A/N: I just need to say how aggravating it is to have a chapter ready, and not being able to upload. Enough said, enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 3 - Finding Sanctuary

Demeter lay by the entrance of the junkyard, breathing in and out slowly in order to calm her nerves. She hated feeling like this; like her stomach was tying in knots and her throat was closing up on her. Only now, the nervousness she was accustomed to was getting worse, and she didn't know why.

Demeter lifted up her head and tried to smile when she saw bright black eyes staring at her. Mistoffelees had entered the junkyard, probably coming to visit from his human home, and saw her sad face from a mile away. Sure, he was a shy cat, but that didn't stop him from being chivalrous. If Demeter looked close to tears, it was inevitable he would ask her why.

"Is something the matter?" he asked, as expected.

'My life,' she thought to herself. Out loud, she answered with a cheerful smile, "Nothing."

"You sure?"

'Nothing I want to share with you,' she thought. Instead, she said, "Just have some things on my mind."

"I see," he said, returning her smile. "I hope you feel better, Demeter." The queen nodded as the tom walked off. She breathed a sigh of relief. She only had to deal with it for a few more days. For the first time, that was a consolation. Demeter enjoyed it best when they were between tribes. She enjoyed it even more when they could stay with human families. There, they could be themselves. They didn't have to interact with other cats if they didn't want to. It was a break from their norm. The only draw back was having to sit and reminisce all day. Normal cats think of their third name. The sisters thought of their many pasts. And always on the most recent ones.

Demeter and Bombalurina stood at the entrance of the junkyard. Another new home. It was almost thrilling each time they found a new place to stay, but as always, there was definitely fear of the unknown before them.

A cat passed by, looking intently at the queens. A cat with bright black eyes. "Excuse us," Demeter began. "We're looking for a place to stay."

"Oh," said the tuxedoed tom. "Of course." He walked up to them. "My name is Mistoffelees. And you two?"

"Demeter," said the queen. She then pointed a paw to her sister. "And this is Bombalurina." She hated taking the role of instigator. That was usually Bombalurina's job. She was so much better at it than her. But the red queen wasn't feeling too well. It was rare she got into these moods, and they were only brought on when she was nursing a broken heart. Or rather, trying to ignore it. "Mistoffelees, is your leader available?"

"Why would you like to know?" he asked, with a cheerful air, but Demeter recognized suspicion in his eyes.

"We know we probably don't smell right to you," she said. "Our last tribe wasn't the most renowned tribe there was. But…we just need a place to start over."

"Let me get the second in command," Mistoffelees said, keeping a wary eye on them. He then turned and ran, disappearing around a pile of junk.

"How appropriate," Demeter whispered to her sister. "A junkyard. We seem to be finding worse and worse locations to stay." But Bombalurina wasn't quite there. Demeter nudged her sister lightly. The only response she got was an annoyed groan. "Everything will be okay," the gold queen whispered. "Please…I can't do this without you."

Demeter hugged her sister, but there was no response. The gold queen supposed there were times that even her brave sister had to abandon reality for even a moment. Perhaps she was dreaming of what could have been if they were just normal. Perhaps it was so tempting to stay in that thought, that she refused to come back… Demeter eyes began to fill with tears.

"Hello." Demeter quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, and formed a defensive posture, hissing at whatever had broke her concentration. She was staring at a silver tabby. "I didn't mean to startle you," he said gently. The gold queen blinked. Quickly, she brought her senses back to her current reality. It took her a moment to remember what she was doing. When she saw the tuxedoed tom peeking out from inside a pipe, she remembered.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Demeter said quickly, feeling flustered. "I just…I've come from a…that is to say…"

"You came from Macavity's tribe," the silver tabby finished for her. Thankfully, that put Demeter's reality back into proper perspective.

"We don't mean to intrude," she said, not missing a beat. "That tribe was hardly reputable, I know. But we need a place to stay."

The downtrodden looks of the sisters must have made the tabby believe they were in need of a sanctuary. He quickly took them in, and asked a handsome bi-colored black and white named Alonzo to help him patrol later in case Macavity were to find out where the two queens were. He listened as Demeter weaved her truthful, yet unrevealing story of their life in that tribe. She knew how to be demure when needed, especially around the classic protector. And her semi-act worked perfectly. By the nights end, a tiger striped and leopard spotted queen was checking on Bombalurina, as Demeter waited nearby, genuinely concerned for her sister.

At one point, the silver tabby came near again. Slightly disappointed, as Demeter wasn't too fond of tabbies, and would have preferred to try her charms on the bi-colored, she thought it best to not alienate herself from the tom. After all, he was the reason they were in the tribe to begin with. Without her sister to guide her, she had to quickly form a plan to make friends with the healer, Jennyanydots, and try and begin connections with the high ranking members of the tribe.

