Disclaimer

I do not own Big Brother or Final Fantasy characters.

I'm also sorry if I insult Davina Mc' Call she is very good at her job.

I am just a kid who had a very rainy weekend.

Big Brother Week 1

Studio

"Well, this week has been extremely entertaining, even after last week's…. murder attempt.

"Keep watching to discover about that. Welcome to BIG BROTHER!" Davina looks up at the ceiling as the camera moves up there.

Theme tune plays

"Well this is probably the most exciting week ever in Big Brother history, not only have the housemates planned three attempts on my life but on each others too!" Davina gushed.

Day one in the Big Brother House

Diary Room

8.20am

"I swear to GOD, if he mentions hotdogs ONE more time, I will turn his Jacobs into one!" Cid fumed in the diary room chair.

"And how does that make you feel ?" Big Brother asked.

"I just told you!!!!" Cid not finding this amusing at all.

"What are you going to do about it?" Big Brother asked.

"Well, I might smash your stupid cameras first then…"
"About Zell." Big Brother cuts in.

"KILL HIM!"

8.30am

"HOTDOGS! IF I HEAR ONE MORE THING ABOUT FREAKING HOTDOGS I'M GOING TO CHOKE THE $£&$&£ WITH ONE!" Rinoa screamed.

"And how does that make you feel?"
Rinoa glares at the camera pouting. "Mad!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Oh. My. GOD! Big Brother you are a genius! I am going to burn the hotdogs!" Rinoa rushed out of the diary room. "WHERE'S VIVI?"

8.35am

"She made me do it I didn't mean to!" Vivi whimpered.

"How does that make you feel?" Big Brother asked in a bored voice.

"I feel like burning the sugar!"

"You do that." Big Brother yawns.

8.45am

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"How does it make you feel?"

"What the hell are you going on about?" Selphie screeched.

"I mean… what's wrong Selphie?"

"I am going to kill that short little cute thing!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why?"

"He burned the sugar! THAT LITTLE FREAK!"

"What are you going to do about it?"
"I'm going to stick him in the oven!"

Studio

"Isn't it brilliant viewing isn't it?" Davina asks as the camera focuses on her. "That happened about 20 minutes after everyone got up!" Davina grins practically salivating in the studio.

"We'll see you after the commercial break. "DON'T MOVE!"

Commercial break

plinky-plonky music plays

"Are you sick of feeling old?" Tellah asks.

"Hell yes!" Auron replies.

"Feel as though everyone is quicker than you?"

"I can't even take two steps without passing out!"

"Are you an ex-alcoholic?"

"Uh…. No comment!"

"Well here is the solution to all your problems!"

"CAFFEINE!" Buganhagen says.

"Caffeine?" Auron repeats.

"Yes, it speeds up your heart rate and is an excellent thing to addict your self to instead of alcohol, instead of chocolate or even nicotine!" Buganhagen says grinning widely.

"You'll be the life and soul of the old folks home!" Tellah says surrounded by nurses.

"I never knew, now I will only buy caffeine!" Auron smiles holding a can out for the camera to see.

Studio

"I guess I'll buying lots of caffeine from now on!" Davina nods head hypnotically.

Narrator : It's 10.00am in the Big Brother house. The Housemates have eaten practically their entire food stock for the week and are now bored with each other. Rinoa and Tifa are currently doing each other's hair, Selphie is trying to drown herself in the hot tub, Vivi is trying to coax her out, Tidus and Yuna are smooching in the bedroom, Zell and Cid have tried to kill each other twice and Quina has it's head stuck in the fridge no one can be bothered to help it out. Rikku and Eiko are playing tag.

Sitting room - 10.00am

"Ok this place is beginning to make me lose my mind!" Red XIII said to no one in particular sitting on the sofa.

"Damn I'm bored."

He pads over to a mirror and adjusts his head dress. Leaps over to Quina and sinks a claw into Quina.

"AYIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!" Quina squealed.

