K: Here I am again.A new fiction, right before I leave for Turkey : ). I honestly hope you allenjoy it!
Wel, Lhune, as you requested,a Kai Bryan one-shot. You see, sometimes I do listen, ne... : ). Have fun with it! It's written specially for you! I hope you like it!
Faith
By: K
The silence in the house is relaxing. No one is up yet. It's way to early for that. The darkness is still lurking behind the window. Moon and stars shining brightly.
My mind is going back to a couple of days ago. When he appeared again. It had been quite some time. Three years to be exact. And after all this time he suddenly stands before us again. I still can't believe it.
Every day since he left us, I have hated him. Hated him so much. Detested him with a passion as fierce as the raging fire that burns in his eyes.
Yet when he came back, I could do nothing else but just stand there. Everything that I had planned on shouting to him, all the insults I wanted to spit in his face… They all died on my tongue. I couldn't get them over my lips. Because in reality, I love him. Love him still.
- - - - - -
Soft steps are coming down the steps. Within a second my cold mask is back in place. How I hate this façade. But it is all I have ever known. I don't know how to show my feelings. I don't know if I really want to show them anyway. After all, emotions always get you in trouble. They always leave you behind, alone and hurt.
Mint. I know that scent rather well. I've dreamed about it to often. And during the time he wasn't here, I could still smell it. It was as if it was burned in my memory. As if it was in my mind and it would never let me go. I've longed for that scent. Even though I told myself I hated him and everything that reminded me of him. I could not help but crave for that smell.
The fridge is being opened and a bottle is taken out. Vodka? Probably…
I shiver. Unnoticeable for anyone's eyes.
The wind that blows through the window I'm standing before, is cold, but not freezing. And even if it was, I can take it. I haven't been raised in the Abbey for nothing. But that is not the reason for me trembling.
I hear him step closer to me. So close that I can even feel the warmth of his body. Yet I remain impassive. Training…
I curse myself. For wanting to screw it all and just lean back against that familiar body. For wanting to let it all go, to close my eyes and just relax.
His breathing caressed my neck. And we both know that I'm close to crumbling down. He has always have that effect on me. And clearly, he still has. I know it, and probably, so does he. Hm, niet, no vodka. Orange juice… He has softened or what?
My arms are crossed before my chest. My hands balled to fists. Nails piercing through my palms. The pain keeps me focused, instead of me surrendering to the moment. Small drops of blood forming themselves. To small to fall down. But I can feel them.
He walks away again. I know my cold behavior has probably hurt him. But I can't help it. He has hurt me to much by leaving for three years. Three fucking long years. Does he even know what he has done to me?
- - - - - -
Gentle hands caress my back. Long fingers trace every white scar. I have been ashamed to show them. They are the evidence of my weakness. Or so I thought. Yet he has told me otherwise. Everyone of us has marks. It is no weakness. No, it is a sign of pride, stubbornness, rebellion. By now they are a part of us. And because of him, I've learned to accept them. I've learned to accepted myself.
Fingers running through my hair. Soft whispered words. No words of love, nor promises of forever. But just the statements of facts. He has never been one for romantic bullshit. And that is one of the things why I've fallen for him. He will never tell a lie. Never…
No, he does not need to lie to me. He has other ways of hurting me. Just leaving me alone is one of them.
My fist connects hard with the wall. Leaving a considerable ditch in it. Heaven, how I hate this! I want to detest him. But I can't. My mind screams to me to loath him 'till my dying breath, yet my heart stops that trail of thought almost immediately after it started.
My heart. Do I even have one…? Clearly I do. Because it is still being ripped to pieces. Every time I see him, it is being torn apart. Because I want him and at the same time I avoid him.
- - - - - -
"Bryan, have you seen him?"
I shake my head.
"Niet. And I don't want to either…"
My voice is cold like ice, and the words are harsh. I can see at the look on Tala's face that he is not happy with my answer, but for the moment I honestly don't care. He has hurt me, now it is my turn to return the favor. Inside I snort. Hurt by my words. Yeah right. As if he cares a fucking shit.
"Try to think a bit deeper. Dig into the memories you've forgotten and learn the truth Falcon…"
His voice is sad and I look in non understanding at him. The truth? Memories I've forgotten? Has my Captain lost his mind? What is he talking about?
