Bittersweet Reminiscence: Chapter 4

Recovery

A/N: Okay, I just couldn't resist posting the next chapter early. The suspense is killing me with this story, LOL. I think I'm enjoying it more than you guys. However, posting this early means no new chapter until mid-next week because of stupid exams…Grrrrr. But, come Tuesday afternoon, I'm on holidays for three weeks in which I will have nothing better to do but to write:D I can't wait!

She was broken after that day. But she wouldn't let me help her pick up the pieces.

She simply pretended they weren't there…that they only needed to be forgotten.

But they had cut her deep, leaving heavy scars…and it had cut me too.

The only difference was that I was the one left to bleed.

"Yuna…I promised."

"This may be the end; but you will be mine. Always."

"It's not you're fault," I assured her, rubbing her back soothingly. She instantly shied away from my touch, and although a little shocked, my eyes followed her as she rose from the bed fluidly and walked to the window. She leant her head up against the mahogany pane gently, looking out into the conflicting bright, happy, sunny day—the complete opposite of what I knew she was feeling.

"Isn't it?" She asked dryly, keeping her vision firmly locked on the children I could hear playing outside. She felt like she'd never get to experience that I know. I adjusted myself more comfortably on the sheets, watching her. Her expression was oddly indifferent, but knowing my Yuna, she was just pretending. For some reason, it made me feel strangely uneasy.

"No, it's not. And you know, you can cry. You're not in a meeting with the leaders of Spira…this isn't your pilgrimage…you're not talking with a complete stranger here. It's me. Only me."

She chuckled bitterly. "What's the point? It won't do any good."

"Why?" I asked, puzzled.

"Because," she started, and right after she had spoken, a peel of thunder shot across the sky. The children's happy cries turned into screams of surprise and horror. She turned to face me then, and I saw the true extent of her grief. A small, shallow smile was painted on her pale lips, but her eyes…they were black. Nothing. Inside, she must have been screaming in agony.

It scared me. She ignored my expression and gestured toward the glass once again. Small beads of water streaked the glass. She watched.

"A storm comes. Soon…the heavens will do all the crying for me. For the both of us."

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"Yuna? I'm home!" I shut the door quietly and made my way through our living area and into the kitchen. Lulu had graciously given me some soup that she had mad for Yuna. I quickly served it up in bowl and laid it out nicely for her on the table. It had only occurred to me just then that I hadn't seen her since I'd arrived home…she hadn't even come out to say hello.

"Yuna?" I called again, now leaving the kitchen and venturing down the bland wooden hall that linked the few, modest bedrooms in the house together. I couldn't see her anywhere and as I result I panicked. I came to the end of the hallway only to find that she wasn't in our bed, and my heart tightened at the sight. She was still pretty sick and I hated it when I found her walking around too much.

Pacing furiously back the other way, I checked the bedrooms on the other side. I stopped abruptly when I saw what looked like her small frame curled up on the floor. The blinds in the room were drawn shut, small slithers of the afternoon light were peeking through; sending her silhouette dancing across the white walls. She seemed peaceful enough; her simple white dress tucked under her legs as she slept. I didn't want to wake her, but it was growing cold…fast. I didn't want to think about what would happen if I left her here.

"Hey," I nudged her gently, carefully, just enough to make her stir. Her beautiful sapphire and emerald eyes fluttered open and automatically focused on my face. She smiled. "Good morning," she said, her voice cracking as she hoisted herself up onto her elbows. Her eyes never mine.

I forced myself to stifle a giggle. "It's not morning, Yuna. It's afternoon." Her vision roamed the room, and her face adapted a melancholy expression for an instant. Her gaze returned to me then, a small smile on her lips; but it did not touch her eyes. The sadness was still there.

"Oh," she whispered after awhile, suddenly looking away. "I guess I lost track of time."

She was being evasive again. Her words reminding me of the sphere I saw of Rikku. A jolt of pain rattled my chest at the thought, but I fought it back, trying to distract myself by questioning my wife. "Why were you in here?" I asked sharply. My tone was harsh, and it had surprised her. The thought of that blasted sphere had made me momentarily bitter.

