Character Chats: Rikku

A/N: 10,000 apologies for the four week wait, but like I mentioned in the last episode I would be away at camp and wouldn't be able to post another chapter. Well, here it is at last: Rikku's episode!

-Abzan342

PS-Rikku's personality in this episode is much more in character than Yuna's, but she acts a bit more hyper than normal. Just read and you'll get what I mean.

Kupo: Ladies and gentleman! Boys and---psychotic little six year olds! Ah, I'm just playing around folks...Anways, welcome to the show everybody---the one that people have been 'chatting' about: Character Chats!

(Applause)

Kupo: Today's agenda includes the meeting with the associate for the rights of giant machina and the rebellion of the swirly green-eyed people!

Crowd: (stares)

Kupo: It's Rikku from Final Fantasy X and X-2, dammit!

Crowd: Oh!

Kupo: Rikku, come on down!

Rikku: (catwalks in)(song 'I'm too sexy' plays)

(Rikku snaps her fingers, and the music stops. She sits down).

Kupo: Rikku, explain the...interesting music choice!

Rikku: Haven't you people ever heard of 'Theme Songs?' Helloooooo? Hey, whose the cute camera man?

Kupo: That doesn't concern you...Anyways! You know the rules, so here's your first question: Were you responsible for Yuna's change in...clothing?

Rikku: Well, remember the mysterious transformation that Yuna went through? You're looking at her teacher; I taught her everything that she knows today! But she still doesn't deserve Tidus! He was another cocky, pansy ass---

Kupo: ---What about Paine?

Rikku: Paine? Bit too EMO for my taste, too gothic, too conservative, yadda yadda yadda. You could think of her as a mother hen in Marilyn Manson clothing---hey, who is Marilyn Manson?

Kupo: Just keep going...

Rikku: Right! Anyways, she 'mothers' me a bit too much and whenever I get her pissed she takes off respect points and she may walk the walk but she can't talk the talk but then again she rarely talks! I like drums! I like guys!

Kupo: Er...Moving on! Next question: You were the original founder of the Gullwings. Why create them in the first place?

Rikku: Loads of people have asked me that already! But since that I was one of the few girls on Bikanel I slept with all the guys there, including my brother but I was drunk at the time! So later on I decided I needed some 'girl friends' instead of those perverts back at Home. Also, it gave me an excuse to explore new lands, meet new guys, and have fun! (With the guys, of course!)

Kupo: So...Rikku, could you say one word, and only one word, to describe yourself?

Rikku: (speaks VERY fast),

I'mkindaaslutandawhoretubitsnotmyfaultbecauseIwasraisedthiswayandmybrothermademelikedressupinthislikemessedupdressandlikeforcedmetoshowitlikeoffandthedresswasonlythongsandbikinisandlikeitwaslikelikelikelike---

Kupo: (stares long and hard), Kupo?

Rikku: I'm a slut, dammit. Who is Kupo? Is he a guy? Is he a guy? Hey, you still haven't introduced me to the camera man!

Kupo: Keep dreaming, princess!

Rikku: I'm not, like, a princess, I'm an Al Bhed Princess! Besides, they get all the guys! And that changes everything!

(Rikku looks at the camera man and makes a 'Call Me' symbol to him)

Kupo: You sure do, Rikku. You sure do. Final question! (Finally!)

Rikku: Hurry up! I'm gonna give the camera man my number!

Kupo: Here is is: You know how you're brother is named "Brother?" Well, is that his real name? If not, then what is it?

Rikku: Truthfully, 'Brother' is just his nickname. They started calling him that 'cuz he's my brother, and he couldn't remember his real name. If I remember correctly, then his real name is Chuckingford Rastapoppolous Humperflinger Tikku.

Kupo: I shouldn't have asked. So...that makes your name 'Rikku Tikku,' right?

Rikku: Of course! But that won't matter when I marry the camera man!

Kupo: Rikku, if I give youy $1,000,000 (actually in her case 1,000,000 gil) right now to shut the hell up and get off my show, would you do it?

Rikku: Nah, but the camera man's getting impatient! Besides, where there's a guy, there's me!

Kupo: SECURITY!

(SWAT Team comes in and handcuffs Rikku)

Rikku: Ohh, handcuffs...kinky!

Kupo: Some people...grrr...Well, that's all for today! There goes Rikku, and I for one will not be sorry for her to go...

Camera man: I am!

Kupo: Block head...Next time, on Character Chats: No, she is not a member of Nobuo Uematsu's the Black Mages, even though she is one!

Crowd: Huh?

Kupo: You people really are idiots, aren't you? Black Magi Lulu (who has a moogle doll of me!) from Final Fantasy X and portions of X-2 will be joining me next week for another episode of Character Chats!

A/N: Just like Tidus', Yuna's, and Auron's episodes Rikku's was another original one that got taken off for complicated reasons.