Catherine was sitting on the floor, surrounded by spilled coffee and pieces of shattered ceramic. She was curled up with her head hidden in her knees. Her entire body shook with sobs.

Warrick's heart gave a thump and a jerk. He had never seen Catherine look so lost and broken. He knelt down beside her. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know what to say. He put his arm around her and pulled her close to him, putting her head against his shoulder. She whimpered, as if she was going to complain or protest. He shushed her. Catherine leaned against him, resting her weight against him. Giving everything over to him. He shifted around and put one of his arms under her knees and lifted her up. He walked her over to the couch, and he sat down. He held her close, in a half-sitting, half-lying position, on his lap. He ran his hand through her red gold hair. Every tear that fell, cut into him, every shudder burned like fire. He wanted to take the pain away. He wanted to protect Catherine from everything. He couldn't do any of that, and that was what hurt him the most. She clung to him, though, held fast to him like he was her last line of defense. He ran his hands over her hair and whispered nonsense to her, trying to calm her down.

Lindsey was Catherine's world. Her sun and stars, her alpha and her omega. Catherine had once said, and he believed it, that she would give her life or take a life to protect her daughter. He would do the same for Catherine. Lindsey was a fighter, though, a scrapper like her mother. She had more than a fighting chance against this psycho.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'll find her, Cath, I'll find her."

Catherine looked up at him, her beautiful blue eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with puffy red lids and sticky black mascara. "'Rick." He smiled at her, "There's my girl." She leaned against him, her head tucked under his chin. "What am I gonna do?" He squeezed her tight against her body, "I don't know, Cath, but I will find your daughter, I swear to you, I'll find her."

Catherine pulled in a shuttering breath. "It's my fault, 'Rick. It's my fault. I'm her mother. I should have protected her. I should have protected her. I don't what I'll do without her. I can't..." She started sobbing again, the horror filled, heart breaking sobs of a woman who had truly lost everything.

Warrick felt a tear of his own slide down his cheek. "I'm here for you, Cath, I'm here for you. Lean on me, Babe, lean on me."

Sofia knew where Sara had gone. It was almost an instinct. She was in the morgue, staring at the dead Holloway twins. She was not crying, but her big brown eyes were wide and haunted and her skin was as pale as the corpses before her. "Sara?" Sara didn't turn around; she kept staring at the dead girls. Sofia reached out and put her hand on the other woman's shoulder. Sara jerked away and put one hand on each of the steel tables that held the corpses.

"I wanted to be a doctor, once. Did I ever tell you that?" Sara did not wait for an answer, she continued. "I was in my second year, doing an early internship. I was so interested, dedicated, enthralled by medicine. The inner workings of the human body fascinated me. I wanted to use my knowledge to help people. To help kids. I was going to be a pediatrician. I was doing an ER rotation when it happened." Sofia listened to Sara's voice; it was steady and almost monotone. The pain beneath the cool veneer though, that was intense and soul destroying. She didn't know where this story was going, but she listened. She listened with a morbid fascination.

"There was a bus wreck. A tractor trailer hit a school bus. It was a mass-cal. We had to do triage on children. Triage, it's so clinical, logical, ruthless. Work on those you can save first, leave the DOAs and the hopeless and let the ones who could wait...let them wait in agony." Sara's voice was haunted; it had the same tones as a soldier who was relieving their time on the front. "Thirty kids, thirty kids and we saved seven. Seven out of thirty." Sara's voice trembled, but it did not break. Her eyes shone with tears, but they did not fall. "The James Madison Elementary School. Back then, I had a room mate. She was an accountant and her daughter was a first grader at James Madison. She was on that bus, Little Anna. She was so young...she was so hurt. I tried so hard. We had to crack her chest I had my hands inside a six year olds chest, trying like a mad woman to keep her little heart pumping. She was one of the twenty-three we couldn't save. One of my failures. That day blurred into a bloody parade of dead children. One after another. I went from trauma room to trauma room for hours, only stopping to change my gloves and pull fresh scrubs on.

I thought it was all over when I pulled the last sheet over the last loss. A little boy with red hair, his name was Eric.

Then Malory came in, looking for Anna. I had to tell her...I had to tell her that Anna had died. That I failed her. I had let Anna die." Sara's eyes were fixed on a far off spot, unfocused and the guilt in them took over the warm brown. "She screamed at me. Why hadn't I saved her baby? In the precious few hours I had off, I'd babysat Anna, helped her with her numbers and letters. I loved that little girl. I failed her. I failed her and Malory. I swore to myself I'd never fail like that again."

Sara sighed and shook her head. "I couldn't cut it after that. I lost my nerve. I went to work in the morgue, stayed there. I started working in Forensics, I found a new way to help victims. I couldn't rescue them in life, but I would be their voice after it. I would bring them peace and justice. I believed in that, had to believe in it. I threw myself into work. Made myself forget about my past, about Anna. It almost worked...until Eddie died."

Eddie, Sofia knew, had been Catherine's husband.

"Eddie died and Lindsey was caught in the car. Catherine was frantic. I couldn't solve the case. I wanted to. I tried so hard. There just wasn't enough...there's never enough. I'm never good enough, not when it counts. This time, though, this time I failed...I...it's my fault. It's my fault Lindsey was taken. Catherine hates me. She hates me and I don't blame her, can't blame her. I failed again...and I don't know if I can put myself back together again, not again."

Sara shuddered violently and Sofia stepped up close behind the other woman. She wrapped her arms around Sara's borderline-too-thin waist and pulled her back against her own body and held on to her tight. "This isn't your fault, Sweetie. We're going to find her. We'll find Lindsey, I swear it. It's not your fault. I'm here, Sara. I'm here for you. Let me take care of you, lean on me, Love."

Author's Note: Catherine is a bit out of sorts at the moment. Good thing for her Warrick is a rock and blah blah blah fluffy stuff.

There's that Dr. Sara thing again. You didn't think I forgot about that did you? Plus, if you wondered about the nightmare in the prologue, there is your answer. Sara connects too well with children, her lame excuse of "kids don't like me" has not fooled me a bit. Plus, there is why Sara became a CSI. Grissom's bug lecture did not change her life, she did. I hate that 'Grissom changed my life' angle SO much.

Another early chapter. I've not forgotten my usual schedule, I prefer it actually. Unfortunatly, my lovley employers don't much care about my personal schedule.