Chapter 6: History Repeats Itself

Remus slowly pushed the door open, allowing it to creak a little as an announcement that he had arrived. It was a quarter past twelve, and he had just arrived back at the school from the Shrieking Shack, having stayed there until he was absolutely certain of what he wanted to say and how he was going to say it. Even with an almost fully prepared speech, he knew tonight would be difficult at best, and torture if everything did not go exactly as he hoped it would. He should have seen this the whole time and made his decisions to prevent this from ever happening, but now it was too late. Now, he would have to have the most difficult one-on-one conversation since when he had told James he was a werewolf. What a week this had turned out to be. The life of the lycan never seemed to get any easier. Upon entering the office, he sat down at the chair in front of the teacher's desk, which she sat behind, waiting for her acknowledgment before he did anything else.

Minerva meanwhile, had heard him approaching the door, but this did nothing to stop the constant stream of thoughts that had run through her head all evening, intensifying as the hour of their meeting drew near. She intentionally remained looking down when the young werewolf entered her private domain, wanting to make sure he had no indication that he could begin the meeting in control. She simply had to tell him what she needed right now, only then would he be allowed to in some way communicate with her. After he was seated, she looked up and sighed, giving him a look that told him to remain quiet, and finished up composing her thoughts.

She opened her mouth, and even she dreaded the words that she was speaking. "I assume you read the note I gave you and that you realize why you are here, so I will be brief. I need you to grow up and be a man, now. Physically and mentally to grow up and mature so that you may fully meet my needs. If you are not prepared to do this, I am afraid the risks our current relationship carries with it are just not worth what there can be between us. It is time for you to make a decision Remus." With that, she fell silent, her only form of visible communication being the pain that her face and eyes spoke of. This kind of conversation was not one that could ever be easy for anyone to have, after all.

The pain on the professor's face was nothing to that of her student, though. As much as he knew this was coming, and had all evening as he thought things over, actually hearing the vocalization of these things hurt him in ways he had not anticipated. As mature as he was for his age, he was still a kid and he knew it. Only time would be able to change that, and it seemed that McG no longer had time to wait for him. He did not speak for a long time, as he was battling to stop himself from crying, so that he could appear tough and just maybe mature enough for the woman across from him. He lost the battle though, and one cold, sad tear rolled down his face, further exposing what his expression already did. It was over now.

As the tear hit the floor, the young lycan opened his mouth and began speaking, managing to only just cover up the wounds in his heart. "I am just not ready to grow up yet, and you know that as well as I do. If I am no longer worth your job because of that, I don't guess there is anything I can do about it. You need to make the decision that makes the most sense for you." He fell silent and looked up at her face, immediately seeing all the answer he needed written there in plain and simple clarity. He stood up and made his way to the door, opening it silently and closing it just as silently behind him. Remus knew that this would most likely be the last time he had the privilege of entering the private office of this lovely woman. Now he had to find a way to accept that, and make sure his friends had not managed to kill Severus Snape this time.

Minerva meanwhile, let the determined mask of impassiveness pass from her face as soon as Remus let the door close behind him. This had hurt her more than she would allow herself to show him, more than she had ever thought it would. In a way, Minerva knew that this had been her last chance at any form of real and true love, and she would not settle for anything less. She had poured too much of herself into Remus in the short period of time that they had shared, and there was no longer any love left in her heart. Maybe this feeling of blackness, of sickness, of immense pain would pass in time and maybe it would not. A long stream of tears slid down her face as memories engulfed her and she prepared for bed, not wanting to think of anything anymore.

Sadly, the bed was not the refuge that she thought it would be, and her thoughts took her in directions that were new and yet familiar, more painful even than tonight had been, and long locked away in her past. The memory of her first love, and how its end was a perfect mirror of tonight in far too many ways.

He had simply been too perfect. Tall, strong, and muscular he was, with curly hair of the lightest brown that cascaded down his back, bright green eyes that seemed to know every secret the world held, and a smile that made you feel like you were the only person in the world who mattered when he allowed it to shine on you. This is what attracted her to the Charms professor when she was young and innocent and it was the first time that love really touched her. She had given herself to him for her first time in physical love and he had taught her so much in her fifteenth year of life.

Eventually though, the talk came. He could not teach her anything else, and she needed to grow up now or find someone of an appropriate age for her so that he could do the same. She had clung to him tightly, trying for a week or two to appear a mature adult still in her fifth year at Hogwarts, but it just didn't work. Eventually she crumbled like the child she was and came to him in his office, and all he did was frown at her and ask why she had lied to him. She began crying uncontrollably and ran out of his office as he looked sternly at her until she could no longer see him.

Now Minerva was in her bed, thinking of how exactly she had mirrored this situation with Remus tonight. It seemed her love life, or lack thereof as often as not, had now come full circle and was at the beginning, in a place where most people can't relate. The teacher had broken the heart of the student, and neither would ever be the same again. Or that's the way it seemed to her at least. She knew that Remus was crushed now, not on the level she was, but he was crushed all the same. She never, in the world that her memory came from, saw any sign of pain after the break up from her former partner. She immediately became just another student to him, and for years, she questioned whether he had ever loved her at all, until it just hurt too much, and she finally stopped caring about him to save herself. Now she had reached that place again, and the love inside her heart was coming to its final crossroads.