A/N: And so, the exciting conclusion to the story!...(there'll be an epilogue, don't worry. I was going to see if I could get away without one, but I think the epilogue is needed. Unless you think it could end here...)) Enjoy. R&R. And if anything seems to be unanswered to you, just ask, be sure to ask, so I can include any explanation in the epilogue (should there be one ((wink))).

Chapter 19 - Becoming a Memory

Cassandra waited under the moonlit sky, over by a brick wall, that looked ready to fall apart. It didn't look at all sturdy anymore, not with the light she was viewing it under. Yet the lighting was the same as the first night they all first confronted one another. It was the situation, the company, the loss they had suffered, and time that had chipped away at the sturdiness the wall once had and created the instability she saw before her. And yet, it was here where the memories of the four Jellicles' nights by the bonfire lived on, taking a life of it's own, existing in it's own happy moments, when the four felt complete.

Back then, it all seemed much less complicated.

Back then, Bombalurina had not felt driven away by her own family, and would give her sister loving embraces, as though those two were the only thing that mattered in the world. Demeter seemed to glow, as the prospect of kittens lifted her spirits, which would have been dying without them. And their dear Mistoffelees was there, his ever-present smile warming the cold hearts of the three Jellicle queens, and for the while they were with him, they felt they had answers, and in many ways, felt complete. And Cassandra, herself, finally felt like she was part of a family, remembering the flawless mirrored version of herself in the fire, and wishing she could feel the passion the tom who - created the creature - had within himself.

All of it so far away. Comfort was so far away. Home was so…

"Cassandra?" The memories before Cassandra were dispelled, consumed by the darkness of the night, leaving her at the mercy of reality. Behind her, the two sisters were coming with the three kits. Demeter held Porthos, Bombalurina held Raine, and Chanterelle was between the two, as each queen held a paw of the tiny grey tabby queen. Demeter was about to speak, but began to struggle with the little gold and white kitten in her arms, before losing the battle and her grip on her son. He jumped to the ground and took off to investigate a nearby tree. "Porthos, come back here!" She raced after her son, leaving Bombalurina with the two others kittens.

"What's up, Cassie?" she asked, trying to hold Chanterelle back with just one free paw.

"You're in danger," said the sleek queen.

"What?" Bombalurina yelped. She looked over to her sister, who was inadvertently dragged into a game of "peek-a-boo" when Porthos hid behind said tree and kept it between him and his mother, racing around and peeking out the other side to tease her. Bombalurina leaned in close to Cassandra. "What do you mean?"

"I spoke to Alonzo," she said. "He told me that Munkustrap was seen."

Bombalurina stiffened. "And?"

"Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer saw him," Cassandra said lowly.

"So?" Bombalurina asked, still trying to keep Chanterelle from joining her brother, all while trying to pry Raine off of her arm. "What? Did they say anything?"

"They had just come back from Macavity."

"Oh, I knew they were still working for--" The queen went silent as her face showed realization. "Oh…"

"I know this is bad," Cassandra said slowly. "But how much does he know? Should I be worried, too?"

Bombalurina managed to get Raine off of her arm and place him on the ground. She then dragged Chanterelle close to her brother. The little brown tabby clutched onto his sister for dear life, immobilizing the tiny queen from any means of escape. "Look, I really don't want to talk about it," she answered shortly, seeming to choke back tears.

She looked over to her sister, who was now trying to coax Porthos down from the tree before he could climb so high, he wouldn't be able to get back down. Bombalurina smiled sadly. "He's so strong already, and he's not even two months. He must have good genes…That stupid tabby being strong and all…and Demeter."

Cassandra noted the sad look on Bombalurina's face, nodding at the change in atmosphere that had come between the two. Then she looked to Demeter. "I know she's strong…but--"

"No," Bombalurina wiped a tear that had escaped and trickled down her cheek. "I need to talk to her."

Cassandra nodded. "Should I take the kittens back?"