She took a moment to answer, her tone making it seem as if she was admitting a horrible weakness. "I just…can't let go," she confessed, rubbing her shoulders as an attempt to self-soothe. "I know that sitting here…in the nursery isn't helping, but…"

"Yuna-"

"It was a girl you know," she said suddenly, both interrupting me and erasing the emotion in her voice. "I know that you said that you didn't want to see because you thought that it wouldn't help, but it was." She spoke happily, briefly. And I knew that her mind was off dreaming about the possibilities of the baby's life had it not died. I instantly regretted bringing the whole topic up because it only made Yuna unnecessarily upset, and the priest had told me to prevent any stress at all costs as it would hinder her recovery.

"Our little girl…" I mumbled, distracted.

I myself couldn't help but imagine what our little girl's life would have been like. And just like Yuna, there were tears forming in my eyes as well, but I forced myself to swallow them.

"It doesn't help Yuna…it just makes the pain worse," I said softly, watching her back as she leaned casually up against the window, her outstretched palm running across her abdomen.

"You can't just run away from pain, Tidus," she answered in a disturbingly indifferent tone.

"Yeah, well you can't just bury it either!"

She turned towards me then; and I forced my temper down. "I'm sorry."

She didn't say anything.

I growled.

"We aren't handling this very well are we?" Yuna sighed.

"No," I admitted. "We're not handling each other very well either." I closed my eyes, trying to find some way out of this whole mess. What could we do? At that point, I didn't think that Yuna and I could be any further apart. A part of me had hoped that, with the birth of our baby, it would save our marriage and close that rift that had opened up between us. When I opened my eyes, Yuna was still by the window, her hand awkwardly resting on her shoulder as she continued to stare nonchalantly out the window.

"Hey…Tidus?" she asked after a moment, breaking the tense silence. I was almost relieved, but the uncertainly and reluctance that colored her tone urged me to be cautious. "Yeah?"

"I've been thinking…" she trailed off, obviously lost in her thoughts. I was in no rush to hear them, because I knew that whatever she was trying to tell me wasn't going to be something I would want to hear. I wasn't far off the mark either.

"I think I should start work again. It should serve as a great distraction from all of this don't you think? It might be healthy."

I instantly disagreed. "No," I said sternly. "Healthy for you maybe, but certainly not healthy for our marriage. We're falling apart Yuna…can't you see that?" There were many unspoken implications in my objection that I hoped she would grasp, and to some extent I think she did.

"I still love you, Tidus. I have no intension of getting a divorce." She wouldn't say it to my face though, and that was the thing that worried me the most.

I approached her, wanting this conversation to be had face-to-face. "I know that," I said, although my voice was far from convincing. I placed a hand on her shoulder and watched as she turned to look at me; her bi-coloured eyes shimmering with secretive troubles. "So why don't you stay?"

Her eyes flew to mine briefly before rapidly turning away again. Her voice was unsteady when she replied, and there was something in it that made me almost believe that what she said was indeed fact. "I don't know if I can."

"Hey," she said suddenly, distracting me from how she was acting before. "Did you know that pyreflies can be altered so that they can become just about anything? We haven't researched it properly yet, but from what we can tell, they have an extraordinary ability to materialize anywhere in almost any circumstance. It just requires the power of the mind."

"And the reason you're telling me all this is…?"

But she only winked at me, preferring to stay cryptic. "Just rambling," she admitted sheepishly.

I took at step towards her, cupping her chin in my hands as I leant my forehead against hers. "Getting back on topic…" I suggested, watching her expression shift again. She tried to look away but I kept her gaze locked on mine. "What makes you think you can't stay?"

"I just…can't," she hedged, eyes darting everywhere but to mine, "it's important."

"And I'm not?" I challenged.

"Tidus…" she sighed angrily, "stop being difficult."

"Please? Can't you just think about it at least?" I sounded desperate I know. I didn't want to bring up the sphere…probably because I was so busy denying that it existed…that Rikku didn't mean what she had said. I almost went to check if it was still on her desk, but that would just be tempting trouble. She still hadn't said anything yet.

"Yuna…?" I begged, this time kissing the corner of her mouth. "I'll do anything."

I was surprised when I kissed her again, only to taste a salty substance on her lips. She'd been crying obviously, and although I didn't know exactly why she was, I knew then what her answer was…and of course, that there would be no changing it. I smiled as I looked at her, wiping away the tear trails carved down her pale cheeks.

