Opening Montage
Music: "Who Says You Can't Go Home" by Bon Jovi, featuring Jennifer Nettles
First shot is Quinn seated on a train. Jim takes the seat next to her and they start talking. Cut to a shot of Quinn and Jim's wedding five years later. Then cut to a hospital room a few years later and we see an exhausted Quinn and smiling Jim holding newborn triplets. Cut to present day and we see the now nine-year-old triplets. Teddy is reading a book while Tommy and Timmy fight over the video game controller. Cut to Teddy rolling his eyes disdainfully at his immature brothers. Next, cut to a shot of Jim working on a car while a tripod mounted camera records the whole thing. Next shot is Quinn making a S'mores 'n' Pores video in the kitchen. Next shot is Jim chatting with Jamie, Chuck and Kevin over beer while Brittany and Daryl make out in the background. Next shot is Jamie teaching a history class at Lawndale High. He notices that the current quarterback is making out with his cheerleader girlfriend in class, causing Jamie to have a DeMartino-style meltdown. Next, we see Teddy hanging out on the playground with a girl his age who is visibly of mixed European/East Asian heritage. They watch the 'normal' kids play with visibly disdain, implying that this girl is the Jane to Teddy's Daria. Next, we see Quinn, Jim and the triplets stand on the front lawn and smile at the audience. The following caption appears under them...
Lawndale
S2, Ep. 6
"God, Guns and Killer Dogs"
written by
WildDogJJ
The Lawndale Department Of Motor Vehicles, day...
Kevin was waiting in line to have his driver's license renewed. He noticed the guy in front of him is wearing a dark blue cap. The guy was incredibly muscular with a long mullet and a biker mustache. What really caught Kevin's attention, however, was what's on the front of the guys cap. The cap has big yellow letters in military block style that read "Bounty Hunter". Kevin tapped the guy on the shoulder.
"Whattayou want?" the guy said in an annoyed tone.
Kevin said "I just wanted to say I like your cap. Where'd you get it?"
Calming down, the man said "Jimbo's School of Bounty Hunting."
Kevin asked "That at the mall?"
Trying not to laugh, the man said "No, it's where I was certified. I'm a professional bounty hunter."
Kevin's eyes lit up in amazement.
"Cool! So, like, what store do they sell those caps at?"
"They don't sell 'em," said the guy, "You gotta get certified as a bounty hunter and then they issue you one."
Kevin looks totally deflated.
"Aw, Man!"
The bounty hunter now feels bad for Kevin.
"Look, you're a little outta shape, but that don't matter. Not like we're actual cops or anything. Why don't you take the class and try your hand at being a bounty hunter?"
Kevin looked curious.
"Like, I don't have time."
The bounty hunter reassured him.
"Don't need it. Course only take one evening. After that, they license you to be a bounty hunter and you get this cool cap."
Kevin now looks thoughtful.
The Thompson house, later that day...
Kevin, Jim, Jamie and Chuck were on Kevin's front porch drinking beer and talking.
"Guys, guess what," said Kevin, "I've decided to change careers. I'm gonna be a bounty hunter."
The other guys look at Kevin strangely.
Jim said "Kevin, you don't know the first thing about police procedure."
Kevin replied "How would you know?"
"My mother-in-law's a retired lawyer."
Added Chuck "Kevin, you do realize you need to be licensed to do that, right?"
Kevin said "Yeah, that's why I'm taking a class tomorrow night. Day after I start my career as a bounty hunter. By the way, Jim, can I borrow your gun?"
Jim swiftly said "No."
Kevin said "But, like, how am I gonna shoot bad guys?"
Rolling his eyes, Jamie said "Kevin, do you have even the first idea how bounty hunters operate today?"
Kevin said "Duh, Jamie, I've played Red Dead Redemption often enough to know how it's done. Once I'm licensed all I'll need is a gun and a horse."
The other guys gave Kevin a pitying look.
Casa Carbone, a short time later...
Quinn and Jim's brother, Chris, are in the kitchen having tea and catching up.
"So, Chris," said Quinn, "How's your profile on ? Any hits?"
Chris sighed. "No."
At this point the Carbone's greyhound, Stripe, came up to Chris and nudged him. Chris looks at the dog, who happily wags her tail.
"Hey, Stripe."