"Please…" Both queens looked to Demeter, who had succeeded in rounding up her son and was now carrying him back. She was talking softly to him, as he was cradled in her arms. She kissed his paw, where he had hurt himself climbing the tree. She wasn't expecting Cassandra to wordlessly take her little kitten away from her.

--------

Munkustrap glared at Macavity. "I wouldn't come here for anything--I just want information."

"You're desperate for information," Macavity corrected.

Munkustrap ignored that comment. "You know something about my mate…"

"It's because of that that I am a danger to your mate."

Munkustrap growled lowly. This was a bad idea. But his desire to know far outweighed the folly such a decision could bring. At least, to him, it did. "Don't you dare go near my mate."

Macavity grinned. "It may be that I won't have to in order to harm her." Munkustrap shifted uncomfortably. "You don't understand? Don't forget the crippling power of information in the wrong paws. After all, it brought you here."

"What could possibly be that bad?" Munkustrap rolled his eyes, finding Macavity's attempt to scare him ridiculously transparent.

"How about merciless humiliation?" Macavity asked, his voice dripping with venom. "Taking advantage of those weaker than you is reprehensible. But taking advantage of those stronger than you is deadly."

"Sounds clever to me," Munkustrap reveled in the ginger cat's annoyance. "Certainly better than the former, which you seem to do in spades."

"Don't use all your vocabulary in one sentence, Munkustrap, or your head might explode." The silver tom's ear twitched. No, he couldn't lose control of the situation. He was out of his territory with no authority over the tom before him. He had to keep his temper or lose his advantage.

"How could my Demeter possibly take advantage of you? She's tiny, and terrified, and could barely lift a catnip toy unless she stretches first, lest she hurt herself." Macavity's tail twitched at the end. Munkustrap smiled. He was getting to him. "Did she outwit you or something--?"

"It was her sister, mainly," Macavity said to save face. "Conniving creature. A loathsome parasite who seeks a strong tribe, hides in cowardice behind it, and fails to tell you that after she is done using your resources, she will leave you behind. They did anything to get away." Munkustrap stared at the tom before him, wishing he could write it off as Macavity goading him. But he knew from his own information that the ginger tom was telling the truth.

----------

"What is it?" Demeter asked Bombalurina as she watched Cassandra leading her kittens away. They walked in line, holding each other's paws, each looking back to their mother.

"Munkustrap is back in the area." Demeter felt butterflies kicking around in her stomach at the mention of the tom's name. The bittersweet feeling of seeing her mate, yet not knowing if he would be happy to see her, or how he would react, made her begin to shiver. "Don't get excited!" Bombalurina reprimanded. "He's not in the junkyard…He's with Macavity."

Demeter felt like the world had slipped out from under her. She struggled to breath, but she could feel herself getting dizzy. "Demi, calm down, please! I need you to have your head about you!" But she couldn't calm down. Her mate was fraternizing with the possible source of her demise! This could be it. The tom she had kittens with was about to give her in at any moment. "Dem, you're hyperventilating!"

The next thing she knew, she was in her sister's arms, as Bombalurina was fanning Demeter's face. She was on the floor. Had she collapsed? Everything was so fuzzy. "We don't need this now! Dem, pull yourself together. Breath in slowly."

------

Munkustrap took in shallow breaths, trying to keep his wits about him. But his nerves were frayed, his eyes heavy from lack of sleep, his head cloudy from so much information and too much traveling. He missed his family so much. Just one straight answer. That's all he needed. "What is she?" he asked wearily.

Macavity, for once, seemed surprised by the actions of the silver tom before him. But his surprise turned into a devilish smile. "You see it, too?" he asked, grinning wickedly. "That they aren't normal? That they have too many secrets to speak of? Too much time in their lives to account for? Come, now. You can't be that naïve, even if you are a Jellicle. But you aren't, now are you?" Macavity tilted his head to the side, as though inspecting the silver tom. "What's in a name, after all?"

Munkustrap sighed. "What are you talking about?"

"You have the answers right before you, I'm sure of it. You always have, it seems, but you've never figured it out." He shook his head. "Have you ever felt yourself called to the Jellicle Moon?"

