Accidents Will Happen Chapter 5: Enigmatic Emotions, a teen titans fanfic

DISCLAMIER: I do not own Teen Titans or the following songs by Dashboard Confessional: Remember to Breathe, For You to Notice, Hey Girl, Bend and Not Break, Hope Your Happy

Wow its been a long time since I've last posted anything. I'm sorry for a long delay, I've been stuck in a rut for a long time. As for The Shifting Winds of Change, I plan to finsh it...eventually, I'm probably going to finish this story (just 1 more chapter... I think) before I work on SWoC again.

So without (even more) delay, enjoy,

Part Five: Enigmatic Emotions

Raven's P.O.V.

The warming air aroused my senses and shifted me out of my slumber. I opened one eye not wanting the night to end and look over to the sleeping body next to me. Robin's hair was tousled and hung in front of his mask. A night a passion and still he hadn't taken it off, although I guess I shouldn't be that surprised.

I opened my other eye and woke up my dull brain. Suddenly activity buzzed inside my mind like a swarm of angry bees being attacked in their hive. I close my eyes once again and rub my temples trying to sort out the different emotions and memories.

This is why, Raven, you don't get involved with people, I remind myself. The shattering of my own mind, plus feeling the pulse of someone else's emotions wasn't going to help me, so, I stood up and stretched. My weary limbs cracked and my calfs tightened as I slowly bent over and touched my toes. A cool breeze reminds me that I'm barely dressed so I pull on my black leotard and fasten my cloak around my neck.

Fully dressed and almost completely awake I bent down to kiss my lover on the cheek. His warm breath washed over my face as I kept my head next to his, my hand lightly placed upon his chest. My pale hand rose and fell with Robin's gentle breathing, captivated by him I watch him. Brain-waves radiate off the young man's mind like heat off a body. I tried hard to keep numb and not to think so I don't pick up on any of these and cause a brief loss of control, but I couldn't help it and prodded his mind gently with a affectate touch spreading warmth and loving through Robin's mind.

As time passed I noticed the growing heat of the rising sun. My eyes drift over to the city and see the rising sun's beams shine through the tall grey buildings. Robin's mind began to clear and I could tell he was being to wake up. Blushing, I stood up and ran towards to the T-Tower. Below my window I jump and catch the ledge. I didn't bother muttering my incantation as my mind was fully attached to my power source and the sudden movement sent a blast of energy and blood to my muscules and making my body leap.

The window opened with a bang and I swung my legs over the edge and into the dark room. As I was turning around to close the window I noticed the stirring figure below. As the long shadow of our house travels away from the young man he rolls over and opens his eyes.

I closed my eyes and pull the curtains shut and smile, "This is going to be the start of something fun."

I catalog these steps now
Decisive and intentioned
precise and patterned specifically to yours.
I'm talented at breathing
Especially exhaling
So that my chest will rise and fall with yours

A streak of sun light shone though the cracked curtains. The line of light landed on my eye and soon it irritated me enough to open that eye and close the curtain with my powers.

Two weeks later and the second time, wow its amazing what a switch from coolers to the hard stuff can do.

My violet eyes scaned the dim room. Obvious signs of (hopefully) unintentional unleashed power haunted the room. Books lay off shelves, the desk cleared of possessions and a corner of Robin's news-clippings collage was completely on the ground.

Rising from the bed I grabbed Robin's robe and tied it around my thin waist. I close my eyes and slowly the image of the of the wall with the pictures in their original place floats into my head so I release just a nudge of power and slowly ease the pictures up to their original position.

I could feel Robin's mind returning to consciousness and suddenly feeling a strong urge not to talk to him I ease his mind back into his dream.

Walking past the book case and desk the objects returned to their places. I entered Robin's bathroom and as I was about to remove the robe when I noticed something.

Something horrifically awful. It was... a pimple.

Tilting my head to the side I stared at it with a dumb founded look on my face. A teen, yes. Acne prone, no. Shrugging I washed my face with the bar of soap on the sink and got into the shower.

I'm careful not to wake you
Fearing conversation
It's better just to hold you
And keep you pacified

I walked down the hallways, drops of water hitting my shoulders, back and chest from my wet hair. The grey halls were empty and peaceful in the early hours of the morning. The kitchen door opened with a whoosh and I entered the kitchen. I looked around the room and saw I was alone.

Putting on the kettle, toasting some bread, I sit at the table. My arms folded and head resting as I watch a tiny puddle form from my wet hair. My irritating hunger grumbled inside of me like animal. Groaning I turn to the fridge and was dismayed by the lack of food, reminding myself of why my diet was mostly tea and toast.

