Welcome back.
The last chapter was a success surprisingly! I cut it a bit short so to get an update up, but this chapter should make up for that, being slightly longer. When I updated my last chapter, I accidentally did so as a word document! That is the reason why the first few people who read it couldn't see any page breaks (thank you replay for pointing that out by the way, I appreciate it) and now all is corrected!
Well, I'll leave you to read this one. Enjoy!
When Heart Rules Over Mind
The Secret
Time had passed seemingly un-noticed after Vincent's hasty departure. Fort Condor had gradually become a much more relaxed atmosphere since the mysterious stranger had left. They had no means of technology in the fort, or the village and so the media coverage of the saviours of the planet never reached them.
They only knew the full story through Cloud's telling. The name 'Vincent' had been told to them, but they had never expected an individual like him to be as truly unique as Cloud had described.
Cloud was standing alone in the same spot he had returned to each day since Vincent told him the news he hadn't wanted to hear. He could still remember standing here with Tifa way back when they made their donations to the watchman, and offered their expertise to help fight off Shinra and save the precious Condor bird and hatchling.
He almost smiled at the memory.
Almost.
His lack of energy and enthusiasm prevented any emotion crossing his face. He wore a solemn look, the same he always had when on task with AVALANCHE, and thinking what was best to do next when the team turned to him as their leader.
He missed it.
He missed being around everyone, and being part of the AVALANCHE team. The fact was, they just weren't needed anymore, now that the world was safe again. He wondered where they all ended up. He could make the obvious guesses; Barrett was probably settled in Corel with Marlene, Yuffie was most likely in Wutai, Cid in Rocket town, Red back at Cosmo Canyon.
The others were a mystery to him.
The fact that they had all been the closest friends you could imagine at one point, and now split up, scattered miles away from each other...it just didn't make sense to him. Then again, it was his fault they probably had split up in the end, abandoning them like that. He still couldn't come up with a reason good enough to dignify it.
A leader never abandoned his team. Never. No exceptions. Even when the journey was over, the leader made sure every other member was settled and safe. But not in Cloud's case.
That fact made Cloud the lousiest leader in existence.
And he was worshiped like a God for it! He saw the large signs atop buildings in Junon when he had journeyed there in order to catch the cargo ship a few days after the night of his leave. Large signs with his face on it, with the words 'Saviour' splashed across it.
Some saviour he turned out to be.
He remembered catching the cargo ship, or rather sneaking aboard it. It was difficult to go through Junon un-noticed but he had managed it, hiding best he could in the back streets, taking the alleyways instead of the main streets to get to the main port. He had had it in mind to travel to Gongaga straight away.
At least he could merit himself for having the decency to notify his late, good friend Zack's parents of their son's death, as soon as he left AVALANCHE, it was the first thing on his mind to do. Cloud had remembered it all; what happened to Zack, everything. All thanks to her help.
"Tifa..."
He said, his lips barely parted. His voice was rough and choked, the result of neglect for hygiene and food, basic energy necessities. All of that had been abandoned in the wake of Vincent's statement. Cloud hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, hadn't done anything except mope around, wallowing in the tormented enclosures of his troubled mind.
He looked as bad as he felt. His hair was even more dishevelled than usual and that was saying something. His clothes were worn, un-clean and looked like they had been as badly neglected when it came to washing them as Cloud himself had become. Together with his droopy, squinted eyes with dark circles under them Cloud was exactly how he appeared to be – a wreck. Stubble was already beginning to form on his chin but he didn't care. He would itch it every few minutes when it irritated him but apart from that he seemed oblivious to his appearance.
The one fact that had ceased to leave his mind was Tifa's safety. What had he done to her? What had he done? Vincent never showed emotion, never. But that day over a week ago now what Vincent had told Cloud – no, rather threw in Cloud's face, was that he had destroyed Tifa. Hurt her so badly, that she hadn't been able to recover.
God, he swore to himself the day he set eyes on her as a kid that he would never let anyone harm a hair on her head. He was a hypocrite. Sure, he had made a lousy job as AVALANCHE leader, he knew that by the mess he had gotten them all into with his own personal problems of the mind.