"What the hell kind of question is that?" Munkustrap asked in frustration.

"You Jellicles have spent your pathetic lives thinking that you're something special. But you're nothing more than cats. Cats that exclude others by that name and that alone. True Jellicles, who actually hear the call of the moon, and wait for it to come once a year, who truly are linked to the moon, and have reason to wait for rebirth…who have a life far too long to wish to continue it…those are the ones who are special. And those are the ones who deserve to be punished for their arrogance."

Munkustrap shook his head. "You're insane."

"You so-called Jellicles spend your life waiting for an Everlasting Cat to save you from a life of mediocrity," Macavity countered. "That's insane to some. What can you possibly be tired of from so few years of life? Is your collar too tight for you? Your food dish not filled with your favorite food? You're spoiled, pampered little fools. And you deserve what she's going to do to you."

Munkustrap glared to the ginger tom. "She would never…"

-------

Demeter had managed to pull herself together. She had barely stood back up when her sister began to speak again. "We have to leave tonight, Dem."

Demeter shook her head. "We can't carry the kittens with us. They're too young. They've only just been weaned."

Bombalurina's fur was fluffed out. "Demeter…I only meant you and me."

Demeter looked to her sister in shock, then disgust. "I am not leaving my kittens behind!"

"Dem--"

"I have a life here, Bomba!" Demeter said, backing away from her sister. "I have my kittens and my mate, and cats who really love me!"

"Demeter! Why do you keep doing this? I tried to get you to leave before! I gave you your time! Why do you keep not wanting to leave? You saw how Munkustrap treated you when you wouldn't tell him what you were. Imagine how he would react now, to ask Macavity, of all cats, of what you are! Maybe he even knows already. Maybe he wants to leave you in Macavity's paws."

"Munkustrap is not like that!" Demeter stomped her foot on the ground. "You've never liked him!"

"You haven't been his number one fan, either! Might I remind you of Alonzo? You preferred him, remember? And anyways, he's a tabby! You hate tabbies!"

"My kittens are tabbies!" Demeter growled.

"They're exempted," Bombalurina said. "They're YOUR kittens. But YOUR mate had a mind of his own long before we got here, and he's making it up right now, and he's two steps away from destroying your life! Don't sit there and tell me you love him or any crap like that. You just miss mom, admit it!"

"Oh," Demeter hissed. "Don't bring her into this! Don't you dare! You've never once tried to talk to me about her after she died, and now you want to bring her up? That's not fair, Bomba!"

"We can't stop moving just because she's gone," Bombalurina tried to reason. "Mistoffelees is gone. Cassandra will probably leave no later than us. She might even leave tonight, with the risks we put on her! We have to go, too!"

"Or what?" Demeter asked. "Or what will happen to us that is so bad that we can't stay here."

"DEM!" Bombalurina was ready to yank her fur out. "Look at yourself! Look at your scars! Look at the look on your face at the thought of Macavity simply being so close, let alone your mate with him right now! After everything you've been through with this tribe? All the nights when we were frightened of being found out? Don't forget about the terror we've been through because of what we are!"

Bombalurina backed up and pointed her paw to the junkyard. "I don't see why you can't see it! Are you blind? Look how peaceful a life they live! Any creature hates something that puts a burden on them; that's different than them. Anyone would hate being reminded daily of their own mortality! In ten years, where do you think we would be with them? Frolicking through fields, paw in paw, in love and contented? We can't guarantee they would last another five years. Their lives are too short! Our lives are too long!

"Even if they did accept us, do you really want to see your precious Munkustrap dying of old age, when you're still looking a good three years of age? Wouldn't you be disgusted that everyone you knew is gone? To outlive your own children!" At these words, Demeter held her stomach, as though she were going to throw up, and knelt down, trying to catch her breath. Bombalurina's paws were shaking. But she knew she had to give her sister another dose of reality. She couldn't let her sister fool herself anymore. Not if she could do anything to help it.

