Chapter XL
What Are Friends For?
The doctor led her back to the ICU. Sara lay there, all but motionless. She was pale and looked very fragile lying there against the institutional white sheets of the hospital bed. Sofia took one of her hands between her own. "Hey." Sara looked at her, the dark circles of exhaustion were livid bruises against her ashen face. "Hey." There was an IV in each of Sara's arms and at least four bottles of assorted fluids, including blood, flowing into her. An oxygen tube was looped around her face, Sofia reached up and straightened it. Her hand brushed against Sara's cheek.
At the slight contact, Sofia could feel her walls crumbling. "I thought I had lost you." Sara pushed her face closer to the other woman's hand, turning her tentative touch into a gentle caress. "I didn't mean to scare you...but Lindsey." Sofia bent down and kissed Sara's forehead. "Lindsey is fine, thanks to you. You're so brave, so brave..." She pulled away and stared deep into Sara's brown eyes. "But so help me, Sara Sidle, if you ever scare me like that again..." Sara lifted one of her hands and shakily ran it through Sofia's blonde hair. "I wasn't really planning on it...I hate hospitals." Sofia laughed and looked at the door where the doctor was standing with Catherine and Lindsey. "There are a couple of very grateful girls here to see you...I've noticed you have a thing for blue eyed blondes." Sara onlysmiled, "Only you."
Lindsey was in a hospital dress and robe. She looked tired but no worse for the wear, at least not physically. Catherine stood beside her, hand on her daughter's shoulder. She looked tired and almost guilty.
Catherine watched Sofia plant one last kiss on Sara's forehead. When Sofia pulled away, she saw the full power of the image before her. Sara laid there, pale and drawn. There were tubes everywhere and machines all around her monitored her vitals. Gone was the lively and energetic woman she had come to know. Sara was weak and hurt and that was her fault.
She could clearly remember meeting Sara's best friend just an hour before.
She stopped by the waiting room. "Hey." Everyone looked up. Greg offered a weak smile. "Hey Catherine, how's Lindsey?" She had smiled, "She's okay, all things considered." A black haired woman, who'd been sitting by Sofia stood up. Catherine had seen her before, but had not caught her name. The woman stalked up to her and stood almost nose to nose against her. "You're Catherine Willows?" The venom in her voice was unmistakable. Catherine blinked, "Yes...what of it?" The hard green stare went straight through her. "I was just wondering what made you so special. It takes a lot to make Sara cry." Grissom had stood and taken the woman by the shoulder and sat her back down. Her words echoed in her head though, 'It takes a lot to make Sara cry.'
She had made Sara cry, more than once apparently. What kind of monster was she and how could she ever expect Sara to forgive her?
Lindsey was not held back by her mother's feelings of guilt and anguish. She went forward, to Sara's side. Her blue eyes were shadowed with a deep pain, but she did not let that stop her from seeing her personal hero. "Hey Sara." Sara turned her head and smiled. "Hey Linds, how are you doing?" The young blonde shrugged and smiled. "I'm okay. Mom said they took you into surgery. Was your doctor as hot as mine? I mean my doctor could have totally been on ER or Gray's Anatomy." Sara blinked, the combination of morphine and fast-paced teen chatter left her slightly confused. "I was so totally worried about you, but Warrick said that you were too stubborn to die." Sara smiled, "Something like that, kiddo." Lindsey nodded. "When you get out of the hospital, do you think we can do something together? We could hang out a little." Sara smiled and laid her head back against the pillows. "Only if your mom says it's okay."
Catherine stepped forward, "Hey Lindsey, how about you go with Sofia for a minute and tell the guys that they can fight to the death to see who gets to come up and see Sara next."
Sofia's head snapped up and met Catherine's eyes. They stood there; eyes locked not speaking. "Come on, Lindsey." Sofia offered her hand and the young Willows took it. Both of them sent Sara a look over their shoulders before leaving.
Sara winced when they were alone. "Catherine, I am so..." Catherine cut her off. "Don't you dare apologize to me, Sara Sidle."
Sara sighed and closed her eyes, "But I am." There was a beat of silence. "You shouldn't be." Sara opened her eyes. "What?"
Catherine came to her side and sat in the chair that Sofia had so recently vacated. "I'm the one that needs to apologize. All these years I've treated you so badly. Insulted you, questioned you, belittled you. When I needed you, though, you were right there. You risked your career, you risked your life for Lindsey...and I...I don't know what to say. Sorry doesn't cover it, Sara. You're a wonderful person and I have made an ass out of myself a hundred times over."