Chris scratches Stripe behind her ears. The dog responds by affectionately licking her wrist.
"Aren't you just the best doggo."
Stripe places her front paws on Chris's chair, hoists herself up and affectionately licks the man's face, her tail wagging the whole time.
"Yes, Stripey, I love you too."
It was at this point that Jim came back from Kevin's.
"Hey, Quinn, hey, Chris. Sorry to run out again, but we know what time it is."
Jim reached for Stripe's leash. Stripe saw this and ran excitedly toward him.
"Yeah, girl," said Jim as he put the leash on her, "It's time for your walk."
Quinn and Chris watch as Jim and the dog leave. Once they're gone the two face each other. Quinn gets an idea.
"You know, Chris, maybe you wouldn't be so lonely if you got a dog."
Chris said "I dunno."
Quinn said "Look, you've been lonely and depressed ever since Brooke left you and I can't help feeling a little responsible. After all, I was the one who caught her cheating on you. A dog might help you get over the issues you've been having. They listen, they love you unconditionally. In some ways a relationship with a dog can be even more satisfying than a relationship with another person."
Chris looks thoughtful.
A strip mall, the following evening...
Tucked away in a little corner of the shopping center is a small place with a sign the reads "Adult Education Center". Inside, Kevin is seated in a classroom. The instructor is a guy in a sleeveless shirt, faded jeans and a cap the reads "Bounty Hunter" on the front. This instructor is a pudgy man with a mustache and a mullet.
"Class," he said in a southern accent, "My name is Clyde, an' I'm gonna be yer instructor tonight."
Clyde spits some tobacco into a spittoon.
"I'm gonna teach y'all 'bout takin' down scum."
Kevin raised his hand.
Clyde said "Yep?"
Kevin said "What if you don't own a gun?"
Clyde said "Well, even though it ain't legal in this state, damn yankee liberals, this 'ere's 'Murica an' we got a God-given right to be shootin'. Once we finish class fer th' evenin' I'm gonna give each an' ev'ry one o' ya yer vury own guns." To make the point, Clyde points to a table. The table has a pile of diplomas, a pile of "Bounty Hunter" caps, a pile of handguns and a pile of assault rifles.
Another person in the class said "I thought you couldn't do that in this state."
"Ya cain't," said Clyde, "But I'll be damned if I'm gon' let a bunch o' freedom hatin' hippies not let ya'll have guns just 'cause we live in a blue state 'stead o' tha real 'Murica."
Kevin said "Cool!"
One hour later...
The class is over and they're all in line at the table. Kevin approaches.
"Congradulashuns," said Clyde, "Ya done good, Kevin." He hands Kevin a certificate. "Yer now a licensed boundy hun'er." He hands Kevin his "Bounty Hunter" cap. "Her ya go." He hands Kevin a handgun, "Yer vury own Glock," he hands Kevin an assault rifle, "An' yer vury own AR-15."
Kevin puts own his cap, stows the Glock in his belt, and looks at his AR-15 in amazement.
"Cool!"
Thompson house, the next day...
Kevin has invited Jim, Jamie and Chuck over. They're in the living room.
"Guys," said Kevin, "I asked you over because I have some good news."
He takes off his Trump-2020 cap and replaces it with his new Bounty Hunter cap.
"I'm now a licensed bounty hunter. Pretty cool, huh?"
The other guys stare in wide-eyed, open-mouthed shock.
Jamie said "You've gotta be shitting me!"
"You're a bounty hunter!?" added an equally shocked and apprehensive Chuck.
Kevin said "Yeah, the class was easy. They even gave me free guns. Pretty cool, huh, Upchuck?"
"No, it isn't, and quit calling me that!"
Kevin said "Check this out."
He picks up a can of beer in one hand and pulls out his Glock with the other. The other guys take a HUGE step back.
Kevin said "I saw this on an episode of The Simpsons."
He aims his gun at the can and tries to shoot it open. The shot knocks the can out of Kevin's hand and the bullet riccochets and shatters open one of the windows. Kevin then blushes with embarrassment.
"Sorry!"
Jim said "Will you put that thing away before you get us all killed!?"
Kevin starts to put the gun back when and accidental discharge shoots a hole in the floor.
"DAMMIT, KEVIN," Jim shouted, "ENGAGE THE SAFETY!"