She walked over to the silver tabby. "I'm sorry," she said as she averted her eyes, not wanting to make eye-contact. "I never asked your name."

Demeter could see out of the side of her eye the gentle smile the tom gave her, showing her no harm. "Munkustrap."

"My Munkustrap," whispered the queen to herself. "Soon to be…not." Bombalurina was walking up to her, and the queen lifted herself on her shaking legs.

"You look like a wreck," she commented, putting a paw on her shoulder.

"Yeah," whispered Demeter.

"I know this isn't easy," Bombalurina said gently. "But you have to keep up appearances. How would it look if you kept avoiding Munkustrap now that he's bed-ridden?"

Demeter felt her stomach churn. But she knew she was right. If anything, she should be spending more time with him right now. And here she was, avoiding him for two days straight, looking a mess, and having no explanation why. "Okay…but can you come with me?"

Bombalurina nodded. "Sure."

The two sisters walked over to his den. Bombalurina went in first. "Munkie!" she said cheerfully. The silver tabby twitched his ear at that name and frowned at the red queen. "How are you feeling?"

"I want to get up," he complained. "But Jennyanydots won't let me."

"Feeling restless?" asked the red queen.

"I don't think I've seen the sun in two days," he said, shaking his head. His eyes then caught the eyes of the gold queen peeking in through the entrance. "Hey!" His eyes lit up instantly. "What are you doing all the way over there? It's not like I'm contagious."

Demeter nodded, going to step in. Then she stopped in her tracks.

"Demeter," Bombalurina laughed nervously. "What are you doing, silly kitten? He's you're mate!" The not-so-subtle reminder made Demeter feel even worse. She opened her mouth to say something, then closed it. She was going to be sick…

Demeter clapped her paw over her mouth and ran away from the den. She threw up in an old tin can until there was nothing left and she was dry heaving. She was shaking all over. By the time Bombalurina had found her, she was beginning to cry.

Crying was a dangerous practice in their games of deception. Sometimes they had no good excuse for crying, and if someone found them, they would have to either make up a story or distance themselves by refusing to talk about it. So she tried to train herself not to cry anymore over the pains of the past. The answer to this problem was often to throw herself into other activities.

"How goes it, sis?" Bombalurina was finally beginning to come back to reality. It was a slow process at times, but she was now sitting up, eating, and conversing. What's more, she seemed interested in her sister, again. This was good news.

"Well," Demeter began. "I've got Jennyanydots practically coiled around my finger. Turns out that one stint with that cat-lady really paid off. Jenny likes knitting, crocheting, and tatting. And while I have yet to figure out what tatting is, she was very impressed that I can knit! She's very nice; I think you'll like her."

"That's good," Bombalurina agreed. "Sounds like you've done well."

"Well…" Demeter bit her lip, considering how she should put her next point. "I don't think…I mean…Bomba…you're the sexy one, not me." The red queen looked at her like she was insane, but Demeter continued. "I have been trying to get to know Alonzo…he's one of the sentinels…but he's a little aloof. And he flirts with other queens more than he would try to with me."

"Well, he has bad taste," she said, shrugging. "We don't need to put up with him. What else have we got?"

"There's the Rum Tum Tugger. But…I don't really like him. He comes on too strong. And I doubt any respect will come from having him as a potential mate. And I think he would play us before we could him."

"I like a challenge," Bombalurina said, with a twinkle in her eye. Demeter was surprised to see her sister jump right into another attempted relationship. She was worried her sister was still broken over her last one. But…she had to admit, as long as there was something to keep them occupied, it helped them forget.

"Well, I guess that will work," Demeter said, nodding. "I like Jenny, but I don't think she's enough to defend our staying here. Are…you up to it?"

"I'm fine," Bombalurina said curtly, getting up and stretching. "Listen, I want to be by myself for a bit, okay?"

"Oh…okay." Demeter picked herself up and left the room. Demeter tried to let it be. "Bombalurina was just upset," she told herself. "She just needed some time."

As she repeated these thoughts in her head that night, she walked about. That's when she saw Munkustrap patrolling. Alonzo took care of the day, Munkustrap the night. Taking a deep breath, and trying to forget 'the curse of the tabby', she thought of her sister. She could see Bombalurina running herself ragged over that Rum Tum Tugger and getting nowhere. Demeter could play the silver one fairly easily. She took in a deep breath and walked up to him. He was glad for someone to talk to that peaceful night. And with their conversation, and the way he smiled at her, she knew she had to make him love her.

"You're feeling okay now?" Bombalurina asked her sister. Demeter nodded.

"Okay…can you see him now?" Demeter shook her head. Bombalurina sighed. "Look, you have to go in soon. I told him that you were feeling sick, and were scared of passing anything onto him."

