Chapter 24 – I love you

OoO

There was only two weeks of school left and Izzie finished her last exam yesterday. She was coming back from the Slytherin common room when she saw Sirius running down the corridor. Her heart involuntarily skipped a beat from the sight of him before he disappeared in an alcove. She rolled her eyes as she heard Filch's voice talking to his cat a little further away. She sauntered over to the alcove and slipped in. The alcove was small, so Sirius stood only half a meter away from her.

"Fancy meeting you here." She said coolly but had to fight her grin as Sirius looked stunned to see her.

"Izzie." He breathed.

"That's my name." She chirped. "So, what did you do now?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't do any-" He started defensively, but she stepped forward and clasped her hand over his mouth. Their chests were touching, and she could feel Sirius fast heartbeat against her, his eyes wide as he looked at her.

"We'll find him, Mrs Norris." Filch's voice came by. "Then Black will regret even messing with us again. Let's gather up the chains." He murmured further to his cat as his voice drifted away. She looked back to Sirius and released the hand over his mouth when the sound of his footsteps receded.

"I don't think he's too happy with you." She stepped back.

Sirius stretched his arms and placed them behind his head as he leaned against the wall. Trying to act casual but his heart was still racing, and his breathing was heavy. "When is he?" He smirked.

"You got a point." She smiled faintly and looked down at her feet. Silence stretched on between them. Then they spoke up at the same time. "Sirius, I -"

"Izzie, I-" They looked at each other in surprise. "You go first." Sirius said as he rubbed his neck.

"Right." She nodded with a slight frown. She looked back down at her feet. "I wanted to apologise for what I did at my birthday party. I should have never thrown myself at you. I wanted to say that, that morning -"

"Izzie." Sirius's gentle voice guided her head back towards him. He had stepped closer, right in front of her and he tentatively cupped her cheek. "You have nothing to apologise for. I'm the one who should apologise."

She turned her head out of his hand. Oh, his so soft and warm hand. "You shouldn't, not really. It's not like we were together or something. Yeah, you lied and told me you weren't that guy anymore. But we're friends and you just don't see me that way." She looked back to Sirius, his eyes held so many different emotions. "That's okay, I have Barty now." His jaw twitched.

"No." He shook his head and grabbed her cheeks. "I am so, so sorry for what I did. I was so plastered I don't even remember the rest of the night after you were gone. And we did have something, I hope we still do. And it was progressing slowly which was the best for both of us and then I royally screwed things up. Yes, you're my friend but I want more than that, so much more. I can't go a day without seeing you. I can't go a night without dreaming about you. You are constantly on my mind, Izzie. You occupy every thought of mine. That's why I didn't want to do that with you, because I want more than just sex. I wouldn't be able to be fuckbuddies with you or just a one timer and then back to friends. I want you, all of you, all the time. I love you, Izzie."

It felt like she was holding her breath the whole time he was speaking. Every sentence made her insides flop or butterflies' soar. She breathed out softly when her lungs couldn't take it anymore. "What?" She asked breathlessly.

"I love you. I've been in love with you since I danced with you on new years' eve. And I realised it when you played the Ukulele for me. I. Love. You." His grey stormy eyes were fixed on hers and she felt like he was gazing into her soul. The thumbs resting on her cheeks moved in slow circles. Now it looked like he was the one holding in his breath. "Please say something."

But she couldn't. She couldn't say something, her mind was going in overdrive and her heartbeat was so fast, doctors would say it was unsafe. She couldn't believe it; he loved her, and she believed him because of the way he was looking at her... there wasn't any doubt. Barty's voice chimed through her head saying: Told you so.

Then she stood on her toes and kissed him as her arms went around his neck. Sirius hands pulled her face closer as their lips moved against each other. He pressed forward until her back hit the cold stone wall behind her. Once hand slipped into her hair while the other curled around her waist. Oh, the kiss was so much more than she could've imagined. Heat coursed through her body as his body came flush against hers. Her heart was racing, this was much better than she imagined. She could feel him, she could feel all of him. She felt him pour all the love and sorry's into the kiss, it made her knees tremble.

