Mission Fruitloop

Disclaimer: The main characters belong to JK Rowling (at least, their names do), but the setting, plot and some other characters are mine.

A/N: Well here it is; I'm back at last. I sincerely apologise for my absence, and hope that you haven't all lost interest. Oh yeah, and the fic's now outgrown the summary, as it was originally going to be just a oneshot, so the summary is likely to change when I post chapter 8.

This chapter is dedicated to Xandi (aka Xandria Nirvana) for encouraging me to write, and for giving me the title idea.

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"Are you two done discussing Sirius's skin yet?"

Sirius and Remus locked eyes and tried not to laugh. At length, Sirius put one hand over his face and went to the door, unlocking it rapidly and poking his head out. "Shut up, Jamie! It's wearing off; it looks terrible!"

"Melodramatic," Remus heard James say as Sirius shut the door again, smirking and dropping his hand from his still-glamoured cheek.

"He has a point, even though I know you're faking this time."

Sirius looked affronted. "Me, melodramatic?"

Remus smiled, leaning back against the basin. "I didn't say it was a bad thing, did I? Besides, he is too. You and he are a class act."

"That might explain why he hasn't used it to figure out that I'm not exactly a straight manly man…" Sirius remarked reflectively. Then his eyes lit up. "That's it! Clue number one for our fellow Marauders."

"Do I want to hear this? I know that look."

Rolling his eyes, Sirius sat down cross-legged on the floor. "Chill, Moony. All you have to do is act a bit more like I do. And I'll just be… Sirius to the extreme, let's say."

"Tell me more," Remus answered suspiciously, joining him on the floor.

"Oh come on, think about it. What would hint to Prongs and Wormtail that we swing the other way?"

"Sirius, no, I am not wearing makeup."

"Oh yes you are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Not."

"Are. Oh damn."

Sirius grinned. "I win. We have to work out what your colours are, then I'll look through what I've got."

Remus sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine. But what about you? How do you propose to be 'Sirius to the extreme'?"

"Easy! All I have to do is talk camp, act more tactile, and take even more care in my appearance."

Leaning back on his hands, Remus allowed himself a smile as he joked: "You'll love that, won't you?"

"Damn right I will!" Sirius clapped his hands together, grinning. "This is going to be so much fun…"

His enthusiasm was beginning to catch on; Remus found himself already a little less reluctant as he watched Sirius's look of absolute glee. "Will you be showing that off?" He indicated the mark on Sirius's neck.

"What?" Sirius looked blank for a moment before a look of dawning comprehension took over. "Somehow I don't think so. Sexual ambiguity may be a valuable part of the plan, but I think showing off this baby might make it a little too obvious."

"True." Remus stood up slowly, extending a hand to help Sirius up too. "Hold on a second." He quickly conjured a small tube and took off the cap, before looking up to find Sirius watching him with one eyebrow raised suggestively.

"Why Monsieur Moony, I had no idea you were so forward!"

"God, Sirius, is that all you ever think about?" He waved the tube so Sirius could read the label. "It's magical foundation, okay? It's better than a glamour because it stays on for as long as you need it without sapping energy." He squeezed some onto his fingers, stepped forward and removed the glamour with a flick of his wand, which was held in his other hand. That done, he covered the cat-scratches and the red mark with the foundation, gently rubbing it in. "There. Check in the mirror."

Sirius turned to inspect himself in the mirror as instructed, and raised his eyebrows with a smile. "Moons, I'm impressed; no one'll even guess there's anything there!"

"Good." Remus handed him the tube. "Now I know you'd be prepared to stay in here all night 'working out what my colours are', but I need my sleep, so I'd rather go to bed." He bent down to pick up his pyjamas, then straightened up. For a moment, neither of them moved. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I'd like to get changed?"

"So?"

Remus rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's utter lack of propriety. "That means you should leave the room."

"But –"

"No buts." He folded his arms across his chest and stifled a smile as he looked sternly at the other boy. "Padfoot, basket."

The animagus pouted briefly, but relented, glancing at his reflection one last time before turning to go.

"What, no goodnight kiss?"

Turning back, Sirius tilted his head to one side. "You use the whole canine imagery thing, then ask for a kiss? And you claim I'm weird." But he still closed the gap between them to comply with the request. Seconds later, as he walked out the door, he added in an undertone: "Mission Fruitloop begins tomorrow."

Left alone in the bathroom, Remus frowned with a mild sense of foreboding. Mission Fruitloop?

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When he woke up on Monday, Remus found that for once, he was not the first to be up. Granted, Peter was still a bump under the blankets, but James was crouched at the end of his bed, rifling in his trunk, and Sirius was nowhere to be seen.

"Morning Prongs," Remus said at last, yawning as he sat up, throwing his blankets off of himself.

"Morning," James replied, in a voice that sounded slightly more subdued than usual.

"You okay?" Remus enquired, getting up and starting to pull clothes out of his own trunk.

"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. It was a late night." James yawned, as if to prove his point. "But at least I'm not as bad as Wormtail."

Remus glanced at the clock by his bed, then over at the snoring heap that was their friend. "We'll have to wake him up soon, or he'll miss breakfast."

There was a vague sound of agreement from James, only slightly less coherent than usual for a Monday morning. "By the way, when Pads is done in the bathroom, it's all yours; I've already showered."

