BEHIND THE SCENES OF: FRUITS BASKETS!

Note: I do not own Fruits Baskets or any characters on Fruits Baskets. 'Cept for Henry. Lol.

Tohru: (from behind her changing screen) I… can't… fit… into… this… DRESS!

Henry: (appears, looking flustered) YOU'RE ON IN FIVE PEOPLES! MOVE IT!

Tohru: I CAN'T FIT INTO MY FRICKING DRESS! (stomps out of her changing room looking hot and bothered)

Henry: (having spasms) OH NO! YOU'VE MESSED YOUR HAIR!

Tohru: Frankly, I don't care about my hair. (rips dress off and throws it away.) GET ME ANOTHER COSTUME TO WEAR!

Yuki: (popping his head in) Err, Henry, could you just…

Tohru: (furious) HELLOO! I'M NAKED HERE!

Yuki: I'm sorry Miss Honda, I just need to borrow Henry for a tic. Do keep your temper in check.

Tohru: ARGH!

Henry: Gosh! My life is just, soooo crap right about now! I'll be there… now shoo, I've got something else to do first.

Tohru: FIND ME A DRESS THAT FITS!

Kagura: (wanders in) Ooh, Tohru, we're on in… (counts) 3 minutes!

Tohru: I'M FAT! I CAN'T FIT MY COSTUME!

Kagura: Aww, come on now, you're not that fat!

Henry: Agh! Forget that and come and take a seat, I sooo need to fix your hair. It looks like a bomb went off!

Tohru: (fold arms over her chest) I need something to wear first.

Henry: (tearing his hair out in frustration)

Yuki: (pops back in) HENRY!

Henry: (slams his head against a wall) Argh! I'll be there! Shoo, SHOO! Girl, SIT!

Kagura: (pats Tohru's arm as she sits) Don't worry, I'll find something nice for you.

Shigure: (walking in – Tohru shrieks and leaps back up) Ahh, Ms Honda, you do look stunning in… (stops at the murderous look on her face) Hmm, never mind. Henry, please, we do need you. Kyo's in a bit of a pickle.

Henry: (raises arms in surrender) WHY me. Why did the Lord curse ME!

Kyo: (walking in with a hair dryer stuck to his hair) IT WON'T FRICKING COME OFF!

Henry: GAH! WHAT DID YOU DO?

Tohru: (waving her arms furiously) OUT! OUT!

Henry: (turning to Tohru) SIT! SIT NOW! I'm NOT finished with you!

Tohru: (sits but jumps back up again when Kagura re-enters)

Kagura: I found the perfect thing for you. (holds up a purple dress with lots of frills)

Tohru: (eyes wide) I'm not wearing a purple TENT! IT HAS FRILLS!

Henry: (collapses to his knees) PLEASE wear it, please… you have a minute left…

Tohru: (huffs, grabs dress, and slams into her changing room)

Kyo: Can somebody HELP please?

Henry: (rushing to Kyo) OH, OH! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON NOW!

Kyo: (getting yanked about as Henry tries to disentangle the dryer from his hair)

Henry: What HAVE you done?
Kyo: YEOW! STOP THAT WOULD YA?

Yuki: Errr… we were just announced…

Henry: HURRY, HURRY! (rips dryer out of Kyo's hair and pushes him into Shigure, Yuki and Kagura who are shoved on set… Tohru struggles out last)

Tohru: I feel like a fricking bloody fricking circus clown… (is shoved on set)

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Shigure: (taking his seat and announcing) And welcome to another episode of Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes. We're here today to answer your questions and bring you a sneak peek behind the scenes of our latest episode.

Kyo: (flattening his hair) Fuck this is annoying.

Yuki: (slaps him) Language, catboy.

Kyo: (glares)

Tohru: (still straightening her dress) Ugh, UGH! IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE I'M PREGNANT!

Kagura: (whispers) Tohru, the microphone is on…

Tohru: I DON'T FRICKING CARE!

Shigure: And here tonight we have 5 of the main stars from the show. Kyo Sohma, the famous orange haired cat boy, eternally locked in battle with the rat…

- spotlight zooms in on Kyo, still struggling to straighten his hair, he freezes -

Shigure: And, we also have with us, RAT BOY! The one and only Yuki Sohma, who plays the part of… well… Yuki Sohma!

Yuki: (spotlight zooms in on him) Greeat…

Shigure: And, joining us as well are the two darling ladies Kagura Sohma and…

Tohru: (completely preoccupied) GAH! THERE'S A FRICKING SPIDER ON THIS FRICKING DRESS! AHHHH!

Kagura: (waves animatedly as the cameras and spotlight zoom in on them)

Shigure: (resigned) Kagura Sohma and Tohru Honda. And, of course, there's me! Wonder me, Shigure Sohma. Now let's move on. Over to you Yuki.

Yuki: Well, this week we were swamped with questions.

