Title: Lost Purpose
Author: Crazy
Rating: K
Summary: Immediately after the final battle in the first eve war. Wufei angst.
Comment: This hit me a while ago as my 'about me' page will attest. I had planned to write more but when I went back to review it today I found that I didn't need to write more. This little bit says it all.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing but I sure wish I did.
A true warrior does not find himself when his opponent throws himself upon the sword. There is no honor in that. All it does…all it did was cheapen our fight…his death. I can feel no satisfaction in that.
Now, as I float amongst the debris of battle, I also float through indecision.
Sally said to fight for those weaker then myself, that I am "strong of heart." And I know she believed it. But that is not so. In this confusion I have lost sight of what I am, of what I stand for. So I have become even weaker then before.
How can I fight when I don't even know who I am, anymore?
I will never be the scholar I once was. Even if I were to stop following this path, I would never be able to delve into the meanings of the written word as I once did. I can still read and muse over what I read but the fervor I once put into learning has been dimmed as if a blanket were thrown over it, and dirt added on top for good measure. It is the same for the path I am on now. I am like a pretender, playing the role of warrior when I can not be one within myself. Is this what is to become of me? A shadow of something I am not?
I wish to be free like the eagle, to never fight again, to know who I am…. Sometimes I feel that I should have never taken up the mantle that you left me, Nataku. I wish…I wish many things. Most of which will never come to pass. But Nataku, perhaps you can grant me this one wish. Tell me, am I still weak? Will I ever become more in your eyes?