"Do I hear my name being taken in vain?" Sirius's head suddenly appeared round the bathroom door. He grinned at James and winked surreptitiously at Remus, before emerging completely from the bathroom, and making a sweeping gesture towards it with one hand. "La salle de bain is now vacant, Monsieur Moony. Hurry up in there; I need to finish getting ready."

"Certainly, my dear, vain friend," Remus answered dryly, walking over to the door and disappearing into the aforementioned 'salle'. True to his word, he was showered and dressed within about ten minutes, and promptly opened the door to readmit an impatient Sirius. "There, I didn't separate you from your beloved beauty products for too long."

"And for that I thank you." Sirius whipped a comb out of his wash bag and started running it through his hair, teasing a few strands around his face, making sure it was all utterly smooth. As he worked, looking totally absorbed, he started singing.

It was a Muggle song; Remus recognised it from the chorus, and he had to inwardly congratulate Sirius on making such a perfect choice for Mission Fruitloop: Lady Marmalade.

When James came in to brush his hair (pointless, but he still had to put in a token effort to tame it), Sirius was applying silver eyeliner and loudly singing the distinctive 'voulez-vous coucher avec moi'. Remus was brushing his teeth as slowly as he could, just so he could stay in the bathroom and gauge James's reaction. To his slight relief, there didn't seem to be one. Though he had agreed to Sirius's idea, he was still a little afraid of what their other friends might think.

At length, Sirius threw his wash bag back into the bathroom cabinet, grabbed Remus by the hand, and dragged him to the door, turning at the last minute to address James. "We're going to go to breakfast; you coming?"

"Nah, I'll wait for Wormtail, you guys go ahead." James was frowning at his reflection, trying in vain to flatten his hair.

Leading Remus across the dormitory, Sirius sighed heavily. "You know," he muttered, "I reckon I could throw you down on the breakfast table, take you there and then, in front of everybody, and they still wouldn't guess."

Remus could see the melodramatics threatening to kick off again. "Oh come on, it's early days. James wasn't even fully conscious yet!" He squeezed Sirius's hand reassuringly. "Where would the fun be if this was over quickly?"

"You're right," Sirius sighed as they descended the stairs to the empty common room. "As always." Then he grinned wickedly. "After all, I haven't even got you in makeup yet!" Flicking his hair out of his eyes, he looked thoughtful. "And you need some better clothes."

"Sirius, I'm not made of mon –"

True to form, Sirius ignored his protest and kept talking. "When's the next Hogsmeade trip?"

"Next weekend."

"Fabulous. We'll track you down some proper clothes and some makeup while we're there." Sirius stopped walking suddenly and turned Remus to face him. "I'm thinking gold eyeliner might work on you. What do you reckon?"

Reluctantly, Remus shrugged. "I don't know."

"Oh, you're a great help," Sirius told him sarcastically. "Oh well, never mind, we've got all week to plan what we need to get."

"You're really enjoying this, aren't you?"

Sirius beamed at him. "There are very few things I would enjoy more. Most involve you, just so you know."

Remus raised an eyebrow, not entirely displeased by the information. "Tell me more."

"Well, now I've actually said it, that idea about throwing you down on the breakfast table does rather appeal to me."

"Dirty." But Remus couldn't help smiling as they resumed walking, still hand in hand. "Still, I can't say I completely disagree… though I could do without the detention that would get us into."

"Detention with you, alone?" Sirius winked suggestively. "I think I could handle that."

"You're incorrigible, you know that?"

"What's that mean?"

Remus laughed. "It means that I have no way of controlling your dirty mind, or anything else about you, or changing anything about you."

"Good." Sirius let go of his hand to snake an arm around his waist. "I know you wouldn't have me any other way."

"That's probably true," Remus admitted, letting Sirius's arm draw him in closer. "Life would definitely be a lot more tedious without your influence."

"Damn straight," Sirius grinned. "I bet even McGonagall thinks that about me; she just won't say so."

He kept hold of Remus most of the way to breakfast, only releasing him when they began to see other people converging from the various corners of the school, heading for the Great Hall. A minute or two later, they found seats at the rapidly filling Gryffindor table, saving space for James and Peter, and began eating.

"Good morning Remus." A female voice spoke just beside him a few minutes later, and he turned to see Lily Evans, friendly smile and Prefect badge both gleaming in the spring sunlight that streamed from the enchanted ceiling.

"Hey Lily," he replied, smiling back, ignoring the tangible hostility radiating from where Sirius sat on his other side.

"I… um… I kind of wanted to say sorry about the cat thing," she added at last, looking at the floor as if it held the meaning of life.

"Not my issue." Remus held up both hands and shook his head slightly. "It wasn't me that got holes in my face."

Lily visibly steeled herself before lifting her gaze to the boy concerned. "Black? I'm sorry my cat attacked you."

Sirius was clearly taking the opportunity to practice his pout for Mission Fruitloop as he glared at her for a few seconds before relenting, waving one hand casually in the air and answering: "Yeah, okay."

With an expression of relief, Lily was about to go and join her friends further down the table when she stopped briefly next to Sirius, leaned down slightly, and muttered: "Nice eyeliner, by the way." And she walked off.

Swallowing a mouthful of cereal, Remus watched her leave, a concerned expression beginning to form on his face. "We may have a problem there. What if she works it out before James and Peter do?"

"Works out what before we do?"

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A/N: Et voila. This chapter took me so long to finish. I hope it worked out okay. Please review, as I really need the boost to make me keep writing. I mean of course I'll carry on with this, but how fast I do that is debatable. Thanks for reading!

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