Then suddenly the girl he had slept with popped into her mind and she pushed him away. Sirius looked thoroughly snogged. His hair was a mess, his lips were swollen and red and somehow, the top buttons of his shirt had opened. It almost made her want to pull him back in. Almost.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked breathlessly. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No." She shook her head. "I mean, not now... I'm sorry, Sirius but I can't do this. I can't forget about that girl." She looked away. "I don't know if I can trust you again."

"Hey." He guided her eyes back to him with a finger on her chin. "I understand. I know apologising won't be enough. I've been trying to think of ways to make everything better for weeks. But the only thing I can think of that would do it, is if I go back in time but sadly, I don't have the means for it."

She couldn't help but chuckle softly. Tears were brimming in the corner of her eyes.

"But every day I will try to make it up to you, to make you trust me again. I don't care how long it takes or if you want more time not speaking to me. But I really hope you don't do that." The corner of his lip twitched up a little. "I don't want anyone but you, and I will make sure you know that, that everyone knows it."

"I don't want to not speak to you again, either." She reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers together. "But I don't want to jump into anything."

"Let's take it slow then. You decide the pace of our rela-friendship." He corrected, not wanting to spook her. She smiled at that.

"Well, I want more than just friendship." Her heart soared as Sirius's eyes and smile lit up.

"What about this. I'll start courting you." She snorted. "I know how it sounds." He laughed softly and she felt it through her whole body. "But let me?" He looked pleadingly at her.

"Fine but nothing too excessive." She smiled as she saw the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. She reached up and kissed his still red lips softly. "Let's go to the common room before anyone gets worried."

"You know they do see me on the map." He pointed out as he followed her out. "So, they know I'm alright."

OoO

Their fingers brushed against each other as they walked through the corridor. "What -" Sirius cleared his throat nervously. She glanced at him curiously. "What about Crouch?"

"Barty and I have an understanding." Sirius nose wrinkled as he frowned. "He was the one who told me to speak to you."

"Really?" He asked surprised.

She stopped him as she reached for his hand. "Yeah." She chuckled a little. "Weirdly he thinks we could be good together."

Sirius looked at her in disbelief, his mouth slightly open.

"So, the thing with Barty and me, it's over if you truly want to 'court' me." She said in air quotes.

Sirius lifted their clasped hands and placed a soft kiss on the back of Izzie's hand. "I will woo the hell out of you." She crinkled her nose and Sirius laughed softly. "That doesn't really sound defined, does it? But I mean it."

She smiled softly but a frown appeared. "But I don't want to talk about what happened between me and him. Sirius -" She said as a warning as he released her hand. "Barty knows me, he's an amazing friend and helped me through something these past weeks."

"Alright." He nodded, reaching for her hand again, squeezing it lightly. "I won't ask about the two of you as long as he was good to you."

They started walking up the stairs again in silence. When they neared the portrait that led to the Gryffindor common room, Sirius asked. "Will you tell me one day? What else happened?"

"I'm sorry, Sirius." She turned to him. "I don't know. Only Remus and Reggie know. And I'm not ready to talk to anyone about it yet." Her voice quivered a little and Sirius pulled her in a hug.

"It's okay." He murmured in her hair. "I won't ask again. If you're ready, you can tell me but if you're not... I won't mind as long as you're safe."

"Thank you." She nuzzled her nose in the crook of his neck. She felt him shiver against her and she pulled back. "I should head to bed. I haven't slept much last night."

Sirius scowled at that, letting go of her completely. "Not like that." She partly lied. Yeah, she did sleep with Barty, but she had been talking all night with Regulus about a way to end their engagement, just like they did before she bumped into Sirius. "Reg and I talked... about the engagement."

"Oh, that's still on then?" He asked in surprise since he hasn't heard anyone talk about it lately.

"Phoenix ashes." She said to the fat lady and the portrait opened. "Yes, I love your brother but well marriage is a bit much." She chuckled humorously but it sounded forced. "We haven't found a way out yet, but we will." She stepped through the portrait hole. "We'll have the summer to research."