"Uh...What's a safety?"
Jim groans in frustration.
Kevin reaches behind the sofa. "You think that gun was cool..." he pulls out the AR-15, "...check this out."
The other guys gasp in horror, which flies right over Kevin's head. He aims the rifle at a flower vase and opens fire. The rapid spraying of ammo destroys the vase and the recoil causes Kevin to shatter another window and make the wall around it look like Swiss cheese before he releases the trigger.
"Pretty cool, huh? Um...guys?"
The guys are all taking cover behind various pieces of furniture.
Meanwhile, at the animal shelter...
A shelter volunteer, a teenager in emo clothes, is leading Chris among the rows of dogs. Chris was explaining what he wants.
"I want a dog who's a cute and cuddly companion. Do you have any puppies?"
Shrugging, the volunteer said "No, this isn't a pet shop. What you see is what you get."
Just then a dog caught Chris's eye. This dog was a huge Rottweiler with a red muzzle. Chris and the dog made eye contact.
"Does this dog have a name?" he asked.
The volunteer doesn't respond because he's listening to his I-pod. Chris looks at the dog again.
"I think I'll call you...Rex."
Rex eyes Chris with an intensity that most people would recognize as hostility, but he thinks is affection. Chris looks at the label on Rex's cage. He's scheduled to be euthanized.
"My God," he gasped.
The volunteer sees Chris making eye contact with the Rottweiler.
"Uh...You sure you want that one?"
Chris said "You're gonna kill him!?"
The guy said "Look, I don't get a say and..."
"He's just like me," said Chris, "Rejected and unloved by a cruel world. I'm taking him."
The teenager tries to explain.
"Look...it's just...well..."
"Save it!" Chris barked, "I'm taking this dog home," He then flashed his badge, "Or do I have to bust you for animal cruelty?"
The teenager instantly lost his nerve.
Later...
Chris was walking out with Rex on a leash. As soon as he's gone the shelter manager, a man in his fifties, approaches.
"Where's the Rottweiler?" the manager asked.
The teenager said "Some fat, bald dude just adopted him."
The manager's eyes went wide, and his jaw dropped.
"Are you kidding me!? You let someone take that thing home!?"
The teenager said "He insisted." A second later, the teenager added, "And he's a cop, and I'm still on probation for that DUI."
The manager said "Did you tell him that dog has a severe aggression problem, that all attempts to rehabilitate him failed and that's why we have to put him down!?"
The teenager said "Knew I forgot something."
Chris's house, evening...
Chris was in the living room with his new dog, a Rottweiler named Rex.
"This is your new home, Rex," he said, "Now, let's take that muzzle off."
Chris removed Rex's muzzle. Once it's off the dog looks at his new owner with a murderous rage in it's eyes.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
That made Chris nervous.
"Um...Rex?"
Rex responds.
"ARF! ARF! GRRRRR-RUFF!"
The dog charged at Chris, gnashing his teeth the whole time. Fortunately, Chris managed to dodge Rex's initial attack.
Rex then looked at Chris with pure bloodlust.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-GRRRRRRRRRRR-RUFF!"
He charges at Chris again. Chris ducks out of the way in time, causing Rex to hit the couch. Consumed with murderous rage, Rex bites massive chunks out of the sofa, shredding the cushions to pieces. Seeing this, Chris was now terrified as it's clear that Rex wants to do to him what he's doing to the sofa.
"Um...nice doggie!"
Rex stopped mauling the couch and looked at Chris.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
He lunges at Chrsi, who backs away just in time for Rex's teeth to only grab his pants leg and tear it clean off. Chris is now horrified.
"Um...Rex...uh..."
Rex stops eating Chris's pants and gets ready to attack again. Chris turns and runs for his life.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Chris ran down the hallway as Rex chased after him, fully intent of tearing his new owner to pieces. Frightened and desperate, Chris turns and ducks into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. Frantic, Chris locks the door. Suddenly, through the door he hears...
"RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF"
The dog charges at the bathroom door so hard that the hinges start to come lose. Chris screamed in sheer terror.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!"
He ran to the shower, which had a sliding glass door, and closes himself in. The bathroom door falls down off of it's hinges. Chris can only watch in helpless horror as Rex charges at the shower door so hard that the glass breaks and the dog feels no pain as he's too hell bent on killing Chris.