"Ok, don't do this you know you don't want to!" Vivi said softly to Selphie.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO WE NEED TO GO THROUGH THIS? NO SUGAR NO LIFE!" Selphie sticks her head in the water.

"AH! That's cold!" She squeals and walks into the living area holding Vivi's hand.

"Can Selphie please come to the Diary room."

"NO" She said sitting down watching Quina run away from Red XIII chasing him around the kitchen

"Excuse me this is Big Brother's house you will do as I say!"

"Go to hell bitch!"

"&$$ off!"

"Can't sorry!"

"Why you little cow!"

"Say it louder let all the kiddies hear ya!"

"Don't make her mad, Selphie she could take your sugar away!" Vivi pointed out.

"SO WHAT SHE CAN'T MAKE ME DO THINGS! I'M NOT A DOG!"

Narrator: Unsurprisingly Selphie was given her first official warning and also the house would be without sugar for 2 weeks. Selphie threatened to kill herself so the punishment was shortened to a week. Anything to shut her up! The housemates survived without any 'incidents' until dinner time, Rinoa volunteered to cook with Yuna.

5.30pm

"Yuna pass me the salt." Rinoa asked as she was standing over a bubbling pan.

"Nope, none left."

"Ok, uh sugar." A small groan echoed from Selphie.

"Nope."

"Any spices?"

"Nope!"
"Powder?"

"Nada. No wait we have washing up powder?"

"It'll do." Rinoa poured half the box into the pan. It started to froth.

"Uh-oh!"

"Hey something smells great!" Tidus mused as he sat on the sofa.

"Yeah, doesn't it!" Rikku smiled.

"Yeah Rinoa you should cook more often!" Eiko grinned.

"Sure!" Rinoa replied distractedly.

The froth started to set fire.

"Quina smells, yummy-yummies!" Quina said waddling in from the bathroom.

"POOOOO! Do NOT go in there!" Tifa said coming from the bathroom with a towel over her shoulder.

"Why?" Cid asked sitting on the sofa.

"Because, Quina must excrete toxic waste or something! It WREEKS!" Tifa replied.

"How's dinner coming along?" Zell asked. The sofa positioned in front of the kitchen so no one could see what was happening.

The froth began to go everywhere, setting everything alight as it went.

"Uh… GREAT! AH!" Yuna screamed flames were crawling up her skirt.

Vivi walked in.

"AHHH FIRE!"

"Fire?" Everyone asked.

"FIRE, FIRE, FIRE!" Vivi howled.

Everyone starts to scream simultaneously.

Rinoa starts filling a jug with water and throws it over the froth. The froth fizzles out. Vivi casts a water spell on the rest of the fire.

"Can a non hysterical housemate please come to the Diary Room please"

No one moved.

"Can a non hysterical housemate please come to the Diary Room please"

Everyone remained still all breathing heavily.

"For crap's sake you aren't all hysterical!!!"

The housemates ignore Big Brother.

Studio

"Wow incredible, their first day, three murder attempts, one suicidal one, a fire and the whole house received formal warnings. It's really exciting folks isn't it? Well that night Yuna and Tidus made the decision it was time to take it steady and not make too much noise at night and everyone whole heartedly allowed them to do so. Apart from mushy-gushy crap from the two nothing else happened that day but day 2 was extremely exciting! See you after this commercial break"

"When your down and weary, and you need a helping hand…

Buy a one of a kind back-scratcher!

These handy hands with adjustamatic lengths can itch you in the most hard to reach places so go and buy one PLEASE or they'll force me into retirement early! NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Well then day 2 was just as exciting as day one even more!" Davina coos showing her pearly whites.

"So to watch more pain and suffering off a bunch of complete lunatics then keep watching, and that's just Vivi and Selphie!" Davina raises an eyebrow.

"Who writes this crap?" She groans.

"Uh. Camera 3 is still on Davina."

"Oh uh…. Enjoy the show!"

