Lost and Found

Author's Note: Six reviews, time to get to updating. (I finished this a couple of nights before I updated, but wasn't quite happy with it, and more than that I was tired. Sorry. I hope it's better now.) I'm so happy! A lot of people are saying that this has the potential to be a really good story. Must work hard as to not disappoint. So, here's some more Furuba yaoi fanfiction! Nope, no lemons yet, give it time. (They will be well worth the wait, HaruKyo addicts!) I do not own Fruits Basket, that honor goes to the creator, Natsuki Takaya-sensei. If it did, Hatsuharu and Kyo would be mine, while the others would go to whoever asked first...Except Hatori. Jimmie has dibs on him. I know better than to piss off the black woman. (Also! A little oopsey. She has a story titled "Lost and Found" as well...I'm dumb. I totally forgot. Sorry baby!)

Chapter Two: Sounds Promising

Hatsuharu spent the night at Shishou's since it was late and Kazuma was too tired to drive him home, and if Haru was to walk his horrible sense of direction coupled with the complete darkness would have him lost in a matter of seconds, which could prove to be bad, very bad indeed, especially with him in the state he was in at the moment. Kyo stood at the kitchen entrance as Hatsuharu came inside, but as soon as he saw Hatsuharu up close—his gray eyes, usually so wild and lighthearted, were dark, almost black with misery and the potential for something far more sinister, his shoulders slumped and posture bent as if he was trying to disappear, feet shuffling as if he didn't care anymore—he swallowed whatever words he might have been about to say and watched in silence as the cow made his way upstairs. Shishou told Kyo that Hatsuharu would stay the night in the guest room, if he wouldn't mind taking the couch. Kyo said that that was fine; Shishou ruffled up his hair and then, looking older than the cat has ever before seen him, made his way up to his own room.

Kyo was unable to go to sleep until about 2 AM. He lay on the couch, fully dressed, thoughts of Hatsuharu and what could possibly be bothering him kept his mind too busy to allow his tired body to rest. He felt a bit warm, so he kicked off the blanket and stared at the ceiling, positioned uncomfortably but hardly calm enough to care. He still didn't know exactly what had happened, although it had to involve Yuki for such a reaction, and having Hatsuharu in the same house as him, sleeping not too far away, in that state of mind, drove any hope of prompt sleep from him. He wanted to go up to the cow, to comfort him, but he knew that he wasn't the one Hatsuharu wanted. Just like Hatsuharu wasn't the one Yuki wanted. Life could be so unfair.

Hatsuharu couldn't find a reprieve until five. He just lay there in the darkness for the most part, mind blank and heart aching. Shishou decided to let the forlorn boy sleep in, although he woke Kyo up at eight. The cat made some breakfast and saved a bit for the cow for when he finally came down. When he did Kyo offered him the food and Hatsuharu mumbled something about not being hungry, sullen and on edge. The neko wasn't sure of how to handle the awkward silence or the disgruntled ushi. It turns out Kyo didn't need to worry, because Shishou took him gently outside to talk before driving him home.

As soon as they were gone the feelings that had plagued Kyo the night before returned full-force. He has been in love with the dumb ox since they had started training together. He could remember those days like they were yesterday; they had been the happiest of the cat's life. The cow had been younger then, of course, smaller and thinner. His rages were worse, and he hadn't yet made peace with himself or with the rat. The anger in that small body was enough to turn Kyo's head, and even then Kyo knew a lot about anger.

At first he though Hatsuharu's anger was superficial, a joke even, something to look down upon. After spending some time with the ox he realized that the exact opposite was true. Just like Kyo, Hatsuharu was cursed from birth, just because of his zodiac animal. They were all cursed, of course, but only the cat and the cow were made special by it. After all, in the legend the cat and the cow had been tricked by the rat, and so such things had to be taken into account with their current incarnations. The neko would never win, and the ushi would forever be stupid and gullible.

