Warning: Contains slight shonen-ai of the 1x2 variety.
Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing Relena would only be a minor character…
Need. That was a word Heero had never really considered before. Sure as a human being he needed air, water, and food, and as a soldier there were certain things he could safely say he needed, but the concept never extended beyond that. He was a soldier who worked alone. He needed no one's help and no one's concern. And he certainly didn't need to be concerned over anyone else.
It all changed on that fateful day Heero had enrolled in Relena's school. That day someone became concerned about him. That day began a growing concern for someone else. He needed Relena is as much as the world needed her. The battling civilizations needed someone who held an undying desire for and belief in total peace. Without her Heero was sure the war would have gone on much longer.
But again that need didn't really apply to him. The world needed Relena, he didn't. He didn't need her to be concerned about him and he only needed to be concerned about he safety—not her happiness. Heero need not worry about how happy or unhappy Relena was, and he didn't. No, his true understanding of need would come from someone quite unexpected.
Duo Maxwell was nothing but an obstacle from the very beginning. Heero's first encounter with him had been when the other boy shot Heero to keep him from shooting Relena. She would have died that night if Duo hadn't interfered. It seemed fate has a funny way of working out seeing as she was the reason the war had ended. Duo interfered again when he saved Heero after his capture. Although Heero could now admit he was grateful for that. His life was spared and he had gotten free parts for his gundam.
Heero had never needed Duo—or any of the other pilots—to complete his missions. Or at least that's what he liked to think. He certainly didn't need Duo's constant chatter and the irritation it caused. He didn't need to save Duo when he was in trouble just like Duo hadn't needed to save him. And maybe that's when Heero's understanding began to change.
Perhaps "need" wasn't a word you used only to describe what was needed to keep your body going or to succeed in a mission. It went deeper than that. To need something meant you could not exist without it. As Heero began to understand the human psyche a little more, he realized that need was not just physical, but emotional as well. Heero had never been emotionless; he just had never felt he needed them, so they were ignored. As he allowed himself to acknowledge them he understood that he had emotional needs as well.
The greatest catalyst was when Heero found himself concerned about Duo. Why would he care for Duo's safety? Duo certainly wasn't needed to end the war. If anything he was helping it along. Heero didn't need the other boy as a teammate. So why worry? It took a while for Heero to realize it wasn't just Duo's safety he was concerned about, but his well-being as well. A little longer and Heero realized he wanted Duo to be happy. Another revelation soon after sent his world into chaos: he wanted Duo to need him.
It had been a few years since Heero's emotional breakthrough and he still wasn't quite sure what to do with it. He now understood that he needed Duo in his life. He needed the constant chatter, the carefree attitude, the ready grin, and the ridiculous braid. He needed Duo's concern when he hurt himself, or protests when he stayed at his laptop too long, or his complaints when Duo was bored. To put it simply, he needed Duo.
Heero slammed his journal shut as the door opened. "Honey, I'm home!" Duo called in amusement as he walked in. He dropped his bag on the floor and turned to Heero. He looked between Heero's face and the book in his lap. There must have been some anxiety showing through Heero's schooled features because the grinned dropped from Duo's eyes even as it stayed plastered on his face. "You know I'd never look," he said simply and headed down the hall to his bedroom.
Now Heero felt guilty. It had been Duo's idea that he get a journal, and he would never betray his trust by peeking at it. Heero knew that his roommate wished Heero didn't feel the need to hide what was in the book. Heero wished the same thing.
With a sigh he opened up the book to a blank page and wrote: 'Without you I could not survive.'
Maybe someday he'd be able to tell him that.
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