"The summer?" He asked but his attention diverted when he saw their friends looking at them in surprise.

"Do my eyes deceive me or are you two talking again?" James asked in surprise. Izzie turned to the sound of his voice. James was sitting on the floor in front of the fire, Lily tucked under his arm. Peter was lying stretched out on the floor and lifted his head slightly to look at them. Remus looked up from his book in surprise, worry and hope edged on his face.

"Just barely." Izzie shrugged but the corner of her lip turned upwards. "I'm going to bed." She let her fingers graze against Sirius's as she stepped forward. "Goodnight."

Sirius watched as she walked up the stairs as the others wished her goodnight. Then a flash of red hair swooped after her. Shaking his head internally before walking over to the others. James and Remus were looking at him questioningly. He flopped down on the couch, a silly smile in place as he looked at the fire. He could still feel her lips on his, or how she felt in his arms or when her fingers grazed his. James and Remus shared a glance with raised eyebrows.

"Earth to Padfoot." No reaction. "Sirius!"

"Huh, what?" He blinked his eyes a few times, looking between his friends.

"What happened?" James prodded.

Sirius looked away from James and turned to Remus. "I was hiding from Filch when she slipped into the alcove, I was hiding in. And we talked."

"She came to you?" Remus asked. Even though Remus talked to him again, it still wasn't the way it was before. Maybe that will change now that Izzie gave him a second chance.

"I was as surprised as you are." Sirius chuckled.

"And you just talked?" James asked.

Sirius looked between the two again, Peter had falling asleep, snoring loudly. He wanted to scream from the rooftops what had happened in the alcove, to tell them what was said and what they did but they were going to take it slow, and he didn't know if she wanted the others to know. "Yes, we just talked. She's giving me another chance, but I need to gain her trust again." He saw Remus nodding his head, like he approved that she wouldn't just let it slide. "Moony, the engagement is still on."

"I know." He sighed, closing his book completely. "We've been trying to find a way around it but no luck so far. The bright side is that we still have time until Reg turns seventeen. If it were a muggle wedding, they would've found a way around it but thankfully your parents and her father." He said through gritted teeth. "Are too prejudice for that and they will only do weddings the pureblood way-"

"Which means they both have to be off age before they could get married. There isn't a way for them to get around it." James continued.

"I'm not sure..." Sirius said doubtfully. "My parents have horrible books in their library. I wouldn't be surprised if they found a way around it."

Remus paled a little. "I hope to Godric that isn't true." He looked to Sirius. "She's staying at Reggie's this summer."

"What?" Sirius croaked. "I thought Lily said she was staying at her place."

"Just for the first two weeks." Remus gnawed on his bottom lip nervously. "Then your parents invited her to stay at Grimmauld."

"By invited you mean forced?"

"Practically."

"Fuck!" Sirius groaned in his hands. The happy feeling he had felt only a few moments before disappeared like snow before the sun. "What do we do?"

Remus sighed as he stood up. "What I've been doing for months, try to find a way out of it." He said before he walked up the boys' staircase. It was silent for a moment, only Peter's snoring filled the room.

"You love her, don't you?" James asked as he sat down next to him.

"Yeah, I -" His eyes turned large and snapped his mouth shut. He hasn't actually confessed it to anyone but Regulus and Izzie. "No, I mean-"

"It's okay, Pads. I know you." James said calmly as he looked at the fire. Of course, he would have figured it out. Sirius has been miserable for weeks on end.

Sirius sighed and let his head drop on the back of the couch, staring at the specks on the ceiling. "But it's not just about that. Remus and Reggie are obviously in love, even if they haven't told each other yet, you can see it plainly on Moony's face. It wouldn't be fair to neither of them if Reg and Izzie are forced in a loveless marriage."

"Not loveless." James said quietly. "Izzie told me, not loveless but passionless."

"Equally bad." Sirius muttered staring at the fire. The thought of her marrying his brother made his stomach churn until he felt nauseous. She couldn't marry him, Regulus loved another and he loved her. He loved her so much it made his heart ache. He can't lose her, not again.