Dear Mr. Potter,

We regret to inform you of the tragic death of Mr. Remus Lupin. The memorial service will be held on the 21 of this coming March. The reading of the Will will commence the next day at noon. Have a nice day.

Jacob Turtlehed

Ministry of Magic

Department of Law

Harry started to cry when he read that his good friend was dead.

"What is it?" Draco asked upon seeing the Boy Who Lived cry.

"Lupin died." Harry managed. "But I have the strangest feeling that he and Sirius are fucking right above our heads."

"Wait," Harry's ex-nemisis-current-lover-blond-haired-silver-eyed-seveteen-year-old-eventually-to-be-hubby interrupted, "Would that fucking be a adjective, or verb."

"Both." Harry chuckled.

"Who was Lupin again?" Draco asked.

"3rd year Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher" Harry sighed.

"Was he the fat one?"

"No, that was Umbridge, who happened to be a woman."

"That was a woman?" Draco exclaimed.

"Yes. Lupin was the Werewolf."

"Oh."

"The ants go marching two by two. Hurrah! Hurrah!"

"First years," Ron sighed as he walked down the hall with his best friend.

"Yeah," Harry sighed in return "What are ya gonna do with them?"

"Shoot them." Ron stated rather bluntly. Upon hearing this the first years ended their rendition of "The Ants Go Marching" and ran to the nearest teacher and clung to his or her legs.

"Dear lord, what is that smell?" The Dark lord sneered.

"Cat litter," Lucius admitted, "I brought my cat along with me."

"Are you ready for the random fact of the day?" the Dark Lord asked Lucius. He nodded. "Alright. Did you know that the name Lucius originated from Lucifer, which is only kind of funny because everyone who has had that name throughout history has been evil-ish, which is funny because it's translation from some dead language has something to do with light."

"Bringer of Light." Lucius finessed.

"Yes, that." The Dark Lord quipped. "Wait, why did you bring your cat?"

"Well," Lucius said reluctantly, "It's afraid of houses when no one is around, and Narcissa is away learning how to strip."

"Really now?"

"Yes, she found out I was cheating with you, and wanted to bring more excitement into the bedroom."

"No, I meant about the cat."

"Mini muffins are god's gift to the world. Screw life, and all that other bollocks. It's just the mini muffins." Harry chuckled as he shoveled yet another mini muffin into his already full mouth.

"Man, what did you put in these, Harry?" Draco chuckled.

"This interesting muggle herb, it's called, mara-something." Harry managed to say out of his mouth still stuffed with mini muffins.

"Well whatever it is," Draco paused to have a fit of laughter. "It's bloody brilliant."

Harry finished his mini muffins and jumped on top of Draco, starting to drool.

"Did you know that apparently," Draco started, waving his hand around aristocratically. "That the song "Puff the Magic Dragon" is about stuff like this? These-these muggle herbs things."

Harry's muscles tensed, as he stood by the half-open coffin, baring the body of Harry's godfather's lover.

"Relax," Draco whispered in his ear. "You never know when you can get lucky in a place like this."

Harry and Draco locked eyes, then looked at a nearby broom closet. Harry grinned as he ran with his ex-nemisis-really-current-lover-and-about-to-be-more-current-blond-haired-silver-eyed-seveteen-year-old-eventually-to-be-hubby towards the closet.

Ron stared at their retreating form, before turning to Hermione. "Whaddaya think they're gonna do in the broom closet?" Ron asked.

"I haven't the slightest," Hermione sighed, turning away, blushing.

"Right," Ron said, trying to suppress a grin. "I'm sure they're just having tea or something."

Draco turned towards Harry. "More tea, darling?" he asked, pouring himself another cup.

"Draco!" Harry gasped, "Is it just me, or are you suddenly about five feet longer than usual?"

"No Harry," Draco chuckled, "That's a mop."

"Oh yeah, there's the fuzzy end."

"No, Harry. That's me."

Engender!

Draco was a happy billy goat. He had a nice coat of silvery white. He also had a nice meadow under him. He started to nibble contently on the nice thick patch of grass.

Harry shuddered with delight as another wave of pleasure washed over him. He felt Draco begin nibbling on Harry's nipples. Harry sighed in contentment, when suddenly Draco baaed.