"There's no getting around it, Dem," Bombalurina continued, speaking softer. "No matter how you look at it, we have to be selfish about it. Their lives will pass as normal, and they will get on with their lives. But our lives won't. We have to leave for our own sanity." Bombalurina caught her breath, looking to the junkyard, thinking of the cats she knew.

She had tried to convince herself that they weren't that important. That anytime she received a compliment from the gumbie cat over something she had done right under her tutelage didn't make her feel wonderful. She pretended the attention she received from the Rum Tum Tugger wasn't anything special to her, that it was just part of her plans. She tried to numb herself to it all. Especially the hate she felt towards Munkustrap. She saw it coming, her sister and that mate of hers, something genuine that wasn't there in their past lives, so to speak. But she knew it was too late. She loved this tribe, and all the emotions that came with it. And now, she had to let it go.

"We need to leave," she said to Demeter. "Not just the tribe. We need to say goodbye to this area. Damn it, if we could catch a boat, I would get off this island and go to wherever the seas will take us! We've done it before. We have to run far away from here!"

"I can't," Demeter whispered, her head hanging low, looking to the ground.

"You have to," Bombalurina pleaded. "Everything here will just be a memory, like the others. Just think of it that way. Memories. And move on to the future. We have a long future ahead of us. We can't stay here. We can't watch them die. Even if we weren't in the situation we are right now…They won't accept it if we're not aging. It would be too weird, too awkward, and we would be questioned and resented. They don't like what they can't understand. They won't just live and let live."

Demeter was silent, wringing her paws, looking past her sister to the junkyard. Everything else seemed so still. Not even the wind would interrupt the tension between the two sisters. And all Demeter could do was breath in raspy breaths.

Finally, the gold queen got up, and looked defiantly to her sister. "But my kittens…" She walked past Bombalurina towards the junkyard.

Bombalurina clenched her paw into a fist. She turned and watched her sister walk with her head held as high as could be. She only had this one chance, or it would be the last she would see of her sister. "I can't stand it here any longer!" she yelled to Demeter. "Remember what Macavity said to me!" She pointed to the junkyard. "They'll drive you out, and your kittens! And then he would come in and leave me sisterless. Leave them motherless, abandoned on the streets. Is that really what you want, Demeter?"

Bombalurina nearly collapsed with relief that her sister stopped.

-------

"What makes you think you are so special?" Macavity asked Munkustrap, his piercing glare threatening to break Munkustrap's exhausted body in two. "That she would stay with you?"

"She had my kittens!" Munkustrap said, nearly dumbfounded. "I would think that's saying something."

"They're your kittens, are they?" asked the ginger tom. Munkustrap growled lowly. "Even if you were the one who fathered them, how does that make them yours? Demeter is their mother, right? That makes them her kittens. A Jellicle's kittens. They're no more yours than Demeter is your mate."

"That's a lie," Munkustrap said, though unable to mask the fear in his voice.

Macavity laughed lowly. "Why do you think you're different? Do you think she loves you? Do you think she will stay with you just because you had kittens with her? That she cares enough about you to stop her deceitful ways?"

"She does love me," Munkustrap said softly.

"She's been deceiving you since she met you," Macavity said with satisfaction.

"Just because she ran from you--"

"Ran from me?" Macavity laughed. "She initiated her relationship with me!" Munkustrap stared, speechless. "You're the strongest in your tribe, aren't you?" Munkustrap didn't answer. "Well respected? Wouldn't that be the perfect thing for a queen with secrets to hide behind? I bet you defend her to the bitter end, don't you? Hmm…no answer? And yet, I'm not surprised."

"This was a bad idea," Munkustrap said wearily.

"She's going to leave you," Macavity continued.

"Shut up."

"She's going to rip your heart right out. Take everything you loved about her away from you in one fell swoop."

"It's not true."

"When was the last time she told you she loved you? That's an important thing, isn't it?"

"She's called me her love," Munkustrap defended, hissing lowly.

"A pet name," Macavity waved his paw to dismiss the idea. "She might as well say 'my puppet', which is exactly what you are. She knew exactly how to play you."

