Disclaimers: I own nothing.

I went to the restroom and just sat, with my head in my hands, in a stall before heading to Mac's office. I knew I needed to both calm down and gather up the nerve to go speak with Mac. At first, I started crying over the tone Stella had just used with me. And over the fear of what Mac was going to do. I'd never seen her that angry; in fact, I don't think I'd ever seen Mac that angry. However, the longer I sat there, the harder her words bore down on me. I knew I'd screwed up. I sat there, crying, for almost a half hour before I had calmed down. I left the stall and tried to wash all evidence of crying off my face.

I bumped into someone on my way out. "Oh, sorry, Stella." I said, looking up

"Have you been to see Mac yet?" she said, looking at my face.

"No, I'm headed there now. Umm. I'm sorry about losing it on you. I needed to …"

"Don't worry about it. I don't think any less of you. And I'm sorry that I yelled at you like that, but I was afraid it was the only way to get through to you at that time. I had tried three times to get your attention, and you either didn't hear or ignored it. I didn't mean to make you cry." I looked at her. "Oh, come on, Lindsay, it's obvious you've been crying."

"I'm worried about what Mac…"

She interrupted, "Look, you have every right to be worried. He's got the right to suspend you over this. But you've got to face him, now or later. Before or after I tell him. And possibly before or after he gets a call from IAB. It will be easier now." I nodded. She reached over to squeeze my shoulder while saying, "Look, is he going to lecture you? Oh, yeah. But I doubt he'll do anything else." She let go before saying, "Now, go."

I nodded before heading to Mac's office. Mac was working at his computer when I knocked on his door. "Do you have a minute?" I asked.

"Sure, come in."

I sat down across the desk from him. "Umm.. I just lost it down in interrogation," I said, hanging my head. I continued to recount everything that happened down there, from my yelling, to nearly shoving the guy, and Stella's reprimand.

"Lindsay, I thought we'd had the conversation a couple of weeks ago on getting too emotional." He sounded disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Mac, I'm Jewish. And the synagogue that our last victim was found out is the one I attend."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just didn't want my religion to affect the job. Christians don't have to worry about this."

"Well, that's the sad state of affairs. But, affecting your job is exactly what happened here. Can you honestly tell me that you would have lost it if you weren't Jewish?"

"I doubt I would of."

"Exactly. You nearly shoved him?" His voice grew at the end.

I hung my head and nodded. "You can thank Stella that I didn't."

"Why did you?"

"He was saying how the vics deserved it, being Jews…"

Mac interrupted me, continuingly quietly, "All right, Lindsay, I'm not saying that you weren't provoked, but ultimately, it's your responsibility to control your temper. Why didn't you get out of there?"

At this point, I would have preferred to be yelled at. This disappointment was worse. "I just wasn't thinking."

Mac opened his mouth, but his phone rang. "Taylor… Can you hold for a minute? Lindsay, I want you to think about what you would have done had Stella not been in there with you. And exactly where you went wrong here. Hello," he said back into the phone.

I could tell Mac was angry. I knew I'd gone wrong in the interrogation, but I guess the real mistake was earlier. I wasn't sure exactly what I would have done if I was alone in there. I was so deep in thought that I didn't hear a bit of Mac's conversation.

"Monroe." Mac sounded somewhat irritated. "I've been calling you for the past minute."

"Oh, sorry Mac, I was just thinking."

"That's okay. So, what would you have done had Stella not been there, if it had just been you?"

"I'm not sure." I saw Mac's look darkening, and quickly continued, "I'm really not. I hate to say it, but I think it's likely that I would have pushed the perp."

"And if you had, what would have happened?"

"You would have suspended me."

"For a couple of weeks. But you need to look at the bigger picture. What about the case?"

I thought for a minute. "It could have gotten thrown out." I looked down.

"Look at me," Mac ordered. "It could have, at least with an aggressive attorney. Probably won't happen, because neither judges nor juries are very lenient on hate crimes anymore, and you do have a confession. I just wanted you to think about the potential repercussions."

"It's not fair that my religion should affect the case. Court's aren't supposed to look at an investigator's religion."

"That may be true, but it will happen. You know where you went wrong here, don't you?" I nodded. "As soon as you figured out this was a hate crime, you should have come to me and told me. Religion isn't a factor in hiring, but it does affect the job. It's your responsibility to make sure I'm aware of anything that could affect it, and your responsibility to make sure you're not in situations where you could lose it."

"I understand."

"The call… That was IAB. Apparently, your perp, Joseph somebody, has already filed a complaint."

I grimaced. "That was fast."

"I do appreciate finding out from you beforehand. I can defend you a bit better that way."

I looked away. "So, am I suspended?"

"If IAB had their way, you would be, but no. But you are getting an official reprimand on your file. Sorry, but I can't do anything less. And, I'm not going to make this an order, but I'd like for you to visit the department counselor. I'll give you paid time to go."

"Thanks. Is that all?"

He nodded. "You can go." I had reached the door when he called out, "Lindsay, you're a good CSI. Just control the temper, okay."

I nodded. I later decided to visit the department psychologist, but I still had nightmares for months afterwards. Some of them were of pictures of the vics, but others were me losing it again, but instead of Stella pulling me back, I either shoved the guy or even killed him.

A/N: Constructive criticism welcome, flames not. Please review. It makes me happy.

I know that we have no idea what Lindsay's religion is, if she even is religious. For the purpose of this story, she's Jewish.