Narrator: It's Day 2 in the Big Brother house, Rinoa is cooking Breakfast. Lord help us.

Kitchen - 10.30am

"RINOA, you are not cooking are you?" Zell asked.

"Sure I am!" She replied coolly.

"Uh… why?"
"I'm hungry why not?"

"Well you did cause a fire!"

"Well I locked all the breakfast stuff in the top cupboard so Quina wouldn't eat it!"

"Uh huh so that's your excuse?"

"Yup," She tossed a sausage in the pan.

"Hotdogs?" Zell asked his mouth beginning to water.

"Sausages," Rinoa corrected him sternly.

"WOO HOO HOTDOGS!"

"NO! NOT HOTDOGS!"

Diary room - 11.45am

Zell in hysterics.

"She lied to me she said they were hotdogs… and they weren't!" Bursts into tears.

"Can Big Brother suggest something to you Zell?"

"Sure…" Sniffled Zell.

"GET A GRIP MAN!"

Door slams.

Garden - 2.00pn

Narrator: Zell has refused to talk to Rinoa or Big Brother anymore. Rikku and Eiko have just blown the porch chair set up with a box of matches and a hell of a lot of hairspray, Quina has eaten every last thing in the kitchen and is currently drinking from the toilet. Tidus is in the Diary Room talking to Big Brother about Zanarkand, Big Brother is snoring.

"Did you see that bang?" Tifa asked Rikku and Eiko as they tried to blow up the grass.

"Nope, not us!" Eiko sniggered.

"Ok!" Tifa went and sunbathed on the grass with Yuna, Selphie and Rinoa.

"Don't blow anything expensive up!" Rinoa called over to them.

"US? Never!" Rikku sounded almost hurt at this.

"Yeah what ever Rikku!" Yuna sneered.

"Hey why don't we get some more hairspray?" Eiko suggested.

"Alright!" Rikku grinned.

"Cid can you really make a hover craft in here?" Zell asked completely amazed by Cid's sudden outcome.

"Why of course!" Cid said almost daring him to say no. But Zell was too scared to even move. "Just give me some airbags and a leaf blower and we're outta here in proper Kuja style. With an air bag rather than a silver dragon…"

"Yeah that's great and everything but we need a leaf blower for that." Red XIII pointed out. "And they obviously don't provide us with one because there are no trees in the garden."

"Then we use Vivi and his little black magic spells!" Cid laughed.

"What if he refuses?" Red XIII said unfazed by the confidence of Cid.

"Then I'll make him do it!" Cid clenched his fist. "Where is the little guy anyway?"

"Bed. He's tired." Zell smiled.

"Aw! We'll wait then! In the mean time let's make my hover craft." Cid grinned.

7.39 pm.

Narrator: Vivi still hasn't woken up and the house mates have finished the meal that Tidus cooked. Although it was extremely small since Quina had found a secret stash of food and there was only one stash he had not found. Eiko and Rikku have also found the supply of alcohol Big Brother has provided. They're drinking it now.

"Wow this stuff is nice!" Selphie smiled taking a large gulp vodka.

"Yeah it tastes great! Better than anything I've ever drank in my life!" Rikku fell back onto the chair.

"Will Eiko please come to the diary room?" Big Brother's voice chimed through the living room.

"Fine!" Eiko wandered into the living room sulkily. She sat on the chair.

"What?" she asked a childish manner coming across from the way she folded her arms.

"You are not allowed to drink the alcohol." Big Brother replied.

"But WHY not?" Eiko shocked and irritated.

"Because you are underage! And you're parents will sort out a law suit if we let you. So they answer is no!" Big Brother seemed pretty adamant about this. "Let's just say you're the designated driver. You are in charge when everyone gets drunk."

"Oooh I like the sound of that!" Eiko stroked her chin maliciously.

"You may now leave." Big Brother commanded.

"Hey you're the boss." Eiko jumped off the chair quite happily.

8.07pm

"Wow I feel weird." Tidus gulped. Eiko secretly giggling.

