Rediscovery

By Ellie

Disclaimer: Not mine. I'm just borrowing.

A/N: I am so sorry for the long time between updates. I wish I could promise to do better, but RL has gotten crazy. I do promise that, barring some fatal accident, I will finish this fic. So don't worry about that. I have been reading fanfic for the better part of a decade and I know the pain of getting hooked on an unfinished story. I would not do that to you guys.

Chapter 15

Cuddy concentrated on the paperwork in front of her. At times like this she wondered why she ever wanted to become an administrator in the first place. She felt like she spent half of her life doing paperwork and the other half kissing some rich donor's ass to bring in money for the hospital. That's why she made it a point of doing clinic duty at least once a week. Cuddy, despite what House said, never wanted to be one of those hospital administrators who forgot that patient care was their ultimate priority.

She frowned as her thoughts turned towards House. She hadn't seen him, except in passing, for the past few days. He had a patient, but he usually came to her office at least once during a case to make some sort of impossible demand.

She sighed and tried to push down the nagging feeling that something was wrong. It wasn't unusual for House to lose himself in a case. And she, of all people, couldn't fault him with working long hours. There had been no reports of bad behavior on his part. But still … something felt off.

Cuddy shook herself out of her reverie and concentrated once again on the paperwork in front of her.

A little while later she heard a knock at her door. She raised her head to see Cameron enter her office with an uncertain expression on her face.

"Dr. Cameron, is there something I can help you with?" she asked.

"Our patient has Pericardial Mesothelioma."

Cuddy raised her eyebrow. Pericardial Mesothelioma was a rare form of the cancer that did not have a good prognosis for the patient, but she didn't understand why Cameron was here telling her this in person.

"Sandoval in Los Angeles has a clinical study going that our patient should qualify for, but …"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. She could see where this was going. "Except that Sandoval is a self-righteous bastard who hates both Wilson and House with a fiery passion and would probably refuse your patient if the request came from either of their offices." Dr. Sandoval's dislike of both doctors was well known. His animosity towards House was no big mystery, but most people didn't know that after Wilson's last divorce, he had flirted a little too openly with Sandoval's wife at a conference they were both attending.

Cameron gave a little smile and nodded her head. Cuddy tried to smile back, but something was bothering her.

"Why did House send you to ask me, instead of coming himself?" she asked as she concentrated on projecting only mild curiosity.

"I don't know," she answered. "He just told me to schmooze you into schmoozing Sandoval."

Cuddy sighed. "Tell House that I'll contact Dr. Sandoval, and I should have an answer for him by this afternoon."

Cameron continued to stand by the desk.

"Is there something else?" Cuddy asked.

"He's … crabbier than normal," she said hesitantly.

"I haven't heard any complaints"

"That's what's weird about it. He's been much nicer than normal to the patients – even the really stupid ones, but he's been taking whatever's bothering him out on us. I think Foreman's about ready to take his big thinking ball and shove it into House's mouth.

Cuddy couldn't help but give a soft chuckle as she visualized that scenario. She looked up into Cameron's face and could see the concern for House there.

"Do you have any guesses as to what's bothering him?" Cuddy asked the younger doctor.

"No, but I have noticed that it seems as if he's avoiding you and Wilson. I thought perhaps that you knew what was going on with him."

Cuddy inhaled deeply as she tried to swallow the lump that formed in her throat.

"I'm sorry. I don't. Keep me informed if you find out anything," she told Cameron quietly. Cameron nodded and turned to leave the office.

Cuddy waited until she closed the door before allowing herself to slump in her chair. Something was definitely up with House. Normally he would have come to her office personally to ask her to talk to Sandoval. That, coupled with the fact that he was going out of his way to be nice to patients, meant that he was avoiding her for some reason. She could feel herself getting angry and embraced the emotion. She liked the anger better than the hurt.

House sat at his piano, staring at the keys as he contemplated what was going to happen next with Cuddy. He would be the first to admit that he had not handled the past couple of days very well. The day after Stacy had come to see him, he had gotten a case and threw himself into it to avoid thinking about Cuddy. Unfortunately, thoughts of her would creep up at unexpected times, which made him angrier. He had done quite well with being colleagues with her for the better part of six years. It didn't seem fair that she had infiltrated his life so much so quickly. He took a sip of the scotch that was sitting on top of the piano.

He didn't want to see her. Seeing her would mean that he would have to confront these dark feelings that were floating around inside of him. But he knew that he couldn't avoid her forever. He had half-expected her to follow Cameron back to his office this morning to demand answers. He wasn't sure if he was happy or disappointed that she hadn't.

House ran his hand through his hair in frustration. This is why he avoided emotional entanglements like most people avoided the plague. He had a difficult time making decisions when he cared this much about the outcome.

He finished his drink in one gulp and eyed the empty glass as he contemplated getting another. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

He sighed and got up to answer. He looked through the peephole and was not at all surprised to see Cuddy there with a determined look on her face.

"I know you're home House, so don't even try pretending that you're not," he heard her threaten.

He opened the door and gestured for her to enter. He closed the door and turned around to see her glaring at him.

"What the hell is going on with you?" she asked angrily.

"Could you be more specific?" he asked.