Kyo identified with Hatsuharu like he had never identified with another human being in his entire life. He understood what he was going through, why he was so desperate to train. His Black personality was as unpleasant for the possessed as for those around him at the time of possession. He hated going Black, and although he never told another living soul, Kyo knew. He saw how ferociously Hatsuharu trained, how desperate he was to get stronger, to vent these poisonous emotions, to control his Black side and prevent it from surfacing as often as it did back then.

After the first week of training, when the neko first began to figure the ushi out, Kyo began to see Hatsuharu in a different light. Because they were at different points in their training Kyo would train earlier in the day while Hatsuharu would train later, switching off cleaning duties as they did so, along with the other trainees; Yuki and Kagura. The cat was cleaning out the attic while Shishou and Hatsuharu trained in the field. Although the cow was new he moved with such grace and strength that the cat couldn't look away. Of course he wouldn't be able to hold up against any of the other students, who had been attending for far longer, but he did look rather beautiful. His movements were almost superficial, but it was as if in his desperate need to prove that he wasn't the idiot and weakling everyone said he was he refused to be clumsy or to make a fool of himself.

At first Kyo refused to admit that he was falling in love with the ox. For one thing, Hatsuharu was his cousin, and that made it a bit disturbing. For another, they were both boys, and at the time he still thought that was icky in the way that boys generally do until they mature...if they ever do mature. And then there was the fact that Kyo was so tormented by so many things that he couldn't bring himself to feel anything, any sort of emotion, any love for any other. Kagura was nothing more than an annoying playmate, his mother a distant and disgraceful memory, his father just another Sohma who hated him. And then there was Shishou, so maybe love wasn't such a bad thing. But it was still always painful. Hatsuharu was no exception; no more than Shishou was.

After a year of training their separate practice times became a blessing. Kyo would opt for lone cleaning assignments, for although they were harder they allowed him to stare out the window undisturbed. And the object of his interest was always Hatsuharu. He admired the lean form and outline of his toned body. The wild shape his hair took, the black roots and white tips in their own way exotic, pale flesh that never discolored a picture perfect beauty. It was especially pleasant when he took off his shirt in the heat and sparred half naked, feet bare, gaze intense. Kyo would have never admitted it to another living soul, but he loved his cousin, that much was so obvious not even he could deny it.

Depression set in for a variety of reasons, and he fled from his life, memories and horrors catching up with him. When he returned he was colder and harder than ever. Tohru eventually softened him, and all those feelings he had for Hatsuharu returned as if from hibernation, stronger and more overpowering than ever. Little details that had since changed caught his eye, causing him to linger, only to be masked by anger and annoyance. His tattoos, his necklaces, his bracelets. His love of leather and fur and black. Nothing escaped Kyo's notice, and were he to be asked, he would be able to describe every last inch of his beloved.

Still no one knew. No one even suspected. But everyone could plainly see that Hatsuharu loved Yuki. Him saying that Yuki was his first love tore the cat in two, but always he hid it beneath a facade that was already hiding so many hurts and so many scars. The nezumi, for the most part, ignored the ushi, putting off his declarations and behavior as eccentricities...but it was not to be so. The cow really did love the rat; even the cat knew that. So when it was proclaimed that they were together...Immediately Kyo felt the urge, the need to run off to the mountains. But years of living with Tohru made him hesitate, and that made all the difference. He couldn't abandon them all, his wonderful life—even more than that, running away after such news would give away his carefully hidden secret. So instead he went about brooding and sulking for several days, which no one really noticed, got into a fight with Hatsuharu and went on with his life.

All this time of him loving Tohru and him growing angry whenever Hatsuharu showed up...lies. Deception. Deceit. Something the cat is supposed to be good at, right? Never truthful. A big fake no one could trust. He did love Tohru; but there was something about Hatsuharu that inflamed him, drove him wild, something Tohru could never offer, could never deliver. And all that anger, all that displeasure towards the ox whenever he showed up unexpectedly...a natural reaction to what he needed time to prepare for but was then denied.