"Me too." Selphie fell onto the sofa.

"I know! Why don't we play truth or dare now?" Eiko suggested.

"YEAH!" Cid was extremely enthusiastic!

"Me first." Zell put his hand up.

Narrator: The housemates have been playing truth or dare for ten minutes then locked Eiko out in the garden because she was too loud, Eiko is now smashing things up. Rinoa is unconscious in the kitchen, Rikku and Yuna collapsed in the bathroom and Cid is asleep in the Diary Room chair the other housemates are all in bed.

Diary Room

Big Brother: "Uh… Cid?"

Big Brother: "Wake up!"

"…"

Big Brother: "BOO!"

"Bah, stupid camera!" Cid knocks camera off the stand, lens smashes.

Studio

Davina starts screaming with laughter.

"Well, in Day 3 the housemates learn a valuable lesson about Big Brother and are becoming so desperate for food they started a rebellion." Davina turns and looks at the screen.

Narrator: Day 3 in the Big Brother house Cid is asleep in the Diary room Big Brother has been trying to wake him up since 10.00pm last night, failing and falling asleep himself.

Diary Room - 4.00am

"CID WAKE UP YOU DEAF PRAT!"

"AH, oh my god, sorry Big Brother. Bye…"

7.30am

"FOOOOOD! Big Brother you should give Quina a trough of food then some for the rest of the house, we have NO food!" Red XIII groans.

"Big Brother presumes you tried to hide the food?"
"Yes we did, but he found them."
"Well it's not Big Brother's problem please leave the Diary Room."

7.32am

"Need sugar, need sugar! NEED SUGAR!" Selphie was rubbing her fingers and her pupils were way too big.

"Big Brother will not provide anymore sugar." Big Brother replies.

"BUT! NEED SUGAR!" Selphie whines.

"No more sugar. You may now leave the diary room."

"Not until I get sugar." Selphie crosses her arms.

"Selphie! Other people need to use the diary room!" Rinoa's voice came through the fabricated door.

"Oh fine!" Selphie pouted and left.

7.37am

"ARE YOU ENJOYING WATCHING US GET STARVED TO DEATH?" Rinoa screams.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you entered the house!"

"You are so immature!" Rinoa folded her arms.

"I'm immature? I'm not screaming the place down because a mini mammoth ate my food now am I?"

"$&$ YOU!" Rinoa leaves the Diary Room.

7.45am

"You really upset Rinoa you know!" Rikku fumes.

"So?"

"Well she's not talking to you anymore!"
"Fine by me!"

"You're an asshole!"

"Cry me a river love!"

"You know what you are soo… soo… uh… can we have some bread please cos we are like soo hungry please!" Rikku begs.

7.50am

"WHADYA MEAN YOUR NOT FEEDING US?" Zell shrieked.
"I mean your friend ate all the food its not Big Brother's fault!"

"I thought Big Brother was a neutral party!" Zell whined.

"So what! I'm not get a grip! What are you going to cry now?"
"No!" Zell sniffles and runs out of the room bottom lip wobbling.

Narrator: All of the housemates are sick of Big Brother and have started a silence strike. Big Brother is now pissed off at them so isn't talking to them at all either. Non of the housemates have said a word for 8 hours.

Big Brother is beginning to take drastic measures to make them talk.

Bathroom - 3.20pm

Big Brother locks the housemates in the bathroom and steals the fridge, the sofa and all the kitchen appliances including the alcohol. The housemates are currently jammed together in the bathroom it is far to small for all of them. Quina is pinned against the glass and let's off a low long fart.

Everyone's faces scrunch up and everyone holds their noses.

Big Brother's special room - 3.29pm

Big Brother puts his hand over the microphone and sniggers. Then pushes the button say ants.

Bathroom - 3.30pm

A gas seeps into the room through a vent by the shower and small green ants start swarming into the bathroom.