"Did he believe it?"

"Well, you know Munkustrap! He kept trying to pry the truth open from me. I finally had to whack him on the head and tell him to talk to you about anything he thinks you're keeping from him."

Demeter's jaw dropped. "You hit him on the head?"

"Only lightly," Bombalurina said, imitating the blow to Demeter's own head. "Like that."

"And why did you pin this on me? Now he thinks I'm keeping some big secret from him!" Demeter groaned, holding her stomach. She thought she would be sick again.

"You'll be okay." Bombalurina rubbed Demeter on the back. She sighed. She supposed she should get it over with. After some more encouraging words from her sister, and some shoving from behind, Demeter finally went into the den to face her mate. He was already annoyed with her for leaving him for so long. She tried to ignore it, the prying questions. But that only worked for so long. She finally understood why Bombalurina felt the need to smack him.

"If there's something wrong, who better to protect you?" he said. "After all, I protect the junkyard everyday…except for recently. And I'm your mate." He said that last tone in a way that sounded like, 'So you better tell me,' rather than the sweet tone he said it with.

Demeter had been trying to avoid eye-contact. Munkustrap took her chin in his paw and made her look at him in the eyes. "What is it?" he asked softly.

Demeter took her tail in her paws and wrung it. She had thought about this moment for a long time now, more so recently. She had always hoped that her decision, or the right lie, or the truth…whatever was right…would choose to come out at this moment, and she wouldn't have to drill herself over this again and again. Now, her brain went numb, and she was lost in his eyes.

He was a gentle tom. She never had a reason to be scared of him. She had only ever seen him be forceful with anyone who would dare hurt his tribe. And the way he would "play" with the kittens, or rather, tolerate them playing while he stood there and took the abuse, told her things would be alright. She had never seen him angry at anyone in their tribe. Would he get angry with her? Maybe it was best to tell him the truth. Anything was better than breaking his heart this way. She couldn't take it anymore.

"Munkustrap," she said, nervously. Her voice was quavering. "I have something to tell you." The silver tom sat up as best he could and gave her his undivided attention.

'Here goes,' she thought.

"I...Things aren't always as they seem. You see…Munkustrap…my love…I…I…" Demeter stopped. Munkustrap gave her a confused look. Demeter clapped her paw over her mouth. "I'm gunna be sick!" She raced out of the den, leaving Munkustrap confused and concerned.

Bombalurina stood in front of Demeter in a protective manner, staring at the queen who they encountered in the alleyway. By the looks of it, she was - to be kind to her- a 'fallen queen'. Bombalurina growled lowly, looking the queen over. "What do you want?" she hissed.

"I didn't mean to disturb you," the queen said softly. "It's just…you look like someone I once knew. I thought for a moment…" She laughed softly. "Years of leaving your loved ones behind, and you begin to think you see them anywhere."

"Who did you think we were?" Demeter inquired as gently as possible. It was in great contrast to her sister's low growling. But that growling stopped when the queen told them the name of the cat she mistook them for. Demeter gasped. "That's our mother!"

"Do you know where she is?" Bombalurina asked.

"How do you know her?"

"Who are you, anyways?"

"Oh…" the queen said, suddenly uneasy about the entire situation. "My name is Grizabella." The two queens looked at each other. They had heard of her in their tribe. Apparently, she abandoned them when many of the cats were young, and they wanted nothing more to do with her. "Come with me. I have something to tell you…"

Demeter paced outside of Jennyanydots den. She had something to ask her. She hadn't been feeling well, and while she could otherwise blame it on her nerves, she had a feeling there was something more going on. She didn't know what to think about it all. So finally, she went inside.

"Jenny?" she said meekly.

"Oh," said the queen, looking her over. "What's the matter, dear? Is something wrong with Munkustrap?"

"No, oh, no," Demeter said quickly. "I'm afraid it's me. I just…haven't been feeling well lately, and I thought I was just…upset." Jennyanydots nodded, as though she understood. The gold queen smiled weakly. She was always so kind, and so perfectly naïve to Demeter's situation. "But I'm starting to think it's something more. And I wanted to make sure nothing was wrong with me…Or I wasn't contagious," she added, carrying on her sister's lie.

Jennyanydots was glad to do anything for the golden queen.

Just as Demeter meant it to be.

The two sisters entered the junkyard in a daze. Bombalurina kept shaking her head, trying to get her senses back. Demeter was following her sister mechanically. They stood still for a while. Finally, Bombalurina got some of her senses back, and turned to her sister. "We…can't let this get to us," she said softly. Demeter simply nodded. "I…have a date tonight with Tugger. I should go." Her sister didn't want to deal with it. She never did.

