Kyo: HENRY!
Henry: Agh! I've absolutely had it. Jerry's on call tonight. I'm having a day off! I should so retire.
Jerry: (flutters eyelids) We should make out.
Shigure: (pops head in, is half dressed) Did somebody mention, 'make out'?
Kyo: LOOK at what you've done to my HAIR! (points needlessly to his head)
Henry: (looks up) I spiced it up a bit, yes, I gave it a bit of an edge.
Kyo: (glares and goes to look in the mirror) It's BLUE!
Jerry: You look simply divine in blue.
Henry: Orange was just such an unnatural colour.
Uo: (wandering in, fully dressed) Oh, and blue isn't?
Jerry: Guyzz, you're like, on in 30 seconds.
Uo: 30 seconds! Geez! Henry, come 'ere a minute. I need help with…
Jerry: Now, it's like, 19 seconds.
Henry: (getting up in exasperation to help Uo) Jerry, what did I hire you for?
Jerry: 10… and now it's like, 8… 3…
Momiji: (rushes in rubbing his eyes) WAAAAHAAAAHAAAA! I'M BLIND! I'M BLIIIND! I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN!
Shigure: What on earth?
Haru: (comes in coughing) I sprayed a little deodorant in the air. He's complaining for nothing.
Jerry: You were supposed to be on, like, 3 minutes ago.
Henry: GAAAAH! (shoves everybody onto the set)
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Shigure: And welcome to yet another episode of 'Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes.'
Uo: (shoves Shigure away from the microphone) Tonight we have a unique selection from the cast with us. Momiji Sohma - the famous yellow rabbit.
Momiji: (bounces up and down excitably)
Uo: Hatsuharu Sohma - the dairy cow.
Haru: (scowls) Gee, thanks a bunch...
Uo: (grinning) Kyo Sohma - the ever annnoying furball of an excuse for a cat.
Kyo: SHUT YA MOUTH YA FAT LUMP!
Uo: (frowning) Shigure Sohma - the adorably grotesque pervert, our only canine friend.
Shigure: (beams proudly)
Uo: And of course I, Ansa Uotani, otherwise known famously as 'Uo'. We're here tonight to grace the presence of the show and bring you more news and updates from 'behind the scenes'.
Momiji: (waves frantically) Hiya guys!
Kyo: Momiji, ya dumb bunny. Shut up.
Uo: You can't talk, carrot-top…
Shigure: Actually, technically he's not quite so much the carrot anymore…
Kyo: (nervously flattening hair) SHUT UP!
Haru: As you can see, things haven't looked up since the series finished showing. Kyo's still as prone to temper tantrums, Momiji's still gay, and Shigure is currently peeping up Uo-chan's skirt.
Uo: WHAT! YOU PERVERT! (slams Shigure in the face with her knee)
Shigure: (rubbing his nose) Do we have news for you this week? No we don't. Henry's hired a new, equally gay – he wears pink, the poof – assistant and Kagura is currently immersed in wedding plans for the wedding that will take place next year. Rumours are that she's pregnant.
Momiji: Nuh! She's not! I asked her and she said she's not, but maybe she will be next year.
Kyo: Not if I get any say in it.
Momiji: She has lotsa supplies of sleepy drugs stored away just for you Kyo!
Shigure: Ingenious! Why didn't I think of that with Miss Honda?
Kyo: DON'T INSULT TOHRU!
Uo: Obviously, funds for a specially erected 'Sohma Family Mental Institution' to be placed on the large Sohma property have been overridden by the council and extreme lack of funds.
Haru: Tragic that, isn't it? I mean, I can already think of a couple of people who can be commited.
Kyo: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
Uo: If you vote for a Special Mental Institution online at 'www . SFMI . com' hopes are that building can commence in July next year.
Shigure: Ooh! Crazy people!
Kyo: Why do I have to belong to a crazy family?
Uo: You're a freak. End of story.
Kyo: (scowls heavily)
Shigure: Also, tonight we have a special feature of the very school that the Sohma children attended in both the anime and the manga.
Uo: We'll be back with you after a short break.
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Momiji: (spins around in his chair in delight) We get to watch our school! We get to watch our school! Yippee!
Jerry: (comes out and begins fiddling with Kyo's hair.) La la la. Got to look your best when you're on show…
Kyo: (struggling) Would you get lost? Dammit! I don't need you telling me my hair looks worse than it already is!
Uo: HENRY!
Henry: (comes out looking stressed) And this was supposed to be my night off.
Uo: Yeah yeah, hey look, Kyo needs some more hair dye… permanent… that stuff's permanent isn't it?
Henry: (exasperated) No, no it's not. Only temporary.
Kyo: And it's gonna stay that way!
Uo: (grins) No, look, it's gotta be permanent to give the best effect. Make sure you do that before we leave tonight, Henry.
Henry: Oh dear, oh dear. I'm expected to work for them, and then they expect me to work overtime. WILL I EVER GET A LIFE?
Kyo: WHAT?
Uo: It's for your own good.
Shigure: Yes, it's for your own good Kyo.
Haru: (bored) We're on again in 5… 4…
Jerry: (pouts and pulls away) Hey! That's my job!
Henry: (drags Jerry away)
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Shigure: And welcome back, I hope you're all well tonight…
Momiji: Of course they're well! How could they not be? They're the audience!
Haru: Momiji, shut up.
Uo: As mentioned before the break, we have footage of the actual Kaibara High School.
Shigure: The school the Sohma children attended when they were still young. Henry?
- they all swivel their chairs to watch the video on the large screen behind their heads. There's a shocked silence and then Uo gets up and switches off the tape, fuming. –
Uo: Shigure…
Momiji: Why was the camera looking up girls' skirts?
Shigure: (delighted) High school girls, high school girls!
Haru: Oh dear, that's not going to go down well with the PG ratings…
Kyo: (looking murderous) Shigure, did you perve up Miss Honda's skirt?
Shigure: (sweating, turns to the microphone) Ahh… that's all we have time for tonight I'm afraid, due to technical difficulties, this, regretfully, must be cut short… it's good to know that…
Uo: HENRY! Cut… the… tape… now…
Shigure: (sweat drop, begins to back away) Thanks folks, and goodnight!
- Shigure runs screaming away backstage, Uo and Kyo on his tail -
Riiight... this is a re-post... lol. Forgot I had it in my documents... WHOOPS! Seeya guys! (grins and blows a raspberry)