Sorry for the long wait, but here's the next installment! I know it's not pre-readnor proofread by anyone so bear with the bad grammar and everything, but will someone help me out for the next one? I'd be grateful for the help! Now, for this story, this is the second to last chapter of it, and then back to the other story when this is finished. Also, there are two endings I have created, and I'm not sure which one to go with...
Also, to everyone who's stuck with this story, hope you enjoy it! Now, onto the next part!
Movement 4: Yearning; Why won't you come back? Love's inseparable bond pt. 1
There it was, the one place that she needed to check the most. The door that blocked her way only seemed like a distraction while Misato slowly began to walk towards the door. Asuka stood there waiting while she took the key out, a large "click" sound could be heard out loud; the door being unlocked and hopefully the end to this all.
"Misato…" began Asuka before Misato could take the key out of the door. Misato turned around with a puzzled look.
"What is it Asuka?" asked Misato, standing in front of a confused Asuka.
"Why did you lock up that room?" asked Asuka with a curious tone, Misato taking a deep sigh.
"Well…" began Misato, immediately being cut off by Asuka.
"Come on Misato, it's odd for someone to lock a room up that seemed to belong to no one --,"
"But it did! I left it that way because I wanted to make sure who ever it belonged to that they would feel at home because their room was never changed!"
"So you left it that way thinking that they would return then? And for ten years you never touched it?"
"Yes, Asuka, it's been sitting like that for ten years, but I'm still waiting…and plus…"
"Plus what?"
"This is going to help you now is it not? So let's not talk about it anymore…"
Misato turned around and took out the key from the door, Asuka inching closer to the door.
"Well, Asuka, here goes…" said Misato while turning the knob, the door opening slowly to the one key place left to look. The darkness of the room swallowed whatever light was in front of the doorway. Asuka began to walk towards this dark room slowly, entering the darkness.
"What the hell…ow! What did I just bump into!" snapped Asuka while fumbling in the darkness. Misato laughed silently so Asuka couldn't hear it, and when she couldn't take it anymore, she flicked the light switch. What both Asuka and Misato saw made their eyes open in shock.
Everything was dusty in the room since it hadn't been cleaned for ten years but, just what was inside of it made you swear that it wasn't just decorations. There were white button up shirts and black pants hanging in the closet and left untouched. A Cello with rusty strings sat idly in the corner yearning to be played, it's case lying right next to it. The desk had few things on it but not a lot, just some papers. Lastly, it seemed a little S-DAT player sat on the bed. Misato watched as Asuka continuously looked around in disarray and shock.
"She needs to be alone for this, or else it won't sink in like it did for me…" thought Misato while she walked out of the door, Asuka moving closer to cello. When she got there, she stood there for a second, looking in admiration and wonder .Slowly, she began to extend her arm out to touch it, her hand trembling with every inch it came closer to making contact.
When both the cello and hand had made contact, the memory behind it that she had once treasured most had come back to her, and all it did was make her start to feel this tear inside.
Ten years ago…
It was the time when she was returning from a date that had gone really bad since the guy was boring. However, what made it even worse was the fact that it was a favor for a friend…but she forgot who. Still, she decided to ditch it early so that it wouldn't be more of a disaster. It was just another date that she would forget about in a few days…or more like a few hours…
"What an idiot…" she told herself while she got to the apartment, opening the door and hearing a beautiful sound. Not just any type of beautiful sound, but it was coming from what seemed the heart and was felt with this passion and yet emptiness as it continued, relaxing Asuka and getting her to just forget about it instantly. She loved it and what it made her feel, walking towards the area where the sound was coming from and was shocked at the sight. There he was, sitting there with his eyes closed, playing the cello and letting himself go. She continued to watch in silence and felt a little smile escape on her lips. He looked cute like that…
When he stopped, she couldn't help but clap, causing him to jump and turn around to see her looking at him.
"Huh?" said Shinji turning around to see a clapping Asuka with a smile on her face.
"Not bad! You know something like that!" said Asuka with a tint of being impressed at the sight and sound she just heard.
"I've been learning since I was five. This skill…I'm not particularly talented…" said Shinji earnest and with sadness as a tone.
"Sticking with it is power. I'll think a little better of you." said Asuka in a normal toned voice, seeing a little bit of happiness in his eyes, but nearly impossible to recognize.
"I began this following my teacher's advice. I could have quitted immediately." said Shinji while putting his cello down in its case.
"So why have you continued?" asked Asuka while heading back towards the door, taking off her earrings at the same time.
"No one told me to stop." Said Shinji while putting away the cello carefully, having a blank tone and emotionless gaze.
"That figures." Snapped Asuka in a "told-you-so" tone and slipping off her shoes, heading towards the doorway.
"You came back early. I thought you would have supper." Said Shinji while walking to the entrance between the living room and kitchen and seeing Asuka walking towards the middle of the room.