Without another word the Wolf walks away again. Leaving me behind with his riddles. The look on his face was one of pure worry. I've never seen it with him before. So is it true? Are there thing I do not know anymore?
Walking to the garden I set myself against a tree. The sun warms my face. The wind blows back my hair.
Closing my eyes I recall the past again.
-
The whip landing on naked skin. Ripping away some flesh with every stroke. Wanting to cry out loud, yet refusing to give the bastard that pleasure.
-
Cold hands taking care of the wounds on my back. Bandaging it. Holding me close. A secure embrace. The feeling of safety. Of love. Soft kisses across my face. Fingers through my hair.
-
"I love you."
"Don't leave me…"
A soft shaking of the head. "Never. I'll always be there for you."
And I know it is true. He never tells a lie…
-
Hot tears running down my face. Hands clutched to fists. A heart that is slowly becoming stone. No one will ever hurt me like this before. I will not let anyone close again.
-
Grey walls. Alone. Lying on the cold floor. Confusion. A needle next to him. Far in the distance I remember a cruel laugh and desperate eyes. Drugged…
-
Boris' room. Four guards to hold me down. Soft bed with silken sheets. The well known taunting voice of our trainer. Yet the words are not understandable. I have always hated needles. Even though they don't come close to the pain that a whip causes.
-
"You traitor! Go back to that despicable team of yours. Think that they care for you, but know that no one ever will, or ever has. Being alone, feared, unloved. It is your destiny. The only thing that you do to someone is hurting them." Eyes clouding over, somewhere I recognizes the pain in the orbs. But then the recognition is gone. As sudden as it came. "What? Did you really think I loved you? Wake up! No one can ever love you!"
-
My cell. Waking up alone. No arms around him. No one there to comfort me. No gentle kisses.
-
Hatred. Pure hatred. So much anger and pain. I only now notice the concerned looks my team mates were shooting me. More and harder trainings. I will not be hurt again. I will hurt them first this time.
-
Helplessness. How could he have left me? Without a word.
"He's going back to his true team. You are just pathetic substitutes in his eyes. He only came back for Black Dranzer."
I look up, shaking my head furiously. He is lying. Boris always lies. He would never come back only for power. He would never call that bunch of weaklings his true team.
"Oh, but it is true… It are his exact words. And he also said that what the two of you had was just a bit of fun. Of showing you that he could have you whenever he wanted. That he was more powerful than you'll ever be."
Once again I shake my head. This can't be true. But then I see him with the Blade Breakers. His face is peaceful. And when he looks over to us, even at that far distance, I can see his eyes turn to pitch black. No love. Nothing in the dark pools. The orbs that I have come to adore are gone. Filled with anger. So, guess that this time he is telling the truth for once. He has left us for them and for the power of Black Dranzer.
-
Silent tears are rolling down. It has been so long ago since I last cried. And then there was always someone to hold me. To show me that it was alright. To kiss me. To comfort me 'till I fell asleep.
How could I have been so blind? So stupid? I should have known better. He would have never left me. He keeps his promises. Never lies… And it is only now that I realize that he has not used Black Dranzer in his battle with Spencer. And that he has lost. Which is rather impossible. Dranzer is powerful enough to beat down the blond Demolition Boy. In his own way, after what I did to him, he still protected us agains Boris' anger.
A soft sob escapes my lips and I shudder. Pulling up my knees against my chest, hugging them close, laying my head on my arms.
Suddenly two strong arms encircle me. Holding me close. It can't be. I must be dreaming. But, even if it is just a dream, it is comforting. So I lean in into the touch, wrapping my own arms around the body that isn't there.
Mint…
Soft lips gently kiss the top of my head. Hands running soothing circles on my back. A familiar patron.
"Welcome back…"
A voice from a long time ago. The first time I hear it again.
"I'm sorry… How could I have done that? And how could I have believed his lies? I should have known better. Boris always lies… You … Never."
Slender fingers till up my head. Crimson eyes meet mine and I shudder at the intensity they are burning with. They have always been able to capture me…
"Kai…"
A soft moan. Nothing more than a whisper in fact.
Instead of answering you just place your lips on mine. A touch I've secretly yearned for. A touch as familiar to me as the feel of my beyblade in my hand. A touch I have missed for three very long years, because of my own fault.
-
A touch that tells me that I am forgiven.
-
& The End &
AN: So, tell me what you think of it! Reviews are more than welcome!