Note: Yes it has been a while, but recently a good matey of mine read it and began yelling saying he wanted to know what happened next...

So I figured I may as well pick off where I left it.

I love it soooooo much! So here I go!

This is for you Dobby!

Eviction Night!

Studio

"Here we are people! The first eviction night!" Davina screamed at a mental crowd that seemed to be pulsating and banging against the barriers. "Well they're excited arent they!" Davina grinned at the camera.
"Lets see who you-" she pointed at the camera gleefully "voted out. Quina, the mad food consuming machine or Selphie the Suicidal Sugar Fiend."

Theme Tune plays

"So here we are. Now I know everyone is excited and definitely wants to yell like at the person coming out of the house." More screams of joy from the crowd. "But! We're gonna have to see what they've been up to. Yesterday!"

Day 6

4am

Diary Room

Narrator: Most of the housemates are in bed. Red XIII is still on the roof snoozing. He has ate a couple of seagulls. Big Brother demands he cleans up the mess but Red seems to have gone temporarily deaf. Eiko, Selphie and Cid have been plotting escaping in the garden. They have now entered the diary room to complain about the terrible treatment they have been made to suffer.

"I mean it's terrible!" Eiko squealed. "We've got very bad tummies! And you wont even do anything about it!"
"And I need sugar!" Selphie squeaked.
"And I need to kill Quina." Cid growled.

"Big Brother is not responsible for any of these things."
"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK AFTER US THOUGH!" Eiko screeched.
"Big Brother would prefer it if you didnt yell Eiko."
"I'M CALLING SOCIAL SERVICES! THIS IS OUT OF ORDER!"
"Me too!" Selphie piped up.
"Me too!" Cid added still giving Big Brother an evil glare.
"I'd like to see you try." Big Brother was getting slightly impatient.
"WATCH ME!" Eiko began banging on the Diary Room door. "LEMME OUT!"

"What if I dont want to?" Big Brother sighed.
"YOU HAVE TO! I HAVE RIGHTS!" Eiko was near hysterics.

"No you dont!"

7am

Narrator: Cid and Selphie are vomiting in the toilet at the moment. But Eiko is still in the Diary Room. A little upset?

"I BLOODY WELL DO!"

"The door is open Eiko."

"I DONT CARE! SAY I HAVE RIGHTS!" Eiko was right in front of the camera, her cheeks really red.

"Never."
"AHHHHHH!"

9.42am

Bathroom

Tifa and Yuna have gotten up to have a shower.

"Cid? What are you doing?" Tifa covered her nose.
"I'm puking. Cos of you!" Cid growled. His face a picture of concentration. "I need to be unconscious." Cid wandered out to collapse on the garden.

"And Selphie?" Tifa looked pointedly at Selphie was dunking her head under a running shower.
"Getting rid of a headache."Selphie spluttered.

"Why dont you collapse on the lawn too?"
"ok..." Selphie crawled onto the garden.

10.04am

Living Room

"Can you hear something?" Yuna asked a little freaked out.
"Sounds like screaming." Tifa strained her ears.
"I DONT CARE IF I SIGNED MY LIFE AWAY I DEMAND RESPECT!" Eiko slammed the Diary Room door shut.
"Hey... are you guys drunk?" Tifa asked

"Whatchoo say?" Eiko glared at Tifa.

"Are you drunk?" Tifa asked louder.
"You wanna take this outside?"
"Oh she's definitely something." Yuna nodded.
"&& would be the best way to describe it!" Eiko screeched. "I'M GONNA GO! And... be sick..."

4pm

Diary Room

"Big Brother!"
"Yes Rikku?"
"We want you to give the guys their indigestion tablets!"
"I want never gets."

"Dont play smart with me mister! We are getting sick of the smell in that bathroom." She pointed to the direction of the Diary Room door. "We tried getting rid of it but it just made it worse!"
"How did you try to get rid of the smell RIkku?"
"We open a few doors?"
"The diary room door is open..."
"This aint over!" Rikku growled.

4.07pm

Diary Room

"Whadaya mean you wont give them the tablets?"
"Because, I said no." Big Brother sighed.

"But that's not fair!"
"Zell, whats more fair? A nasty smell or me having to suffer Eiko's constant yelling for 3 hours?"
"THE SMELL! It's still there!"