"Shut up!"

"And one day you'll realize she's not there. And she's not coming back. She's simply gone…and never coming back. And everything you invested in her is gone."

Munkustrap opened his mouth to say something, anything, to Macavity to make him be quiet, when a thought hit him. He had been gone for a long time. He had no idea if Demeter was even there any more. He hadn't even bothered to worry about --

"My kittens!" Munkustrap turned and ran, the laugh of Macavity trailing him.

Munkustrap raced through the streets. The junkyard had never seemed so far. His legs carried him as fast they could, and yet they didn't seem fast enough.

Terror filled his body. He couldn't lose them. He couldn't lose them all. He wouldn't be able to take it, if all his kittens were gone, and Demeter was gone.

He would die without them.

---------

Three kittens slept soundly, curled up against one another, their mother over them, protecting them. She had given them all a good bath, told them a small story, and hummed to them until their droopy little eyes had finally closed. And now, she stood over them, unmoving.

Bombalurina watched from the entryway of her den. "Dem…It's all your decision in the end." The red queen looked around nervously. She was unsure if she would keep her sister. Or if she would lose everything.

Bombalurina was with her sister, sheltering her from the rain as it poured down on them. They were huddled together in a box that was falling apart due to the downpour, and it seemed they would get swept away themselves if she moved into the path of the streaming water. But they were together, at least. It was enough to keep each other warm. It was enough to know they would survive the night. The two of them together used to be enough to keep them happy.

So it was heartbreaking to Bombalurina when she would suffer a downpour on her own, surrounded by their new home, but her sister off somewhere else. With him. The tom that was now the focal point in her life. Demeter acted differently with him. She seemed sincere. Whether she truly was, or simply wanted to feel that way, Bombalurina did not know. But it was him, now, the silver tabby, sheltering Demeter from the rain. And he did a better job of it.

Was it the miracle of love or the thrill of something new? What was important to Demeter? Bombalurina couldn't figure it out. But all she could do was remain that one thing constant in Demeter's life. And wonder how long they could stay that way.

-----------

Munkustrap raced into the junkyard, stopping only momentarily to catch his breath. He didn't know if he could face it. Face what he had foolishly left behind. What he had started. What he might have driven away by his actions.

If he had just known! He could tell Demeter it was okay; whatever she was. He would be okay with it. At least, he thought he would. It wouldn't matter. As long as they could stay together, the family they had built. She couldn't simply leave them. She wouldn't. Macavity was lying. That's what he does.

But she never did anything to prove she would never leave. Macavity was right. It was right before his eyes. And he kept pushing it aside…

"Munkustrap?" The tom looked over to see a white queen looking at him with concern. She carried a music box in her paws. "What happened to you?"

"Victoria…" he said, dumbfounded. "Where's Demeter?"

"Uh…" she sniffled, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I don't know. With the kittens, I guess."

"She hasn't left?" he asked, feeling relief come over him

"…was she supposed to go somewhere?" she asked. "She hasn't gone anywhere…not that I know of…"

Munkustrap felt his muscles relax momentarily. "Um…what's the matter, Victoria? Why are you crying?"

She bit her lip. "My music box…it stopped playing." Munkustrap's eyes slowly went to the music box in Victoria's paws. And he could see the scene play all over again, of the black and white tom disappearing right before their eyes, never to come back…

"Demeter!" Munkustrap took up running again, leaving a sniffling Victoria behind. He ran up the pile of junk, nearly falling back down them, the quickest route back to his den. Then, finally, he tumbled into his den. "Demeter!" He stopped at the entrance to see what was before him.

Three little kittens jerked awake, looking to their father with wide eyes. Munkustrap stood still for a moment. Raine buried his face into Chanterelle's fur. Porthos just stared in bewilderment. Chanterelle opted for speech. "Papa?"

Munkustrap sat momentarily, unsure of what to make of this. "I've missed you," he managed to say. He looked around the room. "Where…is your mother?" The kittens failed to answer, but slowly crawled over to him, sniffing him as though they didn't know what he was. "Stay here," he commanded, taking the kittens and putting the back in their little nest of blankets that was carefully parted for them.