Casa Carbone, a short time later...
Quinn, Jim and the boys are sitting down at the kitchen table and having dinner when there's a very frantic knocking on the front door.
"What the hell!?" asked Quinn.
Jim said "I'll get it."
He gets up and answers the front door. Standing there is a VERY frightened Chris wearing only his wife-beater shirt and boxer shorts while covered in cuts and bruises.
Raising an eyebrow, Jim said "My God, bro, what happened!?"
Before he could answer there was the sound of barking. Rex runs across the street toward the house, hell bent on ripping Chris to pieces.
"OUTTA MY WAY!" Chris frantically shouted as he shoved Jim aside and ran into the house. Seeing a Rottweiler charge at them with murderous rage in his eyes, Jim immediately slams the door shut just in time to cause Rex to crash into it face first. Jim swiftly locks and deadbolts the door. As Rex continues to lunge at the door from outside Jim turns to find Chris cowering in a corner. His eyes dart left to right as he shakes like a leaf. Quinn comes out of the kitchen. The sight of Chris causes Quinn to gasp in horror.
"Chris," Quinn exclaimed, "What happened!?"
Chris said "I...I'm h...having a little trouble bonding with my new dog. C...Can I sleep in your guestroom t...tonight!?"
Carter County Jail, the next day...
Kevin is in line with bailiffs, police and other bounty hunters at the bondsman's office. The bondsman, a stocky guy with receding black hair, is handing out assignments and arrest warrants. Kevin approaches the desk.
"So," said the bondsman, "You're one of the newbies, huh?"
Kevin said "Yeah, I'm, like, ready to take down some bad guys."
With a dismissive shrug, the bondsman said "Whatever. Anyways, I've got the perfect assignment for you." He hands Kevin a file. "This guy's wanted for failure to pay an outstanding parking ticket by the due date."
"Cool!," said Kevin, "You want me to shoot him?"
The bondsman said "No, just bring him in. If he pays the ticket after that then he's free to go. No excessive force."
Taking the file, Kevin said "Don't worry, dude. Kevin the bounty hunter always gets his man."
The bondsman said "Whatever. NEXT!"
The Sloane Mansion, a short time later...
Kevin rang the doorbell. A Latin man answers.
"Si, can I help you?"
Kevin said "Like, is Tom here?"
The butler said "Uno momento, senor."
The butler went inside. Seconds later, Tom came to the door. He recognized Kevin.
"Mr. Thompson, can I help you?"
Kevin said "You, like, didn't pay a parking ticket."
Tom immediately facepalmed himself.
"God, I completely forgot about that!"
Kevin said "Well, I'm a bounty hunter and I have to, like, take you in."
Tom nodded in understanding.
"That's fair. I can pay it at the station. Let me get my wallet real quick and we can go."
Kevin pulled his Glock on Tom.
"You, like, think I'm stupid? You're gonna run."
Tom groaned in frustration.
"Kevin, I'm not going to run. I just forgot to pay the ticket. I'm more than happy to come with you to the station to clear this matter up. You can even come in and wait while I get my wallet."
Kevin said "You're gonna run."
Rolling his eyes, Tom said "Kevin, you know me! I'm not gonna go on the run just to get out of paying a parking ticket. Just give me a minute to get my wallet and we can go."
Tom turns to go get his wallet when Kevin immediately opens fire. The bullet hits Tom's left ass cheek. He falls to the floor and screams.
"AAAAHHHHH! KEVIN, WHAT THE HELL!?"
Kevin said "You were, like, resisting arrest!"
Tom barked "NO, I WAS GETTING MY WALLET AND YOU SHOT ME IN THE ASS!"
Kevin walks up to Tom and handcuffs him. As he does, he accidentally puts pressure on the bullet wound in Tom's rear.
"AAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Kevin said "Like, let this be a lesson to pay parking tickets on the due date."
Tom shouted "I'M GONNA FREAKING SUE YOU AND THE COUNTY FOR THIS, YOU IDIOT!"
Casa Carbone...
Rex is still outside the front door when it starts to open. The dog immediately assumes a fighting stance.
"GRRRRRRRRR!"
Jim comes out with a leash in one hand and Rex's muzzle in the other. The dog prepares to attack.
"GRRRRRRRR-RUFF!"