"Well my ears are still ringing."

4.12pm
Diary Room

"They just wont stop crying. Pleeeeeease Big Brother show some mercy!"
"You know thats just not me Vivi."

"I know..." Vivi sighed and walked out.

4.23pm

Diary Room (again)

"Big Brother we just wanted to point out that there are white feathers flying around in the garden."
"I know Tidus."
"And theres also three very dead looking people there too."
"I'm not blind."
"So... are you gonna do anything about it?" Tidus asked hopefully.
"Nope."
"Why?"
"Because it's your own mess."

"I never knew we even had feathers!"

"Ask Red."

4.32pm

Garden

Narrator: Tidus took Zell and Vivi to console Red to come down from the Roof. Or at least to stop killing seagulls.

"But they're so yummy. Better than Tifa's cooking." Red yawned.
"I heard that you hybrid!" Tifa screeched.
Red yawned loudly.

"But we're already having problems with those three vomiting in the bathroom." Tidus frowned.
"Big Brother's right though. That is your fault. Or at least Tifas."
"Quit it about my cooking!" Tifa's voice came from the kitchen.
"Dont tell me she's cooking again!" Red said in a confused voice.

"No... just cleaning some dishes." Vivi nodded.

"Cant you just come down for a minute?" Zell coaxed.

"Nah."
"Pleeeeeease?" Vivi said.

"Noo!" Red growled.
"Well we tried." Vivi sighed.
"We're not giving up!" Tidus rallied.

"The midget's right!" Zell agreed, Vivi began jumping up and down.
"I'm taller than you think!" He squeaked.

"But Red doesnt want to come down. Besides I could use some of those feathers. We need to restuff the pillows!" Zell grinned and began picking up feathers.

"You're insane." Tidus groaned and walked back into the house.

"Success!" Red grinned and wandered back over to his seagull dinner.

6.27pm

Garden

Narrator: Big Brother has agreed that if the housemates get Red off the roof they can have their tablets. Rinoa, Quina and Tidus are throwing rocks at the roof. Red isnt very happy and is beginning to retaliate. In the mean time we have Tifa, Yuna and Rikku in the Living Room contemplating the eviction. Eiko, Cid and Selphie have been locked in the bathroom. No one else can stand the smell. But it seems to be making them more ill.

"Come on Red!" Rinoa yelled.

"We'll stop throwing stuff when you come down!" Tidus added.
"ROOOOOOCKS!" Quina squealed.

"Yeah thats right Quina." Rinoa smiled.
"STOP THROWING THINGS!" Red roared.
Rinoa and Tidus paused. Quina threw a glass.
"OW! GEEZ!" Red started howling like a loon.

"Quina that was very bad!" Rinoa chided Quina.
"OH THERES GLASS EVERYWHERE!" Red screamed.
"Very good Quina!" Tidus patted Quina on the head.

"Take this!" Red threw the dead featherless seagull at them.
Rinoa screamed like a banshee and ran into the Living Room. Tidus got a bullseye on the head. Quina stood still.
"HA! TAKE THAT TIDUS!" Red grinned.
"Ooooh... Yummy yummy." Quina walked over to the birdie corpse

Black screen

You see water lilies quietly passing over a small pond a few goldfish spiralling around.

returns to normal viewing

"MY EYES!" Red screamed. "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?"

"Quina..." Tidus whined.

"Tastes bad..." Quina walked off.

Tidus stood up massaging his forehead.
"Ok... will you come down or not?" Tidus asked in a final tone.
"I'll make a proposition." Red growled. "If Quina is evicted tommorow I'll come down. But if he does that... I'm staying where I bloody well am."
"That's all I ask." Tidus grinned.
"Now get out of the way. I'm gonna get rid of some glass. I wouldnt come into the garden with bare feet after this."
"I'll tell Yuna... And maybe Rinoa."

8.08pm

Bathroom

"You guys." Selphie croaked.
"What is it?" Eiko snarled.

"If I get evicted tomorrow... I promise to kill Davina!"
"That is the nicest thing anyone in this house has ever said." Cid sighed. "Excuse me a moment." He began throwing up in the toilet again.

