Of Hooker Boots and Leather Pants

by GlowingAshes

A parody of all the terrible plot elements that bother us all. Includes Draco in leather pants and a wellformed Hermione as well as many other mistakes and cliches found in horrid fanfics. Review if you like, flames are always welcome.

2. Of Personal Needs and Major Hits

Disclaimer: The characters are J.K. Rowling's and the plot ideas and spelling mistakes belong to various fanfic authors.

Recap of chapter 1: Hermione has become gorgeous overnight, Draco wears leather pants with apparently no underwear, Ginny and Hermione are, like, best friends, and Hermione has just entered the Head compartment and taken notice of Draco's quivering member.

"Oh my GAWD! He is, like, sooooooo HAWTTT!" Hermione thought to herself upon entering the Head compartment. Hermione then came to her senses, realizing that she would be working with Draco for an entire year. "It must have something to do with that bong that's always on Dumbledore's desk," she rationalized (A/N: There is a brilliant author out there who portrays Dumbledore as smoking a 6 foot bong, but alas, we cannot remember her name. If you know who we're referring to, please let us know). "Oh, well," she thought, "It's not like we'll have to share a common room, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a bed or anything."

Just then, Dumbledore made a timely entrance. "Hello, Hermione, Draco," he said. "I've come to inform you that this year you will be sharing a common room, a bathroom, and bedroom. Also, despite the fact that Hogwarts is located directly next to a forest, there has been a shortage of wood. One of your beds mysteriously disappeared over the summer, and though I am the most powerful wizard in the world, I have always been terrible at making beds. Therefore, you will have to endure the inconvenience of sharing one. However, it will encourage house unity, so we thought you'd go for it." (A/N: This is the most logical explanation we've heard for it thus far).

Draco's upper body felt the need to protest, so he broke his silence. "Couldn't that be a little awkward, considering our need for personal space? I have needs, you know."

"Don't worry, Draco, I'm sure that all of your needs will be met to your satisfaction," said Dumbledore. (A/N: Dumbledore then takes a hit and pulls out some lemon drops). Dumbledore then stood up and left, leaving Hermione and Draco to ponder this new information.

Hermione and Draco spent the remainder of their trip bickering loudly while inwardly contemplating the state of affairs in which they found themselves.

A/N: Yes, it is a short chapter. No, I am not apologizing for it. It was short, they will get longer. This was just to get them to Hogwarts. Deal with it.