ENTER: Jacques the Jewish vampire with an irrational fear of renovators. He also is allergic to onions, and shellfish. But otherwise he's a completely normal vampire; except for the fact he lives in Norway, and speaks fluent French/Spanish/English. But he vacations in the room of requirement because he can't afford a real Caribbean vacation.

He suddenly removed his hands from the other man's shoulders with a sigh. "You are such a massage whore!"

Jacques walked into the room of requirement in a Speedo, holding a beach umbrella, and sunscreen, returning having realized that one generally cannot get a tan in the moonlight.

"Bonjour!" Jacques greeted, "Désole, I didn't know this room was being used. ¡Un momento! You wouldn't happen to be renovators, would you?"

"Uh no," Harry said sheepishly as he covered himself with the golden sheet, "Why?"

"No reason," Jacques answered.

"Well," Draco said, "I helped renovate the Slytherin common room."

"AHHHHHHHHHHH" Jacques screamed, running out of the room.

"Well," Riddle snapped at Lucius, "Which one is it?"

"I don't know my lord." Lucius answered

"They both fit perfectly."

Harry sat across the table staring into the sparkling eyes of his Draco. He grinned realizing that they had already shagged twice, but this was their first date. As he was mentally undressing his boyfriend, Harry realized that Draco had been talking.

Harry felt a feeling of comfort as he hear Draco's soft breath in his ear, and Draco's long slender finger on his bare chest. Make that three times, Harry thought with a smile.

SHWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

"WHAT!" Draco shouted.

"I'm pregnant," Harry repeated.

"How?"

"You were there Draco, you shouldn't need a diagram!" Harry said tensely.

"I know but life isn't a m-preg fic!"

"Apparently it is!" Harry bellowed.

"Sorry. What about gender?"

"Well, males have xy chromosomes, so we can use the square prediction method," Harry said.

X

Y

X

XX

XY

Y

XY

YY

"What's xx?" Draco asked.

"Female." Harry answered.

"And yy?" Draco inquired, nervous because both genders had already been used.

"That's a theoretical third gender, it's never happened before though."

"Well," Dumbledore sighed, "I can't say this happens all the time, but it has happened before, although this is the first time it has happened with to guys. You two will move into one of the suites, it has a bedroom, a bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. It is still cleaned by the house elves."

"Erm thanks." Harry murmured.

"Now Harry," Dumbledore continued, "Male pregnancy is a bit different from female pregnancy, gestation is only three months. You will however, still experience craving and mood swings. And despite common belief, sex is not forbidden during male pregnancy."

"But," Harry asked "Where will the baby come out?"

"You have an option there, naturally, it will come out, well, the same way the sperm went in." Harry blushed before Dumbledore could continue. "However, many people decide to get a c-section."

"Thanks Professor." Draco said.

Harry stood in his kitchen doing the dishes in just an apron. Draco walked in and kissed the back of Harry's neck sweetly.

"Hon?" he asked, "Why are you doing the dishes, the house elves would do it."

Harry spun around and kissed the father of his gestating child. "It's comforting, besides it gives me an excuse to wear an apron."

"Perhaps we could wash something else for a while." Draco grinned, and they both ran off to the bathroom and started filling the Jacuzzi.