"It wasn't any fun to be with that boy. So I escaped while we were in line for the roller coaster." Said Asuka, landing onto a pillow on the floor of the living room, having a deep sigh escape her mouth.
"That's cold." Said Shinji while going back into the kitchen and looking like he was getting ready to make supper for two instead of one. Asuka turned around and lied on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
"Oh! Only Kaji-san is a real man." Said Asuka, staring into the darkness of the room and the ceiling, having a daydream about Kaji that would be just one of the millions she had in the past.
The time went by fast that night, and with a phone call from Misato, Shinji had been told that she wouldn't be back till the morning. Of course, with the fact that she was with Kaji then it wouldn't be in the morning she would return, but later. By then, Asuka had taken a shower and got into some comfortable clothes, her head lying on the table and her face with a bored expression. However, within a split second, this weird feeling went into the room and only god knew what was going to happen next.
"Hey Shinji, let's kiss…" were the words that escaped her mouth.
"E? What?" said Shinji in immediate response, some shade of red beginning to flame on his cheeks.
"I said let's kiss. You've never kissed right?" said Asuka with a tint of curiosity and excitement.
"No"
"Then let's kiss."
"Hm. How come?"
"Because I don't have anything to do…"
"Nothing to do, so, kiss? That's…"
"You don't want to kiss a girl on the anniversary of your mother's death? Are you afraid that your mother might be watching us from heaven?"
"Not really…"
"Or are you afraid…"
"I am not. I'll kiss you!"
"Have you brushed your teeth?"
"Yeah."
"Then here we go…"
She began to move to him with anticipation coursing through every bone and muscle of her body. She didn't know how this would be, since it was her first kiss and all. Still, the idea of him being her first one had gave her some happiness. Most of all, she had a feeling that he did like her, she could see the red flaming on his cheeks like a fire in the night. When she got to him she stopped a few centimeters from his face, his eyes were closed and his lips ready for it. However, when he didn't feel it come, he opened his eyes a little.
"The breath from your nose is tickling me. Don't breathe!" snapped Asuka, Shinji's eyes opening wide and immediately he felt to fingers press his nose closed. That's when he felt her lips press against his, and immediately two feelings shot through him. He felt happy that she was kissing him, and yet he felt like he was going to die since she plugged his nose. Was this what a kiss was supposed to feel like.
After what seemed like a minute, he saw Asuka immediately run to the bathroom, a gurgling sound coming out of there.
"Phew! I can't believe I just did that to kill time!" snapped Asuka, gurgling some more as the night and moment had just been ruined.
Present…
She laughed at herself and the memory, remembering that night that could get her to laugh so easily. It was a great memory that never seemed to be in her mind after the hospital, and now for it to show up? That was strange. She then moved to the closet, seeing the clothes still hanging in there.
"Figures the way he was, heck I don't even remember him wearing anything else that was different except for that one time…" began Asuka, another memory slipping into her mind that she had seemed to be altered, but now being the same and different at the same time.
It was the time when they had to fight the angel Israfel, and when they fought and failed the first time, both Asuka and Shinji had to learn how to fight together in order to win the battle. Of course, with the way they both were, at the time it was just about impossible. In the end, they had to learn a routine to defeat the angel and most importantly, work together. For them, it was hell, but finally after a few events and thousands of practices, they defeated the Angel, and a sense of victory was felt by the two.
"I can't believe we still won too…" thought Asuka to herself, turning around to look at the bed, but most importantly the S-DAT player. She walked over to it, immediately taking into her hand and remembering all the times she would see him listening to it, but most importantly the times when he would lock himself up in his room and lie down, listening to it for hours on end.
"He would never want to open up, not matter how much you tried…he would always push you away when you wanted to be close, and seemed to fall even more into a shell if your cursed him or made fun of him…" thought Asuka while looking at the S-DAT player. Then she stopped and felt weird, because one second ago she barely knew anything about him and then the next, she knew him like he had been there for the past ten years.
Why was it all sinking in now when she least expected it? And why was she feeling this pang of sorrow and pain? Was it that he has been gone for so long? No, it couldn't be just that. After all, if someone is gone you could always remember them and the pang of loss wouldn't hit you like a ton of bricks. It had to be something else inside that she couldn't describe. It was this feeling as if since he's been gone, her life has been empty in many ways but has still been a happy one. I mean all of her friends had been good to her, especially in the few relationships she actually took a chance at, but nothing felt close to this whenever she broke up with them. In fact, it felt as if the world came crashing down on her and nothing could fill this void in her heart for him.
It was as if…as if…
"I've been in love with him for so long…" thought Asuka to herself while she took a giant plop on his bed, the dust rising in the air. She didn't care about the dust under her not the dust in the air, but the fact that everything had been under her nose this whole time and she couldn't see it is what hurt her inside. How could she not realize how she felt for him, not even back then.
