Disclaimer: I do not own the Serenity Crew. I guess in a general sense I own Reuben, Kacia, and Aadi. I also don't own the song Barlight. that belongs to Charlie Robison.
Barlight or Three Hours or So in the Life
Dr. Simon Tam was an almost happy man. He had a beautiful wife of almost four years, a smart pretty little daughter and well life was…eh, life was as good as it got on Serenity. He sometimes found The Captain browbeating him for protesting the situations that infuriating man continued to put them in. Still, he wasn't complaining too loudly. River was safe and happy as Serenity's pilot, besides if he did complain too loudly, Kaylee would cut him off and that NEVER went well.
He walked down the hallway from the infirmary where he'd been doing inventory, up to the galley. He could hear the sounds of children playing. That always made him smile. Little Kacia, his daughter, and Reuben Washburne, Zoë's little boy, they were such good friends, those two. Reuben's birth had been so good for Zoë after Wash had died. He was almost an even mix of Wash and Zoë, which proved to be rather interesting thus far. For the most part he had his mother's coloring and his father's features and sense of humor. Kacia was sweet, resembling River as a child in appearance and intelligence, and having her mother kind, cheerful temperament and hair. The two together bordered on careful mayhem. They always followed the rules, but some how managed to find loopholes to do exactly what they wanted. And when they couldn't they found something else to do. As he approached Simon wondered idly what adding Mal and Inara's little Aadi would do to the mix.
Reuben and Kacia started singing as he came into the line of sight with the doorway. Simon froze unable to believe his eyes and ears. Reuben and Kacia were dancing around with their hands in the air, which wasn't so bad, but what they were singing.
"Barlight, bar bright,
First bar I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Find someone t' hold me tight
Hey diddle diddle a man with a fiddle
And the girls sing along with the tunes
Just one more dance 'til you turn out the lights
And you can shut down this saloon"
Simon rushed into the galley and grabbed his daughter by the shoulders. "Kacia, sweetheart, what's that song you were just singing?"
The little girl turned her big innocent eyes on her father, " 'tha new nuwth'wy whyme." She lisped naively.
"Who taught you this 'nursery rhyme'?"
"Man-ape Unka Jayne!" Reuben piped in excitedly. "Ain' it wonnerful, Unka-Doc Simon-man!"
Inwardly seething, Simon asked carefully as not to startle the children, "And just where is Uncle Jayne?"
"Bumbum." Kacia and Reuben said, shrugging simultaneously.
Reuben and Kacia paused to watch Simon stormed out irately in search of Jayne so he could pummel him with words for polluting the innocent minds of little children. Then Reuben looked at Kacia, and smiled. "Do ya think Mama wou' like our song?"
Kacia reflected his smile, "On'y one way t' fine ow, Weu'en. we'th go fine Aun' Thoee." And the little pair clasped hands and started down the passageway.
Mal, Zoë and River were on the bridge discussing the course which River had set and whether they had enough fuel cells to get to Paquin at all. River sensed that Reuben and Kacia were approaching and that they had something mildly, silly planed. Being distracted by explaining to Mal that his plan was flawed, she was not actively reading the two children, so she was not fully aware what this half decided was, but she did know that what ever it entailed had already sent Simon on an enraged search for Jayne. This will be entertaining and will get the captain and Zoë off back so I can do my job, she thought.
Actually anything those two did was generally entertaining. River generally found reading either of their minds interesting. Always learning, they were. Kacia absorbing words and facts faster than a sponge, she'd already learned how to read even if she was still working on what some of the words meant. Reuben…Reuben watched how and why the various members of the crew did things. He could care less about using the right words, he just made up what he needed as he went along.
Behind them, little Reuben cleared his throat in the manner he had often seen Mal do to get attention. It did not work. The grown-ups were too busy arguing. Reuben sighed and glanced at his friend, "New Plan?"
Kacia folded her arms thoughtfully. "We'th thee… we needth a bwiwian' pwan t' ge' th'ttention uf ouw eldewth. I thay we fawow th'mathim 'keep it thimpwe.'"
