A/N: From here on in, the health warning applies with full force. Deep breaths now...

Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do

NEELA

Ray's late for his shift. No one seems too bothered right now, but Pratt is twitchy, I can tell. He's just called the apartment for the fourth time, leaving another message. OK something's wrong; he's getting his coat and leaving. Ray's probably drunk himself into a stupor, again. Hope he's ok.

It's gone mad in here today. Everyone's snapping at everyone else, guess it's the heat outside; it's making everyone a little crazed. I love the sunshine, the feel of the heat on my skin makes me so alive. The traumas are coming in thick and fast, but I'm doing my bit. I love my work. I love being able to help people, maybe even save someone's life, its all I have to live for now, work and sunny days.

What the hell is going on out there? Why has everyone just rushed out to admit? This must be a bad case, better see if they need my help. There's someone on a gurney, Abby is bagging on the fly, Kovac looks mad as hell, yelling at me to go check on the patient in trauma 2. OK Luka I'm going. Pratt just came in and handed Kovac something. Looked like a pill bottle. Oh God, no.

Don't let this be Ray, oh please Ray, tell me you haven't done anything stupid! Oh Christ, what has he done? I didn't even hear myself scream as Pratt led me away. Why did you do this Ray, what the hell has gone so wrong that you had to do this? This better not be another one of your attention seeking stunts Barnett, because if it is and you make it through this, I'm going to make you wish you hadn't.

Why aren't they doing more, where's the stomach pump, the antidote, the bloody resuscitation effort? What the hell is going on? I force my way in and Ray is lying there, on the gurney, with a badly hand printed sign around his neck, made out of string and the back of a Lucky Charms packet. I choke back a sob as I read the letters DNR in black magic marker.

Ray, what are you throwing away here? You are such a beautiful, brilliant person, you have the ability to light up a room with your smile, don't give up Ray, for God's sake, don't you dare leave me as well, you selfish bastard. I rip the sign off his neck and start shouting out orders as everyone stands around stunned. Kovac tries to tell me that if Ray's wishes were not to be helped, then they have to respect that.

Bollocks! I yell. There's no way Ray was in his right mind when he did this or when he wrote that, so since when did we take the wishes of mentally altered patients as medically sound? I do what I can, Abby is the first to join me, gradually everyone else pitches in. We all work like demons, trying to flush Ray's system, but the worry is that he knew what to take, when to take it and just precisely how long it would take him die, so he'd have planned this well, he knew we'd try everything to bring him back.

Pratt just handed me a letter. It's from Ray.