Looks like someone came in and organized it. A glass of something funky sat at the top shelf with a label on it reading 'ROBIN', a blue container with a label reading 'BB' on it, a half eaten sub with 'CYBORG...DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BB' on it and a water bottle with 'STAR' on it.

Amused by this careful arrangement I toyed with the thought of stealing the sandwich for shits and giggles. However the bottle fascinated me. I opened the lid and took a whiff. An overpowering smell came over me. It smelled tangy and sour and when I peeked an eye inside I saw the substance: it was yellow goo.

Looking around and seeing I was alone I did something strange even by my accounts. I dipped my finger in and sucked on it. I instantly recognized the taste, pulling my finger out of my mouth I wondered why Starfire would keep mustard in a water-bottle...

However another emotion washed over me, shame...shame for actually liking it.

Nervously looking over my shoulders again I reminded myself I was alone. I easily found a bag of straws in a drawer and used one to suck the heavenly substance from it's holder.

Ignoring the boiling water and the freshly darken bread I walked out of the kitchen satisfied.

I'm talented with reason
I cover all the angles
I can fail before I ever try

Now, I myself thought that episode was rather weird and was a bit discombobulated with this new fetish, however, think of how distressed the little alien was when her mustard kept disappearing. But, the weirdest thing was just about to happen. It was about a month or so later and it was breakfast time again:

"Alright ladies! Food's done!" Beast Boy called looking flashy in his 'Kiss the Cook' apron and cheesy chef's hat. I gathered my plate and held it up as he walked over and unloaded a mass of fried tomatoes, tofu eggs, and some whitish blob that I was guessing was some form of tofu meat. I had somehow acquired a taste for this crap and Beast Boy was happy making me a whole shit-load of this every morning.

Starfire watched me with eyes the size of suns, both hands firmly planted on her bottle of mustardy goodness. The slurping stopped and she asked me, "How does one consume one's own body weight in food?" A look of awe overtook her face.

"Yeah Starfire right," Beast Boy said taking off his chef's attire, "You've defiantly been packing on the pounds."

My eyebrows shot up and I lowered the fork. What BB had said was uncalled for, I mean sure I noticed I've gained 10 pounds in the last month but you don't have to bring it up.

My cheeks burned and I felt extremely body conscious. I looked down at my plate an noticed how much was actually on it. I felt sick. Actually physically sick. I gaged.

Pushing myself away from the table, I raced down the hallway. I entered the bathroom and slammed the door and let my breakfast go in the toilet.

"Are you alright!" Beast Boy called through the door. "NO!" I yelled as I heaved but nothing but stomach acid came up and burned my throat.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU PUT IN MY FOOD!" I hollered. I stood up and could feel my knees shaking, my head pounding.

Wiping my mouth I opened the door and set Beast Boy flying up against the wall. He was pinned by my powers and could not move.

"I repeat boy, what the fuck did you put in my food?"

"Raven! Calm down!" He struggled which only made my powers wrap tighter around him.

"I understand wanting me to lose weight," I said in a hoarse whisper, "but why make me sick?" My voice was barely audible but I knew he could hear me.

"Nothing you spaz! You WATCHED me make it." He struggled for air as the tentacles crawled up his body and slithered around his throat, licking his cheeks.

I instantly removed all energy and he came crashing to the floor.

"People just don't throw up for no reason dumb-ass," I hissed through clenched teeth, but in my mind I was worried...I did watch him prepare the food and he did nothing different.

But he was already straightening out his costume and walking away, "Don't blame me bitch! Maybe you've actually taken your happy pills today!" And he was gone. So much for getting free breakfast now.

However I did have a sinking feeling. People don't just get sick...I just don't start liking mustard and tofu...I don't just start getting acne... I couldn't be... no that's retarded... but yet that one time... anxiety clutched at the bottom of my stomach and twisted and tied it like a knot.

My breathing became detached as I tried to exhale. Just check the calendar... the thought was simple.

Racing to my room I blew past Cyborg and Robin, but I wasn't in any mood to talk to anyone. On my desk sat a mini calendar, I sat on my chair and held it close.

"Now I think I ended on the fifth, or it could of been the second. Shit." I mumbled. It was the sixth today and after a couple minutes of math I realized a was week late for this period. I'd been so busy I didn't even realize it until now.

"Congratulations Raven you fucked up big time..." I moaned.

Try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make, and
I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away, so
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)
Wont you hold me now (I will not bend I will not break)

Robin's P.O.V.

