1Creator's note 4---
At this point, it's been about 4 years since my last update---and anyone who cared from back then probably doesn't even remember this story (does anyone even remember the original anime anymore?). Many things have happened since then---now that I'm going through a long over-due period of asexuality (less hassle, I don't have to shave my legs, I don't have to play dumb, I get to listen to a lot of Morrissey. . .) I can fulfill my biological impetus to procreate by writing. I finally introduce some more palpably absent familiar characters. All that has been written so far has been for the sole purpose of setting up what is about to happen.
This is by far the longest chapter of the story. Even so, parts of it seem rushed. I probably should have broken it up into two chapters. But I promised sexy bits, and you're going to get them. Dammit! And, yes, you can use the word "fuck" without compromising the integrity of the narrative, despite what my 5TH-grade teacher told me about using that kind of language.
Oh, and before I forget it's: "mo-boo set-see se-koo" of "kwah-doo-lay kweh-piz-zuh-kesh", but really fast.
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Zelgadis did not immediately seek Amelia's company. This was not out of shyness; he simply did not know what to say to her. He was still at a loss for words on the afternoon he did see her. Fortunately for Zelgadis, this would be one of those times when such things didn't matter.
He found her while aimlessly pacing the columned walk that skirted the central garden of the monastery (He had taken to wearing black now. Surprisingly enough, he had discovered that the grays of his usual attire stood out in the overwhelming whites of the palace and even more so in the various shadows of the Library vaults. Not one to willingly draw attention to himself, he liked the change; it seemed appropriate. It suited him: it made him feel sinister). She was seated with her back towards him surrounded by a quay of children. Dressed once again in white, in the shadow of the late queen's monument, she sat erect and quite still, unconscious to the fact that she had become a copy of her mother's pale spectre. No one took any notice of him.
The children were listening, in rapt attention, to the story she was telling them, and he, having no intention of changing this, consigned himself to listening as she spoke, becoming engrossed as he recognized it as only part of a larger tale, which had taken on a different meaning all together.
". . . She had promised her father that she would stay in the kingdom and be a good princess, because she loved her him, and until he asked her to stay in the kingdom, he had never asked for anything from her except that she never keep secrets from him. But she was beginning to think that he had been keeping secrets from her too, so she didn't feel so guilty about being a secret prince anymore---and once you break a promise, it becomes easy to break others; you can't remember how many you've broken, especially if you can't forget your love, like the princess couldn't, so your love makes you forget, because from the beginning her promises were replaced by secrets. It had been a long time since her mother died, and the princess had almost forgotten her sister. But she still thought about other lands and the people with mothers and sisters who need justice too. So, when her father left their kingdom to go on adventures and bring justice to those other lands (because he was a prince), the princess secretly followed after him. You see, she had begun to think that because of what happened to her mother, her sister had left so that she could be a prince and fight for justice. Because they were sisters and shared the same heart, there could be no secrets between them, and she knew that she hadn't been left behind. If the princess left, she wouldn't have to be a princess anymore and could be a prince and she would find her sister, who had really been waiting for her the whole time, and they would do these things together. So it happened again. The princess had another secret to keep from her father. . . ."
And just like that, the story was over. With nothing else to distract them the children began to play. Amelia watched indulgently, and Zelgadis imagined her face relaxed into a reserved mask of serenity.
"Hello Zelgadis," she did not turn to see if it were really he. He stepped out from behind the columns; there was no longer any need for concealment. She whispered to the nearest child, a small girl clinging to her side, and unable to convince her with words, cupped both hands together and opened them, releasing a bright illusionary butterfly. This succeeded where words had not, the child, along with her compatriots who had also been hovering near, chased after it, leaving only their trailing laughter behind. With a glance, Amelia wordlessly invited him to join her.
"Resorting to devious tactics, I see," he said, maneuvering around the stone bench.
She shrugged slightly, replying, "Needs must. You would know that." She looked at him, finally, and smiled with genuine warmth as he sat beside her.
"I didn't want to interrupt your story," before adding, "I'm sure the children anticipate the next installment."
"New characters always color the plot, as do good friends and adventure." She smiled as she said this.
"They were good times, Amelia. I'm glad we shared them," he said.
"Aren't we clever?"
