Wow, am I bad. Erm, sorry for the late update. I actually started this chapter a longer time ago, and then I just had to Finish Collision Course. And of course, do the sequel (which all of you should check out! It will be juicy!) But FINALLY, after MONTHS, I have finished this chapter. Writing should be easier from now on, because I have established a plot. I wouldn't be surprised if you guys had to go over the first three chapters, I know I did -smacks self-. Anywho, tell me what you think, leave me a review, do what you usually do eh. And, erm, I'll try to be quicker with chapter 5. Tootles Loves!

Chapter Four

These are my words
That I've never said before
I think I'm doing okay
and this is the smile
that I've never shown before

How do you go on with your life when you have lost the person who means most to you? For the past year and a half, that is what I was thinking. Jou meant the world to me, and then in a matter of seconds, he was just…gone. It was my fault, and he wouldn't ever be there for me again. I had to pick up the remainders of what he left behind, and move on. Continue my business, caring for my brother, all of those things. I was empty though, and I thought I never would be the same. In ways I wasn't. I did things like I did not care at all. It was like, if someone put a gun to my head, I would just stand there, and take the bullet.

So when I heard Yuugi's voice, telling me that Jou was awake, it was almost like I was back where I was, a year an a half ago. What did I do that morning? I could hardly remember. We were going to go out for lunch; we had sex in the shower, the accident…

Would Jou ever be the same? Would he remember who I was?

I turned to look at Mokuba. He was pale. "Are you ok Seto?"

I did not know. It was like someone punched me hard in the chest, and I was still recovering from the blow.

"Are you going to see him?"

I didn't say anything, but just nodded. I had to, didn't I? I needed to see him. For all he knew, we were still going out. It was not his fault I thought he would never awaken. Damn those thoughts, Damn me, why did I ever doubt him? Probably because my heart had broken, and I thought by moving on, I could forget what I had done. I guess that didn't work.

I hopped into my car, and was on my way to the hospital. Funny, I hadn't seen Jou since he was alive, or what I considered to be alive. I just knew I could not bear to see him lying in the hospital. Jou wasn't himself unless he was smiling, or stuffing food into his mouth. Even when he was sleeping, he looked alive. So, I did not want to see him, hooked up to a machine, instead of being his carefree self.

The hospital was like a prison. When I walked it, it smelled like a thousand people had died. I shivered slightly, remembering that I was here once, almost dead, having other people take care of me.

I heard Yuugi before I saw him. He was talking to a nurse. He also looked pale. I suppose it was wrong of me to pretend to be so strong, when inside, I was screaming. But that was me, good old unemotional Kaiba.

"Kaiba, I am so glad you are here."

Yuugi was so short, I almost forgot. It isn't like we saw each other one a regular basis. The only thing we really had in common was Jou, and he wasn't there. "What happened?" My voice sounded too normal for what was going on around me.

"He just opened his eyes, they can't explain it. I haven't seen him yet though."

"Oh." What else was I supposed to say?

"Do you want to see him first?"

I looked sharply at Yuugi. Is this why he had not seen his best friend? He wanted me to see him? Why? So if Jou went insane, he would not have to be the one to see him so. Or was it because Yuugi understood what we had, and respected it? That couldn't be it. After all, it was Yuugi who spent days on end beside Jou's bed, not Seto, no; I had not been in to see him once.

"I don't blame you, you know Kaiba?"

I already knew that. I did not expect Yuugi to hold a grudge against me.

"I know you loved him, I don't blame you. Go on, go see him."

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

The room was darkened, but I could see someone by Jou's side. It was a nurse, I guessed. She was speaking softly to him, and I could see his form, sitting up in bed.

Now up to this point, I wasn't nervous, just scared that this was all some kind of hoax, and someone would jump out and me and shout "Surprise! You fell for it fool." That never happened to say the least. But now I felt scared, terrified. What would Jou say when he saw me? When he heard that I had not been to see him? That the person he thought was strong, was really too weak to be by his lovers side? He did not have to know that, at least not yet. All I wanted to do was hold him, to run away. To tell him I missed him, and then leave him again. My head was filled with thoughts and feelings that were new to me, and they were all jumbled together, like a puzzle that still needs to be put together again.

"Oh, are you here to see Jounouchi?"

I jumped at her voice, and scowled at her foolishness. No, I thought, I decided to randomly take a stroll into hospital rooms; it is a hobby of mine.

"Yes." It was like a whisper, but I am sure she heard me.

"Ok, he is better now. I don't know if he can fully function yet, but we will see. Keep the lights off as well, his eyes are not yet adjusted to the light." She left the room. I didn't know if it was such a good idea for me to be in here, with someone who just woke up from a coma, after a year and a half. I wondered if Jou remembered anything about the accident.

He was rubbing his eyes, like he had just woken up from a very long nap. At this point, I had lost any feeling throughout my body, and a cold numbness set over me. He turned his head, and I could now see his eyes. I lost every sense in my body.

"They told me I was here for awhile. Man, am I stiff."

Ok, so he knew Japanese, good. He also knew who he was; he had not lost his mind, which was also good.

"I can't see worth of shit. Come closer."

Somehow, I moved my legs. "Jou?" I whispered it, afraid that the sound of my voice might hurt his ears. I knew he could see me now. I was looking at him, sitting up in his hospital bed. I noticed how his chest moved rhythmically up and down, each time he blinked, how a draft in the room ruffled the hair in front of his eyes. God, I missed the little things.