Jim stands his ground. His posture makes it clear that he is not the least bit intimidated.
"Don't even think about it, pal."
Rex quickly calms down. Finally, he sits.
"Good," said Jim in a stern tone, "Now, are you gonna let me leash you up or do I have to open up a can of whoop ass on you first?"
Rex allows Jim to put on both the leash and the muzzle without incident.
Chris's house, later...
Jim leads Rex into a dog cage while Quinn and Chris clean up the mess from the night before.
"Thanks for doing this," said Chris.
Quinn said "No problem, Chris."
Added Jim, "What I don't get is why you thought getting this dog was a good idea. He obviously has severe psychological problems."
"I didn't know that when I got him," Chris protested.
Quinn puts the phone back on the receiver and says "There, all done."
She turns to Chris.
"Chris," said Quinn, "Maybe you should return this dog to the animal shelter."
"I can't do that," Chris exclaimed, "They were gonna put him down."
Sarcastic, Jim said "Gee, I wonder why."
Adamant, Chris said "Look, I appreciate your concern, but I can do this."
Worried, Quinn said "Like last night when this dog nearly killed you."
Added Jim, "Look, Chris, I was only able to get him to behave by placing myself at great personal risk. I could just as easily be fighting for my life in the ER right now."
"You don't understand," Chris protested, "Rex and I are the same. We're both unloved and unwanted."
Rolling his eyes, Jim said "Chris, that's not true. You just think that because one of the things Brooke took from you in the divorce was your self-esteem." Jim took a brief pause, then continued. "Look, if you really wanna do this the key is to establish yourself as the alpha. Don't let this dog intimidate you. Hold your ground when he gets vicious. Dogs have a strong pack mentality that makes them very responsive to any sign of dominance. Don't let your fear show because that sets off their hunting instinct."
Later, after Quinn and Jim have left...
Chris let Rex out of his cage.
You can do this. You can do this! YOU CAN DO THIS!
He took Rex's muzzle off. Predictably, the dog began snarling and prepared to attack. After taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, Chris stood above the dog and willed himself to act as if he were on duty and dealing with a defiant speeder or jaywalker (remember, he's a cop).
"You don't own me. I own you."
Rex calms down and sits.
"Good," said Chris, "Now, let me get your leash so we can go for a walk."
As soon as his back was turned, Rex began snarling again. As Chris turns back, Rex lunges at him.
"AAAHHHHHHH! REX, BAD DOG!"
Rex bites the leash out of Chris's hand. Terrified, he runs out the door as Rex chases after him. He runs across the front yard. Rex catches up and nearly gets him, but he dodges the attack in time. Chris runs to the house and locks the door. Suddenly, Rex jumps in through the window. Chris backs away as Rex snarles at him. The dog is so hell bent on killing Chris that he doesn't seem to even notice that his face is all cut up from the window glass. Desperate, Chris quickly crawls into the dog cage and locks himself in. Rex attacks the cage.
"REX, NO! DOWN, BOY!"
The dog continues his assault on the cage.
A/N: Way to show who's boss, Chris.
Carter County Jail...
Kevin is in the bond office getting an ass chewing for how he handled Tom.
"YOU IDIOT!," the bondsman shouted, "YOU WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO BRING HIM IN!"
Kevin protested "But I thought he was gonna run for it!"
The bondsman said "SO YOU SHOT HIM IN HIS ASS!"
"Dude," said Kevin, "It was an accident. I was aiming for his leg."
The bondsman said "And now he can sue us for excessive force and assault with a deadly weapon."
In a dopey tone Kevin said "Sorry."
The bondsman said "Give me one good reason not to have a judge revoke your license right now!"
"Come on!" Kevin protested, "So I got carried away. It was my first assignment."
"WHICH YOU FUCKED UP ROYALLY!"
"Please give me another chance," Kevin begged, "I don't wanna go back to being a clown!"
The bondsman sighed in frustration.
"Okay, fine. One more chance and that's it."
Kevin smiled. "Cool! Thanks, dude."
The bondsman hands Kevin a file.
"Look, since you're so trigger happy maybe this assignment would be a better fit. This guy was busted for operating a dog fighting ring in Camden. We think he's hiding at the address in the file. Go there and, if he's there, take him down."
Kevin was so excited to get real action that he does a fist pump.