"Yes," he smiled, enjoying the droll turn of their conversation. It was as if they were two different people without responsibilities to burden them----even though they both knew that this, too, was an illusion. Amelia, ever so slightly inclined her face, as if she were thinking about something far away.
"The Library—have you found what you've been looking for—is it good enough?" She did not add "good enough for him". Instead, she resumed watching the children.
"No, not yet," he said.
"Oh," she said, disappointment evident in her voice, "I had hoped that, perhaps…"
"I haven't even begun to make a dent in all you have collected here. The Library is extraordinary. It is a remarkable achievement, Amelia," he said, and hesitantly placed his hand over hers: a conciliatory gesture. No one said anything. The air was thick with the sound of children's laughter. He moved away hastily.
"Well, I suppose I should be---I mean, I'm sure you're very busy."
"It's nothing at all, really. . . .do stay a bit longer---only if you're not to busy, of course."
"Oh, right. The Library. . ." He mulled over the arguments he had formed for either case. Surprisingly, he hadn't really come up with any against staying. . .
"Never mind, then," she rose from her seat, "You are staying at the palace, after all, it's not as if we COULDN'T see each other at any time while you are here." Smiling, she curtsied like anyone else would blink his or her eyes, and she left.
She had a point. He was and they could, after all after all after all after all. . . .
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But they didn't. And Zelgadis finally succumbed to his curiosity about the events that were going on around him. Maybe then, he convinced himself, he could see everything in context and perhaps figure out why things were the way they were and why some of them were so dramatically changed.
To do this, he had to excuse Hansa for the day, and the page said nothing except to briefly explain the layout of the palace grounds in his quiet, unassuming way. Even with the instructions, it took Zelgadis most of the morning to navigate the various halls. The palace was not built to be a fortress, like most of the conventional castles of much smaller kingdoms, but a vast compound consisting of many axial structures surrounding and encompassed in the main building. Adding to that, he was still trying to move around in secret, and he was loath to ask any of the palace staff for assistance. If Zelgadis were not so self-conscious about his own motives, he would've regretted the dismissal of Hansa who could have otherwise acted as a guide.
But he did find Amelia who also happened, for the moment, to be by herself (!), and he was about to go up to her when he was deterred by the approach of a foreign envoy. He retreated into the shadows, hoping that whatever it was they needed to see the princess about would be taken care of quickly. No such luck. Instead of immediately going to her they stopped near where he had hidden himself. While they didn't seem to notice his presence, Amelia didn't seem to notice them, nor did they attempt to change this arrangement. They were all wearing the same colors, variations of some kind of livery. The one that stood out most had the most wore the most expensive looking clothes and an obscene amount of jewelry. That, and the fact that all of the others in the party seemed to defer to him indicated that this was probably a royal contingent, including the royal in question and not just a group of representatives. Wedged between a wall and the entourage, Zelgadis had no choice but to listen in on whatever tedious conversation they were having amongst themselves.
"I can't believe it's taken this long to be granted private audience with her highness. I've had the best bards compose letters to woo her, sent countless treasures from my kingdom, and this is how I am received?"
"You Lordship, while I cannot confirm whether she has received those commissioned letters, my sources have told me that she has donated all of the gifts to charity."
"What?"
"Forgive me, Your Grace. But I believe she intended to fund the Library. . ."
"Is that not what taxes are for?"
"I believe, sir, that she did not wish to overly burden the people with an excessive tax. Wouldn't want the peasantry to revolt."
"Ah, well peasants are always revolting, aren't they?"
"Your Grace has a most excellent sense of humor."
"Don't I? Perhaps I should send more gifts to fund her little project. No---I wouldn't want to get too involved. . ."
"I've heard, sir, that she utilizes her connections with the monster race. . ."
"Yes, and I've heard rumors that one of them is presently a guest at the palace. . ."
"At a time like this? How repugnant!"
"Yes indeed, my lord."
"Seyruun's royal family is stark raving mad. I find it hard to believe they can maintain rule over their country."
"Seyruun is very wealthy, my lord."
"Yes. They may all be insane, but Seyruun is quite an acquisition. Her highness is pretty in a conventional sort of way besides being silly enough to manage. The sooner I marry into the family the better, I say. She'll be too busy breeding my heirs to have time for this Library nonsense."