Cuddy's glare became more intense, and House had to fight the urge to smile, despite the serious situation.

"I know you're avoiding me."

House looked down at the floor to escape her gaze. He didn't know why he was surprised when she came out and confronted him right away. She had always preferred the direct approach.

"I notice you're not denying it," Cuddy said sarcastically as it became obvious that he wasn't going to say anything. She closed her eyes and took a moment to get control of her emotions.

House waited a moment before replying. "What do you want me to say?" he finally asked.

"House, I just want to know what the hell's been going with you. You send Cameron in to ask me something instead of coming yourself, and then you're being nice to patients so that I don't have to talk to you about inappropriate behavior." She stopped and stared at his still down turned head. "If you've changed your mind about having a relationship, then I wish you'd just tell me. I don't like being stuck in limbo anymore than you do," she told him in a strained voice.

"Stacy came to see me the other night."

Cuddy opened her mouth, but no sound came out. Out of all of the things that she thought he would say, that little statement was nowhere on the list. A sickening feeling began to claw its way out of her stomach.

"What did she want?" she asked when she regained her voice.

"Me."

Cuddy inhaled sharply, unprepared for the stab of pain his statement caused even though she wasn't surprised by his answer. She looked away quickly as she scrambled for control of her seesawing emotions. This was her darkest fear come to life: House deciding that he wanted to be with Stacy after all.

"Ok, see. That's all you needed to say," her voice a little thin. "I'll just go now," she headed for the door, determined not to make a scene in front of him.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on … you didn't let me finish," House said as he gently grabbed her arm and led her to the couch to sit. He placed his elbows on his knees and cradled his face in his hands. "I didn't say that I wanted her. She came here wanting to make up. I said no. She lost her temper and started yelling at me."

Cuddy watched him carefully, trying to figure out what he was feeling. "What does this have to do with you avoiding me for the past few days," she finally asked.

"I told her about us and she got really bitchy. She started talking about how you couldn't afford to be involved with someone as non-PC as me and …" he trailed off, reluctant to talk about how Stacy's tirade had made him feel.

Cuddy saw House's pain and without thinking about it reached out to stroke his arm in support. He smiled at the gesture and managed to meet her gaze.

"Cuddy, I want to be with you. I'm just not sure in a few months down the road that you're going to want to be with me."

"Greg …"

"Cuddy, you saw me after Stacy left. I don't want to go through something like that again." He looked down and studied his shoes as he continued. "I can't start something with you if Stacy and Wilson are right and it's doomed to fail. I don't know if I can let myself be open to that kind of hurt again."

She watched his uncertainty and wished that there was something that she could do, but she knew him well enough to know that this was something that he would have to work out for himself. "House, I can't offer you any guarantees. I'm scared too. I wish I could read the future and tell you what's in store for us. You're going to have to decide for yourself if it's worth the risk." She smiled sadly at him and reached out to lightly stroke his face. "I want to be with you too," she admitted. "I was going to tell you that I didn't need the full two months to make my decision."

House's eyes widened at that admission, but he didn't say anything.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts," she told him after a few moments of silence. He followed her as she got up and headed towards the door and opened it to leave. She paused for a moment and turned around to capture his gaze with her own. "For what it's worth, please remember that we've known each other for a very long time. I know who you are. I expect you to be an ass in front of colleagues and donors. I harbor no illusions that I will transform you into some sort of Prince Charming. I don't think that you're going to scare me away by being you." She stood on her toes and gently kissed him on the lips and left.

House stared at the door for a moment after she left and then went to the kitchen to pour himself another scotch. It was going to be another long night.

Cuddy sat up and fluffed her pillow once more to try and make it more comfortable. She couldn't sleep. Her thoughts were filled of House and their discussion. It wasn't fair. She wasn't going to let him give up without a fight, but with House and his emotions you had to be very careful. One wrong move and you could force him into an even deeper isolation.

She cursed Stacy and her comments for the thousandth time. What right did she have in telling House what Cuddy would expect out of a relationship? Hell, what right did she have in telling House that she wanted to get back together when she was still married and living with her husband? Cuddy forced herself to unclench her jaw. Stacy had once again thoughtlessly pushed Greg through an emotional wringer and left someone else to pick up the pieces.

Cuddy got out of bed and headed for the kitchen. Her mind was too active to get any kind of sleep. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the milk and then went to the cupboard and pulled out the peanut butter and a loaf of bread. She needed comfort food. She made herself a sandwich and sat down to eat it.

There wasn't anything she could really do about House right now. He was still thinking things over. It wasn't good to interrupt him in the middle of his thought processes.

Cuddy found herself thinking about Stacy more and more. She got up and went to her laptop and turned it on. She quickly got on the internet and found directions from her house to Stacy's and printed them out. She went back to the kitchen and stared at the directions as she finished her sandwich. A part of her brain was screaming that this was a bad idea, but she had been wanting to tell Stacy certain things for a long time, and now seemed like the perfect time to do so.

She mentally reviewed her schedule for tomorrow and realized that she didn't have anything that couldn't be rescheduled. Cuddy smiled to herself. She was going to do something that she hadn't done in a long time. She was going to play hooky from work and go visit an 'old friend.'

TBC

A/N2: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. They make my day.