"AWRIGHT!"
Stern, the bondsman said "You screw this up, pal, and I'll see to it that your bounty hunting days are over!"
A trailer in the woods, sometime later...
Kevin walked up to the front door and knocks. The door was answered by a black man with a shaved head dressed in gang colors.
"Man, whatchu want?"
Kevin said "You, like, skipped bail. I'm taking you in."
Smug, the guy said "Man, you trippin'."
Kevin pulls out his Glock.
"Like, you're under arrest."
The gang member rolls his eyes.
"You ain't gonna shoot me."
Kevin said "What makes you think that?"
"Your safety's on," said the gangbanger as he pointed at Kevin's gun.
Kevin said "Really!?"
He deactivates the safety.
"Thanks."
The gang member closed the door right in Kevin's face.
"HEY!" Kevin shouted, "Like, don't resist!"
Just then, iron gates in front of an adjacent barn open. A bunch of snarling pit bulls come running out and surround Kevin.
"Uh, nice doggies!"
The dogs slowly move in for the kill. Kevin aims his Glock at them.
"Get back!"
The vicious dogs come in closer.
"EEP!"
Kevin shoots at them and misses. One of the dogs barks.
"RUFF! RUFF! GRRRRRRR-RUFF!"
Kevin panics and drops his gun, resulting in an accidental discharge. The gun bounces and lands on the ground behind the pack of attack dogs. Kevin is now terrified.
"Uhhhh...good boys!"
The pit bulls slowly move in for the kill. Kevin is so frightened that he wets his pants.
Casa Carbone, day...
Jim was in the garage and had just wrapped up another car video. As he began to put up his camera equipment his cell phone went off. He answers.
"Hello?"
The gang member's hideout...
A terrified Kevin was talking on his cell while on the roof, which is surrounded by a pack of snarling pit bulls who want to tear him limb from limb.
"Jim, you've gotta help me!"
Casa Carbone...
Sighing, Jim asked "What's wrong?"
Kevin said "I went to take down a guy who skipped bail after running some kind of dog fighting thing or something and...and..."
Jim could hear the dogs snarling on his end.
"Kevin, where are you now?"
Kevin said "I'm on top of my Hummer and surrounded by dogs who wanna kill me!"
Jim said "Did you bring your guns?"
"I left the rifle at home!"
"What about the Glock?"
"I dropped it," Kevin admitted, "I ran to my Hummer but lost the keys. YOU'VE GOTTA GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
Jim asked "What's the address?"
Kevin answered "369 on Route 51."
"I know where that is," said Jim, "I'll be there as fast as I can."
They both hang up.
Meanwhile, at Chris's house...
Chris was still cowering in the dog cage. Rex is asleep on the floor, having worn himself out trying to get to his new owner.
If I can get to his muzzle and put it on, I'll be safe.
Chris took a deep breath to calm his nerves. After this, he slowly opens the cage, ready to slam it shut again if Rex wakes up. Fortunately, the dog continues to sleep. Taking extra care to be quiet, Chris made way to where his muzzle is. Once he has it, he nervously walks over to the sleeping Rottweiler.
If I can get it on without waking him, I should be okay.
Chris approaches Rex. The dog suddenly spasms and makes a whimpering sound. Chris takes a deep breath to keep from freaking out.
It's okay. He's just having a vivid dream.
Chris proceeded to gently lift Rex's head off the floor, ready to make a run for it if he wakes up. Finally, the muzzle is secure on Rex. He fastens it when...
"Urmp"
Chris jumps with a start, but Rex continues to sleep. He breathes a huge sigh of relief.
I wonder what he's dreaming about. Probably sweet, innocent puppy thoughts.
Meanwhile, inside Rex's mind...
Rex is alternating between dreaming about ripping Chris's arms off, ripping his legs off, tearing his throat out with his teeth and eating Chris's guts while he screams in agony. In this dream, Rex enjoys every second of ripping Chris apart and eating him alive.
In reality...
Unaware of what Rex is dreaming, Chris smiles at the sleeping dog.
He looks so peaceful.
A wooded area just outside of Lawndale, a short time later...
Kevin is on top of his Hummer while the pack of bloodthirsty pit bulls continue to snarl at him. One of the attack dogs tries to jump up but can't make it.