Eiko clambers onto Tidus' shoulders. He hits her she stays put. Then the showers turn on completely soaking, Tidus, Eiko, Quina, Tifa and Cid. Cid growls. Quina whimpers. Everyone jiggles and fidgets as the ants crawl all over them.

Big Brother has unlocked the door from the bathroom. No one notices as they are all jammed together on the other side of the room.

Rinoa stifles a scream as the toilet explodes the whole bathroom is drenched Rinoa stumbles over to the door and falls through the thin plywood, even though Big Brother had unlocked it. Everyone else fell through the door all landing on Rinoa.

Rinoa screams but it is drowned out by the housemates as they all land on her.

Eiko runs over everyone's shoulders and Vivi stays back while everyone falls out and uses the other door.

4.00pm

"THAT IT!"

"…"

"QUINA SURRENDERS! MAKE THEM TALK BIG BROVER. PLEASE. PLEASE GIVE THEM FOOD!"

"…"

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Quina howls running towards the Diary Room, the door swings open for him. Quina trips over the step going head first towards the door.

"OOH!" Everyone collectively winces.

Narrator: Quina has been wedged in the Diary Room door for the past hour.

5.00pm

"That's it we can't leave him jammed there forever!" Eiko groaned.

"Why not? It's not like we are talking to Big Brother!" Rinoa sulked.

"But Quina says there is food in there!" Tidus points out.

"Yeah but Quina says stuff like, 'I on diet,' doesn't mean it's true!" Tifa frowns.

"And how would we get it out?" Red XIII sighed.

"Do your claw thing you did to it yesterday?" Selphie suggests.

"No. I got fat all over my claws. It was revolting."

"Fine, but what?" Yuna asks.

The housemates are sitting in a circle on the floor because Big Brother has taken the sofa.

"We could get Vivi to set his butt on fire?" Eiko grins cheekily.

"That won't help!" Selphie gives her a condescending look.

"It would help me!" Eiko giggles.

"Sure, but what?" Cid asks.

Everyone shrugs.

5.37pm

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS!" Vivi was positioned behind Quina slowly set fire to his ass.

"AAAAAH!"

"Almost done!" Only a small part of Quina's butt wasn't singed or black now.

Eiko sighs and jumps through the miniature whole between Quina and the door frame.

"Big Brother we officially surrender. "

Small no's came from the back ground but Eiko continued.

"We want our food back. We want our sofa back and mostly we want Quina out of the door. Ooh and we want the bathroom back. Zell tried to go in but it was too full and he swore the ants growled at him."

"Big Brother wishes to hear an apology." Big Brother replied.

"We're really, really sorry." Eiko put on some puppy dog eyes.

"Big Brother requests that you all go to the bedroom while Big Brother sorts this mess you have all made out."

Eiko went slightly red in the face but bit her tongue and left.

Bedroom 9.00pm

Narrator: The house mates have been locked in the bedroom for the last 4 and a half hours. Many have actually threatened to eat their socks and others have collapsed on the beds. Big Brother has provided some relaxing music to drown out the heavy work and screams caused by Quina.

"How much longer must we live like this?" Rikku whined.

"Until they get Quina out the door. There's a lot to move." Tidus sighed sitting beside Yuna on the double bed.

"These don't smell nice." Vivi sighed as he pulled his sock out of the miniature fire he had made.

"Yeah but it's all we've got!" Eiko moaned. Staring at hers. "You go first."

"Aiye!" Quina ran into the bedroom. He looked no different to what he had a few hours ago.

"QUINA! Have they got the sofa back?" Tifa stood up.

"Have they got the fridge back?" Cid asked.

"Is there any food?" Zell glared at him.

Quina waddled over to his bed (which is on the floor since he broke it on his first night) and fell asleep.

"Oh good." Vivi smiled. "I'm a little tired too. I think I'll turn in for tonight." Vivi wandered over to his bed and fell asleep immediately.

"Let's go get something to eat." Selphie whispered and the rest of the housemates crept out the room.