My stomach dropped like nuclear bomb destroyed my common sense. "What?" I asked rather loudly with a dumbfounded expression.

Raven had found in the gym working out with Cyborg and had hastily pulled me into the next room and closed the door. Through her blank, mono-tone voice she told me she believe she was pregnant.

My stomach dropped three stories and my mind refused to except it.

"But I thought you said... How come you didn't tell me you weren't on..."

"I said yes," Raven looked down her hood covering her face so I couldn't read her expression. A meek voice floated from her bowed head "I gave you the okay...because it was my first time Robin! I've never even used birth control before in my life. Why didn't you use a condom..." she asked raising her head, a devilish look creeping in her eyes.

I feel my anger start to boil, and I could definitely sense hers. But what got me the most was that she could blame this all on me! Like shit, if she tells me it's okay what am I supposed to do!

I sighed and turned so my back was facing Raven and started walking away trying to clear my mind, get my temper under control, ANYTHING that would retrain from my brain melting.

Well Raven apparently didn't like me trying to fucking clear my mind as she wrapped a long black energy tentacle around my torso and pulled me close to her.

She asked in a calmer voice, "Well? Aren't you going to promise me you'll help?" Her voice had a tone of unsureness and helplessness that made my knees feel like buckling.

"Say something boy!"

"We can't have a baby! We're super heros for god's sake! Like shit Raven! What do you think the press will do when they find out your pregnant? What do you think the Justice League will do when they find out I did this to you! We are fucked big time!"

I had let my temper go and before I could begin to defend my outburst Raven dropped me.

"Yeah thanks, leave me. I won't be surprised when we find all your shit's gone in the morning with a note on your door saying 'good-bye'. Some mother-fucking super hero you are, your just another dead-beat like every other man."

"Raven, no...I"

But it was too late. She flipped me off and slid through the floor and probably into her bedroom.

"No! Come back!" I yelled pounding the floor.

"Fuck" I sighed as I sat against the wall, my hands on my face as I pondered the future.

I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile

Raven's P.O.V.

"Rae!"

"Screw off"

My dark mood had continued that day, and the day after, and the day after that, etc.. It had been four long days since I told Robin about my fears and two long days since I had stolen a pregnancy test from the local 'Shoppers Drug Mart'. When the lovely positive sign flourished I immediately destroyed the plastic stick into millions and billions of particles the size of dust with a burst of expected anger.

"Look I know why your pissed at Robin, but I'm not him! Don't treat the rest of us like shit 'cause your mad at him!"

"What? How do you know?"

My breaths shorted and my heart intensely pounded. Did Robin tell the rest of the Titans? How could he without telling me. My stomach sank with dread, what did the others think?

"Uh, Raven the whole tower heard you bitch Robin out. Robin has become a hermit too. What the hell were you two fighting about anyways? Just open the door so we can talk,"

I closed my eyes and inhaled. I opened the door for Cyborg but I had no intension of telling him anything that's between - or not anymore - Robin and I. It's true that I've always thought of Victor as an older brother to me, however I don't think he'd be too pleased to find his little sis knocked up. As that ass Robin said, no one would be. The press would be flocking to it like a bunch of rank smelling animals to a mud hole on a feverish day. The city, no the country, would be in an uproar questioning my morality, sucking up my misery with their dirty snouts and pawing through the mud to find a secret hideaway puddle of water to quench their gluttonous thirst for information. Soon not only my virtue would be in question but my parentage (I have a feeling that the bible-humpers out there would have a problem with me being the daughter of Satan...) and if I was a 'acceptable role-model' for the little spoiled brats of our gracious country.

The Justice League? Well this would just prove that we're just stupid teenagers and they probably wouldn't want to dirty their hands by getting involved with us. Robin is probably dredging what Batman is going to say to him.

I just can't have a child! I can't deal with the press or the reputation nor the responsibility. Try to raise a child where at any moment I'll have to run out to risk my life? And it's not like I could run away. What help with that do? A pregnant teen living on the street, not exactly the most fun situation.

My metal bedroom door opens and my eyes rise to greet Cyborg. I try to add some cherry emotion to my numb monotone voice as I reply with, "Me and Robin... we have a some disagreeances..." I rolled my eyes at the clueless expression on Cyborg's face, "Don't worry this won't affect teamwork on a mission."

He took notice to my business-like tone and nodded. "You know babe you can always talk to me, okay Rae?"

I nodded and felt warmth radiate off Cyborg which made feel a bit better knowing that at least there's one man in the world who's not a total fucktard. He turned to leave and I bit my lip knowing that he wasn't convinced.