"RUFF!"
Kevin reacts.
"AAAAHHHHHH!"
Just then, one of them manages to jump onto the hood. Kevin is now terrified.
"EEP!"
Just then, Jim's Camaro pulls up right by them. The Camaro slides and spins to a screeching halt, kicking up a lot of dust in the process. This gets the attention og the attack dogs as they lose interest in Kevin and start to surround Jim's car. Jim revs the supercharged pushrod V8 (his Camaro's a ZL1).
VRRROOOOOOMMMMM! VRRROOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!
The attack dogs move in for the kill when the passenger side door opens.
"GET 'EM, STRIPE!"
Jim and Quinn's greyhound, Stripe, leaps out of the Camaro and snarls at the pit bulls. One leaps at her, and she responds by biting its neck and wrestling it to the ground. Stripe snarls as the one she attacked returns to the safety of the pack. From the car Jim gives his dog another command.
"STRIPE, RUN!"
Stripe takes off and the whole pack of pit bulls chase after her. They can't catch her on account of they're all pit bulls while Stripe's a greyhound. Jim calls out.
"KEVIN, GET IN HERE WHILE STRIPE HAS THEIR ATTENTION!"
Kevin jumps off of his Hummer and runs into Jim's Camaro, closing the passenger side door behind him.
"Hold on!" said Jim as he sped after the dogs. He blocks the path and opens the driver's side door.
"STRIPE, COME ON! HERE, STRIPEY!"
Stripe runs into the Camaro, across Jim's lap and into the back seat. Jim then closes the door just in time for the lead attack dog to crash right into it. With both Kevin and Stripe safely in the car Jim floors it. The dogs give chase but quickly learn that if you can't catch a greyhound then you definitely can't catch a muscle car that can go from 0 to 60 in 3.3 seconds.
Once they're safely away, Jim slows down to a normal speed.
"Thanks, man," said Kevin, "I thought I was dead."
Jim said "Kevin, this isn't the first time I've saved your ass and probably won't be the last time either."
Kevin said "Yeah, thanks."
"Kevin," said Jim, "Maybe bounty hunting isn't for you."
Kevin said "Why do you say that, dude?"
Jim explained "You took one class taught by a redneck who thought it was a good idea to give you automatic weapons. You nearly got killed on this assignment and I heard about you accidentally shooting Tom Sloane in the ass."
"Come on, Jim," said Kevin, "So my first two missions didn't go right. So what?"
Jim said "Did I also mention how you made your house look like Swiss cheese while showing off your guns?"
Kevin looks thoughtful.
"You know, maybe bounty hunting isn't my thing after all."
Jim has a 'well, duh' look on his face.
Kevin said "I'm keeping the cool hat, though."
Jim reacts with an eye roll.
The park...
Chris was at the dog park with a leashed and muzzled Rex. He's talking to a beautiful young woman who's walking a Dalmation.
"So," said the girl, "You're a dog lover."
Chris tries to play it cool. "I know. They're such wonderful animals."
They approach the dog park. Chris was about to enter when a park worker stopped him.
"Hold it, pal. No muzzles aloud."
Chris was deflated, mainly because the beautiful woman was already in there with her dog. "But...but..."
"Those are the rules."
Chris sees the hottie play with her dog and silently pines.
"But, I was hitting it off with that girl."
"No problem," said the park worker, "Just take the muzzle off and I'll let you in."
Against his better judgment, Chris takes Rex's muzzle off.
"GRRRRRRRRR-RUFF-RUFF-RUFF!"
Rex immediately tries to attack Chris. He turns and runs down the street as Rex chases after him.
Casa Carbone, evening...
Quinn, Jim and the boys are in the living room watching TV when the doorbell rings.
"I'll get it." said Quinn as she got up off of the couch and answered the door. Once the door is open, Chris frantically runs into the house.
"CLOSE THE DOOR, QUINN!"
Quinn closes the door just in time for Rex to crash into it. Quinn next turns to see that Chris is exhausted, his clothes are all torn, and he's covered in cuts and bruises.
"My God! Chris, what happened!?"
Chris said "I...gasp...don't...care...if...they...kill...him...puff...I'm...returning...Rex...Dog...psychotic..."
He promptly faints and begins to snore. It was the first time Chris had slept in days.
End Ep. 6