"Your foresight is commendable, my liege."
"I suppose we should join her now. In the meantime, have a servant sweep the streets for a dozen or so unfortunates. I want them to serenade her with the song of my country. No one too dirty. Just artistically filthy enough to make me appear concerned with humanitarian affairs. She seems like the sentimental type. . ."
Zelgadis watched as the prince joined Amelia at a small table covered by a careful arrangement of game pieces. The prince removed one of his many rings and gave it to her. Zelgadis wondered if people were corrupted by power or if they had merely been born vile.
He remembered that it was his own thirst for power that caused the hideous transformation of his body. It was shortly after this happened that he was taken into town to further certain aspects of his "education", as it was the custom his closest male relative to do so. Rezo, of course, only did this to add a layer of cruelty to his twisted designs. He had to pay the Madame extra to clean up the mess. Zelgadis had never been with a woman since, never wanting to relive that shame. Monster. Man. A thing between. So little separated these things.
Zelgadis watched as Amelia took the proffered gift and handed it to a servant. No. Power changed people, but change wasn't inherently evil. He left the frightened boy he was before a long time ago and understood the difference between monster and man. This prince had everything that Zelgadis believed he could not, yet he knew his own quality was something much higher. Why did this make his so angry?
"You look a bit heated."
"Hello Lina," he turned to greet his old friend, "I was wondering when you were going to come around." She smirked.
"Likewise. Although I haven't decided, yet, if I am surprised to see you here or not. Black suits you, by the way." He did not bother to respond to her earlier remark and she, to her credit, did not press. for the moment.
". . .Once upon a time there was a princess. She did not find her sister, but she found other people who fought for justice and she began to travel and have adventures with them. . .
"You picked a fine time for a visit. That's Prince Mobu Setse Seku IV, third in line for the throne of Quadule Quipezquech, currently one of the top contenders here for the lovely hand of one Amelia Will Tesla de Seyruun."
"What?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought, too. Quadule Quipezquech. Tiny kingdom, but he's got a big ego to compensate. He's aching for the chance to rule Seyruun. He'll even listen to King Philionel's lectures on the meaning of life if he thinks it will make him the favorite. I like to call him 'Four' for short."
"He's an idiot."
"Oh he's insipid---he's dumber than Gourry. Look---Amelia's beaten him at go three times now. Walk with me. I don't enjoy watching spoiled princelings lose at board games."
"It's not that the guy's so horrible. I mean, the rest of them aren't much better," she continued as the walked, "It's just that any thing else would be beyond their experience. They can't all be bad. But like I tell Amelia: 'if they ain't rotten, they're already taken, and if not, well, there's a reason they're still single.'"
They left the veranda and Zelgadis found himself being led through a labyrinth of tight corridors.
"You're okay to get back, right Zel? We're taking the service route 'cause it's faster; they've got a twenty-four hour buffet going on in one of the lesser dining halls. Absolutely brilliant!"
"Uh. Sure," he said, even though he wasn't.
. . .Her father let her go, because he loved his daughter, and love, too busy loving to remember, forgets promises made to replace his own secrets. With tears in his eyes, he said 'I am so proud of my daughter who has grown up, now she is bringing justice to other lands, like a good princess!' He didn't know about her secrets, but it was okay because she loved her father and she promised to make everything he said true. . .
"She's only doing this for her father, you know," she stopped to shake a pebble out of her boot, "It's sort of his last-ditch effort to secure an heir for Seyruun through diplomacy. Ironically, the King would let her do anything she wanted. Not that you'd be interested."
"Right."
. . .And the princess was happy because she thought she would find love and justice and that finally her secret wish to be a prince would be fulfilled. . .
She stamped her heel three times against the paver stones. "I wouldn't be worried about it. Except that Amelia sort of HAS TO---what with half her family in exile for treason and the other half dead. That rules out the usual suspects: second, third, quadruple-removed cousins and the like. No matter how many libraries she builds, her worth to Seyruun will always be measured in breeding, any way you choose to look at it."
. . .This was true. She was having adventures and fighting for justice, and eventually she fell in love with a man. . .
"I'm not worried about it."
"Uh-huh."