Studio

"Well what did I tell ya? I told ya this one is a classic! Honestly if you like this you're going to love the next half! See ya in two while we have a commercial break!" Davina smiled.

Commercial Break

"Have you got the Glo?" Lulu's face covered the screen.

Goes black.

"Get the Glo." Jennifer Lopez's voice echoes.

"Stop!" Lulu's face appears on full screen.

"Don't get the glow! Get the Lu." She pulls out a bottle of black perfume.

"Sponsored by J-lo" J-Lo's voice echoed again

Commercial Break

Studio

"Welcome back!" Davina's voice shrilled. "Now it's day four in the big brother house and this means that the housemates must nominate. This was very easy for some and well… easier for the rest."

Diary Room 10.07am.

Narrator the house mates have been gathered on the sofa. The sofa was returned after the silence strike ended. The housemates are being called in in the order that they arrived in the house. But the diary room door has been removed. First up was Tifa.

"I'm probably going to have to say number 1, Quina. For obvious reasons. It eats everything! I am starving! I have been in here for only a few days and I swear I may have lost a stone already!" Tifa whispered as people tried desperately to look through the door from where they were sitting.

"Next nomination please." Big Brother replied.

"Umm. Probably Selphie. Because she's always threatening to kill herself or obsessing over sugar."

"Thank you Tifa for voting for Quina and Selphie."

Quina and Selphie start groaning

"Please return to the sofa. And do not tell anyone about your nomination."

"HEY THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

Red XIII is next into the Diary Room for his nomination.

"I nominate, Quina and Selphie because they both have an OCD on food. They are driving me insane, so much I am going to climb onto the roof and kill them."
"Uh huh, Thank you for voting for Selphie and Quina now get lost." Big Brother said.

Cid ambles into the Diary Room, "WHAT WAS THAT BIG BROTHER? I DIDN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Shut up Cid and give me your nomination."

"FINE! I VOTE FOR SELHPIE AND QUINA!"

"WHAT?" Selphie howled from outside.

Quina bursts into tears.

"Why?" Big Brother asked.

"BECAUSE I HATE THEM!"

"Get lost Cid."

"OK, you think they heard me?"

"Yes almost certainly now go."

"Uh… I don't know who to vote for…" Rinoa groans as she slumps in the Diary room chair.

"Well, here's a tip just say Selphie and Quina?" Big Brother advises.

"Why?"
"Because everyone else is."
"Ok, Selphie and Quina because BB told me to!" Rinoa gets up and flounces out of the Diary Room.

"Uh… Rinoa that's not what I meant, you had to think of something a reason perhaps? Rinoa? Grrr!"

"You know what, I don't care it's over! It's not me it's you au revoir BB!"

"Selphie shut up and nominate before I evict you for pissing Big Brother off."

"Ok, me and Quina."
"No."

"Why?"

"Because, I said so now vote for someone else."

"No!" Selphie sulks.

"Selphie… you are trying my patience."

"So what give me sugar!"

"No."

Narrator: Selphie has been automatically placed up for eviction because Big Brother got sick of her. Enough said.

Zell's nominations went like this:
Zell: Hello BB, Quina and Selphie because I hate them goodbye BB.

BB: Goodbye Zell

Narrator: every one else also voted for Selphie and Quina. Even Quina. Now the housemates are in the garden. Big Brother has planned a little surprise for them.

4.00pm

The housemate are in the garden with Red XIII threatening to leave them.

"PLEASE don't go Red, you're the only sane person in this house!" Tifa yelled as he jumped onto the roof.

"I'm not leaving forever… you may see me in 9 weeks."

"NOOOO!" Tifa howls.

Red XIII walks to edge of the roof to jump off and is electrocuted by the electric fence surrounding the edge of the roof.

"Hey, did Big Brother do that?" Eiko asked ambling towards the roof.

"Yes, Big Brother did electrocute Red XIII. Will Red please get off the roof." Big Brother yelled.