"Fine. I guess I lose. But…" I trailed off, watching her intently. She finally looked up at me then; her gaze clouded with her own worries. And I knew that they had nothing to do with us. But that was my Yuna…always helping and concerned about others, even if she herself was sick or unhappy. It was what I both loved about her the most, and hated about her the most. She had that extraordinary ability to put others before herself, a wonderful gift that few possessed, but she never seemed to worry about her own wellbeing, and that always made me worry. She was reckless like that.

"At least stay with me for tonight," I whispered. She smiled weakly, and I knew that it was forced…her eyes showing the true extent of her pain. But I was happy, because it was the first one I had seen in weeks. At least she was trying to recover.

I leant in and kissed her then; eagerly seeking out her cold lips. She responded enthusiastically to the sensation, throwing her arms around my neck as encouragement. My arms snaked their way around her small waist, pressing her to me as I lifted her in my arms and carried her out of the nursery, down the hall and into our bedroom, kicking the door shut. Our clothes were ripped carelessly from our bodies and left strewn on the floor in our wake. Our lips remained cemented, unable to remove ourselves from one another.

We remained like that with each other all night; our bodies seeking out each other's warmth as we stirred gently amongst the sheets. Her touch was always soft; reluctant…I didn't know if it was what we should have been doing at that moment. Perhaps we should have been talking about our problems, about why Yuna cried, even as she lay there underneath me, seemingly safe in my arms. We should have stayed together the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that…

But we didn't.

That night Yuna fell asleep in arms…she seemed at peace. Almost as if nothing worried her now as she lay comfortably tucked against my chest, my arms encircled protectively around her waist. And I almost believed that we were alright now…that all our problems were gone and only needed to be forgotten.

Almost.

Just as my lids drooped, the sphere on Yuna's desk glittered mischievously in the moonlight streaking across her desk through the curtains. I tried to ignore how uneasy that made me as I drifted off to sleep. I dreamt.

"You can't run away from pain, Tidus…"

'Why not? You seem to do it all the time.'

"…you should tell Tidus what you're doing with Rin. Give the guy a break; he's worried about you, and to be honest so am I."

'What did she mean, Yuna?'

"A storm comes. Soon…the heavens will do the crying for me…for the both of us."

'Don't you love me anymore?'

"I still love you, Tidus. I have no intention of getting a divorce."

'Then why didn't you tell me?'

"I just…can't."

'Yuna…'

"I love you. I always have…I always will."

'Always.'

That morning when I awoke, I knew our troubles were far from over…

Yuna was gone. Just like she always was.

But this time,she didn't come home.

She sat comfortably across from him in the small office, twisting in the office chair used for guests. He busied himself amongst his paperwork, pretending to be indifferent of her presence. She slammed her elbows down on the hard wood, resting her head upright in her palms as she stared at him, trying to gain his attention. He still ignored her, picking up a pen and writing on the document in front of him. She sighed in exasperation, throwing her arms in her lap. She was going to have to bargain with him if she wanted him to even acknowledge her. She jumped in surprise when a knock sounded on the other side of the door. Quickly she righted herself, trying to look as professional as possible.

"Excuse me Sir, but…" the door opened slightly, revealing the familiar face of a secretary.

"Come in," the man beckoned, finally looking up from his desk.

"Sorry Mr. Rin, but Praetor Baralai just called to organize another meeting with you as soon as possible," she explained, keeping a fair distance away from his desk…and his guest. She handed him the papers and he promptly ordered her to leave. She bowed before making her way out. "Good day sir,"—she turned to acknowledge his guest—"Lady Yuna," and then she left, closing the door behind her quietly.

Rin finally dropped his act, looking over at the beautiful woman sitting across from him. "I'm not giving you the report, Yuna. And that's final."

"And I'm not leaving until you hand it over," she asserted, rising to her feet and passing about the room in thought. "What if I gave you something for it?"

He scoffed. "You really want it that badly?" He asked in blatant disbelief, genuinely confused as to why she was so insistent on having it. "What do you plan to do with it once you get it anyway?"

