Chapter 17 – Simplicity
Demeter looked over to Munkustrap. He simply looked down at the kittens, who were now walking on their own, mewing little nonsensical sounds, almost making out a word or two. Munkustrap was proud of his kittens. He would never ignore them. But Demeter knew it was because of her that he was away from the kittens so much lately. And why he was so quiet and so far away. It took all Demeter had to open up conversation with him.
"Are you ready?" she asked. He simply nodded, as he was busy grooming Raine. "Do you think they're ready?"
"They're getting more anxious," he said, flicking his tail as Chanterelle was stumbling about to chase it. "They're four weeks, Dem, it's only natural."
Demeter nodded solemnly. She felt her grip on the rearing of their kittens slowly weakening. She knew this had to happen, though. "Munkustrap?" He showed he responded by perking up his ears. "Would you look at me for two seconds, please," she asked forcefully.
Slowly, Munkustrap lifted his green eyes. The beautiful green eyes she adored, that once looked to her with love, now looked to her with coldness. She hadn't realized how powerful a presence her own mate had until he looked at her with the eyes of a stranger. It took all of her not to avert her gaze. "We're going to be in front of the entire tribe. Can you please pretend that you don't hate me for a moment and at least act as if you're happy?" The knot in her throat at the minor shift in the silver tabby's gaze made the fur on her neck rise.
"I don't hate you," he said evenly. "But you've been doing enough pretending for all of us. Shouldn't it be your job to keep it up?" Demeter flicked the tip of her tail. Yes, she deserved that. And she had no idea how to counter, which Munkustrap seemed to revel in. "So silent, all of a sudden?"
"Just that I expected differently from you, Munkustrap," she said scathingly before taking Porthos up and going towards the entryway. She tried to ignore Munkustrap staring daggers into her back, but before she could make it out the entryway, she had to stop and catch her breath.
"Things don't have to be this way," she heard him say as she tried to gather herself up not to cry. "I'm going to find out, anyway. And I don't want to have to put anyone else through this madness."
"Well," Demeter whispered. "That makes you better than me any day."
"Demeter," he said sternly, as he usually talked to the kittens of the tribe to get them to stop acting ridiculous.
"I can't talk about this right now," Demeter said.
"You never can."
"And given the circumstances, I never plan on it!" She felt her stomach tie in knots. She couldn't do this on her own any more. She needed her sister with her. She was tired of lying but too frightened to reveal the truth. What could she say? 'I've been using you. It's not that I don't care about you, it's just that I have been using toms for years, and you were next on my list. And you weren't meant to be the last.' Well, that wouldn't come out too well, now would it? All she had left was whatever shred of respect he had for her, and she had no idea how to keep it.
"They're waiting," Munkustrap said, his voice not sounding like his own. "And for Everlasting Cat's sake, smile!" It was easy for him to say. His face always had a bemused look on it due to his markings. Stupid tabby markings…
Shaking terribly, Demeter held Porthos tightly, who was clutching onto his mother for dear life. She stepped out of the den and sat beside the entrance, Munkustrap by the other, holding Raine. Chanterelle eagerly followed, sitting very close to her father.
Chanterelle's nose twitched as she sniffed the air in curiosity. She looked to her mother for support, who, despite her exhaustion with her own life, could muster an encouraging smile for her daughter. Chanterelle began to creep forward slowly.
Demeter put Porthos down, as Munkustrap put down Raine. The latter curled up into his father's lap, not daring to peek his head out. Porthos, on the other hand, stayed where he was placed, looking around, slowly taking everything in.
Chanterelle had stopped a few feet from her parents, her eyes darting to and fro at her surroundings. Then…
"Aww….they're soooo cuuuute!" Chanterelle jumped about two feet in the air in surprise before racing back to the den, tail puffed out. Demeter laughed in spite of herself.
"That's where she takes after you," Munkustrap mused, as though their previous conversation hadn't taken place. Demeter just rolled her eyes, not wanting to hear his false kindness to her.
Slowly, the cats of the junkyard peeked their heads out of their hiding spots, the frightener of Chanterelle revealing herself. Jemima crept forward, before coming to a stop a safe distance from the kittens. "They're adorable!" Other cats muttered in agreement, all of them smiling.
Porthos looked up to his mother, as though to ask if it was alright that he address them. Demeter nudged him forward encouragingly. Raine seemed to bury himself into his father's fur, a brown and black anomaly against the silver.
It seemed that the Rum Tum Tugger couldn't help himself, as he was the first to step up to the kittens. "Well, I never thought I'd see Munkustrap reproduce, and now look at this."