Now, seeing him hurting so over the loss of his love...it should have made the cat happy. After all, it meant that his love wasn't dating his worst enemy, right? It meant that the cow was free from the rat and could date him now, right? That's what he should have been taking out of it. But instead of all that Kyo began to feel sad and depressed himself. He didn't like seeing Hatsuharu so unhappy, and he wasn't able to hold him and comfort him as he so desperately wanted to. There was nothing Kyo wanted more in the world than Hatsuharu...except Hatsuharu's happiness. And being unable to give his love such a simple thing was killing him. He was being denied both of his greatest wishes now, instead of just one, and that is enough to drive any person to insanity.

Maybe there was hope. Maybe Kyo had a chance. Maybe he could win the love of the one he had loved for so long. But maybes don't cut it, and Kyo wasn't thinking in terms of "maybe". He wasn't thinking at all. All he could see, all he could feel was Hatsuharu's unhappiness so like his own. Now he was more like the cow than ever. They were both cursed, and on top of that the most cursed of the cursed, and beyond that they were the worst cursed of the most cursed of the cursed.

Life is never fair.

XOXOXOXOXO

Hatsuharu didn't want to go home, but he didn't have much of a choice in the matter. Shishou was the one driving. Thankfully they drove in silence. The cow wasn't sure he could stand to speak any more. It was as if his throat had closed up in response to Yuki's blatant rejection, and every time he opened his mouth and forced words forth a burning, aching pain grew inside of him, molten lava and liquid ice coating his insides and making him want to tear up and break down. So far he had spoken as little as possible and held everything in, but he could feel his resolution weaken, his strength lessen, his resolve slowly but surely decline...

"Hatsuharu?" Kazuma said softly, after several minutes of driving in awkward silence. Every once in a while he would glance over at his melancholy pupil, and not once had he moved or made any sort of noise. He was slumped over in his seat, forehead resting on the window, his body limp and dejectedly resting in a position that couldn't be comfortable. "Hatsuharu," Kazuma repeated, his voice growing louder and more urgent.

"Hatsuharu!"

Finally the ox responded. As if jarred out of some form of unconsciousness he sat up, eyes blinking slowly and face sagging from fatigue and grief, making him seem far too old for his young fifteen-year-old body. "Yes, Shihan?"

Kazuma sighed, rubbing his forehead. Even Hatsuharu noticed how unusually old his master looked. Even with the gray ponytail, their forty-some-year-old teacher always looked so young and vibrant and full of life. Whenever he grew sad, or worried, like right now, he aged all of his years in an instant, and the effect was quite unsettling for those who had known him so well for so long, a startling reminder of how cruel the years can be. "You can't stay this depressed forever," he said after a long pause, his voice sounding as old and world-weary as his eyes made him look.

Hatsuharu turned away from his master, this time staring out the window instead of resting his head on it. "Watch me."

His words were meant to sound defiant, but instead they just came off sounding difficult and childish. "Hatsuharu..." Kazuma began once again, warningly.

Gritting his teeth Hatsuharu swerved back around, his eyes darkening. "You don't know what it's like! This is the second time I have been cast aside so easily, as if I was nothing, as if they never cared! Do you know what it's like to be hated by the ones you love? Well I wish I did, because they don't even care enough about me to feel something as simple as hate, much less love."

Kazuma remained silent for a while after that. Although Hatsuharu almost went Black, he remained just this side of White, in the wide expanse of Gray area that Hatsuharu fluctuates back and forth through on a regular basis.

He pulled up to the ox's house and shut off the engine. His mother was home, as usual, probably in her bedroom putting on makeup or somesuch. Hatsuharu turned and opened the door, sticking one foot out to leave. Before he could, however, Kazuma grabbed his arm, holding him in a gentle but firm grip. The ushi turned obediently, face showing a hint of confusion. "Don't lose yourself in hatred or despair like you did with Rin," Kazuma said, his voice soft, full of wisdom and simple truth.