"That's my business," she said simply, watching him rearrange himself more comfortably in his chair. "Now are you interested in bargaining?" she pressed, refusing to be sidetracked.

"That depends…" he mused, dubious.

"On what?"

"On exactly what you're offering. How much do you want this little old thing?" She turned towards him then and watched as he opened a draw at the side of the desk and pulled out a single sheet of paper, flashing it in front of her teasingly. He smirked as he watched her bi-colored eyes fix on the object in his hands. She was obviously willing to give up a lot to get her hands on it. This was all displayed to him by the look of pure determination glitering in her eyes.

He rose from his seat and approached her. "This is dangerous stuff to be dawdling in Lady Yuna," he warned, the look on his expression serious. "It would kill me to see something bad happen to you. I care for you a lot you know." Yet he handed the paper to her anyway, but his fingers still refused her complete ownership for the moment.

"Before you take it, tell me what I get," he whispered, his face only inches from hers now. She looked up at him, her expression at mixture of nervousness and deviancy. She swallowed the lump in her throat harshly, hoping to sound confident. She knew that he didn't want money, artifacts, spheres, or expensive objects. The look in his eyes clearly indicated that he had eyes for only one thing alone, and she needed that document if she was going to save Spira from anymore danger. She would promise him anything to get her hands on it.

Anything.

"You'll get me."

He grinned. "You'd give yourself to me for a stupid piece of paper?" he seemed amused by the idea as he pondered it. "And what would Tidus think?"

She watched him carefully as he stood looking down at her. When she replied her tone made it seem as if she was hardly interested in what he had said. "Tidus won't have to think anything because he'll never know," she said firmly, watching as arms caressed her cheek.

"Well," he started, letting go of the paper and handing it over to Yuna, "I'd be glad to take you up on your offer." Slowly then, he reached into his pocket and drew out a keycard. With his other arm, he reached for her free palm and eased the thin piece of plastic into her hand, wrapping her fingers around it to make sure she took it.

He smiled again. "I'll be expecting you in three days time at 5:00pm sharp." Yuna couldn't speak, so she just nodded. "I want that report back on my desk by then too," he asserted. "Baralai wouldn't be pleased to know that I've let you seen it. After all, it's a highly confidential matter you realize."

"Yes."

"Good. I would be seriously displeased if you decided to break your promise to me as well. But I am right in trusting in the High Summoner am I not?" He leant in then, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Yuna remained completely still, eyes closed as her fists involuntary clenched at her sides. Soon after he broke away and made his way over towards the door, holding it open for her.

"You may leave now, my Lady," Rin instructed. Yuna took a deep breath to calm herself as she walked out the door, keeping her gaze downcast as she stepped past the threshold and out into the corridor. "Thank-you," she mumbled under her breath.

"You're most certainly welcome," he assured her, then closed the door. She walked briskly away from his office, around the corner and out of sight, winding through the vast and complex halls of the Bevelle temple. A shudder shot right down her spine and she suddenly found herself chilled, despite the fact that she knew it had nothing to do with the weather.

She continued her way through the building, exiting in less than a few minutes. She had gone in with an iron resolve, convinced that nothing could persuade her away from her goal. It was amazing how much Rin's question had bothered her; his words playing in a constant, nagging loop that almost made her crazy.

"What would Tidus think?"

She didn't want to think about it…but not thinking about it only made the buzzing dialogue in her head louder.

'…He'd understand…he has no say in the matter anyway.'

Silence. She sighed in relief.

"Don't do something you will regret later Yuna."

She stopped dead in her tracks…so much for being silent.

She bit her lip, but kept on walking, her clothes suddenly heavy with the wait of the keycard sitting comfortably in her pocket.

This was her decision. And it was already made.

'I won't regret. Never.'

And so ends another chapter! Woohoo! Don't know how long this is going to be, but I've written up until chapter 9 and that's when things are starting to get serious so…maybe 15 chapters? I don't know. Shouldn't be much more than that though, I imagine. Anywho, I hope you all enjoyed this one and plan on reviewing. That would be good too. :D

Chapter 5: 'Missing' will be posted sometime in the very near future. I know I say a week, but sometimes it's less then that depending on how I feel and the amount of feedback I receive. Hint, hint. ;)

Until next time!

Warui-Usagi