Studio

"Well wasnt that an eventful day!" Davina smiled her pearly white reflecting the lights. "Now we get to find out who will be evicted tonight!" She pointed to a large screen. "Will it be! Quina! or... Selphie!" Their pictures appearing on the screens. "Right we're just gonna have a quick commercial break." Boos erupted from the crowd. "I know I know... But I swear in 4 minutes our first house mate will be evicted!"

Commercial Break

"To all the moogles of the world!
"Is your pompom looking dull?
"Does it no longer have that bouncy feeling everyone loves so much?"

"Ku-poppopo!"
"Exactly Mog!" Morrison appears.
"Then use Moogle PomPom Restore!"

"Kupo!"

"Good one Mog!"
Our slogan is:
"oooh that is one pretty pompom thingy... I want to touch it... Hey get back here... snore Dont ignore me you little red thing... sniff" Baku Sleep talking

End of Commercial Break

Studio

"We're back!" Davina grinned happily and the crowd is near hysterics. "I must now tell you that the phone lines are now CLOSED!" There was a loud buzzer. "Now you can ring all you want but you aint gonna make a difference anymore. Just add money to our pockets." Another innocent smile. "Let's go live to the Big Brother house."

The screen shows the housemates all sitting in the Living Room.
"Oooh there they all are, arent they being civil!" Davina seemed to have a tinge of disappointment in her voice at that point. "Whatever let's get this show on the road!" She turned to the screen. The crowd was still going mad. "SHUT UP!" The crowd died down. "Good, now lets go. Big Brother House this is Davina."

"Oh bugger." Zell growled.
"I heard that Zell!" Davina said dangerously.
Zell grabbed a cushion. "You cant hurt me in here!" He cried.
"I'm not after you! I am here to declare who will be leaving the Big Brother house in exactly 3 minutes." Davina said quite civilly.

"YAAAAAAY!" Quina grinned.
"Quina, Selphie you have been getting voted for by the public for the last few days. Tonight one of you will leave."
"Enough with the drama." Tifa sighed.
Davina chose to ignore this comment. "The person leaving the Big Brother House will be..."

Quina stood up. "Sit down Quina!" Tidus snapped he still had a shiner on his forehead.

"SELPHIE!" Davina cried.

"NO!" Red howled from outside. "I SEE YOU DAVINA I SWEAR I WILL KILL YOU!" Red cried in anguish.
"You stay where you are Red! Selphie. You have a minute to say your goodbyes I'm coming to get you!" Davina said happily.

"I'll miss you all!" Selphie hiccuped while standing up unsteadily.

Yuna helped her to the door.

Eiko hugged Selphie goodbye. "Give her one for me!" Eiko said venomously. Selphie nodded.

The door opened and Selphie walked out of the Big Brother house unsteadily.

"Here she comes!" Davina smiled. Selphie appeared at the door. As she came out she tripped over her feet. "DAMNIT! Security get her over here!" Davina growled rather impatiently. "Put her there." Davina instructed. Selphie was sat in a orange chair.

"Hi Selphie!" Davina smiled like she was talking to a toddler.

"Davina..." Selphie growled.
"Now before you even start to try and kill me I would like to present you with something." Davina smiled and handed Selphie a bag of sugar.

Selphie looked like she was near tears. "I always loved you Davina!" She whimpered.

"I know. Now then let's see!" Davina plucked out some cards. "How was your time in the house?"
"Hell."
"Must've been a least a little fun." Davina said encouragingly.
"I was hungry! And Big Brother wouldn't give me anything!" Selphie groaned.
"Aww... Everyone say "aww"!" Davina turned to the crowd, there was a tremendous "Aw"
"Dont patronise meeeee." Selphie whimpered.

"Ok so what did you think of your housemates?"
"Hated them..."
"Wow you were really depressed werent you!" Davina joked.

"Yeah!" Selphie whined.

"Awww... Well what about Eiko?"
"I liked Eiko, we were sick buddies!" Selphie's face suddenly developed a huge grin. "We shared a toilet!"
"Ok... Hey who do you think will be out next week?"
"Tifa."
"Why?
"Because she poisoned me! And she's got a terrible dress sense."
"Some men would beg to differ." Davina grinned as there were many boos from the crowd. "Anyways, that's it! Hope you enjoyed Big Brother tonight and I hope you will join us the same time next week. Be there or be square!" Davina smiled.

theme tune
ending credits