He crept outside, as not to urge the kittens to race after him. Walking just past the den, he slowly started up in a run. "Demeter?" he called. He ran to Jennyanydots' den. Bursting in on her, he frightened her to the point of having her fur on end, ready to attack. "Have you seen Demeter?"

"Munkustrap?" she said, in shock. "Well…she should be with her kittens. She's always with them!" Munkustrap didn't wait for the inevitable "where have you been?" question to come up. Instead, he went to the top point of the junkyard, his usual vantage point, where Demeter often loved to go to be alone. "Demeter?" he called.

Tears began to fall down his cheeks as his body was wearing down. He couldn't run anymore. He was too exhausted. But he needed to find her. He didn't know what he would say to her. He didn't know anything, anymore, but for the fact that Demeter was missing.

"Demeter!" he called, his voice going hoarse. "Dem? Where are you?"

His body was wearing down as he climbed off his vantage point and down to level ground. A few cats had come out of their dens to see what the hubbub was all about. He ignored them, their voices, their questions, only looking for that familiar small frame, black and gold fur, with that white bib. He needed to see her; that queen he had fallen in love with. "Demeter! Answer me!"

He raced to the entry way of the junkyard, but his legs collapsed from under him. The tears were streaming down his face, and he couldn't breathe through his sobs. Too tired to go on, to look for her, he looked to the dark night, with only the moon as illumination.

"DEMETER!"

But it seemed he lost another cat to the dark of the night.

-------

Demeter turned to look back. Bombalurina sighed. "What did I tell you?" she asked, under the shadow of the Russell Hotel as they passed it. "It makes it harder if you look back." But her sister was quiet, sitting down and looking where they had been.

Bombalurina didn't want to rush her. She had gotten her far enough away from the junkyard to really worry. She decided to give her sister some time. But the silence was killing her. Demeter hadn't said a word since they left. "I'm sure they'll be fine." Demeter just looked longingly in that direction. "They're normal. Jenny can make sure they'll be fine. And I'm sure Coricopat and Tantomile will tell the others that there is nothing wrong with them."

Demeter took in a shaky breath. "If I'm not in their life…it will be better." Bombalurina went quiet, wanting to hear her sister speak. "He's angry with me…not the kittens. I'm the problem. I know he loves the kittens. He has to. I blinded him to that." She tilted her head to the side, letting it hang. Her butterfly charmed shimmered in the moonlight, yet it also seemed to lose the shine it once had. The life it was given from the tom who gave it to her was gone, and it's magic, whatever it was, had ended as well.

Demeter let out a sigh. "I can't live in a dream forever. Or force him into one. But the kittens are real, and always will be." Demeter began to speak in a strained voice. "I had to give them better than living with a mother like me."

She took a few moments to gather herself, looking down, breathing in deep. Bombalurina longed to comfort her, but she couldn't think of anything she could do. Demeter just seemed so lost. Like she was vanishing right before her eyes, even though Bombalurina could touch her if she wanted to. But she wouldn't dare. Demeter looked so fragile.

"I would watch them get older than me…they would die and I would still slowly age."

"You…made a good decision, then," Bombalurina said. But Demeter didn't respond. She was looking intensely in the direction of the junkyard. The red queen let her say her goodbyes.

It was all she had left.

-----

Daylight was breaking, settling over the city. Creatures of the sun were waking, while creatures of the moon were settling to sleep. And the cats, creatures in between day and night, light and dark, life and death, were stirring restlessly. Nothing seemed calm about that morning.

Voices overlapped one another. There were angry yells. There were sobs and wailings. There were instructions that went unheeded, and havoc reigned. And all this chaos was brought on by silence.

Silence from cats that were missing. From four voices that had made themselves known. But no noise could come from something that wasn't there. It amazed them, how silence could take over so completely. Their only saving face, the only calming factor, was three mewling kittens, which brought clarity to the silence.

...and they never could get that music box to play again.