"So tell me, Lina---should I feel slighted because you didn't tell me about the Library any sooner?" He followed as the sorceress sashayed through a side door. Inside was a room filled with more food that he'd seen in one place for a long time. Lina shoved a large platter into his hands before snatching another for her self. From the way she began to pile food onto both plates, he seriously doubted that what he carried was meant for him.
"Nobody knew where you were. The last time I saw you had been the first time in ages---you should really try the chicken. It quite literally melts in your mouth." Half of what she picked out she immediately ate.
"I was. . .busy. . .among other things. . ." he grimaced.
"EVERYONE'S been busy," she said between mouthfuls, "We've been building this damn Library. It's been only me and Gourry---who's useless as tits on a snake a good deal of the time. Siphiel's beginning work on an auxiliary branch where Scyrag used to be so she can rebuild that city. Then there's Fillia and Xellos, who as you know can't stand each other. . ."
. . .She wanted her new friends to stay together forever because she thought that she didn't have to keep secrets from them and they would understand this. . .
"So everyone's been in on it except for me?"
"Oh! Don't be an ass! You were doing your own thing, and you know how you get about interference. Besides, you're here now. I figured you'd show up eventually. I take it you haven't found what you're looking for---and have you seen any crab cakes?"
"Not as of yet, and no, I haven't seen any crab cakes."
"Damn. Well, keep an eye out, they're really good---sorry about that other thing, but I can't say I'm surprised." They had known each other long enough to share silence comfortably.
"So where is Gourry?"
"I don't know---I'm just glad he hasn't found this place yet. Otherwise there'd be nothing left for me to eat," she began to pick her teeth with a discarded chicken bone.
"Why are you here?"
"Who, me?" she brushed the crumbs off the front of her shirt, "Library business, of course. That, and the selection ceremony tomorrow night. Oh, I can't wait to see that. It's gonna be a riot! But you couldn't pay me to go to whatever it is that's happening tonight."
. . .But they had all been so busy with adventures and fighting for justice that she couldn't tell them her secrets. She realized this was the price of being a prince. . .
"Selection ceremony?"
"Like, the reason all these other jerks are here. Duh!" She snatched the collar of an unfortunate busboy.
"You! Where have they hidden the crab cakes? Crab cakes, man! CRAB CAKES!"
"So what's going on tonight?" Zelgadis sidestepped to avoid the visibly shaken servant.
"Dinner. Dancing. Courtiers who breathe out of their mouths. You should go. She'd want to see you before you skipped town."
"She's changed."
"Well, she's always been weird. Politics just made her weirder. I guess you have been out of touch with things, haven't you?" She was stuffing dinner rolls in her pockets.
. . .And she couldn't tell the man she was in love with that she loved him because she couldn't love him as a prince. . .
"It was HER idea to stop writing," he snapped before he could stop himself.
"Oh-ho! I didn't know you two were writing."
"You're a terrible liar."
"I'm not the one wearing flashy new clothes." Zelgadis was too angry to answer. Lina sighed.
"I know that was a bit below the belt---heh! Sorry---double pun. You walked right into that one. Eh?" She elbowed him in the side, trying to make her point in exaggerated pantomime. "You know I only do it 'cause we're friends. We are still friends, right?" He gave in.
"I only PUT UP with it because we're friends."
"Right-o! And you really SHOULD go to that ghastly thing tonight. Promise me you'll go, Zel."
"Well I can't figure out why you're not going. Have you given up on your plan to convince some petty lordling to give you a ridiculously expensive castle?"
"Oh no. Tonight's not my sortie. That's what tomorrow night is for. Real estate is a hot investment these days. It's a seller's market."
"Hades has no Limbo for you, Lina Inverse."
. . .The princess and her new friends brought justice to the world many times. But people were still unhappy and many mothers still died and sisters still ran away. . .
"Only if there's no all-you-can-eat smorgasbord, it doesn't. But seriously, you have to go tonight."
"Alright. You've convinced me," even though he wasn't.
"Fantastic! Time for dessert! Wait! Do I see? Could it possibly? It is! Oh, you gotta try the crab cakes. They are deeeee---licious!"
And they were.
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. . .The princess learned that she hadn't grown up like her father had said, and she was very sad because she had broken her promises to him and even her secrets were a lie, because she didn't bring justice to the world, couldn't find a sister she never knew, and she was really only a princess pretending to be a prince. . . ."