"I should've said something back then…but I…" began Asuka thinking to herself while she sat back up on the bed, feeling tears well in her eyes. She was afraid that he would hurt her, reject her, because he would never open up to her. She didn't know what to think of him during those times; he was a coward, never able to decide anything or seem to do anything unless piloting the EVA. Still, she couldn't help but feel something inside that screamed for him. She remembered all the nights that she would wonder if he did like her, that maybe in some way he would come up to her and finally say something, but it never came.
"I should've been the one to tell him…I knew he wouldn't say anything…" she thought to herself, knowing that what she just said was correct. She had known all along that it wouldn't have been him to do it, it had to be her. Still, she wanted him to be the one to say something because she wanted him to do something for himself and take charge. Would it really have killed him to just have done one thing to change everything to where they could help each other heal from the wounds inside? Yes, she wanted to be with him because she wanted to help him heal while he helped her to heal. The wounds that they both were dealt when they're mothers died, the rejection and pang of knowing the person closest to you was gone while you lived on in this pathetic world. It was hurting them both inside, and it could never be healed.
"It still hurts to this day, still wondering why she went insane and killed herself…" thought Asuka while remembering that day, instantly shaking it away so she wouldn't remember. Looking back around the room, she felt his presence everywhere. It was giving her this warm feeling, as if he was there with her in the room, and with every step she was taking she felt like he had been there standing with his arms open for her to come to him, even if he wasn't there. A tear fell down her face, her body trembling as she sat there, to where finally she began crying. It wasn't the typical type that you would get over in an instant, it was rather one that had been held inside for ten years.
Tears of sadness, loss, and just anger that he was gone and would never return; killing himself to protect them all. It was a righteous moment, and she would always thank him for that, but it still hurt that he was gone, but most importantly, the fact that he wasn't remembered by anyone except for her and possibly Misato.
"Why is it this way? Did fate want to throw you a harsh card?" thought Asuka while she continued to tremble and cry. Tears were staining the dusty sheets and her fists were clenched up in anger. Why did this all have to happen? Why did she have to be able to stumble upon the answers that she had so desperately yearned for during these past ten years? These last two questions though are still unanswered, and even if they're like the other questions that were never meant to be answered, she still wanted them to be. She needed to know, even if it would hurt in the end, because she wanted closure and a feeling of understanding him for once, like she had wanted to be able to.
"I need to understand you even if this hurts…but still…it doesn't feel like you really wanted to die. Rather…you left…" thought Asuka while she continued to sob and cry, holding her knees up to her face.
Slowly she got up and went over to his desk, looking at what seemed like a picture that she had never seen before. When she took a look at it, she couldn't help but blush at it. It was one that she thought she had lost, but instead it turned out she had given it to him.
It was a picture of a time when she decided to take a shot and go on a date with him, or as she called it back then, "another way to pass the time". They had gone to go see a movie that night, a horror film at that, and she made some moves on him to get him to reply back. Instead he never did, but did blush at the contact whenever she took his hand or grabbed his arm. Even if he didn't make any moves, she still had a fun time with him there, and when they went to dinner, it was silent with a few bits of a conversation that never lasted.
Lastly, she decided that she wanted a picture with him, to somewhat remember the "horrible time" she had with him. He tried to say no but was immediately dragged by the arm towards a photo booth. When they took a photo, she could remember him smiling in one of them, and it was the most real and natural one he'd ever had before. Ever since then, she made two copies to where he could keep one and she could and they would remember that day for a long time.
"At least he didn't lose it…" she thought to herself, walking out of the room and closing the door behind her. When Misato heard it, she turned around to face a sad-looking Asuka.
"Did you find what you need in there?" asked Misato while continuing what she was doing.
"Yeah, but I need to go somewhere else to really figure out everything…" said Asuka with a disappointed tone. She began to walk towards the door to get out of the place, the memories flooding her mind and making her hurt inside.
"Asuka where are you going?" asked Misato with a curious tone, turning around and heading towards the table. Asuka stopped dead in her tracks with her hand on the doorknob.
"I need to go Misato, I want to find out one more thing or else I won't feel good about this…" said Asuka while Misato stood at the table, putting something down on the table.
"Well Asuka, how about you wait for a little while more…" said Misato with a smile, turning around and heading back towards the place she was at, grabbing another thing and heading towards the table.
"Why Misato? Why should I stay here?" snapped Asuka while Misato set the last item down.
"I can't let you go somewhere on an empty stomach…" said Misato while she moved towards her seat. Asuka nodded and smiled heading towards the table to eat with her past guardian.
"Thanks Misato for the dinner and everything else." Said Asuka with a genuine smile, Misato giving a smile back that only registered a "your welcome".
"Now…tell me about what you know so far…"