Jackie Chan and the Seven Deadly Sins
I OWN AND REGRET NOTHING!
...III...
...III...
Is everything ready?
Yes.
Good, then we can begin.
...
It was all sorta routine to the former Dark Hand enforcers at this point...
"Once I gather all seven shards of the skull of the ancients..."
They get kidnapped/recruited by some megalomaniac, they get turned into something inhumane, get press-ganged into yet another globe-trotting mystic scavenger hunt and then get their buts kicked by Chan. Rinse and repeat.
"There won't be a force on the planet that can stop us!..."
Well first one had been checked off. They'd been doing 'community service' for Uncle when they'd been grabbed off the street. Second was checked off, apparently they been turned into...Finn wanted to say... 'cactus people?' But as for the last two...
"Of course you'll be richly rewarded."
'Yeah, like we haven't heard THAT one before.' Thought all three stooges at once.
"Sure, you got it boss!" Said all three at once.
All the while the phone Chow had activated behind his back had played the whole conversation to a certain archeologist and his family...
'This time things will be different', think the enforcers...
They had no idea how right they were...
...
The instant the trio had been abducted outside Uncles store, the Chan clan had known something was up.
Sadly, Captain Black wouldn't be much help today. Not only were they FINALLY reopening section 13 after Draco destroyed it. But more importantly; his superiors were FINALLY taking him serious in regards to magic and all leaders of the world AND the other sections were coming for him to share his knowledge on how best to combat future threats like this.
Fortunately, the enforcers had secretly called him and let them eavesdrop on the new bad guys plan.
"Alright! The Clan Chan is in it for another whirlwind adventure!" Shouted Jade Chan excited.
"Not so fast Jade," Admonished Jackie. "We still don't know where this shard is-
"My spies have already located the first shard! It's at the San Francisco Museum!" Exclaims the voice on the other end of the phone before Chow was finally forced to hang up.
Jackie blinked confused, "It's...right here in town?" He asked confused.
"Perfect! Now I can call the J-team for backup!" Said Jade excited.
"Jade, we don't have time for them to come here-
"That's the best part! We don't have to! I always make sure to keep in touch with them! El Toro and Paco are here for a San Francisco Luchadore expo and Viper was in town tracking a lead Captain Black gave her! I can have them here in minutes!"
"Oh...really?" Asked a puzzled Jackie.
AIYA! We can't go anywhere until Uncle dose research! Do you want-
"Found it Sensei." Said Tohru as he placed an old, dusty tome named 'Legend of the skull of the ancients'.
'So soon?', thought Jackie baffled.
Uncle frowned as he picked up the tome and adjusted his glasses to look at it properly. "Odd...Uncle dose not remember buying this." He blows off all the dust and reads, "...Uncle will need help translating Mexican dialect just to be sure...but these look like basic ingredients, Uncle should be able to whip up a locator AND sealing spell very quickly..." He says in a very flat, thoughtful, CONFLICTED voice.
"Alright! Were on a hot streak!" Said Jade excited.
"Yes...I...I guess we are..." Said Jackie...not sure how to feel about this up-swing of luck...and judging by the look of Uncle...he didn't know how to feel about it either...
...
"I'm sorry Jackie, I'll see what I can do but most of my manpower and resources are tied into the security of this event. Speaking of which, I need to go! Wish me luck!" He quickly hangs up.
Captain black felt bad dismissing Jackie like that. But hopefully, after today he'll be able to make it up to him.
Captain Black had never outright said it; but it always bugged him how he and his entire organization was more or less helpless on the sidelines while Jackie and his family saved the world.
Not that he resented Jackie or anything like that. Hell, no! He was proud to be best friends with such a nice, exceptional person.
Still...the fact remained that when an ARCHEOLOGIST with NO spycraft experience whatsoever is able to defeat world-shattering threats while your entire TOP-SECRET GOVERNMENT ORGANIZATION gets it's butt handed to them over and over again...you can't help but think 'wait, what? Something is WRONG with this picture.'
Uncle would repeatedly insist 'magic must defeat magic'...but that was no excuse. He was SUPPOSED to be better than this...and hopefully, after today. He WOULD...
His helicopter lands inside the new Section 13- A freaking cloaked Hellicarrier hovering right over the city! He didn't care if they were ripping off Marvel, this was just breathtaking! -and approached the podium were all the VIP's had gathered to hear his proposals for the new and improved 'Mystic division and Global response teams'...
He made sure to call the 'old' section 13 to make sure progress was being made for it be converted into section the new section 14...and that all it's precious 'cargo' would soon be ready to deliver to it's new home.
Satisfied, he looked toward the many world leaders, delegates, executives, superiors functionaries and other high level 'somebodies' were all eagerly waiting for him to start his presentation.
He straightened his tie, "Right let's get things started..."
...
"Ah, hey guys it's Maryann!" Says Finn as he points to one of the other henchmen sent with them to secure the museum.
"Who?" Asked Ratso.
"Don't you remember? He worked with us back when the Dark hand wasn't a joke? Never said a word? Always in the background?"
"Ah yeah...man we lived the life back then...when we never lost a fight...and we dealt with NORMAL people- (Sigh) -lousy Shendue...totally messed that up for us...and it was downhill ever since..." Grumbled Chow.
"Yeah, if I could do it all again- well for one thing; I'd have listened to those stock tips about buying gold when I had the chance. -But also I'd 'accidentally' drop that dang statue off the truck when he was brought to the boss."
All three of the enforcers had a hearty laugh about that, but had to shut it when they finally arrived...
...
"So you guys were in town?"