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His head reeled. Zelgadis mentally checked off the sequence of events that had just transpired:
So he went to the ballroom to attend whatever it was that was happening as per his friend, Lina Inverse's, request that he do so. He spent the first part of the evening doing his best to fade into the wall, not being able to find Amelia amidst all the pomp, posturing, and glamour that came with such events. By the third waltz, he'd just about done with it all, always in the way of someone or something to do with the party, so he left to get some fresh air. On the balcony he met Amelia(!), who also seemed to not be having such a good time, because while these things were usually quite nice, she confessed, most of the dignitaries were terrible bores. This was funny, so they laughed and talked about this, that, or the other (he told her that he didn't dance and she told him not to worry: she only liked dancing in taverns where ladies drank for free on Thursdays, so he confessed that it would be the same for him, too, if he danced)---she was mostly interested in hearing about his travels, which seemed more exciting now that someone else seemed to pay attention. She'd begun to resemble more of her former self, and whole thing was turning out to be not-so-bad, and then her father joined them, requesting a dance with his daughter, which was also not-so-bad because King Philionel was always funny. . . .
. . . .Unfortunately, the king had been followed by Prince Mobu Setse Seku (IV), in full regalia, with his entire entourage, and a half-dozen other courtiers or so. The prince then proceeded to demand why the princess, Amelia, had run off with a monster, Zelgadis, and why the sovereign king of Seyruun, King Philionel, was allowing his daughter to cavort with a monster, insulting the prince and the other distinguished Guests of State. Amelia attempted to smooth over the situation, and the prince responded by saying less than complementary things about the princess and the royal family that were just as bad, if not worse, than the less than complementary things he had to say about Zelgadis. While the king tried to calm the growing mob and deflect some of the public embarrassment, Zelgadis was enduring more negative attention than he ever hoped to receive for the rest of his life. The only thing that could make the situation any worse was if Zelgadis decided to draw his sword and start a fight with prince Mobu Setse Seku (IV), so Zelgadis began to draw his sword, intending to start a fight with prince Mobu Setse Seku (IV). He was sure he could have won the fight, too, if he had not noticed that Amelia had left the scene altogether. And Zelgadis thought that it would be a better use of his energy to check up on her than to rough up an ally of the State.
Which was why he found himself running through the palace, hoping no one had followed him, his head reeling as he tried to figure out how he had gotten himself in this mess.
The courtiers were not a problem. Even if they had been able to follow him, they would not leave the ballroom, the very idea would never occur to them in their aristocratic world. He stopped running, figuring there would be no need since he could be sure he hadn't been followed and he could assume that the only place Amelia could safely sequester herself would be her own palace apartments.
He reconnoitered around an adjacent corridor and was able to accost a wandering servant, pulling her by the wrist to where he stood concealed in the shadows. He questioned her, perhaps a bit too tersely. Only after much blubbering, the shaken girl, probably a scullery maid (which would explain her presence outside of the ballroom), managed to point a trembling finger towards the western wing of the palace. Muttering a hasty thanks and pressing some coin into her palm, he did his best disappearance routine before the girl would have the chance to think about what had just happened.
He found the room after a time. It was the room with the sword hanging over the door, one that he had originally assumed was the Library. Of course Amelia would have her own private reading room. One needed to know some lore in her position, and she had learned magic at some point, after all.
Inside the rooms were spacious; feminine, yet unextravagant. Each room opened into the next, though some were attached to the main chambers from the side if it was more appropriate to their function, and the entire left façade was made up of floor to ceiling bay windows that faced an arched balcony that ran throughout the apartments.
Adjoining the reading room was a reception lounge, and through an archway he could see a private office, which smelled of ink, paper, and wax. Piles of quills and nibs, seals, blocks of wax, and various irregularly filled inkpots lay next to neat stacks of parchment and vellum on her desk and probably squirreled away in the many boxes that lined monumental shelves. His own handwriting, if it appeared on anything there, could not be seen.