But what he would not, could not forgive himself for, was for making a lousy job of protecting Tifa. He hadn't been able to stop her from falling almost to her death when they were children near Mt. Nibel. He had let Sephiroth nearly slash her to death because he hadn't been there in the reactor. He had allowed Shinra to capture her and come so close to murdering her in the gas chamber, it sent shivers down his back thinking about just how narrow her escape had been.
But that wasn't enough for him.
Oh no, not for Cloud Strife. If you wanted to truly kill someone, to truly murder someone's soul you had to deal a blow to their emotions. And Cloud certainly had done that.
He had broken Tifa's heart.
He had shattered their promise into worthless pieces and abandoned her soul to die.
The tears had come without him being able to stop them on that night Vincent left him alone. He had wept for her, for everything she meant to him, and for the fact that he could never touch her again for fear of breaking her for good. He so badly wanted to hold her and tell her how sorry he was but she was worth more than his worthless words.
He had bound himself here to Fort Condor after that night AVALANCHE had saved the world. All because of his secret, that he had to keep a secret no matter what.
Even if it meant abandoning her, he had to do it now because he knew the time would come one day and by then, his departure would have been more devastating for her to watch than him simply walking away from her.
He couldn't win either way you looked at it.
Life was cruel. Beyond all reasoning it was cruel.
Cloud Strife knew that more than anyone.
The door to the watchtower room suddenly creaked open and a middle-aged man dressed in typical Condor attire stepped in.
There was usually a watchman stood in this post where Cloud stood keeping an ever-watchful eye on the plains just in case Shinra returned, but as Cloud often ventured here to clear his thoughts, all the watchmen always knew best to leave Cloud alone.
This was one such a time.
Cloud simply looked over his shoulder at the intruder, and was welcomed with a gawping stare.
"Yes?" Cloud said gruffly, his voice scratching against his raw throat like sandpaper.
The watchman snapped out of his temporary trance and shook his head in reply. "Err...nuthin" He was about to walk out of the watchtower room upon seeing Cloud still here, when they heard a sudden loud scream.
Both men's heads snapped round to look outside the tower window behind the main one on the opposite wall of the cabin style room that looked out onto the large community of the Condor village. Both sets of eyes widened in shock.
What could only be described as a large demonic bat creature was flying high above Condor, and heading straight for it. The watchman blinked in disbelief, his hands pressed hard against the large glass pane.
"It...it's the legendary...Diablos...!" He whispered. He had read about the mythical creature, and seen images drawn from historians perspectives...this was it! But...he was heading straight for Condor! The man just stood frozen to the spot.
Cloud came out of his temporary state of feeling sorry for himself, and shook his head vigorously in reply to the man's naïve observation. "That sure as hell is no Diablos!" He slammed his fist against the window glass in anger, and turned, bolting straight for the door to the stairs.
"Damnit Vincent!"
"You know what this place needs..." Miguel started, rubbing his chin with his forefinger and thumb in an opposite rhythm.
Sofia turned to Tifa and whispered, "Wait for it..."
"A strip poker competition!" He declared, clicking his fingers as the idea came to him. His face boasted a wide grin obviously pleased with himself. Tifa just rolled her eyes and turned away to serve another customer, a small smile on her face from Miguel's latest scheme idea.
"You do realise that the game would involve you rewarding the ones who kept their clothes on." Tifa stated matter-of-factly.
Miguel seemed to mull this over for a few seconds before his mouth curved into a grin once more.
"Well in that case, I'll make sure to console the poor half-naked losers won't I, being so considerate and all."
"Oh brother, where doest thou receive one's genius?" Sofia asked, smirking to herself as she lifted up the hinged bar top panel, resting it against the wall to allow her self to walk out from behind the bar, out to the tables of awaiting customers.
Miguel frowned and looked over at his sister as she served a table of patrons with their ordered meal. "Well it's definitely not from the parents Sofia judging by you. Or maybe it is and you just didn't inherit the brains. Just the skills of cooking in the kitchen, the essential for every woman of course." He stated with a cocky smile.
This earned him a jab in the ribs from Tifa's elbow.
"Hey! Knock it off! What is it with you Tifa? You're so damn aggressive all the time!"