"You make it sound dirty, Tugger," Munkustrap remarked dryly. Chanterelle began to creep out of the den, mesmerized by Tugger's fur.
"Hey there, little kitten," the tom said in a mixture of baby talk and flirty behavior. The kitten slowly walked up to Tugger, her eyes wide, transfixed…Until her father picked her up and brought her back to him.
"Please, don't add to your fan base with my daughter, Tugger," Munkustrap said, giving the other tom a reproachful look.
"Aw, I'm sure Demeter won't mind," Tugger said. "Right, Dem?"
"I concur with my mate," Demeter said, watching Porthos poking at Tugger. The maned tom dared to pick up the little kitten, all the others cats holding their breath. Demeter felt all eyes on her. She just smiled, showing she didn't mind. After this, all the other cats crept forward to give attention on the kittens.
Seeing as Munkustrap's attention was now on the other cats, Demeter crept over to the side, just outside the circle of cats awing and cooing over the four week old kittens that were perfectly normal. Away from the other cats, she felt herself outside of the tribe, watching someone else's kittens being accepted. Perfectly normal kittens… If they had been different, Demeter never would have allowed this display to take place.
"This would never have happened with me." Demeter looked over to Cassandra, who joined her in her solitude. "So…this is what it is to be normal?"
"They're so perfect," Demeter said, chocking back her tears.
"They are."
"Look at them," Demeter whispered. "Bast…I wish that Bomba was here. Or Mistoffelees…"
"I do, too."
Demeter shook her head. "Nothing is turning out like it was supposed to."
"Is that such a terrible thing?" Cassandra surprised her with this question. "You have your kittens…some cats never find anything remotely close to that kind of happiness."
"Or heartbreak," Demeter chocked back tears. "They'll grow up like their father, like their tribemates..." She shook her head. Then she realized everyone was looking in her direction. Demeter's mouth opened slightly in surprise, before she looked over to Cassandra. The sleek queen shrugged, before turning back to the spectacle and smiling. She pointed to the reason for their diverted attention.
The kittens, in line, led by Chanterelle, were stumbling over to their mother. Demeter put a paw to her chest, as though to hold back the emotions she was feeling right then. One by one, they curled up next to her, Raine giving a tiny mew as he joined his brother and sister, and they took refuge under their mother. "Oh, my darlings!" she whispered, hugging them, and kissing the tops of their heads.
"Alright," she heard Munkustrap say. "The kittens are tired of looking at you. Please leave them be!" A couple of cats chuckled, some took offense, but they all left, leaving Munkustrap and Demeter alone again with their kittens.
The two cats made eye contact for a moment, each one yearning to say something, pleading to the other with their eyes, waiting for the other to make the move that would make everything better.
But it never came. And Munkustrap finally looked away, silently walking off, leaving Demeter to put the kittens back in the den.
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Munkustrap found himself wandering aimlessly through the junkyard, wondering what he was doing, why he cared so much, and what he was hoping to find. He laid down on an old pillow and looked out across the junkyard, all the while questioning his recent actions. Was all this torment really worth it? He was putting a terrible strain on everyone involved, and his line of questioning had brought two queens to tears. It was one thing that he caused his own mate to cry, but he had become so consumed in his quest for the truth, he made Victoria burst into tears when interrogating her about Mistoffelees. He hadn't talked to her since, only passing her den to hear sniffling and the familiar tune of the music box. He wanted to stop, to just live in ignorance as he did before, and to be happy with his kittens and his mate. She was such a small queen, fragile in so many ways. But now he could only imagine her somehow hurting all of them, though he didn't know how. But all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her he was sorry. If she wasn't going to fix things, why couldn't he?
He noticed someone moving along before him, and forced himself back to reality. It took him a moment to realize he saw a queen that he hadn't seen in a while.
Instantly, he jumped to his feet and raced over to the flustered looking queen. He must have made quite a bit of noise, because she turned, her eyes wide, her fur raised. Then she sighed with relief. "It's just you," she said, a paw over her heart.
Munkustrap stared in shock. "Bomba…where…the hell have you been!" He looked Bombalurina up and down.
The queen made a face. "Well, not that it matters to you…I just came back to see my sister." Then her ears went flat against her head. "Which reminds me. What's this I hear going on between you and my sister?"
"We've been pretty quiet about your leaving," Munkustrap said, ignoring her question. "We didn't want everyone to freak out so soon after Mistoffelees leaving."
"I hear you've been trying to fish into Demeter's past," she said, her eyes intensely burning.
Munkustrap's ears flattened against his head. "What concern is that for you?"