He did not check the next room to his left; it smelled of water and copper pipes, had the acoustics of a space encased in marble and tile, and just so happened to be connected to a dressing room. A hidden entranceway led to another room, though clean, seemed as though it had not been used in much time. It was different from the others, more brightly colored with frescos of clouds on the ceiling. There were toys here, crystal dollhouses, hand painted marionettes, mechanical dragons, antique carousel horses, and priceless bone china tea sets absurdly miniaturized. In fact everything, from the plate armor with the royal coat of arms to the furnishings, made of the finest materials had been made small. This room had not been entered for years, save for a ritualistic cleaning that kept the room free of dust but left everything where it lay as it had been. Some of the toys, though not any of the newer objects, were in pairs. Zelgadis wondered what Amelia's childhood had been like. He shut the door behind him. No one would be in there.
He finally came to the last room, which was obviously the bedroom. It mortified him to no small extent that this would be the worst place to be caught snooping around in. Like the other rooms (save the abandoned playroom) this one appeared to belong to someone accustomed to solitude and also quite empty. He was beginning to feel very embarrassed by his brash invasion of Amelia's privacy having nearly forgotten why it was he had been looking for her in the first place. He would have left then had he not noticed the open window.
Amelia's dark silhouette cast a jagged shadow across the stone railing.
"I came to see if you were alright."
"Yes," she said, as if it was both an answer to his question and an acknowledgement of his presence. Unconsciously he found the small bracelet he had been carrying with him and conspiratorially its edge. He stepped out onto the balcony. She hugged her sides, sitting on a broad stone bench, she stare out at the city spread out in front of her.
"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused. I regret to be absent at such an important time for you, but it's best I leave Seyruun tomorrow."
"Could you find no answers in the Library?"
"I have not finished searching through it."
"You do not think you will find it here." This was not a question.
"Your Library is extraordinary. Perhaps Lina can tell me if there is anything I have not had a chance to look into. With everything that has been going on I fear I haven't been able to focus on my purposes here, not to mention the trouble it must put you through."
"You know nothing about my troubles," and to his shame he realized that this was true.
"You are right. That was a very thoughtless thing to say," he said, truly sorry.
"No, sir. Forgive me. I had no right to say those things."
He debated with himself before stepping closer to her. Reaching out he hesitantly touched her hair, knowing he was about to say something completely improprietous.
"If you would like, I would. . .I'd listen if you wanted to tell me what was troubling you." He was uncertain of his choice of words.
"I'm sorry," she said, "but I am no longer free to tell you. Even if I were, I do not even have my own words to tell it." She ignored his gesture and the tentative feeling behind it. He let his hand drop. She possessed that doll-like quality---heavy-lidded down cast eyes, a porcelain cast to her face, a small bow-shaped mouth---of a woman consumed with unspeakable sorrow. Perhaps his own association to sadness drew him to such women. It suddenly seemed very inappropriate to be there.
"(Cough) I'll be leaving first thing tomorrow. I'm not sure that I'll be able to write. I cannot express how grateful I am for being able to see you Library. Maybe one day I'll return and resume where I left off."
"Zelgadis," she interrupted. Amelia had suddenly and fiercely latched her hand over hers own. He was too taken aback to do anything but stand perfectly still as she stared at his hand, caressing an exposed fingernail. She peeled off his glove and pressed his hand, palm down, against her cheek. She closed her eyes as she did this, letting go of a heavy sigh as if she had been released of a great burden. He pulled away and she let him.
"I made a mistake," he said quickly, searching for an easy retreat, "I shouldn't be here."
"I thought," she began. He stopped and looked at her.
"You thought what?" The words were colder than he intended.
"I thought I could convince you to stay." She made a move, half innocent, half seductive, which had the effect of becoming a parody of itself. He found it repulsive. She was evidently still a girl, not a woman as he had nearly convinced himself she was. It made him angry. He pulled her to her feet.
"Silly girl,' he hissed. As she struggled to pull away from him, he put her hand against his chest.
"Do you feel this? Don't pull away, this is what you wanted isn't it?" He pointed to his face.
"See if your city still loves you when you are associated with this---bore this as Seyruun's heir! This is what I am. This cannot be changed by you, your Library, a child's bracelet, or anything you've got between your legs!" He let her go, resolved to leave her, her Library, her city, and never return. Then she slapped him. Hard.
"You selfish bastard," she tried to recompose herself. "Do you really think any of that ever mattered to me? I love you. I love all of you. And nothing you might think you are is going to change any of that."