She just smiled at him as she shook a now full cocktail canister vigorously. "I can't help it, it's in my nature." She simply said, turning back to the gentleman sat in front of her. Within seconds, she had emptied the cocktail drink into a tall glass and perfected it with a segment of lemon and a green oriental umbrella – miniature size of course.
Miguel stood with his back to the customers, leaning against the bar top, watching Tifa whilst he shook his head in reply to her.
Once she had taken the money from the customer she had served, Tifa turned to Miguel, with a frown on her face. "Are you going to do any work today Miguel?" She asked, rather rhetorically.
"Well I was thinking about it, but now my ribs are probably shattered thanks to your elbow, I'm considering compensation claims – " He was cut off by Tifa throwing a small pad at him. Followed by a pen, which Miguel struggled to catch.
"Now go and do some waitressing Miguel, there's a good boy." Tifa said with a wink, turning to the next awaiting customer sat on a stool in front of her. Miguel cringed at his job title, but it was true. He couldn't cook like Sofia, nowhere near as good as she could. Sure he could serve drinks, but the list of them and the variety went completely over his head. He managed when it mattered though, observed by Tifa when the bar got too busy for her to handle alone.
But generally, Miguel was the waiter, rushing around tables taking orders in to hand to Tifa and Sofia which actually helped them out a great deal. Without someone to take in orders and serve them out to the right tables, they would be lost.
And Miguel knew everyone who came in. He knew every local resident, having grown up here himself. He was on first name terms with all regulars, and his enthusiastic personality kept them returning again and again. He would sweet-talk every female customer with expert ease. A lot of the time, young women would come into the bar and buy anything they could just for the chance to have Miguel come to talk to them to gain their order.
Miguel was the life of Solana Mar – with a lousy job title.
He grumbled under his breath, as he turned to a clean page in the small writing pad he had been given, and approached the nearest table ready to take an order.
Sometime later he returned to the bar and handed Tifa a sheet of ordered drinks along with a tray to put them on. As she got on with preparing them Miguel leaned on the bar top smiling at her.
"Just admit it, you'd be lost without me."
Tifa smiled in return. "Maybe, but I'm sure I could easily hire someone just as slack as you, or maybe even more reliable..." Miguel's smile faded, but he quickly recovered.
"But not as good looking as me, or as good with customers right Tifa?"
Tifa placed the drinks on the tray and just waved him away. Though she knew she would never even consider hiring anybody else.
Suddenly, a patron sat at the bar spoke up. "Huh? What happened to the strip poker idea?" Miguel stopped still, and grinned.
"Now that's what I'm talking about!"
"For the last time, NO!" Tifa shouted, though Miguel ignored her and went on his way, asking any woman he could to participate in such a competition.
Meanwhile, completely ignored and seemingly un-noticed sitting in a corner table in the back of the crowded bar, a man sat in silence. Watching.
"I'll be here waiting for you Cloud. When you finally come, I'll be waiting..." He muttered in his low rasping voice so nobody heard.
"An I'll keep an eye on your precious Tifa for you while your gone." He stated, his eyes never leaving the brunette beauty as she cheerfully chatted away to and served the many customers flocking into her bar.
"You'll both be mine soon enough."
"Godamnit Vincent, you have to make an entrance don't you? Do you realise you scared these people half to death?!" Cloud shouted at Vincent, as soon as his friend had resumed his natural human form.
The two were back in Cloud's room once more. Cloud had rushed Vincent back there as soon as he could, because his friend's presence caused something a little short of mass panic.
"I swore to them when I came here I wouldn't disturb their village, or their peace. They're going to want me out of here before long thanks to you!" Cloud added, thrusting his hand towards Vincent, gesturing to him – whom simply stood calmly before Cloud.
"Well then perhaps that is a good thing. I intended for you to leave here originally. All that means now is that I do not have to do the task alone by force."
Cloud simply stared at Vincent.
"Did you not understand what I meant when I told you the last time I was here that –"
"Yes I understood." Cloud interrupted quickly, sitting himself down on his bed. He didn't want Vincent to remind him again of what damage Cloud had done to his closest friend living somewhere apart from him in the world.
"How was I supposed to forget something about Tifa?" Cloud stated, resting his elbows on his open knees, and holding his head with his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed. His gaze was focused downwards on the floor.