Sara smiled, "She's a good kid. I'm glad I got to her, Catherine, no matter what happened to me in the process." Catherine took one of her hands. "Sara...God, I'm somewhere between hugging and smacking you. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough. You saved my little girl." Sara smiled, "The spirit moved me, huh, Cat?" She squeezed Sara's hand. "Sara I am truly sorry. Not a day will go by that I won't remember this. That I won't hate myself for treating you like I did." Sara squeezed her hand. "Catherine, don't beat yourself up. I forgive you, okay? I think...maybe I would like to be your friend. I don't want your undying gratitude, I'm no hero."
Tears glistened in Catherine's eyes. "How can you forgive me...after all I've done, after what I've said. After the way I treated you?" Sara only shrugged and tapped the IV in her hand. "Morphine. It's always done crazy things to me. Besides, if we can be friends, imagine what could happen next. World peace, The 'Niners could go back to the Super Bowl, hey Grissom may even lighten up." Catherine couldn't help but laugh.
Cambridge Parker came next. She fussed over Sara's chart, mumbling about procedures and medications and she cried a bit, then she got mad. She tucked the sheets and blankets around Sara and clucked her tongue. "I would hit you, but you're hurt. If you ever do something this monumentally stupid again, I will kill you. Do you hear me, Wild Woman?" Sara nodded, "Jeez, you act like I almost died, Cami." The psychologist scowled, "The fact that they had to restart your heart three times in the ER and once in the operating room makes that joke extremely not-funny." A tear slid down her cheek. "You're not allowed to die, Sara. You hear me?" Sara only smiled, "You know you love me." Cami nodded, "I do. I would lean over and kiss you, but your girlfriend carries a gun." Sara laughed, it was a weak and wheezy laugh, but one none-the-less. Cami sat down and propped her foot on the bed rail. "Now, speaking of your co-workers, what's the story on that sassy brunette, I think her name was Wendy."
The assorted CSIs, Detectives, and lab techs took their turns seeing Sara. After the parade of well wishers ended, Sofia came back in. Though the parade had lasted only half an hour, Sara was already fighting off sleep. She was about to give in to the pull of Morpheus and morphine when the door opened one more time. Despite fatigue and nagging pain, she had to smile. There was Sofia, in clean clothes. "I thought I'd come keep you company." Sara reached for her, and Sofia took her hand. Sara fell asleep with her lover's smooth alto voice in her ear.
Sofia sat guard over Sara. In the dead of the night, when Sara was resting peacefully...she finally allowed the tears to fall. The beeping of the monitor that kept the rhythm of Sara's heart was the only sound that accompanied the tears. Amidst fear, guilt and heart stopping terror, Sofia had almost lost Sara. She looked down at their hands, still locked together. She had almost lost Sara. Sofia didn't sleep that night; she stayed awake, holding her lover's hand and listening to the machine mark the beats of her heart.
Lindsey had been released and Catherine had taken her daughter straight home. She was sleeping in her mother's bed. It was something she hadn't done for years. Catherine lay by her daughter and held her close. Lindsey let out a whimper in her sleep and Catherine flinched. She had come very close to losing her daughter...again. Catherine's blood pressure was still dangerously high and her nerves were threadbare. She stroked her daughter's hair to comfort the sleeping teen. Other then being a little dehydrated and in shock, there was nothing physically wrong with her.
It was not her physical health Catherine was worried about though. Lindsey had been kidnapped, psychologically tortured, starved and then she'd killed her capturer. She had emptied an entire clip of bullets into Madison Daniels. Her baby girl had killed a woman. She had saved herself and Sara as well. She was both proud of and terribly saddened by that fact. Catherine was at a loss. Lindsey was still very much in shock and denial. She was pretending to be okay...but the girl wasn't okay. Catherine had to find a psychologist and...and... yet another round of tears welled up in her eyes. She didn't know what to do. She hadn't even been able to save her baby. Sara had rushed in like a knight in shining armor and saved Lindsey...and had gotten stabbed for her efforts... and had almost died. Though she knew it was not rational, she couldn't help but feel that everything was her fault. If she had been a better mother, Lindsey wouldn't have been kidnapped. If she had been a better friend, Sara wouldn't have needed to go to such extremes to prove herself. If she had been a better CSI they would have caught Daniels long before she'd ever laid eyes on Lindsey. Despite all of that, though, Sara had forgiven her. No, she was no hero, Sara Sidle was a Saint. Catherine lay there, unable to sleep, holding her daughter close, feeling her girl breathe in and out...reminding herself that her daughter was still alive, she was still here with her mother, where she belonged.
Author's Note: Woo-hoo. She's alive and going to eventually be well. Plus Catherine is feeling guilty and will be for a long, long time. Yes. I gave into peer pressure and we already see the beginings of the much called for Cami/Wendy 'ship. Sigh I just couldn't say 'No'.