"Cyborg!" I called, half smiling with a convincing tone, "Don't worry so much about me. I'm completely fine!"

But in truth I was lying through my teeth.

And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine

By next evening I had made my choice. It was one of the hardest choices of my life, however I knew this was the best decision.

I waited until the sun sank below the horizon and the Titans had retired to their rooms for the night before I slips through the walls and down along the hallways. I entered Robin's room, not surprisingly he was still awake, sitting at his desk, the dull light from his desk lamp was the only source of light in the room.

"Raven."

He hadn't even turned around and he knew I had slipped into the shadows.

For a moment I just stood there and admired him. However that emotion just seemed to throb then fade as I turned my amorous lingering thoughts away.

I walked over to his desk and he turned his head to look at me. Azar only knows what he was thinking behind his mask. "Robin, I've been thinking. I've come to a decision, I'm getting a abortion."

His brows bunched for a moment, "But I thought you wanted to keep it."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "The baby was an accident, and I'm not going to ruin it's life by barely looking after it while I work two jobs."

"But I could help, I could-"

"I'm not going to ruin the baby's life, or mine, or yours. The best thing is to get an abortion and then forget about this mess."

"I can't forget about it! It's my child too!"

My throat began to burn and my eyes started to water. "Changing your tone now, eh? You don't know what's its like being raised by people you don't know, your mother a fucking basket-case! I don't want to put a child in a broken home!"

Hot tears gashed from my eyes, by now Robin was standing. I craved his touch I wanted him to hold me in his arms again and tell me everything was going to be alright, that we'd find a way to raise a child and not be outcasts, living a normal decent life.

And it's almost like my static brain waves had jumped and invaded Robin's mind as he raised his arms to hug me. I shook my head and placed my hand on his chest, pushing him away.

"No," I said, my voice struggling to become mono-tone, "I'm going to do it and you can't stop me." I finished with an aggressive tone. Robin backed away and bit his lip for only a moment. "Fine."

I gave him a not-so-zestful curt nod then exited his room.

Robin's P.O.V.

Days alone, spent in my bedroom, just thinking. It was starting to take it's toll on me. My five o'clock shadow had turned into a 12 o'clock beard. Grubby with dark circles under my eyes, my caffeine buzz was starting to wear off but the fact was I had come to my decision.

Raven.

After a year of longing and a month of bliss, I figure that what I feel for you is real and I really want to help this child. We can do this because I love

"No!" I sigh and crumple the paper. Tossing the half finished note into the pile of already rejected speeches I tried to plan out.

Fuck this.

I'm used to being a methodical thinker, planning everything out. Every fight, every battle, every inspirational speech before a match.

However a poet I am not. I can't write what I want! Every time it sounds cheesy or stupid or like someone else said it. I dunno the sad part is, I mean every cheesy word... I think... its complicated...

But, the truth is I do want to help this kid. I know what it's like growing up without real parents, and besides it would be fun with a little Richard climbing over the furniture as a tot, or riding a bike. Yeah, it could work! A little help here and there, and I could give this child everything I never had and everything I hope to have.

The sound of quick, quiet steps. Familiar quick, quiet steps.

With haste I kicked the balls of paper under my desk. As predicted I heard and felt another presence in the room.

"Raven."

For a moment she was a silent, just a shadow in a shadow. But the foot steps started as she approached my desk, my glaze met hers. For a moment I felt our eyes content, the rush of ecstasy that rushed through my body was hidden.

"Robin, I've been thinking. I've come to a decision, I'm getting a abortion."

Whoa-whoa-whoa. That was a unexpected, I though she came here to work things out or at least bitch me out. My face darkened, "But I thought you wanted to keep it."

I studied her expression. I watched as her dark amethyst eyes close. She obviously hadn't been sleeping the past couple of days, she had dark circles under her eyes which was only worsened by the dim light in my bedroom. Her fragile body looked sick as I saw her chest rise and fall with her breathing.

"The baby was an accident, and I'm not going to ruin it's life by barely looking after it while I work two jobs."

Now that hurt. I know what I said but don't hold it against me! Don't take away a life because we had a spat. "But I could help, I could-" I started to plead but she interrupted me. "I'm not going to ruin the baby's life, or mine, or yours. The best thing is to get an abortion and then forget about this mess."

"I can't forget about it! It's my child too!"

"Changing your tone now, eh?" Her voice shook with anger. I could only stare as she ranted on, "You don't know what's its like being raised by people you don't know, your mother a fucking basket-case! I don't want to put a child in a broken home!"