"Then you will agree with the urgency of you leaving here to go to her." Vincent replied, still standing in the same position, his arms still, hanging by his sides. He was looking at Cloud in the same stare, but behind those eyes he sympathised with his friend. He understood how he felt about Tifa, but Vincent knew his job was to get Cloud to her.
Though Vincent never saw it coming that he would be the one to do such a thing. Well, he had to do it. For both his friends' sakes.
Cloud didn't move. He didn't even flinch for minutes. He just continued to stare blankly at the ground. Eventually he lifted his head and his expression was troubled. He looked like a sorry excuse for the old Cloud Strife, worn out, and grubby looking.
But the fact that stunned Vincent more than anything else was the look in Cloud's eyes. He had never seen it before in the former leader.
It was a look of defeat.
"You don't understand Vincent. I wish I could go to Tifa, more than anything." He ran a hand through his dishevelled hair and sighed heavily before continuing. "But wanting something doesn't mean you can have it or make it happen. Not if there are such things in your way that you can't overcome them, no matter which way you look at it or how hard you try. There is one thing I can't beat Vincent."
Vincent continued to look at Cloud.
He didn't like the way this was sounding...
"Are you aware of my past Vincent?"
Vincent hadn't been there with the rest of AVALANCHE when Cloud had recounted his past in Kalm, yet he had been told through various conversations he had overheard between other members on their journey.
He simply nodded.
"Well, it seems my father didn't abandon me completely after all." Cloud stated, fixing Vincent with a hard stare of his own. "He infected me with his genes. He had to or I wouldn't exist so I guess I should be thankful for that much right?" He asked.
"Wrong." Was his answer to himself.
"I couldn't hate him more for that simple fact than anything else. More than abandoning my mother. More than even abandoning his unborn son. I hate that son of a bitch for dying."
Vincent clearly didn't understand, as he didn't speak a word to Cloud in response, just watched him, waiting for him to continue.
"You see, my old man had no choice but to leave. I denied that for years, all through my childhood I held him responsible for everything that was wrong with my life, even down to getting bullied by the other kids back home. But it wasn't his fault. He left his family for a reason though I hate to admit it."
Cloud looked Vincent directly in the eye.
"He was dying Vincent. He knew it, and my mother knew it. I never found out what disease it was until the day I went back to Nibelheim with Zack on our mission with Sephiroth. I went back to see mom and I remembered only brief phrases until Tifa helped me fix my memories into place in Mideel."
"My mother began by telling me I should get settled with a nice girlfriend." He let out a short hollow laugh remembering, and then shook his head.
"An older girlfriend, one who could look after me. Then she told me all about my father, and how he left us both one day, sending a goodbye note to her detailing how he was sorry but he wouldn't stick around for his wife to watch him deteriorate into a ghost of his former self. In other words, he wanted to be remembered for being his wife's husband, and his son's father though I wasn't even born yet. He just didn't want his wife to watch him die."
Cloud paused. The memories were painful, and for many nights since the memory returned to him, Cloud had sat picturing his father and him leaving his family. Cloud had seen photographs of his father, and was not sorry to say he looked like his fathers son.
Because Cloud had turned into his father in every way. He abandoned the ones he cared most about to hide away and shield them from his personal demons.
Cloud was also identical to his father in one way that he could never change, or disguise.
"Are you aware of a disease known as Velorosica Oalson Rivosk Vincent?"
Suddenly everything clicked into place in Vincent's mind and this time his reaction did show on his face. His eyes widened in momentary shock and his lips parted – the equivalent to anyone else's jaw dropping.
Cloud ignored his reaction and turned his gaze to the circular window in front of him in the centre of the wall.
"VOR's. He had a juvenile form of the disease, meaning he developed symptoms when he was barely twenty. He found out that he couldn't fight anymore, his muscles were rigid, and his body was stiff. He was losing his battle against the mystery disease until he travelled to see a specialist in Mideel."