Demeter walked numbly through the junkyard, not wanting to go back to her den, to see anyone, to be anywhere, to do anything. Her mind was slowly trying to wrap itself around her situation. She wouldn't be allowed in the Heaviside Layer, surely, for all she had done in the past. At least, that's what they had decided. They just wanted one last moment. A chance at a life, not a different life, with their mother. That had been their drive for so long. And now what? Their mother was…

She couldn't even think of it. As long as she didn't accept it, she could still be out there somewhere, surviving. Not a victim to whatever disease it was that…THAT cat said overcame her. If she believed that, Demeter had no purpose.

There was no purpose. She had nothing without that one thin hope of seeing her mother again. No one else could stay in her life for a lifetime, except her sister. She loved her sister, yes, but when she was all she could depend on with the absence of a good mother…

Their mother was a good mother…

"Is a good mother," Demeter corrected herself. "IS a good mother." The chances of her being alive…they never expected something like this to happen. And what's more, she couldn't figure out why she felt so numb.

"Cry," she commanded herself. But no tears came. "CRY, damn it!"

"Demeter?" The queen didn't bother to turn. The only cat who would be out and about this late would be Munkustrap, and she didn't care to see HIM, of all cats.

"Go away!" she said harshly. To herself, she curled up into a fetal position, and commanded to herself again, "Cry!"

"What?"

"I can't CRY!" Demeter groaned in frustration. Had she become so dead inside, after so many years of avoiding her emotions, that she couldn't do something so instinctive? "I don't even WANT to cry! Something is horribly wrong with me. No…" Demeter got up and looked up at the moon above, as though it could answer all her questions. "I've never been normal! Stupid Everlasting Cat! DON'T YOU LOVE US! She didn't do anything to deserve this!"

"Who didn't?" Munkustrap edged over to her. Then he stepped back when the cat turned to him, almost looking like she was going to turn ON him.

"I think I'm going insane or something," she said in a shaky voice. "Look at me! I can't even cry for my mother!" Munkustrap just stared. "We should have…INSISTED on going with her when she told us to go on our own! We could have been there with her when…and now…that cat…THAT cat told us she's…"

"She's what?"

"She's DEAD!" Demeter bellowed, before gasping in horror at her own words. She didn't mean to say that. She heard herself whimper.

"Oh…Demeter, I'm so sorry." The gold queen felt her emotions beginning to give way. She knew they would be too much for her to handle. There were far too many things she had put away in the back of her mind. She looked up to see Munkustrap looking at her with concern, aching to console her, but not knowing what to do. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes," she said in a voice she didn't recognize. She walked up to him and kissed him hard on the lips, hardly caring what he thought or how this would turn out. She needed to find sanctuary in something else, away from her prior lives, from everything she had accumulated over the years. If it was wrong, she figured he would push her away, stop her, and she would have to find something else to find consolation in.

After what seemed like an eternity, he gave into the kiss, and pulled her close. In the back of her mind, she knew this was not what she had planned upon happening. In retrospect, she probably shouldn't have let it happen. She had been weaving her delicate threads to catch the tom who would be her perfect protector. She should have known he was already absolutely infatuated with her.

The weeks after that night were a blur, as both sisters threw themselves into their new lives, as though everything in their past ceased to exist. Demeter had conned herself into thinking she had found a perfect mate in Munkustrap, and that her life was better now. No matter how she felt about him, then or now, there was one question that haunted her.

What would she have done without him?

Demeter wrung her paws together, as Jennyanydots followed her out into the open. She was saying some things that Demeter needed to know considering her current state. The gold queen wasn't listening. Her nerves were now far more wrecked than they previously were. 'This can't happen,' she told herself. 'It's impossible!'

"Munkustrap?" Demeter's attention was brought back to reality when she heard Jennyanydots' sharp tone to the tabby who was up and walking, or limping, about. "I told you to stay in bed! How do you expect to heal walking around?"

"I was worried," he told Jennyanydots quickly, before turning to Demeter and taking her shaking paw. He leaned in close and whispered to her. "Demeter, you almost told me something yesterday. Then you started avoiding me. I can't just sit around if something is wrong. You have to tell me."

"Oh," Jennyanydots said, who had perked up her ears and listened to the whispered conversation. "She was probably just nervous, but now she knows for sure!" Demeter barely caught herself before she cringed. If there was any time for the Gumbie cat to be quiet, was it NOW. "Go on, tell him the good news." Jennyanydots smiled reassuringly.

Demeter saw a few cats coming out from around the piles of junk to see what all the hubbub was about. They had, after all, seen their injured second in command rushing about even though he was in obvious pain, and then heard the Gumbie cat scolding him. And what with cats being curious…

Demeter smiled a nervous smile. What else could she do? "Munku," she began, trying her best to look the tom in the eyes and not look too aggravated by the news she just received. "I'm pregnant."