I stood up, first to tell her off, but I saw her knees shake and her tears softened me. I wanted to hold her and tell her what we could do together. I never seen Raven cry but I felt my eyes start to well up too.

I raised my arms up, wanting to absorb her into my body and stay embraced. But apparently she didn't as she pushed away.

"No," She said rejecting me, and to worsen the blow she added with a bitchy tone "I'm going to do it and you can't stop me."

I backed up seeing how I wasn't wanted, "Fine."

She nodded at me like we had finished a business meeting or something. I watched her with plain distaste on my face.

Unbelievable. Purely un-fucking-believable. I try to say I want to help her but she treats me like shit. She wants to bitch me out for not committing, but she's always the one running away from her problems. I want to help her, to show her that she can feel without destroying her mind and powers. But no I'm the one that runs away, the one that doesn't commit. God she's so full of shit, times like this I just want to walk away, it seems like a life time ago I told her I loved her in the alleyway.

So with that happy thought hanging like a thousand pound weight over my dead heart I slipped under the covers and went to bed.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

A week later and apparently Raven had the abortion all planed out at an independently owned hospital that offered abortions in a clean and safe environment.

She didn't tell me that she had the appointment scheduled for 9:30 a.m.. But I've been watching her like a hawk and following her every time she leaves the tower. I waited and listened under the clinic's office window. I hear d her voice, so different than her own, so different than Raven, the Teen Titan. She dawned a wig and glasses. I got a glance at her paperwork and saw it was forged, no doubt that she prodded the staff's mind to except it.

The only thing Raven need now was to sneak out of the tower, however I was standing next to the door with a mono-expression matching her own poker face.

"Excuse me." She whispered as her backpack brushed against my shoulder as she pushed past me towards the door. But I grabbed the bag on her back so she could continue. I twirled her around and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this? I could come with you." I took her hand in my own but she hastily pulled her hand away, "I'm not a child, I can take care of my own mistakes by myself."

"I know but this is a big deal, don't you want sup-"

"I know this is a big deal. I can handle it!"

I exhaled and stared deep into her violet eyes and I knew that she wouldn't listen to me no matter what. My expression soften while hers hardened, I just wanted to tell her that it's okay to break down and ask for help but Raven wanted none of this as she scoffed at me and walked out the door.

Just hold me close to you, just hold me close to you
Just hold (won't you) me close (hold me) to you (now), just hold (won't you) me close (hold me now) to you, to you

Raven's P.O.V.

"And... sign here."

My hand signed the last signature saying I was of sane mind and permitted the procedure. Though barely sane I had signed it. My heart was pounding and my powers were bouncing inside me like a thousand angry killer bees wanting to escape and attack something. But I controlled myself and kept from mindless destructive energy bursts, I was after all, a civilian.

"Any more questions?"

"...is it going to hurt? Will I feel it?"

The nurse gave me a warm smile as she flashed her pearl white teeth. Her flawless coco brown skin intrigued me and my eyes searched hers, feeling guilty I manipulated her to much.

"You may feel some scraping or pressure. However some clients experience depression afterwards so take it easy for a couple of days and surround yourself with things and people you love."

I sigh. Great.

XXXXXXXXXX

Walking down the hallway I was so glad the clinic was separated from the rest of the building. So happy that the woman pushing me to the operation room didn't push me past the nursery room or I think I would have lost it.

The nurse pushing my bed seemed nice enough, but I knew she just thought of me as another useless teen preg-o. Jobless, husband-less and high-school-dropout. Thanks hun.

"...now sugar this ain't birth control and we don't want to see ya 'round here again. Y'all hear me?" She said it in a nice enough tone with almost a motherly concern as we drew nearer to the double doors.

I barely absorbed her words. I closed my eyes and tried so hard for my mind not to wander and make connection with it. No not it, him. I knew the baby inside me was a boy. I wondered did he have black hair like Robin or violet like mine? What colour eyes did he have?

NO! Don't think about it ever again! Soon it will be all over and I can pretend to feel nothing.

I felt my breath becoming quicker as the doorway came closer and closer.

Be strong. Be strong. Be strong. You can do this by yourself, you've been through worst...

The doors opened and a blonde man came out holding a clipboard he looked at me and said, "The doctor is ready."

And try to understand there's an old mistake that fools will make, and
I'm the king of them, pushing everything that's good away, so
Wont you hold me now?
Wont you hold me now?
Now, now, now, now, now

-SNOWBALLHEAT-