"Who are you?"

His words hit me like a baseball bat to the head. "Jou, it is me, Seto."

He struggled, as if trying to learn something new. I prayed that he would remember my name.

"Seto who?"

There it was. I knew it was too good to be true.

"Jou, it is me, don't you remember?"

He rubbed his head with his right hand, deep in thought. "I don't…I can't remember much. The nurse told me I was in an accident, and I was here for awhile. I don't remember the accident, and I don't remember much before. I remember…my sister, my school, some of my teachers, I think."

I listened to him listing off the ideals of his life that must have been stuck in his mind. Surely, he would remember his partner; surely I would not have to remind him who I was.

"Are we friends?"

I swallowed hard, "Yes. Jou, think harder, I was in the accident too, you have to remember me." It was a plea. I was pleading with him to remember who I was, and what I was doing there.

"Yugi, I could always hear Yugi's voice. He told me everything would be ok, he told me what was going on. I remember that."

Was I such a foolish person, that I could not even have looked at him when he was ill? Was this what made him forget who I was, the lack of contact, when he needed me beside him? No, he was in a coma, he was unresponsive, that couldn't be it.

"Seto?"

"Yes?" I said, eagerness ever present in my voice.

"I don't remember a Seto."

That killed me. Have you ever had your heart broken twice? By the same person? When Jou went into a coma, he killed what little emotion I had inside of me. Now he was doing it all over again. Jou hardly remembered my name; he didn't see what we had. What we went through, when we first started dating. The ridicule everyone showered upon us, how we fought to make it work. We had gotten so far, and he had just forgotten?

I was mad at him, mad that he could remember the little things, like his teacher, but not remember the name of someone who loved him so much that he would die for him. And I was angry at myself. Angry that I could not even see through my own selfish ways, to see the person I said I had loved. He was in pain, but I was absorbed in self indulgence, that I would not recognize when he needed me.

At this I left the room in a fit of fury. I didn't even talk to Yuugi as I made my way out.

"Kaiba, what-"

I just left him standing there. I could not deal with it all. I thought I had finally put that behind me. Well, not Jou of course, he would always be a part of me, but I had tried to hold back what had happened. He didn't remember who I was?

I burst into the bathroom off the lobby. Good, no one was in here. I locked the door and almost passed out. I had not been eating, I barely sleep, and now this? My reflection looked back at me through the mirror. How long had it been since I had looked at myself? I suppose I did not have a reason to even try and look good anymore. I was full of anguish, and hate. I looked at the replica in the mirror, and hated who I had become, hated who I was. I was so filled with hate; for the world, for the people, but mostly, for myself. Then I did something I hadn't done in a long time. I sat down, and cried.

I finally made it back. Well, not quite, I found myself outside of Jou's door. I knew I needed to explain things to him. Poor boy. At least he had not forgotten Japanese; I would have surely killed myself.

I could hear voices inside the room. No doubt it was Yuugi, trying to calm his best friend.

Knock on the door. Just walk in, pretend that everything is ok. Even though things are horribly fucked up right now, we can pretend. I am good at that, I pretend to care about things all the time; you just learn to tune people out. Anyways, Jou was probably just REALLY screwed in the head, I mean, he just got out of a coma, things can happen. I'll take him home, and in the morning, things will be back to the way they were… Right Seto.

"Come in." Defiantly Yuugi, I could tell by his high pitched girly voice.

Jou was rubbing his head. He looked up at me, with no hint of recognition in his eyes. C'mon Seto, you have to suck it up. It is not his fault.

"Jou, this is Seto. Do you remember Seto?"

Jou shook his head, "Not really. But, I don't remember a lot of things right now."

"When is he allowed out?"

Yuugi spoke, "The doctor said he would be ok in a week, but he still has to learn a lot of things."

"Right, I'll come get him next week then."

"Ok, well…Wait, Seto, you can't take him to your house?"

What the fuck? Why the hell not? He is still technically my boyfriend, and he lived with me before the accident, so he better fucking come home. "Why not?"

"Well, he doesn't remember you Seto; he should go back to his Dad's house.

His Dad? Had Yuugi ever met Jou's Dad? He could hardly walk a straight line; he would never take care of his ill son. "Obviously you have not met Mr. Jounouchi. No Yuugi, he is my responsibility, I will take him home. He is safe at my house, and I have the time to look after him."

"But Seto-"

"Don't argue with me Yuugi, I am not in the mood for this. Don't you know I am trying to do the best for him?"

Jou was looking at me like I had lost my mind. Heh, more like the other way around. I mean, I would be scared if I was going to someone's house, and I had no clue who they were. But I would make him understand who I was, and make everything the same as it was.

"I am leaving now. Jou? I'll visit you tomorrow."

Jou looked up at me. "Ok?"

Should I give him a kiss good-bye? A hug? A handshake? In the end, I just smiled at him and left.

This was going to be a hard journey. I had to teach the kid everything. And now I was wondering what exactly he remembered and forgot. He only remembered Yuugi because he was talking to him at least everyday when he was in the hospital.

Did he ever love me? How could you forget the person you said you loved? Or what I was asking myself…

Could I make him love me again?