"NO! Not until I kill that Davina bitch!" Red XIII hollered. "How dare she speak of my father that way!"

"Hey, it's not my fault she has problems ok, she is a gossip monger get over it, or I will lock you in the toilet with Quina!"

Red XIII howls insanely and leaps down from the roof.

"Hey thanks for coming down Red XIII!" Tifa smiles.

The other housemates who ignored the situation completely are now playing Twister in the hot tub.

Studio

"I don't know about you but Red XIII is a bit scary when he is mad!" Davina grins at the camera.

Change of camera angle.

"As you know now you have to vote for the person to be evicted from the Big Brother house, and if I were being honest… kick Selphie out!"

"Here is what you the public think."

"I think, keep Quina in, I mean if he keeps eating their food better viewing for the ever so evil public!"

"BB, I am loving your work! Keep Selphie in. Quina is useless! Get him out! Oh yeah and next get Red XIII out cos' like that thing on the roof! Soooo masculine attention seeking, I mean come ON!"

"I like Rinoa the best! She is HOT baby YEAH! Uh… Quina out because Selphie is just so cute man!"

"GET SELPHIE OUT! WHO GETS ADDICTED TO SUGAR GET A GRIP LOVE!"

"I am loving Tifa at the minute!!! She is working the house! Uh… keep Quina in the women loose weight and look hotter!"

"Hey what happened to Cid's hover thingy? Oh well he's probably still making it and stuff. Well Quina in so he smashes it!"

"So Quistis what are your views?"

Quistis stares at camera condescendingly.

"Selphie in that's great, bye Quistis…"

"So there is what the public think, now it is up to you! Get voting now, because the person who is leaving is leaving on the 6th day not the 7th HA! This is so exciting! Big Brother has informed me he just cant wait to actually boot someone out the house!"

"Well then Red XIII wasn't kidding about killing me, he made a mini me with a pillow and ripped it to shreds…" Davina looks slightly afraid… "Then the other housemates begin to copy!"

9pm bedroom

Narrator: The housemates have found Red's new 'game' fascinating and are now donating pillows to it's cause.

"Right now pretend she insulted Cosmo Canyon!" Cid said giggling putting a pillow in front of Red XIII.

"AAAAH DAVINA I HATE YOU I WILL KILL YOU, YOUR HOME AND YOUR FATHER!"

All the housemates fall to the floor with laughter as Red XIII rips Cid's cushion to shreds.

"How about Bugenhagen!" Tifa smiled putting her pillow in front of him.

"DON'T YOU GET IT DAVINA I HAVE A LIFE THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE YOU AND NO ONE'S LIFE WILL INVOLVE YOU WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU!"

The housemates laugh insanely rolling across the floor as Red shreds Tifa's pillow.

"Ok now… wait where are all the pillows?" Rinoa asks looking around. The room in covered in white feathers.

Studio

"I think that this footage proves that the housemates have gone insane, mad, cuckoo, off-the-wall!

"Isn't it brilliant people?

"I mean who would want to kill me? Seriously?"
Camera switches off.

"…"

Commercial break

"Look at this!" a squeaky voice chimes.

Steiner walks on

"Look at how rusty that armour is!" the voice trilled

"OI!" Steiner retorts

"Get rid of it with Mr Muscle rust remover!" The voice laughs.

A white wall goes over Steiner

Steiner no longer Rusty

"Amazing! Now Zidane cant call me rusty!" Steiner give out a loud laugh.

"Mr Muscle loves the jobs you hate!" a more bored voice answers

End of commercial break.

Studio

"Welcome back we're on day 5 now!" Davina laughs enthusiastically. "Right you know the Selphie drama and the Red drama. Well they get on to a climax today when Red starts to get really hungry and Selphie almost succeeds in her suicide attempt." Davina gives out another laugh bearing her well structured mouth of pearly whites.

Narrator: Selphie is in the diary room talking to Big Brother about the amount of sugar she has had in the last week, and also how it's not enough. Zell is throwing rocks and Red to try and get him to come down. But Red is asleep. The rest of the girls are sunbathing and Tidus is talking to Cid.

