"I don't get it." Draco said, scrunching his eyebrows

"You just push the buttons that correspond to the numbers you have, then it will let you talk to whoever answers the other phone." Harry explained slowly, trying not to laugh at his husband's blatant ineptitude with a telephone.

"Bloody muggles, with their bugging telephlones!" Draco pouted

"Telephones." Harry corrected, Draco pouted some more. "Oh, get over yourself Draco."

Fred arched his back, fingers digging into the skin of his twin's back. A loud moan echoed from his lips. George pushed further inside his twin, slamming his cock into his twin's tight ass.

Fred screamed, and then the door was knocked off it's hinges.

Lee Jordan stood panting in the doorway, "Hey, can anyone join?"

Colin Creevy, or Colin Creepy, depending on whom you ask, sat on his bed. He looked up at his photo collage of Harry, including several pictures he snapped while Harry was showering, or while Harry was changing, or where Harry was having sex. In the sex pictures, Colin had, of course, replaced Harry's partner with pictures of himself. Now, if only I was really getting fucked by my dearest Harry, instead of just staring at a collage, Colin thought as he lay on a bed moving his hands up and down on his well lubricated, but still not very impressive (but at least it was shiny) self.

Colin looked to his side, and was so surprised to see Harry lying there, he practically exploded.

"I'm fed up with Draco, I'm all yours sex muffin!" Harry growled, and Colin jumped on top of him, growling himself, and roughly kissing Harry's neck. Colin ran his hands down Harry's back, reaching and grabbing Harry's ass, wanting to have as much of Harry as he could possibly have.

Colin slid his whole body down Harry's, until his head was level with a mini Harry, much less mini then in the pictures. Colin took as much of mini Harry in his mouth as he could, but it was all lumpy and squishy. It wasn't until he started to gag, when he realized that it was a pillow the whole time.

Colin took the pillow from his mouth, hoping that no one saw him, but he soon realized the other occupiers of the dormitory had returned.

"It's too small!" Hermione complained.

"Well, I told you I wasn't a medium anymore!" Ron blustered, trying his best to calm down.

"Well excuse me, but you always look so much smaller!" Hermione flustered.

"It isn't going to fit, we can't even get it past the head, and we've been tugging it down for five minutes!" Ron groaned. "Just pull it off, I can do the job without one!"

"I think it's stuck!"

"I can do the job without one, but not with one in the way!"

"I'm sorry! If you would just calm down, we could get it off."

"Just get it off, and I'll paint the goddamn kitchen without the painter's smock!"

Meanwhile, Twenty-nine and a half miles away, Jacques was hiding in a cave from the demon renovators who were attacking him in his sleep.

"Fuck, these monkeys are bloody tiny." Draco gasped, pointing at the tiny monkeys.

"Draco," Harry said slowly, "That's because they're sea monkeys."

"I want one," Draco pouted, "pocket sized."

"They're all ready pocket sized."

"Damn, well, I still want one."

Upon hearing this, the salesmen in the mall court rushed up to the two men who were standing with their stroller, watching as the sea monkeys flitted about in the tank. They were wearing cheesy suits and all had leather briefcases filled with useless crap that they peddled to unsuspecting tourists.

"Would you like to buy a new and improved Popsicle stick?" One asked, before Harry cursed him into a comatose state. This seemed to deter the other salesmen.

"But I wanted one." Draco pouted.

"I'll buy you a mini muffin." Harry gave in.

"With that muggle herb?" Draco perked up.

"Yes honey." Harry smiled.

"Umm, sir?" A woman approached Harry and asked, "Why is that baby green?"

"He...um it'ssea sick," Draco answered, "from watching the sea monkeys."

"You don't get sea sick from that" Harry rolled his eyes.

"He...um...it's dying?" Draco gasped. "Our little...uh...it, is dying!"

"No, it's just developing a green colour, the doctors said this might happen." Harry explained.

"And when was I going to be told this?" Draco demanded.

"Oh, Draco, the baby might turn green."

"Ronald?"

"Yes dear?"

"Don't you 'yes dear' me!"

"Sorry dear."

"Don't 'sorry dear' me, either!"

"I won't dear. What is it?"

"I think I just gave birth."

"What? I couldn't hear you, the TV was too loud."

"I said I just gave birth!"

"Is that normal?"

"RONALD!"