"Seamus, why is there porn in my sock drawer?"

"Oops . . ."

"Seamus?"

"It's...not...porn."

"I can see it Seamus."

"Damn, I meant it's not mine."

"So the socks are looking at porn?"

"Yes. They've been feeling rather lonely since muggle rock stars stopped using them as condoms."

"My socks know rock stars?"

"Apparently."

"No more porn Seamus."

"It's the socks'!"

"We've been sleeping together for months, why do you need porn?"

"I don't, the socks do."

"Seamus!"

"Ikindalikethekinkystuff."

"What?"

"I said 'I kinda like the kinky stuff'!"

"Oh."

"Could we do the kinky stuff?"

"Which kinky stuff?"

"That one."

"No."

"That one?"

"I'm not flexible enough."

"I am!"

"Fine."

"Yay! I'll go get the tea kettle."

"Um . . . "

"You're sure this is ok?" Hermione said as she handed Harry her new son Jacob.

"It's fine." Harry reassured her, "Fabala could use a friend."

"I thought it's name was Xaviere?"

"What?" (A/N Reasons: Yeah, don't ask. Oh! By the way, we don't own Wicked, either)

"Well, Ron and I are off to the zoo." Hermione held Ron's hand and they waved goodbye.

"Don't get killed by rampaging hippogriffs!" Draco joked.

"We promise." Ron laughed.

Jacques looked nervously around the zoo, hiding from the demon renovators that were constantly chasing him. He had fled Norway when they tried to renovate his temple. He tried in vain to scare them away with his whole "rabid vampire squirrel" routine, but they soon cough wise when the squirrel started to twitch and die.

Jacques saw them, with their clipboards of doom. He distracted them by setting free a pair of hippogriffs, who simply ambled out and stood there. So, he threw a herring at them, and everybody knows that hippogriffs are deathly afraid of herrings, so they began to rampage.

Ron and Hermione bent down to look at a group of seventeen mating wood nymphs.

"That's a lot of wood." Ron observed, "They sure do love to eat that wood." (Reasons: rolls eyes Other person: Teehee)

"Lets continue to bend down," Hermione suggested, "completely oblivious to anything around us."

"Even rampaging hippogriffs?" Ron asked.

"Yes Ron."

The healers later informed Harry and Draco that Ron and Hermione hadn't died upon contact, but in the time they had wasted finding out if they had died on contact, they died.

"You promised!" Draco cried.

"Draco!" Harry called, "Fabala needs it's diaper changed!"

"Can't you? I'm washing the dishes!"

"I'm feeding Jacob!"

"I think he's had enough, he's been putting on a lot of weight lately."

"He's a month old, if he wasn't putting on weight, he'd be dead!"

"Dean," Seamus asked, "Who is your best man?"

"I don't have a best man." Dean answered, and then turned to the man in the tux standing next to him, as the priest babbled on about how marriage is something or another. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Play along." Jacques answered, "I'm hiding from the demon renovators."

Dean and Seamus exchanged vows and rings, and besides the little mishap when Jacques thought that the Queen of England was a renovator, but the doctors think she'll be out of the ward by a year from Tuesday, the ceremony ran rather smoothly. (Reasons: He's gonna be shot . . . Other person: Don't shoot me English people!)