Scabs And Dragons

Small, simple safe price

Rise to wake and carry me with all of my regrets

This is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and heals

And I'm not afraid it die,

I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight

I want the pain o payment

What's left but a section of pygmy sized cuts

Much like the slew of a thousand unwanted fucks

Would you be my little cut?

Would you be my thousand fucks?

And make mark-leaving space for this guilt to be liquid

To fill and spill over and under my thoughts

My sad sorry selfish cry out to the cutter

I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart

And love is not like anything

Especially a fucking knife!

The lyrics blasted out of my stereo and filled my room. I could barely hear myself think and that's how I liked it. It was better not to think really. If I didn't think, then I wouldn't remember. And if I didn't remember then I had less of a chance to fall back into my bad habit.

I could hear the vase breaking against the wall in the other room. Must have been pretty loud to be over my music. The screaming moved towards my room. I sighed. Why the fuck cant they just go away? I wish I was never born a lot of the time. Especially over the summer. My life was so fucking shit anyway. And this year there wasn't even a Weasley house visit to look forward to. There was nothing…

Perhaps everything would have been ok. I lived in a nice house. If my step mum actually gave a fuck about me and my step dad didn't like to take midnight visits to my fucking room because Mel is passed out is someone else's house. Perhaps if all those things were to be. Then everything would be ok. But that's not how it is…

Where I live. Would be a two bedroom broken down house is the back streets of London. No one knows I'm around. I can't talk to the muggles. Its not like we have anything in common. It would be like Them: "So where do you go to school" Me: "Oh I go to Hogwarts the magic school" I can really see that one turning out well for me.

The screaming in the hallway was moving closer forcing me to jump out of my little daydream. Why the hell do they have to be so loud! I went to turn up my stereo to see it was already on full blast. Figures they could be the only force on earth that is louder then it.

Bad Habit by the Dresden Dolls started up next. It's an amazing song. It sound like it's all about self cutting and stuff but really its about how the singer in the group likes to pick the skin under her nails and it's a bad habit she seems to have.

Something was getting smashed in the hall way. A vase perhaps? Or a picture. Might have been of the one of me when I was about 6. Small with brown curls hair and innocent eyes. My dad and mum holding me up on their shoulders. Mel seemed to like that photo for some reason. Joe hated it. So if it was that photo. You can bet it was him who chucked it.

Thinking about my real parents still makes me sad. Even though it happened about three months ago. Thinking bout them was like getting hit across the face. Light tears started to run down my cheek. I really wanted to go and see if it was my photo that was destroyed. But I knew that if I went out there now. Especially for something that Joe hated. Then tonight would be so much more brutal then usual. So I stayed put. Stayed quiet and waited.

The front door slammed. Mel was gone. I counted down in my head…
5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
And there it was. The pounding on my door with the oh so pleasant screaming from Joe of :OPEN T HE FUCKING DOOR YOU WHORE OR ILL FUCKING BASH IT DOWN" such a charmer my man Joe is. As I hopped off my bed and walked to the door I wondered why I had bother to lock it in the first place. As soon as I had unlocked the lock I took a step back and the door slammed open missing me by about half a millimeter. Joe walked up to me and slapped me across the face so it stung, then pushed me hard into my bed. I heaved a deep sigh. So much for getting any sleep tonight. This will be painful…

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My first ever fan fic. Tell me what ya think...