The one thing on John's mind is that he's not the only confused guy at the mansion. If Bobby's confused too, who else is confused? Peter? Mr. Summers? The Big X, himself…? Okay, maybe not the last one. He can't imagine a girl cradled in X's lap, kissing like there's no tomorrow, much less a guy. So maybe, John and Bobby are the only ones confused.
But if he can get Bobby to admit that the magazine is his- fat chance, it's like telling Logan that Rogue's not in love with him-, then he's going to be sure and he'll actually meet someone who's gay and he didn't meet in a store that shouts gay with their linen cloths.
"There aren't many Robert Drakes," John says as he, coolly as he can without getting hard as he brushes again Bobby, to pick up the magazine, "in the mansion."
John flips through the pages like he's never seen a gay magazine up close, like he's never 'read' a gay magazine. He's getting a huge thrill up his body as Bobby shifts awkwardly. John's not one to torture his friend with these kinds of antics… okay, he is. But he doesn't always torture Bobby like this. He always just throws a fireball, for lack of a better word (curse those thesauruses. Once, after fruitlessly looking up a better word for fireball, John stomped on the mansion's only thesaurus, set it on fire, threw papers on it, and made a huge bonfire before the sprinklers went off and Mr. Summers screamed his head off. The next day, John bought a new thesaurus), at Bobby. One little burn always tortures Bobby for a week.
After making a beeline toward the exit of the library, Bobby noticed that he had a book about gay marriage. Not that it's a bad thing to have a book about it, but it's not a good thing either. What if someone sees the rainbow, rainbow, rainbow colors splashed all over the book? Or what if someone sees the gay and lesbian couples cuddled all over? Or what if someone see Bobby getting hard at the sight of the Johnny look-alike?
That would be catastrophic!
"Hey, Bobby." Bobby looked up from the book that was covered under his blanket. You wanna know what the book was? The sole gay, gay, gay book that he stole from the library.
"What's up? What're you reading?" Jubilee asked. It was nights after the creepy movie when she actually found a dead dog sprawled on the front lawn, but you could tell that Jubilee wasn't sleeping so well. There were dark circles under her Chinese eyes. She hadn't even bothered to put her hair up in a weird, foreign fashion that it looked like a messy dog. No, worse, the girl who had her face clawed up by the dead dog after she killed the dead dog again using her teeth while the blood splattered every which way.
"Uh, uh… er… um… nothing?" Bobby immediately put a small ice wall between him and Jubilee and scrambled out of bed, making the book fall to the ground, where Jubilee could see, despite ice wall.
"Gay marriage, huh, Bobby? Who's the lucky guy? Am I invited? Are you going to wear a rainbow suit? Tell me, did you already have sex with the guy?" Jubilee grinned like a maniac and what was worse about what she said was that they were in the entertainment room with Logan, Kitty, and Professor X, himself!
"No, no, I'm not gay. There's no guy, no wedding, no suit, no sex, nothing. I- I just found it!"
"And then you bought it and then you read it and then now, you're planning a fabulous wedding!"
At that moment, Bobby leapt up and started throwing ice at Jubilee, who broke the ice, sending the shattering pieces everywhere, some landing in Logan's hair.
John, that day, didn't hear about the gay wedding Bobby was having. No, he was at the linen store again, hoping to catch another episode of 'Gay or Not Gay'… because it was entertaining… He was not looking to get a date!
So John stalked his way toward the linen section of the linen store, and weirdly enough, there was the same guy who called the 'straight' guy gay. While, searching through the wonderful world of cottons and polyester cloths, the gay-calling salesman, sauntered his way toward John, who was having a panic episode because he didn't want to be the one to be called gay!
Slipping his arm onto John's shoulder, the salesman whispered, "Go for the cotton. It's soft." The way he said soft, it was like a death threat to John. Not because he was being hit on- because it was quite flattering- because he was going to star in the new episode of 'Gay or Not Gay' starring the creepy, gay salesman and John Allerdyce a. k. a. Pyro!
Wait, that's it. He's Pyro, a pyromaniac. He can burn this fucking guy's ass off. With one swift click of the Zippo, John immediately set the polyester (because he's not really a fan of how rough it feels compared to the cotton) on fire, wasting about $7.99.
"You're- you're a mutant!" the salesman yelped. He, quickly, backed off, and threw whatever other cloth he could find, hopefully polyester. And because of the stupid action the gay salesman did, the cloths burned and spread and soon they were practically licking the salesman's shaved legs- which makes you wonder, what does this guy do at night?
"You're- you're gay!" John said and stifled to laugh. He let the water from the ceiling burn his fire away.
The only reason John got out was because he made the salesman promise that he would take the blame, or John would come back and burn all the linen cloths in the whole store.
"The reason there aren't… any Robert Drakes… in the mansion… is because… I… wanted to give this to you!" Yeah, because that's a great answer and it'll steer the question away from you and to John.
Okay, well, I just wanted to update and I'm watching TV while writing this so it's not that good or not that humorous, but the next part is the last part because I've got more fan fictions than I can handle and I'm pretty busy.