10.13am Kitchen

"I'm telling you it's so easy!" Cid said giving a loud laugh after.
"Yeah but don't you think Big Brother would do something about it if you actually made your… hovercraft." Tidus said unconvinced and suddenly feeling like the responsible one.

"Big Brother can kiss my hairy ass, cos if this works I'm going to fly out of this place and go and get a proper meal!" Cid gave another loud laugh.

"Cid shut up! Your freaking laugh is giving me a headache!" Rinoa squealed from the garden.

"NO!" Cid spat. "I can do what I freaking well like!" He looked at Tidus.

"Well there are some rules…" Tidus shrugged.

"Shut up!" Cid growled.

Diary Room

"Listen! I am running out of time! If I don't get sugar I'm going to die!" Selphie was clasping her hands together begging.

"Selphie you have no medical condition that forces you to have sugar. Therefore Big Brother will not provide sugar no matter how much you beg." Big Brother's voice was very final.

"B-b-b-but! Sugar!!!!" Selphie whined.

"NO!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

12pm in the living area

Narrator: Yuna once again volunteered to make the lunch but after much loud persuasion off her fellow housemates allowed Tifa and Rinoa to make it.

Kitchen

"Ok so now we add some salt." Tifa instructed as Rinoa busied herself with the blancmange.

"Why salt?" Rinoa asked shaking some over the blancmange.

Tifa shrugged.

"Ok and how is my mince pie coming along?" Tifa asked walked out into the garden.

Rinoa glanced at the oven.

"They are blackening off now!" She said coolly.

Tifa paused and raced to the oven.

"THEY ARE BURNT!" She screamed. "Oh well they will have to do!" And she shrugged her shoulders and served them on a plate.

Diary Room

12.30pm

"BB I think I'm gonna hurl!" Zell said squeamishly.

"Big Brother is going to provide the house with indigestion tablets as soon as we can, if you are going to hurl do it in the bathroom please Zell!"

"Thanks BB!" Zell staggered out of the Diary Room.

12.35pm

"Where are the tablets BB? Huh?" Eiko asked annoyed.

"They are coming Eiko!"

12.40pm

"NEVER LET THEM COOK AGAIN!" Quina howled.

"I won't Quina please leave the Diary room."

"ok."

12.45pm

"We didn't mean to food poison them did we Tifa?" Rinoa pleaded.

"Hey we all got an agenda in this house!" Tifa snorted.

"Wait that was your plan all along! Now they hate me too!" Rinoa whimpered.

"So?"

"Big Brother suggests that if you two do have a cat fight do it in the garden where there are lots of cameras."

12.50pm

"Tidus, the indigestion tablets have arrived. Please share them out equally between the housemates." Big Brother said smoothly.

"But there are only 8..." Tidus looked at the packet confused.

"I know." Big Brother replied simply.

12.55pm

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HE DIDN'T GIVE ME ONE!" Selphie squealed.

"Maybe it's because he doesn't like you." Big Brother said simply.

"BUT HE GAVE ONE TO YUNA! AND THE BITCHES WHO CAUSED THIS!!!" She shouted still in hysterics.

"Selphie you will make yourself more ill if you carry on like that. Please leave the Diary Room."

"I WILL NOT!" Selphie screeched. "Ow my tummy…" And hobbled out of the diary room.

Studio

"Just so you know the other housemate not to receive the indigestion tablet was Red XIII because he didn't come down for food and began laughing when people started holding their tummies. And Cid and also Eiko. Who were both as irritated. But since its early we can't show it on television." Davina gave out a loud snort of laughter. "But that wasn't a very interesting day. So that's it for this first episode of Big Brother. Tomorrow we will have the eviction, can't wait." Davina smiled sweetly. "Bye!" She trilled. The camera moved up to the roof getting the final shot of Davina's head.

Theme music plays.

Credits.