Kyo: Probably all about you…

Shigure: Actually Kyo, you're quite a favourite too. Many people have asked if your hair is really orange.

Yuki: (clears throat)

Kyo: GAH! IT IS! WHADDAYA THINK I'M LIKE HENRY! I don't spend HOURS every day in the bathroom dying my nose hairs, ear hairs, and eyebrows to make it look convincing!

Yuki: (clears throat again) Henry isn't a part of this…

Henry: (from the background) I MADE YOU! I HELPED YOU BECOME STARS!

Tohru: YOU BOUGHT THE FRICKING WRONG SIZED DRESS!

Kagura: (grabs a hold of Tohru's arm to stop her going out back) And onto other things. Yes, Kyo and I are getting married next year in the show, and in life.

Kyo: I didn't know about that!

Kagura: Course you wouldn't Kyo, Ayame hasn't spoken to you yet about what suit you'll wear.

Yuki: (grins maliciously) Kyo, I'll be the Best Man…

Kagura: Oh no, Shigure's the Best Man, Ayame's the Maid of Honour. It's all settled.

Kyo: YOU'VE PLANNED A WEDDING WITHOUT ME KNOWING!

Yuki: You ARE dumb.

Shigure: (desperately trying to stop Kyo from killing Yuki) Uhh… we'll be right back after this short break…

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Kyo: (mumbling incoherently) Marriage... babies next... and then we'll have to spend money on you...

Kagura: Aww, Kyo! Don't be like that! It'll be wonderful!

Shigure: (clasps hands in contentment) Wedded bliss...

Kyo: (furious) WONDERFUL! HOW!

Henry: (rushes from backstage with a brush in his hand and a bag full of bobby pins) Now. Girl, sit, stay.

Tohru: (arms crossed over her chest, scowling) I ain't goin' anywhere. This dress is just an embarrassment.

Kagura: KYO! You ARE marrying me, NO BUTS!

Yuki: I seriously doubt Kyo had any sort of say in it in the first place.

Henry: (bobby pins in his mouth, watching the clock anxiously) Oh dear, oh dear...

Shigure: Err... we're on soon.

Tohru: (shoves Henry away) It's FINE. I'll be FINE. Just leave.

Shigure: 5...4...3...2...1...

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Shigure: And welcome back to 'Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes'. I'm your host, Shigure Sohma...

Yuki: Actually, technically, I was the host.

Kyo: Stupid rat.

Kagura (puppy dog eyes) Kyo... let's have dinner tonight... together.

Shigure: And three members of the cast are here with me.

Tohru: Actually it's four.

Shigure: Let's turn to Kyo Sohma first up and ask him a couple of questions about his character.

Kyo: GAH! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!

Shigure: Kyo, what were your impressions when you first found out you were to play the part of the cursed 'cat'?

Yuki: Probably, technically, there wouldn't have really been too much of a difference.

Kyo: You shut up you stupid rat boy!

Kagura: Kyo was delighted! I mean, he got to work alongside me and we've known each other for like, forever. So it was really just a great opportunity to get to know each other better.

Kyo: SINCE WHEN DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER SINCE FOREVER?

Tohru: This is stupid. HENRY! YOU'VE LEFT BOBBY PINS ALL OVER MY TABLE!

Yuki: (leans over to Tohru) We're still on the show...

Tohru: So?

Shigure: Tohru Honda! The beautiful brunette. Did you enjoy working alongside the cast of the Sohma family?

Tohru: Well, Shigure, no, I'm sorry. They were all a little moody most of the time and...

Kyo: US? MOODY?
Kagura: Kyo! That's cruel!

Shigure: You acted extremely well in Kyo's main scene, where he transformed.

Yuki: That's because she was disgusted.

Kyo: Ya wanna take this outside rat?

Kagura: I knew I should've brought my frying pan. I just knew it.

Kyo: What? So you can knock everybody out again?

Yuki: No cat, just you. Only you.

Tohru: This is a complete waste of time.

Shigure: We're almost done. One more question to be directed at myself. Will you ever find true love, Shigure?

Shigure: Ahh, yes. I've already found the One. He's quite sexy...

Henry: (yelling from backstage) CUT IT! CUT IT!

Yuki:Well,this brings us to the end of yet another saga...

Kyo: This has to be a world record for a short show.

Yuki: We hope you'll catch us in our next episode when we star Momiji, Hatsuharu, Uo, Kyo (again) and Shigure Sohma. Thank you for watching Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes.

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Shigure: (sighs) Well, that was a complete flop.

Tohru: Whose idea was it to put Yuki and Kyo and Kyo and Kagura on the same show?

Yuki: If you put Kyo with anyone there'll be conflict.

Kagura: (stands up and stretches) Well, I'm off. I've got to organise flowers to be planted so they're ready for the wedding.

Shigure: Isn't the wedding next year?

Kagura: (nods) Precisely! Seeya!