"Yes, me and Paco received first class tickets to come to the Lucahdore convention. We thought it be nice chance to come see you all.
"Huh, well...how was the convention?"
"Well, that's the frustrating part. Either there was a mixup or some miscommunication. Because me and Paco have walked around your city all day and we haven't-
CRASH!
Speaking of Paco...he and Jade had just knocked over an exhibit having once more gotten distracted by there infamous 'Who's mightier? Jackie or El Toro.' argument...
"Jade! I reluctantly allowed you to come here with us! Don't make me regret that!"
Both kids shouted an apology before Jackie turned to Viper...who was uncharacteristically quiet...
"I don't like this." She grumbled.
"Excuse me?" Asked Jackie.
Viper frowned, "Your going to think I'm paranoid...but...well, that lead Captain Black sent me on? It was dead on, I not only busted a drug ring with no issue but I did so with enough time to accept Jade's call to another adventure...an adventure that we actually have the upper hand for once? I don't know...everything's going RIGHT for us for ONCE...and my 'fight or flight' Thief instincts are just screaming like crazy over it...that just sounds nuts, right?"
Jackie frowned...come to think of it...they were having a crazy amount of luck...was THAT what was making him uncomfortable? That everything WASN'T falling apart around him for once?
Jackie dismisses that thought, 'That's CRAZY...I'M crazy. I routinely beg the universe for good things to happen to me, for things to go SMOOTHLY for once...why shouldn't I enjoy it? I should be happy about this...right?' He thinks that last part a trife conflicted as he and the J-team continues to go meet up with the museum curator...
Meanwhile, Uncle was still examining the book Torhu had found, 'Uncle is old...but shirly Uncle not too far gone that I'd forget a book?" He casts a quick chi spell on it...and it checks out, the book is not only ancient...but shrouded in good magic...it checked out. 'Bah! Uncle jumping at shadows.' Thinks Uncle to himself with a shrug as he continues to follow his nephew...
...
Is it in position?
Yes.
Are our guests arriving?
I have them on the monitors.
Excellent, proceed to phase 2...
...
Finn grunted as he and the other enforcers lowered a giant crate into the basement. He then wiped the sweat off his brow "Right so what's with the crate? Is it full of equipment? Is this shard thing in a vault? Really heavy? Or-
BANG!
...a minute earlier, upstairs...
"What do you mean you don't have it?" Asked Jackie confused...and more then a little worried.
The Curator shrugged, "I'm sorry. But far as I know, we don't have anything bearing the description-
BANG!
Everyone jumped at the sound of a gunshot! "It came from the basement!" Shouted Tohru as they all ran downstairs.
Jade and Paco were about to come-
"No, you two stay!" Shouted Jackie suddenly.
Jade looked at him in disbelief, "What? Come on Jackie, we-
"I SAID STAY!" Shouted Jackie.
Jade gaped, she was so stunned by the completely out of character show of rage and hostility...she actually complied for once...
Jackie quickly ran after the rest, silently promising to apologize to Jade later...but he didn't know why or how...but something was WRONG.
BANG!
The first thing they saw when they entered the basement...was the dead corpses of the enforcers
Now Jackie was a fairly moralistic, laid back, down to earth guy...but even he could say only: "What the Fu-
BANG!
And that's when the drones popped out and riddled them with bullets...
Jackie gagged out some entrail, he was a bloody mess...he looked around...Torhu, El Toro, Viper, UNCLE...all dead...
Wait, was Uncle GLOWING-
And that's when the crate in the center of the room started to glow...
Jackie dragged his now mutilated body forward...
ZAP!
A great big hologram popped up...revealing a cloaked man in a mask.
Hello, Mr. Chan...BIG fan of your work. For what it's worth I do regret us not meeting under more ideal circumstances. Really, I do...
Chan grunted, but he ignored him and still crawled over to the ominously glowing crate...
BANG!
And was rewarded with several more gunshots until he stopped moving...blood pooling around him...
Ah, I see...you still think your going to save the world again...
with inhuman willpower, Jackie Chan AGAIN tried to move his carcass-
BANG!
Sorry. But I'm afraid that's not going to happen. Your here to help us with some important work.
And that's when the bomb went off.
And three things happened at once:
1. The Hellicarrier that had been floating above the museum due to a 'technical error', was blown to bits when a massive laser beam shattered it...killing Captain Black and everyone else inside...
2. The massive energy wave, that swept through the city, knocking out power, shattering glass, melting rubber, and of course reacting poorly to Section 13's newly installed energy core and killing everyone within...yet leaving the building perfectly intact...leaving the men who soon broke in with no resistance as they took the place over...
3. Oh, and let's not forget the museum and several other heavily populated buildings throughout the city being blown to kingdom come.
Jade- sensing something wrong, -hastily pushed Paco and herself through a nearby window away just as the whole place went up-
CRACK!
However, she didn't leave unscathed. some shrapnel slammed right into her head...
Jade groaned as she and Paco hit the pavement...the room began to spin...her head hurt so badly...
Above them, the hologram appeared again...towering over the city...
People of the world, this is Zero-Day. Nice to finally meet.
Consider these 'gifts' as my way of saying HELLO.
Now, well REALLY get to know each other...
Tonight, your modern world will become a living hell...
Right on que...all across the city...portals began to pop out...and 'things' began to pour through...
I don't expect you to understand...but what I'm doing is GOOD.
DESTRUCTION IS ALWAYS THE CURE.
Those were the last things Jade heard before everything faded to black...
...
We have confirmation?
Yes. All major targets killed or neutralized.
Excellent. Begin phase 3...
...III...
TO BE CONTINUED?
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