Under the light of a broken moon, the winds shifted ever so slightly.
Ruby Rose held her Crescent Rose at the ready, the mecha-shift scythe pointed towards the most infamous thief in all of remnant and his goons. The broken window of the dust store scattered all over.
Roman looked thoroughly unamused by the teenage girl.
"Well? Go get her!" He ordered his men, the thugs getting ready to charge at the Rose Reaper when suddenly a bright portal opened in the middle of the road. Temporarily blinding everybody there before the portal disappeared.
Everyone turned back to see what was left behind, curiosity quickly turning into disgust as a rancid smell filled the air and what was there revolted them.
It was a miniscule and pudgy man, barely four feet tall. He looked more like a ball than a man with stubby little legs and tiny arms. Greasy green hair that had been slicked back with the man's grotesque facial features being covered by clown makeup.
The man wearing a stained and dirty T-Shirt that had mold growing on it, the shirt reading 'Eat. Sleep. Fortnite. REPEAT' and he was wearing a diaper… a used diaper.
The man waddled forward as he looked around. Looking at the gang, nodding at their impeccable fashion sense.
"Hello fellow Ayran Sigmas! This is such a heckin poggers moment, such wholsemrino chungus amiright? Can't wait to go out and harass some more minorities and woman lmao." The mans breath was even worse, it's like something died in his mouth.
Roman looked at the weird… thing in confusion and disgust, his gang shifting uncomfortably behind him as the pudgy man walked forward.
Suddenly halting as it spotted Ruby Rose. The young girl stepped backwards as she nervously shivered. A cold sweat forming as she almost gagged at the
"U-Uh H-Hello?" She forced a smile and a wave to try and seem polite.
Moving far faster than someone that rotund and short could possibly move. The gamer swept up as Ruby was suddenly bound in duct tape. The young girl being assaulted by the mans rancid scent as Gamer Joker began to rapidly kiss Ruby's cheek.
"Oh by science! I have finally found you my waifu! My Loli Gamer GF! Now we can finally be together and have many gamer children that can hate minorities as we do!" Gamer Joker turned to kiss Ruby on the lips.
Ruby then turned aside as she threw up her dinner on the road, the rancid smell of the man making her immensely sick as she tried to get out of his grip.
"*Hack* Let go of me." She yelled after throwing up, trying to worm out of his hands.
"No My Lady! You're supposed to love me and be my waifu for ever! This is supposed to be my time to shine! No more Chad and Veronica to make my life miserable!"
Roman had enough of this and walked over before snatching the young girl out of Gamer Jokers hands. Freeing her from his vile crusty hands.
"Ok that's more than enough. Leave us alone." Roman said sternly as Gamer Joker looked stunned. As if something impossible had happened to him.
"N-No! This was supposed to be my grand opportunity to become the hero! I AM THE HERO! I AM A NICE GAMER GUY! YOU PEOPLE KEEP RUINING THINGS FOR ME! I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET THE GIRL AND WIN!"
The gamer squealed out as he suddenly began to flop on the floor while yelling like an autistic toddler. Wailing and pounding the ground petulantly. Roman looking at the sad display before the gamer stood up.
"I am a Gamer! I won't be oppressed by chads like you anymore! But I'm a nice guy so I'll give you one more chance to give me my loli gamer gf."
"Why should I listen to you? You're wearing a diaper that has literal shit in it and you look like you haven't showered in years." Roman said in a deadpan tone of voice.
"Smh, you're such a sheeple. Showers are a way for the normies to oppress us gamers. And secondly, it's not a 'diaper' and it's not 'shit'. It's called Gamer pants and Gamer gunk. Thank you very much.
"You are disgusting."
"Such a normie response. But since you're obviously a Sigma Chad, I'll forgive this slight against the gamer race. Now hand me my loli gf, I can't wait to meet and lick out children my love."
Roman heard one of his men vomiting in the background as the others looked like they were on the verge of killing the man.
"Leave me alone you creepy disgusitng weirdo!" Ruby shouted at the man, not caring about being nice anymore. "I'd rather die than live with you!"
"Y-YOU DIRTY WHORE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I WAS SUCH A NICE GUY AND YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ME! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Gamer Joker than began to flop on the ground again while screeching autistically as Roman freed Ruby from her binds.
Just as the young girl was free the Gamer stood up and looked furious.
"THAT DOES IT! YOU TWO LOOKED LIKE JUST ENOUGH XP TO LEVEL UP! AND BY USING MY GAMER POWERS I WILL RECLAIM MY HONOR!"
"Listen. I am many things but I won't let you rape a girl and then your kids you disgusting pedo."
"Acthually woman like being dominated by men my professor told me and it's not pedophilia it's called eb-"
Roman hit the Gamer over the head with his cane, cracking the gamers skull open as the man fell over on the ground. Dead.
His gang members walked over and began to kick the gamer jokers dead body as Roman sighed. Ruby looked completely rattled as she looked away. Hugging herself.
Roman thought to himself for a moment.
"Hey Red." He said, catching Ruby's attention. "I know a good ice cream place. We'll got some ice cream and forget this all happened.
Ruby looked at Roman shyly. "Do they have cookies?"
"They have all kinds of sweets." He said, Ruby smiling slightly and nodding.
"Alright boys! Someone call Neo cause we're going to the Ice Cream joint!" Roman yelled out, the gangsters screaming in joy for Ice Cream.
Morale of the Story: Please take a shower immediately and do your landury you smelly fuck.
Lmao. Kek. Lol.
Anyways. If you haven't realized it already. This is a shitpost. I don't like gamer fics and decided to make this to poke fun at em.
But if this get's enough traction I might make this whole idea into a serious satire on the whole "Woah! Edgy Gamer guy gets a Haram and saves everybody!" Sorta like American Psycho or sumtin.
Idk. Anyways, fuck you. lol.