DISCLAIMER: I don't own hp or any of the characters.

I Don't Hate You

It's been months since I've had a decent nights sleep. If I'm lucky, now days, I'll fall asleep around midnight. That's only happened twice. Not nearly often enough for me to get a good nights sleep. The other nights I fall asleep around two or three. When I wake up to my alarm clock, I take a shot of pepper up potion just so I can manage to stay awake for my classes. Taking it as soon as I get out of bed is best so NO ONE, not even Ginny knows of my insomnia.

It's the morning of December 19th. Seven days until Christmas. Everyone around me is blabbing on and on about who their gonna give their Christmas gifts to. To whomever they think is hot… blah blah blah. It just gets really old hearing Lavender and Parvarti gossip. I've already got my eye on someone… someone I'm not suppose to.

That's why I can't sleep. He is always there. Always in my dreams. Every time I close my eyes, even for a split second, I see his silver eyes clearly, staring back at me. Always hoping for a loving glance. Ok, so I'm head over heels for Draco Malfoy, big deal. Right? So maybe it is a big deal, considering I'm one of Harry Potter's closest friends and a condemned 'mudblood' in his eyes. But I don't care. As long as he doesn't notice I stare at him, I don't really care. It's not like I'm gonna stalk him capturing pictures of him like some girls do. I may not be THAT head over heels for him but I'm pretty damn close which is kinda scary if you think about it. Me, Hermione Granger, fawning over Draco 'Ferret' Malfoy.

Every time I pass him in the hallway I try so hard not to look into his eyes. The only thing is, I can't resist them. It's as if they drag me in, to torture me with their flecks of blue, piercing my heart, my soul.

In class I catch glimpses of him, his face, his hair and even his dammed eyes. It doesn't matter where I look he's always there. His pale, creamy looking skin, his soft blonde hair; I just want to rake my hands through. It's haunting my every thought.

Somehow I've manage to keep my grades up so no one knows of my problem, no one. I don't know how much longer I'm going to last though. With late nights/mornings, thoughts stuck where they should be at times, I'm surprised I've made it this far in my life without breaking down. Whether breaking down in tears or passing out from exhaustion I won't know.

If anyone asks what I think about Draco Malfoy, I won't reply. I won't reply because I know my tongue will betray me. Out of wanting to defend him from my friends' taunts or really wanting to tell them off, I'll never know, cause I don't answer.

If I died tomorrow, my last wish would probably be to tell him myself that I 'love' him. I use 'love' in quotations because I'm never sure if I 'love' him or not. Sometimes I deeply believe I do. Other times I don't. It's these points in time I try to convince myself to get over him because he won't return my feelings.

I guess I've decided then. If I were to be gone forever from his life, from this world, my last words to him would be: I don't hate you.

Rizahawkeye21

A/N: Another one up! Since I really like Draco and Hermione fics I've been reading too much of them instead of typing Royai fics. Anyways I would like to thank the people who have reviewed since I haven't done so well with this…

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Thank you all of you!

Edited: 3/11/06