"That's where he found out. He was dying, at twenty, twenty years old Vincent. He was the same as me you could say, a well known fighter, relied on by local people, and looked up to. But his condition was deteriorating and the disease was incurable. He knew he couldn't go back. So he wrote to my mother saying his goodbye's and that was it. She never saw him again and I can gather he spent the rest of his days in the Mideel hospital, until the disease turned him into a shaking wreck of a man, and eventually got the better of him."
A long silence followed Cloud's last statement.
Vincent just stared at his friend in shock.
Here was the leader of AVALANCHE, the seemingly indestructible Cloud Strife. Vincent couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was going to be the fate of the strongest human being in existence? The hero of the world? It couldn't be possible...surely it couldn't. Could it?
Cloud eventually got to his feet and turned to his friend.
"His genes are mine. I can't stop that. There is a 50 chance I have inherited the same disease as he had Vincent. So that means I've got until my late-twenties if that until I'm diagnosed, and then it's only a matter of time until I become bed-ridden with a tag of a couple of years to live on my head. The odds have been against me all my life and I'll admit to you, I'm scared this time. I'm scared because I can't fight this enemy. It's already inside me. Now do you understand why I can't go to Tifa? And why I had to leave her ten months ago? Aside from everything else?"
A long silence followed Cloud's last statement.
Vincent just stared at his friend in shock.
Here was the leader of AVALANCHE, the seemingly indestructible Cloud Strife. Vincent couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was going to be the fate of the strongest human being in existence? The hero of the world? It couldn't be possible...surely it couldn't. Could it?
Cloud eventually got to his feet and turned to his friend.
"His genes are mine. I can't stop that. There is a 50 chance I have inherited the same disease as he had Vincent. So that means I've got until my mid-thirties if that until I'm diagnosed and then it's only a matter of time until I become bed-ridden with a tag of ten years to live on my head. The odds have been against me all my life and I'll admit to you, I'm scared this time. I'm scared because I can't fight this enemy. It's already inside me. Now do you understand why I can't go to Tifa? And why I had to leave her ten months ago? Aside from everything else?"
Vincent didn't reply, he knew Cloud made a lot of sense and he couldn't patronise him by arguing.
"She has a life of her own now, a bar in Costa Del Sol you told me. She's settled, just how I knew she would be eventually after I left. Now you want me to walk into her life and mess it up just so I can use her to get a few happy years out of my life before I am taken away from her all over again. You said it wrecked her the first time. I can't do that again." Cloud sighed.
"I just can't do that to Tifa, no matter how much I want to go to her, I can't."
"Everyone needs to know this Cloud. AVALANCHE, everyone has a right to know this, Tifa more than anyone. You owe it to her to at least tell her, and you could be wrong about this whole thing, you may not be affected at all with the disease."
Cloud just laughed.
"Oh yeah sure. Well for that to be true, would you mind stealing me Lady Luck from Cid? Because luck has never been on my side." He looked to Vincent with his worn, tired eyes.
"It's too late for all that. The world thinks I'm already gone, I want to keep it that way."
"Cloud, whether you like it or not, you are going to see Tifa, even if I have to force you to. She's settled in Costa Del Sol yes. But there isn't a day she will be at peace until she sees you again Cloud. Now start acting like the man you are and get your stuff together because we are going. Now."
At that, Vincent left Cloud's room, but hesitated before he closed the door.
"And get a shave."
Cloud looked blankly at the closed door after Vincent left. The small trace of humour from Vincent made more of a difference than any of Cait Sith's jokes. Cloud almost allowed himself a smile until the reality of the situation kicked in. Of course Vincent was right.
Cloud turned to the window and looked at the morning sky outside.
He had tried to prevent this all along, ever since leaving Tifa alone at the highwind ten moths ago. But as always, Vincent saw through personal barriers and stuck to the facts. Cloud owed Tifa and all of his friends an explanation even if it meant they would never think of him as the same Cloud Strife ever again.
And that was what he was afraid of.
Authors Notes: Well there you have it, for you especially Steph, the next chapter. Granted a lot of you will be thinking what the heck was that all about? But I intended it to strike you that way. Flame me if you wish but this is no ordinary CloTi fic. There are harsh realities in this one so expect a little more of this theme, not a lot though so don't be too unnerved I won't go overboard, I know what I'm doing ;)
Here's hoping you enjoyed this.
Xx Jessie xX