Hatsuharu sighed softly, and to his master's surprise, gave a small smile. "I'll try. But you know how hard it is to resist temptation."

Kazuma let go and sat back. Hatsuharu got out of the car, shut the door, and walked leisurely up to his house. Once safely inside Kazuma smiled and started up the engine to leave. The ox would be all right. He still had enough life in him for a small bit of dry humor. That was good. The journey would be hard, the road bumpy; blood and tears would be spilt, poison spread, words spat and punches thrown; but Kazuma was confident that everything would work out in the end. These are his teenage years. They are meant to be the hardest of your life...but also the most rewarding.

We'll just have to wait and see.

XOXOXOXOXO

Tohru was a little more than a little worried. After several hours of studying alone in her room she emerged to find the house empty. Well, not completely empty. Shigure was in his office, sleeping, so it wasn't as if she was all alone. She had heard Hatsuharu show up earlier, but she hadn't heard him leave, so she assumed that Yuki would be downstairs with his boyfriend. When he wasn't Tohru checked his room; it was empty. No note downstairs to explain his absence...How unlike him. And then, of course, Kyo was at Shishou's; him not being there was to be expected, if not disappointing.

The next morning she discovered Yuki sleeping in his room, later than usual. She made breakfast as she normally would, and things were quieter than she was used to; not just because Kyo wasn't there, but also because Yuki wasn't talking, and he was emanating such an aura of icy coldness that Shigure didn't feel too tempted to speak up. After breakfast Yuki left without even a proper goodbye, and stunned Tohru had been left all alone.

Just to keep her day interesting, Kyo didn't arrive back until well after noon, when he usually showed back up, missing lunch. And he was feeling no more talkative than Yuki had. Immediately he stormed up to his room, doing god-knows-what before retreating to the roof, where he later fell asleep. Yuki returned late—and alone—going off to bed without dinner or even a pleasant good-night.

The day was the oddest Tohru had ever experienced...What could be the cause of it?

XOXOXOXOXO

"Hatsuharu got dumped!" Ayame proclaimed in his usual obnoxious, overpowering voice as he burst into Shigure's house the next day. He was looking magnificent, as always, fancily clad in a full-length robe of crimson velvet with gold buttons and blue-silver trim. His hair was back in the usual flawless ponytail, golden eyes flashing, poised and graceful as always.

Tohru stared, wide-eyed and shocked. "Oh my! That's terrible."

Shigure calmly walked into the room, clad in his usual plain outfit, having just come back from doing some work...Ha! As if. Mitchan would want him to be working, of course, but rather he had been napping. "Really now? I didn't know you're brother had it in him to 'dump' anyone. He was always the timid one, after all."

Ayame nodded, agreeing, sitting himself down in the kitchen as Tohru scrambled to prepare tea for the three of them. "But that's how it happened. And he was really cold about it too. Ah, my brother, the heart-breaker. Just like his older brother! Ah, how alike family can be..."

"Was there any real reason for the break-up?" Shigure queried, sipping his tea. He was sitting across from Ayame and Tohru hurried back and forth between the two of them.

Ayame thought for a moment before shaking his head. "Not that I know of. I do know that he didn't handle it well. He went straight to Kazuma's—I'm surprised he didn't get lost—and spent the night there."

Tohru turned to the hebi, eyes wide. "Kyo was at Shishou-san's the other night."

Ayame nodded, in a way that said he already knew that but she was smart to have mentioned it. "Right you are. Kazuma didn't look too happy when he told me. Actually, he looked quite old. Sad, even. I swear, sometimes his age just catches up with him, and it's never pretty."

Shigure lifted up his teacup and nodded somberly. "I hear you."

XOXOXOXOXO

Yuki listened to the three's conversation from up in his room, lying on his back on his bed, face blank and emotionless.

Does he even care?