He touched his burning cheek and stared at her. He was wrong. She was a woman. she stopped being a girl a long time ago. She was passionately angry now, still disheveled as she attempted to straighten herself and slow her breathing, all the while clutching his glove in her fist until her knuckles were white.
She was unexpectedly very beautiful.
"You should probably leave," she said finally.
"Are you sending me out?" He took her hand into his. It probably hurt her hand more than it hurt his face when she struck him. He examined it, tracing a circle on her upturned palm with his thumb.
"I don't know," she said. She looked at his hand holding hers then back at him. Her hand was small and pale, pink where she hit him. It was warm when he pressed it against his cheek. He felt along her short, clean fingernails, lightly dug into a cuticle with his own nail, and pressed down each of the knuckles to feel them spring back. She did not pull away.
"What are you going to do?" she asked instead. He let go of her hand to touch her hair again. This time she did not ignore him. They were only touching eachother, perhaps to see what it was like to be the other. A pointed ear, a stony ridge of scales where the eyebrow of an ordinary man would have been, a patch of leather-hard skin beneath his jaw.
"I don't know," he said. She didn't seem to have any expectations. An exposed shoulder, the mass of short black curls at the nape of her neck, the flash of her throat as she breathed quietly, evenly. Her thumb tested the edge of his pronounced incisor. His hand closed over hers and he bit into the fleshy end of her fingertip.
"This is who I am," he said into the cup their hands had created. He needed her to know that it would be no different anywhere else.
"Yes, I know." she closed her eyes, opened them and closed them again.
He kissed her neck near her ear, her cheek under her left eye, and the crease between her bottom lip and her chin. "This will hurt."
"I am not afraid."
What ever else could be said was lost because they had no words, and if they did, they were not free to use them.
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Zelgadis woke the next morning galled at his utter lack of control. He lay against Amelia's chest uncomforted by the protective circle of her arms. He carefully disengaged from her. Her arms fell back into the linens, dead weight.
He searched around the room for his clothes and dressed himself. He could not find his other glove. He tried to think about her feelings, but all could think about was fucking her again. So he though about the few things he would have to retrieve from his own room instead. Reaching into his cloak, he considered returning the cuff. He decided to keep it, and crept out of the room as quietly as he could.
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". . .Once upon a time, there was a princess . . .
Lina appeared to be waiting for him when Zelgadis walked into this inn. He really didn't have a choice, so he joined her at the table while she glared at him from behind an array of untouched lunch entrees.
"Is something wrong?"
"Don't be flippant." Lina was a lot of things, and subtle was not one of them. He wasn't going to like this conversation.
. . .Her adventures were over and her friends went their separate ways. She told the man she was in love with that she loved him, because she was tired of keeping secrets. . .
"I take it you've spoken to Amelia." He wanted to be done with this as fast as he could, but he knew Lina wasn't going to let that happen.
. . .He promised they would meet again and she was happy for just those words because she no longer expected anything to amount to much. . .
"We were supposed to have brunch this morning, so I guess you could say that."
"What did she say?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all," she drummed her fingers against the table top, "But she didn't have to. My blood sugar might be low due to the fact that my breakfast plans had to be radically altered, but I'm not stupid."
. . .All her beliefs had proved unfounded, and she herself had broken every promise she had ever made. . .
"So how long have you been waiting here for me?"
"Oh I'm waiting for Gourry. I thought you would be halfway across the continent by now---or you would be if you were smart. But I guess I'm not at all surprised, since being smart doesn't seem to be your thing right now."
"Is she alright?"
"What do you think?"
. . .She returned to her kingdom because she was tired of pretending to be a prince and tired of keeping secrets. She would be a princess again, the only thing she was meant to be, and fight for justice the way a princess would. . .
"I don't know." They sat in heated silence.
"She did say she wanted me to return your glove to you. I can't say I'm sorry that I've forgotten to bring it."
"Oh," he said, looking at his hands, "That."
"Damn-it to hell!" Lina slammed her fist on the table. She looked around the room to see if she attracted any unnecessary attention to herself before regarding Zelgadis with a hard, leveling stare. when she spoke again it was through clenched teeth.
"You have made me so angry, I can't eat. I NEED TO EAT!" She took a moment and collected herself, "But since my food is already cold, and we're all supposed to be adults, there's really no point. (Sigh)." She caught a waiter's attention and re-ordered everything that had gone cold.