Reuben nodded and in the biggest voice he could muster, said, "Mama, Cap'n-man Unka Mal-sir, Aunt River Reader-lady?"
In what seemed like a rather spectacular motion to a pair of almost four year-olds, all three turned to look at them. Kacia leaned over and watching the surprised faces of Mal and Zoë with River's look of mild amusement, whispered, "I thin' we'th in twoubwe, Weu'en.
"It ain' like they was busy, Kassie." Said Reuben bravely, through his smile.
"I no know, Weu'en. They wook mad."
"I thought I said you two weren't allowed on the bridge," Mal said sternly, interrupting the pair's little conversation.
Kacia glanced at the placement of her feet and them back at Mal. "Bu' we'we naw on th'bwidge, Unka Maow." She pointed out astutely.
Mal and Zoë blinked.
"We ain' on th'bridge, Cap'n-man Unka Mal-sir." Reuben translated quickly. "We's inna doorway."
Mal winced at the name and Zoë fought not to laugh. "They do have a point, sir."
"You know I wish, just once, those two wouldn't find a way 'round everythin' I tell them." Mal muttered as he left the bridge in search of some place without insubordinate children.
Zoë shook her head bore down on her son, "Alright, Reuben, what is it?"
Reuben paused. What was it? Oh yeah. "Mama, Unka Doctor-man Simon's all mad at Ape-man Unka Jayne cuz'a somethin' we did."
Kacia nodded her agreement of Reuben's assessment of the situation. Feeling that it needed a bit more explanation, she added, "We weth pwaying in th'gawey an' Daddy theen uth."
"And how do you know he was angry?"
"Cuz he was all questionie-answerie flat face an' then he walked out all words-I-ain'-s'pposed-t'-use-I-left-somethin'-I-needed-an'-now-the-boat's-gonna-go-KABLAMO!" Reuben paused to take a deep breathe from his enthusiastic exposition. "Whenever Unka Simon doctor-man goes all questionie-answerie flat face, he a'ways yells at Unka Ape-man Jayne."
"That's only because it usually is his fault, bao bei." Zoë said kindly. Reuben and Kacia looked up at her uncomprehendingly and she shook her head. "What exactly did you do?"
Reuben looked at Kacia and decided to let her answer this one. "We wath thinging ou' new thong."
New thong? "You two want to show it to me?"
"Otay bu' we naw done choweogwaphing it ye'." Kacia warned.
Forcing down a smile, Zoë said, "I'll keep that in mind."
"Good." Kacia took Reuben's and an together with humorous hand motions sang,
"Barlight, bar bright,
First bar I see tonight
Wish I may, wish I might
Find someone t' hold me tight
Hey diddle diddle a man with a fiddle
And the girls sing along with the tunes
Just one more dance 'til you turn out the lights
And you can shut down this saloon"
River began laughing very hard. Zoë fought back the laughter, "It was very wrong of your Uncle Jayne to teach you that."
"Why?"
Finally unable to stop it, Zoë laughed. "Never mind. Isn't it your bedtime, young man?"
"Aw, mama."
"Don't you 'aw, mama' me. Come here." Zoë picked up Reuben and looked at Kacia. "You too, Kacia."
The girl didn't bat an eye. She'd figured this was coming and she was tried anyway. "Aun' Wiwa, will you cah-wee me?"
River lifted her niece from the floor, "Of course, little one."
As they carried the children to their beds, Reuben laid his sleepy head on his mother's shoulder. "Mama, don' le' Unka Simon Doc-man hurt Ape-man Unka Jayne."
She patted his back. "I won't, Reuben."
The little boy yawned. "Goo' cuz he's shiny. He let's us look a' 'is guns and teaches us a' kinda fun stuff." He sighed quietly and Zoë smiled faintly. Fun stuff, indeed. Fighting and cursing and creative belching.
By the time they reached his bed, Reuben was mostly asleep. As Zoë tucked him in, he asked, "Mama, will I dream a Daddy?"
Zoë swallowed hard, "I don't know, bao bei."
