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Meddling – Robin 19
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He finally slept.
I sigh and continue to stroke him. My cheek is pressed against the warm skin of his back as he curls into me and I breathe deeply of his masculine scent. His fall into sleep was not easy, yet he let me soothe him. Hold him. Love him. I fervently hope that he continues to allow that as time goes on.
After our initial conversation, the rest of the evening was spent studiously avoiding any talk of Noah. I could see the shadow of the grief in Patrick's eyes and if I thought it would have served him I would have pressed him to talk about it, but this wasn't something that conversation would resolve. It would take time and there would be a lot of ups and downs.
It's contemplating what those ups and downs will look like that keeps me awake.
Patrick and I have never had easy. First it was Jason, Manny and Carly. Then it was Patrick's father's battle to sobriety. Then it was the return of my father, a manmade viral epidemic, the Drake men detente and my near death, and finally Noah's liver surgery.
All of that brought us to where we are right now.
What's up ahead could just be another dip in the roller coaster ride, it could bring us closer together or it could tear us apart.
Could Patrick in a moment of weakness turn back to tried and true patterns of easing his pain - women? Yes. Just as I could shut down and do a runner. We are both only human. We are imperfect, fallible and sometimes stupid. I do not go down this path with him blindly.
But I go down this path with his heart in my hands and mine in his. It is my faith in that, in him and in us that gives me peace in the face of all that might happen.
Patrick and I not only found each other, we found ourselves in each other and I'm not going to walk away from that. So whatever happens, I am on this ride with him and call myself lucky.
I press a kiss to his back and close my eyes.