"Well," Bombalurina said, shifting her weight onto one foot and crossing her arms. "Everything. My past is her past. If you have questions, ask me, dimwit. Don't go making your mate seem like she's got something to hide."
"What did you call me?"
"Has she done anything to deserve this from you?" Bombalurina asked disdainfully. "That you can honestly react---"
"Stop this!" Munkustrap snapped, causing Bombalurina to stop momentarily. "This is ridiculous! If you're so concerned about her, you can just tell me! You know everything she knows, right? What's wrong with her? Why won't she tell me anything! I can't take this anymore! I just want things to be back to the way we were, no more secrets!"
"Everything is so black and white for you, Munkustrap," Bombalurina said. "You think if you can pinpoint one thing in her past, everything will be okay for you again. It's not that simple! In fact, it's long and complicated, and painful…" she stopped to let the words sink in. "Too difficult to say, if you haven't gotten that through your thick skull. And the way you're acting right now is disgusting!"
"How is it disgusting?" he hissed. "If there is something wrong with my kittens, I need to know! If there is something wrong with my mate, I need to know! This is my family, Damn it! Why. Can't. Anyone. Understand. That?"
"You frighten her!" Bombalurina snapped back. "The way you've been acting! Where do you think she got those scars from? A playful kitten nipping at her tail! No! From cats like you! Obsessive and ignorant, ready to persecute before knowing anything!"
"It would all make sense if you could just tell me!" he said. "If it's too painful for her to talk about, then why can't you tell me?"
"You'll turn on us," Bombalurina said, without flinching.
Munkustrap put his paws to his head. "Why do you two keep saying that?" He looked at Bombalurina long and hard, but she said nothing more, as he stared at her intensely, waiting for the truth to slowly seep to the surface. "Her scars…" he said slowly, as the gears turned in his head. "Do you have some, too?" She shifted uncomfortably. "The way you were when you came here… She keeps talking about leaving the tribe…and Mistoffelees did leave the tribe."
Everything felt so close! If he could find something to link it all together… "Why are you always running?" he asked. "What do the kittens have to do with it? Are they in trouble?" No answer. "What are you so afraid of? Why is it so important to keep it from me?" He looked down to his paws. He was considered strong in the tribe, yet now his paws were shaking. "Am I going to lose Demeter? And the kittens? Because…I don't think I can take it…"
"I came here to talk to my sister," Bombalurina said coldly. "Not to give you the latest news on her--"
The movement was so sudden, Bombalurina didn't have time to stop the tom from grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME?"
"Munkustrap!" Both cats looked over to see Demeter hiding behind an old broken television set. "She's been through enough!" Munkustrap looked to Bombalurina, before letting go of her shoulder, looking at his paws, realizing how he had become. "The kittens are fine," she continued. "I didn't think they would be, but now I know they are. So everything that has happened because of them…was all stupid and ridiculous and for nothing." She looked away, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, as though there could possibly be any more tears to shed.
"Bombalurina," Munkustrap said evenly, not taking his eyes off his mate. "Could we have a minute alone?" Bombalurina looked back to her sister. Demeter considered the consequences, until finally, she nodded. Bombalurina walked away, muttering something about tabbies under her breath.
"I left the kittens with Jelly," Demeter said softly, looking to where her sister had gone, longing to follow her. "I was worried about you…"
"Tantomile," he began, unsure if he could get it out. "She told me something…I can't get out of my mind." Demeter stiffened, looking terrified. "She said…that you didn't love me."
Demeter looked so relieved, that she nearly lost her balance and fell over. "I thought you were going to say something else," she admitted, but the pained look on her mate's face made her go quiet.
"She wanted you to tell me your secret," he said, his voice quavering. "But since you won't…all I want to know from you…is if you love me."
"What do you think, Munkustrap?" she asked, her eyes begging him.
"I just want to hear you say it."
Demeter tried to laugh it off. "Oh, come on, Munkustrap, after all this time…" but he still looked unsure. "I mean, with everything that's been done…It's not so simple to say."
"It's very simple," Munkustrap said, taking a few steps towards her. "I love you. I know that. I can say it perfectly fine."
"Munkustrap…" Demeter looked away. "Not now."
"No," Munkustrap came up to her and put his paws as gently as he could on her shoulders. "I can't hear you put this aside."
"I had your kittens," Demeter said, as though baffled. "I sleep by your side every night. Well…until lately."
"Forget lately."
"You keep saying things like that," Demeter said, frowning. "But you never forget. It hurts too deeply to ever be able to forget!"