Rueben rolled over pulling the blanket around his head. "I hope so. Daddy shiny." He said going deeper into sleep.
Zoë stopped at the door to watch her boy snore. He always talked dreaming about his daddy. She sighed and turned from the room.
Simon found Jayne in the cargo bay pumping weights as he often did in his spare time. Angrily Simon shouted from the catwalk, "You, ben tiansheng de yi dui rou!"
Jayne set the weights down heavily on their stand. "What did I do this time?" He demanded, half used to being yelled at in this manner by Simon and half annoyed by being yelled at by Simon in this manner.
"This time! You taught a completely inappropriate song to the two children on this ship, that's what you did this time!" Simon bellowed coming down the stair.
"I don't recall teachin' the Pint Sizes any kinda songs." Jayne said, digging in his ear distractedly and peering at his earwax.
"They called it a nursery rhyme."
Jayne thought hard a minute. "Oh yeah, lil' Kaylee asked me t' sit with'm yesterday and they was buggin' me fer a new'n…"
"So you teach them a song about bars!"
"What's goin' on down here?" Mal said coming out of nowhere.
Simon turned his finger on Mal. "This has nothing to do with you."
"Oh? So you getting' yourself killed, leaving my crew without a medic AND breaking my mechanic's heart into little pieces, don't concern me?"
"This houzi de pigu, is teaching my daughter crude songs." The doctor stated angrily.
"You need ta watch your mouth, doc. We got children on this boat." Mal said, smiling.
Simon folded his arms, frowned and generally just looked peeved. Jayne scratched his arm and looked around, wondering if there was anyway he could just slip away without Mal noticing. It wasn't like he was worried about Simon doing anything to him, and Mal PROBABLY wouldn't kill him over something like this. No, Jayne just didn't want to be around if Zoë decided she was mad about this.
Zoë walked into the galley and poured herself a cup of coffee. She stared at it a long time, thinking about Wash and their son. Reuben was always saying he 'dreamed about Daddy.' She dreamed about him sometimes, too, dreams like old memories or strange absurd things that Wash would have thought funny. She wondered what kind of dreams Reuben had. He never really talked about them other than to say he had them or he wanted to have them.
She sighed and was about to take a drink when Kaylee flew in. "Is that coffee?" she asked taking the cup from Zoë.
"Saved us from immanent demise yet, Kaylee?" Zoë asked, pouring herself another cup of coffee. She wasn't protesting the generally out of character coffee theft because Kaylee had been working for two days straight on the engine.
Kaylee made an affirmative noise as she was still chugging coffee. "We oughta be able to get int' Paquin. Cap'n shoulda let me buy that Dihydrogen Monoxide Converter…Could I have another cup of this?"
"You only git one free cup." Zoë said smiling. "Pots on the stove." She sipped her own coffee.
Kaylee pour herself a second cup and downed it as quickly as the first. "Where's Simon? After all this work…" she trailed off like everyone else did when they broached the subject of marital affections around Zoë.
Generally Zoë found all the mollycoddling annoying, but today she decided to just ignore it and answer Kaylee's initial question. "Haven't seen 'im all day. When I was settin' Reuben down for his nap, he mentioned that Doc was some pissed at Jayne about a song he taught the little ones while he was watchin' 'em the other day."
"So he's tryin' to get himself killed again?"
Zoë smiled. "Most like."
Kaylee set he mug down on the table. "Think we oughta go stop 'im?"
Zoë tasted her coffee slowly. "In a minute."
The sounds of a screeching baby echoed down the hall. A distressed looking Inara entered desperately clutching four month-old Aadi Reynolds. "Oh, thank god, I found you. I can't get her to stop crying."
Zoë and Kaylee looked at each and laughed. "You want to take this one?" Kaylee asked.
Zoë stood up. "Let me see her." She took Aadi from Inara and jiggled her expertly.
You'd think high toned ex-companion like yourself would know how to quiet a baby." Kaylee said giggling.
Inara crossed her arms. "Child rearing isn't something regularly taught at Companion Training Houses."
Zoë laughed good-naturedly. "Well, I certainly didn't learn this trick in the War. Have you tried feeding her, changed her diaper?"