"I'll pay your tab, if you want," Zelgadis said lamely, trying to make amends.
"Don't bother," said Lina, "I make it a point to never pay the food bill when I'm in town."
They sat in silence for a long time. When the food came, Lina munched absently, lost in her thoughts.
. . .Her father, who in his dotage had forgotten which promises had been made and broken for what secrets he couldn't remember had been kept by whom, cried when he saw her. He said, 'I am so proud of my grown-up daughter who has come back from bringing justice to the world. My daughter is a good princess and everyone will be happy and we will keep no secrets between us!'. . .
"Still too angry to eat?"
"No, I'm not angry anymore." More silence.
"Let me ask you something, Zell. Why are you here?"
"I didn't think it would be appropriate to eat at the palace. . ."
. . .The princess embraced her father because she loved him, but she knew that all good princesses had to keep secrets and that she had to forget her love to fight for justice . . .
"That's not what I meant. Why are you HERE? I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I just don't buy it anymore. How can you look me in the eye and say that you honestly believe you're going to find what you're looking for? Are you planning to wander around god-knows-where forever? Do you even remember what you're looking for?"
"I, um. . .I don't know how to answer that."
"Human is just a word, Zell. Why does that scare you so much?"
"I need to be free of the things that constrain me."
. . .And the princess was good and her kingdom loved her because she brought justice to them and they were happy. . .
"Everybody does. That's life. Amelia wasn't always miserable---which actually has very little to do with you---but I've seen her doing something constructive with her misery, and, honestly, I think she's going to be okay. I've been running around trying to escape from under my sister's shadow for a long time, but I'm done with that. I'm just gonna finish this Library business, write my memoirs, maybe get a tenured position at the Magic Academy here, and live off the book residuals in retirement. As for Gourry, we have an arrangement. It works."
. . .She tried to forget the man she loved who traveled to all the other lands she could no longer see and have adventures in. But she could share his adventures and see those lands as he described them in his letters. . .
"Are you suggesting me and Amelia?"
"No. That business is between you and her. As I remember it, I only asked you to spend some time with her, not sleep with her. I thought that maybe you'd stop moping around and have some fun---of which you are in desperate need. What worries me about you is that if your still hell-bent on your ridiculous search, why would you go out of your way to screw up a relationship with someone who, not only has the resources that would enable you to continue, but likes you enough to give them to you? This leads me back to my first question, which you haven't answered: why are you here?"
"I don't know."
. . .and she couldn't be jealous because that was the only way she could love him as a princess and still secretly be a prince. . .
"Well then the only thing constraining you IS you, and that has nothing to do with your physical form."
Before he could respond, Gourry burst into the inn, as if on cue. Zelgadis was secretly relieved for the interruption.
"Hey Lina. Oh hi, Zelgadis," he said throwing all his bulk onto a chair that miraculously didn't collapse under his weight. He began to wolf down any of the food within his immediate reach. Lina began to look even more cross than before, although this had nothing to do with the previous conversation.
"Where have you been?" she demanded.
"Mat ba palaff," Gourry mumbled between bites. He took a long drink and beat his chest before he continued. "Hey, you know the food's cold, right? (Cough). Man, it's crazy over there right now. Things have gone completely pear-shaped." He began work on an over-sized turkey leg.
"What has?"
"(Glurp!) I dunno. Something about Amelia being missing."
"What?" Lina nearly jumped out of her chair. Zelgadis said nothing, but gripped the edge of the table until his nails dug into the wood.
"Oh yeah—excuse me," Gourry paused to swallow, "Yeah, she's gone. I think they were saying something about Zelgadis being in trouble---they asked me, but I didn't know anything about it. I think that's why there's people waiting for him outside. Boy, they look mad. . ."
"Shit! Gourry, you're dumber than sod!" The noise outside had attracted the attention of everyone in the inn, mostly because an angry mob had burst in. They were mostly soldiers in the livery of Seyruun, but some bore the arms of Quadule Quipezquech, and various other foreign sovereignties.
"That's it. I give up. Nobody's going to let me eat today." Lina threw up her hands in resignation, which was just as well because a nasty melee had just broken out.
. . .She knew that was the price of being one. . . ."