"Your past?" he asked. He shook his head, letting go of her shoulders. His face went emotionless. "I'm going to find out all about you," he said in an unnatural tone. "Whatever it takes. You're afraid to tell me, so I will find out myself. Until I can finally hear what you're really saying to me. Until I can finally understand you. And we're going to have this conversation again. And you won't be able to push me away as you have been."
Demeter had silent tears streaming down her face. "You can't," she whispered.
"So?" he asked, his face emotionless. "Your past will be exposed? What can be so bad about that?"
"The kittens are yours, too, Munku," Demeter said, confusing the silver tabby at the sudden change in argument. "Whatever happens, they're still yours! You can't look at them differently! You can't think of them differently. You have to love them!"
Munkustrap stared at Demeter, his brows furrowed in confusion. Now he didn't know what to think. "I won't be back to the den tonight," he announced. "Or probably for a while. Explain to the others, if you have to. Whatever good embellishment you can think of."
"Munkustrap!" she said forcefully. "They haven't ever lied to you! They've loved you unconditionally! Never forget that!" Demeter yelled to him. Munkustrap turned and left, without saying another word, simply to spite her.
Of course he would always love his kittens. It just felt satisfying to hurt Demeter by holding that simple truth from her. And let her wallow in it for a while. He was too tired to care that she was terrified of her truth coming out.
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Demeter stood, heartbroken, confused, and tears falling down her cheeks. "Demi?" She turned to see her sister there, looking concerned.
"Bomba!" Demeter raced up to her sister and hugged her tightly, not daring to let go. "Don't EVER leave me like that again!" she said, crying into her fur. "I'm sorry I slapped you! I'm sorry I was so mean to you! I just didn't know what to do! I was turning you into something you weren't! You've always been there for me. I don't know what I would do without you! Don't EVER leave me like that again!"
"I didn't go far," Bombalurina soothed, though tears threatened to interrupt her calm façade. "I was watching over you. I was…mad at you. But I would never just leave you! Unless you wanted me to..."
"I n-never wanted you to," Demeter said between her sobs. "How long have you been back?"
"Been sneaking around for about a week," she said, purring as to calm her sister down. "You're really hard to get outside of your den. I was hoping to get you when you were alone…" She pulled her sister away and looked her in the eye. "I know this is a bad time...but I have to tell you…I saw Macavity…"
Demeter looked up to her sister in shock.
One thing after another. It never stopped. She could only accept the torture.
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Jellylorum was dismissed as the kitten sitter and Bombalurina and Demeter sat in the den alone with the kittens. As a peace offering between the two, Demeter placed her kittens into Bombalurina's lap.
They were awake, looking at their mother. And it was the first time any of them uttered the words, "Mama," though she wasn't sure which did so. Grateful to her kittens, she hugged and kissed each one of them.
"I think you three are old enough to understand," she said, though she knew she was reaching in the logic behind her decision. "So I think you three should know.
"In this world, there are kittens and cats that aren't normal. They are the same in shape and form as any other cat or kitten. But they live for years beyond what any cat should. Sometimes more than humans. Far more. So many years lead to many memories, many skills, many languages learned, and many things forgotten. But most importantly, it leads to many cats. Good cats. Bad cats. Cats they may remember with love and sorrow for the rest of their lives, and cats they may despise for the pain they caused them, which they will never forget.
"Some cats with this…gift of life…turn out sad, lonely, pained and constantly running from things like love, unable to even admit it to the ones they would die for. Some will go searching for their lifetime for something…constant…like a mother they grew up with. But some are stronger, braver, and can always hold a smile in the face of their hardship."
Bombalurina looked down at the kittens, two of which were still sitting in her lap. The little queen had crawled away from Bombalurina, and was now lying in her mother's lap. Each one looked up to their mother, mesmerized by the words she was saying, as though they understood. And with being their mother's kittens, Bombalurina would not have been surprised if they would remember every last word uttered to them that night by the gorgeous black and gold queen before them.
"I want to tell you about a cat who I aspire to be. This cat, this…Jellicle cat…who faces the same burden of the life as we do, your aunt and I…He wasn't afraid to put himself out there. He wasn't afraid to learn and grow. And most importantly, he was not afraid to openly love, and simply love, for the precious moments he had together with those he cherished. And this cat's name is Mistoffelees."
A/N: Yes, things are coming to a close. I'm not sure how many more chapters, probably one or two, then an epilogue, since I haven't fully written the last chapter yet, just the ending. So now would be a good time for comments, make sure I have all the lose ends tied. Ask any questions I haven't answered, that i may have intended to answer, but forgotten. Others are just meant to be continued to be questioned. But I want to make sure I have everything done by the end. And thanks for reading this chapter!