Inara nodded. "I tried everything I could think of."
"Mebbe she's just sleepy." Kaylee suggested.
"That's prob'ly it. Here." Zoë handed little Aadi back to Inara. "Just keep doin' like I was and she oughta knock right out."
Carefully copying Zoë's movements, Inara said, "thanks so much, Zoë, Kaylee. I'm so lucky to have experts to come to."
Zoë laughed ruefully, "You obviously ain't recallin' Reuben's first two years. I was so scared I was gonna break that poor boy."
Kaylee laughed too. "An' I kept runnin' t' Simon with Kacia's ever' lil hiccup." She picked up her mug and drained its the last drops of warm coffee. "That reminds me. I think it's about time we go save my husband from Jayne, 'fore he gets himself broke in some way we cain't repair."
Nodding Zoë pushed away from the table. "It's getting about that time, yes."
Things had mostly quieted down in the cargo bay. Mal and Simon had stopped arguing and Mal thought everything was settled. But, no, Jayne just had to open his big mouth.
"Ain't like none them other nursery rhymes sound right." Jayne mumbled going off on his on particular tangent. "I never understood how old woman could raise those kids in a shoe and them three men in a tub sure sounds funny to me."
Simon exploded. "Right, and teaching children to stay out all night drinking and whoring is so much better."
Jayne's hands hit the bench press. "You wanna go, doc?"
Simon's hands bunched into fists. "As a matter of fact…" Simon swung.
"Hey, wait a gorram minute!" A surprised Mal shouted, but it was too late. In quick succession, Simon punched Jayne, Jayne stood up, punched Simon. Simon swung again, but Jayne dodged the punch and grabbed the doctor by the front of the shirt, lifting him a good foot off the ground.
Mal put his head in his hands. "I should have seen this comin'." He said to no on in particular. "The Creative Farting Lessons, the Duck Incident, that time Jayne taught the kids how to dismantle and clean his guns so he could drink hisself stupid."
"Good times." Jayne said with a smile, blood dripping down his newly split lip.
Simon opened his mouth to protest, but a shout emanated from the catwalk. "Jayne, drop 'im."
All eyes turned to see Kaylee, Zoë, and Inara who was still rocking baby Aadi trying to get her to go to sleep. Jayne had dropped Simon like a hot rock and was seriously looking for cover before he realized none of them had a gun trained on him.
Kaylee smiled down at her husband. "Simon, if yer done bein' Jayne's punchin' bag, I got use for y in our bunk." She turned and started to leave. Simon blinked and chased after her. He knew better than to mess THAT up. Kaylee's laughter echoed down the hall and there might have been some mention of an ice pack.
Baby Aadi started crying again, and all Inara had to say was, "Mal, you're the only one…" and the captain was gone. That little girl had him wrapped around her little finger and she wasn't four months old yet.
Jayne looked up expectantly at Zoë, who frowned. "We ain't gonna have the I-could-kill-you talk again, are we, Jayne?"
Two sets of little eyes stared at the sleeping pilot's form, one set blue, the other hazel.
"You touch 'er." The hazel set whispered.
"No, you do it." Whispered the blue. "It wath youw idea, Weu'en."
"Fine." Reuben started forward.
The still sleeping River rolled over and seemed to stare at them through her eyelids. In her deep unconsciousness, she mumbled, "The evil cone of uncertainty sneers."
The two children looked at each other, blinked and then ran down the halls of Serenity screaming.
Fun Chinese Translations
Bao bei- sweetheart
ben tiansheng de yi dui rou-Stupid inbred stack of meat.
houzi de pigu-monkey's butt
A/N: Hello everybody. This is coming to you from the dubious safety of my sister's laptop as mine is having... problems. Barlight, the song sung by the little children is part of a side project I've got going. I'm assigning various Country songs to all the characters we love. Right now Mal, Jayne, and Washhave the most songs. Barlight is one of Jayne's. Simon has the least. Anybody withany ideas for song, please tell me. I'd greatly apperciate it.
Oh! and Please Reveiw.